


Nerevar Blue

by Lesliewifeofbath



Category: Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind
Genre: F/M, Morrowind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-27
Updated: 2014-10-27
Packaged: 2018-02-22 21:10:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 129,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2521919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lesliewifeofbath/pseuds/Lesliewifeofbath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A former felon with a dark secret becomes the pawn in Azura's game.  This is the story of Annika Blue and her rise to Nerevarine.  This story is heavily influenced by the fantastic mod Ashlander Julan by Kateri.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A felon with a dark secret becomes a pawn of the gods. Annika Blue winds up with a pardon and an unexpected trip to Morrowind. This is the story of her rise to Nerevarine.

Nerevar Blue: A Novel Based on The Elder Scrolls and mod Ashlander Julan by Kateri

 

Day 1 Arrival

 

"Wake Up. We're here." These words were a beacon in a room that spun.

"Where am I?" I asked. I felt rocking. A ship. We were on a ship.

"Stand up." A dark hand reached out to me. "There you go, you were dreaming. Not even last night's storm could wake you."

I stumbled, still shaking. Dreaming. I had been dreaming of vivid colors and a voice—a woman's voice.

"What is your name?" asked the gray man standing over me. For an instant I did not remember, and then it came to me in a flash.

"Annika Blue," I said. I was named for the color of my eyes and a priestess's fancy.

"I am Jiub," he said distracted, looking off to the corner of the cell. "I think we have reached Vvardenfell."

I sat up in my bunk and looked out at the morning sky from the port hole. Coming out of the dream, I remembered where I was—and how I got there. For weeks I had traveled aboard a prison ship heading for the island off the mainland—Vvardenfell— the volcanic isle of ash and fog. The largest island off the coast of the mainland province Morrowind was the arsehole of the Tamriel. No one wanted to go there. The Empire has only recently won a Pyrrhic victory over the native Dunmer, men and women with pale green skin and red eyes…Snakes, is what people called them in Chorrol, when I heard them referenced at all. With its warring tribes and blight, sorcerers and ancient superstitions, Vvardenfell is the rocky island where the Empire relieved itself of its criminal content and inconvenient others. Slaves also made the crossing in chains, while the Empire turned a blind eye. But, stories also rose and wafted around the dungeons and back alleys of Anvil that the shit hole of the Empire was a thieves shining dream and golden cove. I might do well.

Jiub looked at me wistfully. "Surely they will let us go…" his voice trailed. It was less of a statement and more of plea. There was a sound of hopefulness in his voice, then fear. "Quiet. Here comes the guard."

I heard his heavy step approach.

"Get up and get yourself on deck and let's make this as civil as possible," spat the Imperial. Civility. What did this bastard know about civility? I had felt the back of his hand on more then one occasion during the trip. Yet I didn't have time to think about my hatred and I certainly did not voice it. I just walked behind him in trance toward the cabin door toward freedom.

Briefly, I spoke with a nameless guard and was lead to a worn looking man.Socucius Ergalla, a clerk of the Census and Excise Office who had probably seen thousands come and go, barely looked up from his papers."You were born in the 3rd Era, year 407 on the 27th day of the Morning Star, and, let's see, what is your trade?"

Embarrassed, I told him I was an adventurer, another name for thief, and my sign was of the Ritual. Socucius also noted my Breton heritage, slight build and small features gave it away though most telling was the unusual hair color, a pale violet of sorts. He remarked almost casually that I had no family; a fact I was painfully aware of. I had come from a small town in Cyrodill that had little more than an abbey and some shops—fortunate for me as at least there were people I knew who could account for the strange woman who gave birth to a child on abbey grounds then disappeared in the night. The priestesses told me that my mother was soft-spoken and beautiful, with eyes like the sea after a storm, but afraid. The servants later told me her name was Anais, but knew little else about her. When I when old enough to leave the abbey grounds, I went in search of mother, finding nothing but ill-luck and seedy town named Anvil. The only parents that I knew were the priests and priestesses of the Imperial Cult. I remember the kindness and well-meaning of some, and the depravity and brutality of many others; memories potent enough to drive me away from any temple or cult for a lifetime.

"Take your papers and go see Sellus Gravius," Socucius snapped, waking me from my reverie. The guard unlocked and opened the door behind him and shut it quickly thereafter. Were, they mad? Leaving me a fully stocked room, without a guard was either sheer folly or a test of some sort. I paused for a second, before lifting a silver goblet into my bag, but then I had never hesitated before and would not make a habit of it now. I took as much as I could carry, from their silver to their buckets and found a good stash. Now to see this Imperial with any luck, he's as stupid.

No he was not. Unfortunately, Gravius was not stupid. He was condescending, arrogant, and haughty—typical of an Imperial guard—but he was not stupid. As Knight Errant of the Imperial Legion, he held my destiny in his hand—in a coded package. Gravius informed me why I had been spared. I was to report to Cassius Cosades in Balmora and perform tasks as a Blades Operative—an Imperial spy. I was too afraid to utter anything other than "yes, sera," as he opened the door after instructing me to take the Silt Strider to Balmora.

For the first time in over two years I felt sunshine pour down over my face as a free woman. Later, as I was gathering my "gifts" I had left in a unmarked barrel, one of the items I found was a ring. It was it was beautifully etched and appeared to be enchanted. We lived in a world of magic. From what I had been taught as a child, Morrowind was a place where sorcerers still ruled and was land governed by a trinity of living gods, the Tribunal I think.

As I gathered the stolen items, and marveled how no one noticed their disappearance, I saw a seedy looking tradehouse, with prostitutes and skooma peddlers hanging off the side of the pier. I opened the reinforced door and approached the grim looking man behind the counter. I smiled sweetly at him, hoping I could unload the newly liberated items. Arrille, a High Elf with pale, sallow looking face, smirked as I clumsily landed the bounty on his counter.

"New to Vvardenfell, I see," he asked with a wry grin.

Arrille didn't ask any further questions about the bounty; from that, I could tell this was likely a common occurrence. Did the Imperials have so much that they just replaced what was stolen without so much as a thought? Did they not realize what they possessed?

In the days to come I found there was much to be had for a resourceful thief in Vvardenfell. Many smugglers stored their goods in poorly guarded caverns; though hitting a cavern was a gamble. Some were guarded very well, which inevitably lead to bloodshed. Mostly I didn't think twice about sinking my short sword into someone's stomach; as they certainly thought nothing of sinking one into mine. At odd times, I wondered if I was killing a son's mother or a whole family's provider, though I shut these thoughts out quickly. We were thieves, bandits and smugglers—we knew the life, and the terrible risks of living it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hard to believe that is been nearly three years since I completed this. Nerevar Blue is my first attempt at fan fiction and first fiction I've written since college. Looking back I see a million things I could change, but I still love, and am most proud, of this work. 
> 
> The chapters are very long. Just a heads up. I've done a great deal of editing recently, and hopefully I've caught most of the mistakes--if not feel free to point them out.
> 
> As the story progresses, particularly after chapter 12, I moved away from the comfort of using in-game dialogue and found a voice all my own. 
> 
> Please see the Read Me.
> 
> The mod that started it all: Ashlander Julan by Kateri: lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm
> 
> FYI Folks: I'll be putting this message through out the series. For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashal are Kateri's creations, though I have added to the dialog (and in some cases changed it), particularly in the case of Julan. Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts and dialogue in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan. Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC


	2. Balmora

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A former felon with a dark secret becomes the pawn in Azura’s game. This is the story of Annika Blue’s rise to Nerevarine. This story is based off of Morrowind and the brilliant mod Ashland Julan by Kateri Nerevar Blue: A Novel Based on The Elder Scrolls and mod Ashlander Julan by Kateri.
> 
> Annika has now established a presence in Balmora. In avoiding her current assignment as a Blade, Annika travels to Dagon Fel to meet her old cell mate.

From the Series Nerevar Blue: A Novel Based off The Elder Scrolls and mods Ashlander Julan by Kateri and the Metal Queens.

First Two Weeks

 

I woke up in the morning to the sunlight beating down across my legs in the slightly decrepit apartment I managed to find and rent. It came cheap as part of the door was buried in the foundation of another building, and the stench of stale beer floated up from the bar close by. Standing, I took a deep breath. From that breath and onward, careless weeks were spent taking in the sights and sounds of Balmora. I stopped at taverns across the city and drank until I saw beauty in the river Odai.

In between hitting various dens and caverns, the time and the money earned on such pursuits was spent training as I knew my skills had diminished while languishing in an Imperial dungeon. I also knew I had to report to Caius Cosades--I just didn't want to. The idea of helping the Imperials in any way made me physically ill, so I just hung around town doing odd jobs for various guilds. I was a natural thief, so I gravitated toward Southwall Pub, home of the Thieves Guild. One night, while staring into my Matze, I lucked into seeing an old man running around the bar half mad from skooma. I was shocked to learn that this skooma addict, Caius Cosades, would be my mentor for the Blades. It was comical in an odd way and I had a few laughs at the Emperor's expense. His bender was several days solid, and on the third night I followed Cosades back to his home. In the time I watched him, I observed a handsome man with white hair and intense blue eyes. He never seemed to wear a shirt, and spent hours drinking and pouring over books when he was not busy sucking on worn brass skooma pipe. Occasionally he would look up towards his window as if he knew instinctively that someone was watching him, and then slowly turn back to his papers. I knew I had to report to him, though I just couldn't bring myself to go in, at least not yet. There were still things to do...

I came upon Nels Llendo as he was skulking in the bushes around the Ascadian Isle region, a short and picturesque walk south from Balmora. Taking in the fresh air and well paved road lined with Mushroom trees and golden kanet, I spied Nels waiting for his next victim. I knew I was in no danger as he snuck like a child, loudly and clumsily. It's a wonder how he makes any money in this business whatsoever, I thought. Rather than avoid him, I decided to make my way past. I figured I could practice my newly honed skills should he be foolish enough to try me. I picked up a stick and started walking, then followed a well-worn trail around the cluster of bushes in which he was skulking and caught him by surprise, putting a twig to his throat. He pushed me off and spun around. I started laughing, and after staring blankly for a second, so did he.

"I am Nels Llendo, famed highway man, at your service." He took a deep bow and continued, "I see by your blush that my name is familiar to you." I had never heard of him but decided to play along. He took a moment, pausing for effect. "From a charming and gracious a woman as you, I would ask for but a single kiss."

My gods you've got to be kidding me, I thought. "You want a kiss? Really?"

He cocked his head to the side and gave me warm. smile."Well, yes...A kiss from you would be the most precious prize I have solicited from a...client."

"Oh, what harm could it do, I suppose?" I reached over and kissed him. He wasn't bad looking; with the trademark red eyes of his Dunmer kind, he also had reddish brown hair and a sly smile, and well, it had been awhile.

"Ahh...yes. Though they call me a thief, it is you, Annika Blue, that have stolen my heart. That kiss is worth more to me than the gold I might find in a Duke's treasury."

Bah! Didn't voice that thought out loud though, as he might change his mind and try to snatch my purse. Thought it best just to bat my eyelashes and giggle like a ninny.

"I must take my leave of you, fair lady," he continued, bowing deeply. "Though, should you ever need me, I take my lodgings at the Halfway Tavern in Pelagiad. Perhaps you will do me the pleasure of visiting me sometime."

"I will indeed," I said, smiling graciously. Of course I knew Nels was a con man, but right now I was willing to be conned. And though he was both an ineffective bandit, and most certainly a rouge, Nels was not an unpleasant sort and he might be of use. I decided to take him up on his offer, spending about a week with him, er training, particularly on short sword. His lessons did include some invaluable information. From him I learned where I could unload my loot, who's card tables were lucrative, and the location to some ill-guarded caverns. He also taught me some Dunmer terms. N'wah was a derogatory term for a slave or Outlander. S'wit wasn't too bad, just another term for dolt, and fetcher, seemed to be a universal term. I had heard it used in Cyrodill, its meaning implied filth--someone low enough to fetch. Sadly though--for Nels, I grew tired of the country air and decided to take my leave of him and Pelagiad.

Week Three

From the golden shores of Ascadian Isles, I decided to journey down to Vivec, not to see the great city of Vvardenfell, but to take a boat. Erica, who was my old cell mate when I was first locked up in Anvil, swore that if she ever got out she would make her way home, back to Dagon Fel. Out of curiosity, and boredom with Nels, I decided to take a chance and see if she actually made it there. I also was looking for any way to put off the inevitable--Cosades.

The trip to was long and expensive, involving five boat transfers and an unpleasant stay in Khuul--thanks gods no lice. Upon reaching Dagon Fel, a small spit of a town with a few ruins surrounding it, I searched for Erica. Turns out she did make it back and was the proprietor, or actually one of the proprietors of a bar and trade house called Metal Queen. What a name, I thought as I walked in. Upon entering I was immediately greeted by three striking women, one of which was Erica.

"Holy shit! You made it!" Erica ran up and embraced me then turned to introduce me to her friends. "Hey, ladies this is an old friend of mine. Annika Blue, this is Ice, Red and downstairs is Vicky. "Gods, it's good to see you. Let's have a drink!" Red, a petite strawberry blond with wry smile served everyone her "specialty". I nearly fell off the stool.

"So how the hell did you get out?" Erica asked.

"Made a deal with the devil," I said quietly. She knew what that meant right away. "Don't worry, Erica, you'll have no problems out of me."

"Well, that's comforting, but we're pretty much legit 'round here," she shrugged.

I found that hard to believe coming from her. Erica had been an arms smuggler and skooma peddler of the first order. She was also a surprisingly good smith.

"I see you've developed you techniques in making weapons," I said looking at the shields hanging off the wall. "Those shields are stunning."

"Well, I've moved on from prison shanks, Anni." Everyone laughed. It was good see her happy. A tall Nord, with blonde wavy hair Erica towered over me. She wore an eye patch now--that was new, but she wasn't strung out. "So, what brings you to our neck of the woods?"

"I wanted to see if you made it back. You were always speaking of Dagon Fel."

"Made it back with Ice and Vicky," Erica said. I later learned that Lorel, aka Ice, a cool blonde who's pseudonym fit, was a plantation owner's daughter and that Vicky, a beautiful Orc, had been a household slave. Slavery was a rare occurrence on the Mainland, but the black market slave traders were still very much alive and well--they shipped to Vvardenfell all the time. So the two ran away together when Ice's father was about to put Vicky on the auction block.

"We met Red in Balmora and kidnapped her," Vicky said wryly.

"Can't kidnap the willing," Red, quipped. "I was happy to get away, trust me."

"I'm living in Balmora now. It's not too bad. Got place by the Southwall."

"Uhhh, I couldn't stand it," she moaned. "Married to a herder. Was glad to be rid of him and that shit town."

"Red, did you know a Caius Cosades? I'm supposed to report to him soon." Balmora was a small enough area, a place where people would run into each other and odd behavior was fodder for gossip.

"Strange man," she mused for a moment. "We lived close to him, though I didn't know him well, but from what I gathered your Cosades developed a love of sugar. Not much else to tell."

"Interesting," I said, shaking my head. "It's hard to imagine an Imperial Blade being strung out."

"Not really, not if you think about it," Erica noted with a shrug. "Anni, if you're spying on cultists, criminals and peddlers, you're bound to pick up a bad habit or two. Some of my best customers were Imperial officers."

I thought about it moment and, yeah, I guess the logic made sense.

"Your drinks getting low. Have another," Red said pouring the green, foaming concoction in my glass. "So did you come here by yourself?"

"Red she just got off a prison ship," Erica said, annoyed.

Red sauntered to me from by behind the bar and plopped in my lap. "Well she might have met someone interesting. Someone to talk about. We're drunk as hell and I want to gossip about something other than Imperial spies and skooma addicts. Anni, you've been in Vvardenfell long enough to get in trouble."

"I just left a thief, Nels Llendo, in Pelagiad."

"Figures. You're taste in men has not improved with age, Anni," sighed Erica.

"Well, I haven't had as much time as you to mature," I joked. "Seriously, I just couldn't stick around with him. He was handsome, though."

"Breton?" asked Vicky.

"No. Dumner," I said.

Red made a face. "Gah! No wonder you got bored. Gods, they are so dull...and so holy. Might as well marry a priest. Did you crush the poor guy, Anni?" she giggled.

"He seemed mildly hurt, and of course over-reacted, but in truth, ladies, had I showed him any affection, I seriously doubt he would have missed me as much--."

"Want what they can't have," Red answered.

"Not all of them," said Erica.

"Oh, gods, now you've got her started," Red laughed, rolling her eyes. "Here we go with Horthar the Horny."

"Shut it, Red! It's Horthar the Hornsmasher, Anni. And for your information we've been together as long as the shop's been here. He's not bad. Fisherman by trade. A good man. No problems outta him."

Red wrapped her arms around my neck and whispered in my ears, "I pick whatever crawls from the bottom of the sea floor. I just don't take them that seriously. Been down that road once. I'm just looking for some fun."

"You've had more than your fair share," said Ice. "How many angry wives have come calling to Metal Queen to look for a missing husband?"

"Oh, here comes Miss Priss. Ice you don't know what you're missing," Red guffawed. I then noticed Ice subtly glance towards Vicky.

"Ah," I said looking over at Ice and Vicky. Not surprised. Childhood sweethearts I guessed. "Well ladies, it's been fun, but I think I need to crash." I was beyond exhausted and drunk.

"You can land here. We have a couch," offered Vicky.

"I'll take you up on that offer. Thank you."

Erica walked over to me. "We'll see you in the morning--well, maybe late afternoon. We keep our own hours here. Good night, well actually day--whatever."

I went to sleep immediately and when I woke it was nearly 4:00 pm. I started to put my clothes on and heard Erica's voice behind me. "When were you supposed to report to Cosades?"

"Weeks ago."

"Anni, you've too much at stake to risk it. You going to run?"

"No. Not this time. Erica, I'm so tired of running. I'm just so tired." It was the truth. The sentence and the subsequent (and unexpected) release took a toll on me. I was not the same person I was when Erica and I shared a cell.

"Well, I'd say stay here, but I think that would make Vicky and Ice a little nervous. They took a lot of loot off her old man. I'm sure they're both wanted on the Mainland."

"Probably. And you're right, you've done well Erica and I wouldn't want to attract any attention." I paused for second, reaching for her hand. "Erica, the Emperor had something to do with my release, I was assigned to do work for the Blades."

"Doesn't get any easier for you, does it?"

"Not now Erica, but soon, I feel it will all be over soon. And then on to something new," I said smiling wanly.

"Well, here are some parting items the girls and I threw together last night after you crashed. We saw you admiring them. Take them. They're yours," Erica said then handed me a shirt, bear skinned coat, and a few other sundries. She then went behind the bar and pulled out the shield.

"This is too much, Erica, but thank you."

"You were there for me. When all this is over come back and see us--when you're truly free."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashal are Kateri's creations, though I have added to the dialog (and in some cases changed it), particularly in the case of Julan.
> 
> kateri-t's incredible mod Ashlander Julan can be found here: lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm
> 
> Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of in-game prompts (Bethesda Softworks) and the Mod Ashlander Julan. The Metal Queens is a mod, canadianice.moddersrealm.com/ though their dialog is written by yours truly.
> 
> As the story progresses, particularly after chapter 12, I moved away from the comfort of using in-game dialogue and found a voice all my own.


	3. Intro to Julan Kaushibael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annika can no longer avoid her sugar addicted mentor Casius Cosades. Shortly after receiving an assignment Annika is attacked by the Dark Brotherhood. In her travels she meets Julan Kaushibael, as Dunmer trying to train for a secret mission.

Nerevar Blue: A novel based off The Elder Scrolls and the mod Ashlander Julan by Kateri

Day 29

Temporarily out of cash and jobs I decided to take the plunge and see my superior. Cosades was surprisingly sober.

"Annika Blue, I was expecting you nearly a month ago," Cosades said sternly as I walked through the threshold. "You are fortunate, I was willing to wait a few more days then I was going to take your disappearance to Gravius."

"I'm here now. And I'm willing to serve you and the Emperor," I said nearly choking on the words.

"As you should be," Cosades sneered, staring long and hard. "And you will do exactly as I command without question. If you fail--in any way--I will see that you are thrown head long in to dungeon to serve out your term."

"I understand Cosades," I nodded. Now I was terrified...and angry.

"Good. Now that we understand each other I'll tell you this, the Emperor has sent orders that you are to serve in the capacity as a novice in the Blades."

I could not, for the life of me, understand the why the Emperor would have chosen me for this and Cosades would not enlighten me.

He went on, "The Blades are the Emperor's eyes and ears in the provinces. For the time being, I need you to meet with Hasphat Antabolis to find out some basic information on the Nerevarine Cult and Sixth House. You'll find him at the Fighters Guild."

The Fighters Guild was a social club for the insane brave and stupidly arrogant; at least there were some trainers there—provided I could stomach them. "I will do that Caius." Great, I get to spy on crazy cultist for my duration in Vvardenfell. Ehhh.

"Oh and Annika," he said softly, "just avoid unwanted attention." Easy. I had been doing that all my life...

Now I had my assignment and some cash, I figured I'd take my time about seeing Hasphat. I had heard from a priestess at the Balmora Temple and from Cosades that this place called Ghostgate had some powerful restorative spells. I was never one for magic; my method was hacking and keelhauling my victims to the ground, but if a little hocus pocus keeps me from catching something nasty, then I'm all for it. Plus, a few nights ago, I had been unexpectedly attacked outside my apartment. The thug, dressed on all in black was felled quickly, a guard had seen what was going on and had been, surprisingly, helpful. As the man in black laid dead in a pool of blood on the ground, I noticed a crumpled piece of paper beside him. Shaking, I took it in hand and what I read chilled me to the bone, for it was a writ of execution. Running as fast as my legs would carry me, I took the writ to Cosades.

"Odd," he said reading it then looking up at me. "Annika, you will have to see Apelles Matius in Ebonheart. He can better advise you on this. It looks to be, though I am not sure, an attack by the Dark Brotherhood. If that is the case, whoever wants you dead means business."

"Thank you, Casius for the information," I said though I had no intention of seeing sera Matius, as I housed a severe distrust all Imperial Guards. Only if the attacks increased would I consider making the trip to Ebonheart. Plus killing these bastards had the added benefit of making money off their stripped armor and weapons. No, best to keep them coming for awhile—though it might be equally as wise to get out of town for a few days. I told Cosades of my plans and was warned by him to watch for the Dremora when traveling in the wastes outside of Ghostgate. Dremora, or demons, as I learned are summoned by various Daedric princes, or demigods that roamed a plane between mortal and immortal, attaching people at will. These Dremora took many forms and all had powerful weapons or poisons to use against hapless passersby.

The trip to Ghostgate was long; sitting on the silt strider, making the crossing north from Balmora to Ald-ruhn, I thought of what I had heard about Ghostgate. The Tribunal of living gods had created a huge wall around Red Mountain to keep all the horrors at bay. The priests at the temples told me that the wall was failing and that evil was seeping out everywhere and sadly, the gods did not have enough fingers to plug the dyke. I pondered this as I went from one port to the next, past the dusty town of Ald'ruhn. Stopping there I took the dirt road east toward Ghostgate. I encountered numerous beasts and couple of exiled Ashlanders though I wondered how does one get exiled from a tribe that already lives outside of civilization?

Dusty and dirty, and slightly bloody, I arrived at Ghostgate only to witness this man being slaughtered by some Clannfears, Dremoran lizards with vicious claws and sharp beaks; a testament to why the Tribunal built the Great Wall. I stood dumbfounded as my heart skipped a beat. He was beautiful—a word rarely applied to men or mer, but it fit. He was a Dunmer, with dark skin and eyes as red as blood. His lips were full and, well, I had never seen his like before. "Wake up, Anni and get in there," I said to myself. Raising my sword I let fly. In a daze, bits and pieces flew from the Dremora. In a matter of minutes there was nothing left..

The man, or mer as the Dunmer were called, stood before me wiping the sweat from his brow, seemingly dumbfounded too.

"Greetings, Outlander. I suppose I should thank you for your help with those Clannfears, although I never asked for it. Everything was covered."

I couldn't believe him. "Are you insane?" I shouted. "They were making mincemeat out of you! Look at your wounds, for Azura's sake!"

"Ha! I'll have you know I was just playing with them to train my skills. Then you came blundering along playing the hero and ruined it for me. Next time, keep out of it!"

"I just saved your life you stupid s'wit! Are you always this ungrateful?" I felt a wave of rage wash over me as he looked me with those blazing red eyes, and said nothing.

"Well, I suppose you won't want healing either, since you're clearly very busy training in Bleeding to Death."

"Ah, well actually..." he started sheepishly.

"No, no, I can see you don't need any assistance. I'll let you carry on with training. I'm sure more Daedra will be along shortly." I turned stiffly on my heel stalking away when I heard him heard him speak.

"Wait!" the s'wit said quickly. "Alright, I apologize. I'm glad that you arrived when you did. You probably saved my life."

"That's better. Wait....probably?" Clearly, this idiot has caught blight and was out of his mind.

"All right! You definitely saved my life.Happy now? And...uh, if you could heal me, I'd be very grateful. I seem to run out of potions, and magicka…and well, most things really..."

"Here's a damned potion. Don't choke on it," I said lobbing a small vial at him. I truly felt bad for this fetcher—for his stupidity.

"Ah, thank you, I feel better now," he said gulping down. "This whole thing is very embarrassing. I feel ridiculous. I am trying to become a warrior, but it seems I still have a long way to go."

"You could decidedly use some work," I said. I was being generous.

The s'wit looked saddened and sighed. "I am supposed to be a great warrior. It's expected of me. But I spend all my time training and I'm obviously still not good enough," he shrugged, covering his eyes with his hands. "Gah! What would my tribe think of me if they knew I'd been rescued by an Outlander? I mean an Outlander, for Azura's sake," he looked up quickly. "I mean no offense of course."

"None taken. And it not that bad, I mean they were pretty tough, for Clannfears, that is. And there were three of them…" I tried hiding my smirk while spitting out these words. truly felt bad for the sap, and besides, he had pretty eyes.

"Thank you, but you don't understand. How could you? You have no idea who I am or what I have to do and why."

"So tell me," I said, having a couple of hours to burn. I moved over to rocks near the entrance and sat down, urging him to do the same.

"It's not that simple," he said taking a seat. "It's not something I'm free to discuss and certainly not with Outlanders. All I will say is that I have a sacred mission I need to carry out within Ghostfence on behalf of my tribe—and others. But I've been training for a week now and I can't even deal with monsters on this side of the fence. How can I hope to survive if I go inside?"

Sacred Mission, what a load of crap. What lies are they feeding this poor s'wit? I heard the Dumner were religious, but this seemed like suicide. "If it's a sacred mission, shouldn't the gods be protecting you, or something?" I stated, barely hiding my disdain.

"Ha. That's what my mother says. She has this incredible faith—in the gods and in me. That's why I have to succeed; I can't stand the thought of disappointing her. But I'm not sure I share her faith. Perhaps that is my problem."

"That's not your only problem. Who is this mother of yours?" I asked simply out of curiosity, and thought to myself: what kind of mother sends their beloved son on suicide mission of course, what kind of mother abandons their newborn to fate?

"Mashti, my mother, used to be a wise woman with the Ahemmusa, but now we live apart from the camp. I suppose she'd be called a marbigash now."

"A who-be-gash?"

"A marbigash." he said with an edge of frustration in his voice. "People often say that wise-woman who lives apart from the tribe are witches who wield a dark magic, and steal men's life essence. But my mother only uses her magic for good purposes."

Sure she does. Crazy witch, I thought while standing up. "Well, it was nice saving your life and all, but I have to get those spells."

A day past. I went into Ghostgate and conducted business with several mages and priests, but all I thought of was that stupid s'wit outside still training for his 'sacred' mission. I don't know if was the brandy, or his eyes, or even his naivety in believing in something that didn't exist, but whatever it was I went out and talked to him again.

"Hey stranger, you're still out here. Still practicing the warrior stuff?"

He smiled and looked at me earnestly. I couldn't look at his face, it was a distraction. He said, "You are stronger than me. And you say your name is Annika Blue and you're an adventurer." He flashed a grin at me—dear god, could he tell? "Tell me, Annika, do you ever adventure inside of the Ghostfence?"

Well, pretty boy if there was something in it for me. "No, not yet, but eventually..."

"I thought so—you're strong enough to deal with any of those ash monsters, or you soon will be."

Now he was appealing to my vanity—which was legion.

"I wonder, Annika Blue, would you be willing to help me develop my skills? Would consider training me? If my people knew, they would be horrified, but I can't see any other way. I'm just not getting anywhere training by myself. I need guidance and you seem capable of giving it to me." Oh was I ever. He went on, "Outlander or not, you're the only person I've met so far who has helped me and perhaps that means something. And it's not as if I'd be a useless companion—I think I'd be a useful ally."

"I'm sure," I said sweetly. You would be fun to look at.

"Well," he said speaking rapidly. "I can levitate, breathe water and heal myself provided I have enough magicka, of course. I'm fast, agile, and I can repair your weapons."

"Okay..."

"Gah! I'm an idiot!" he shouted. Glad I wasn't the only one seeing this. "I still haven't introduced myself! My name is Julan Kaushibael, Hearthfriend of the Ahemmusa tribe. Well sort of.. I'm actually an outcast, but, uh it's complicated."

"No doubt."

"So what do you say, Annika Blue, Do you think we'd make a good team?"

"Well, I don't know how good a teacher I'll be, but you're welcome to come along for a bit," I said. What else could I say? I was afraid I'd break his heart if I said no. After all, I wasn't totally heartless, only slightly.

"Great. I have to admit it was getting rather lonely hanging around here by myself. I'll let you take the lead, since I really don't know Vvardenfell all that well...in fact this is the furthest I've been from home until now. But…look," he said staring beyond Ghostgate, into the fence, "since we're here, can we try going into Ghostfence? Not far, just inside the gate. I have to get used to it. I just have to."

"You mean you just want to go in for a peek?" I asked incredulously.

"I was about to head through Ghostgate onto the mountain when you arrived, actually. I've been working up to it and I think I'm ready now. What do you say, Annika Blue? Want to see what's its like?"

"Well, if it will help your sacred mission, why not?" I couldn't believe I was doing this. I suppose I could see if there was any loot to be had. 

We made our way through the gate, though it seemed the moment we stepped on the other side I heard a slight voice."Uhh, Annika, I'm sorry.I thought I was ready to travel on Red Mountain, but I'm not. I know I'll have to come here, but I just can't.Not yet, not now. Please let's just get out of here."

Resigned to training a fool, I said, "Whatever you say, Julan, let's go."

"Thank you, Annika."

Day 37

"I....I am sorry for what happened back there, Annika." Julan said softly as we walked toward the silt strider in Ald-ruhn. "Gods, you must think me an utter coward. But I swear this to you; I am a warrior. I have never run from a fight and I do not fear death. I'm not afraid of the ash monsters on Red Mountain, its something else hard to explain. I think it has to do with these strange visions I've been having."

I wanted to say "you too?", but I remained quiet and let him speak.

"I often dream that I'm climbing Red Mountain and its dark and the air is filled with ash, getting into my eyes and mouth and it gets harder and harder to keep moving. And there are all these voices surrounding me, whispering things…"

"What kind of things, Jules?" I had taken to calling him Jules, I think he kind of liked it. It's like no one ever gave him a nickname before. He called me Anni or Anne, depending on his mood and level of frustration.

"I don't know. I can't understand what they are saying. But they sound…strange. I mean, you've heard of Dagoth Ur, right?" he paused looking at me waiting for an assent. I just stared back blankly. "Even an Outlander must know about him the devil who lives under the Red Mountain, yes? Who is supposed make people go insane by sending them dreams? Well..."

"You're not going crazy on me are you, Jules?" I laughed at this. "Seriously, it all sounds like a good story for a small child." I regretted those words the moment they came out of my mouth.

"No, Anne, I'm not insane, and I'm not planning to be," he snapped. "Dagoth Ur is a powerful figure in our history and a legend—of course lots of people dream about him."

"Why?"

Julan sighed. "This is the best explanation I have, Anne. Dagoth Ur is able to send his mind into the dreams of susceptible victims across vast distances. The victims are either swayed by his compulsions or driven mad."

"Strange."

"The times are strange, Anni. Look, I know you've just arrived to Vvardenfell, but certainly you've heard of the things that are happening of late."

I had been sent to investigate cultist by Cosades, but knew of little else. Hesitant to show my ignorance I just nodded then asked, "Does he just send nightmares?"

"Oh, no, Annika. It's much worse than that. He lulls his followers into his cult, the Sixth House, then transmutes them in someway. I know this sounds strange. Anyway, from what I'm told, he also seems nearly invulnerable to physical and magical harm."

"So he sends people dreams, and tempts them to join them and makes them into something else?"

"Something like that. It's difficult to explain."

"Apparently," I looked over at Julan and stopped smirking. This was not a joke to him and I think I made him feel foolish.

"I'm sorry Jules," I said meekly. "That was tactless and sometimes I'm just, well, tactless. It was in poor taste. So why are your dreams bothering you so much that can't step foot on Red Mountain?"

"They aren't. I mean they won't. I know it doesn't make sense. Just give me a little time, please. Maybe we could carry on with my training; I think I need to take my mind off things."

"Certainly. We have to head over to Balmora. I have a job for us there."

We took the silt strider in to Balmora, and I think he was amazed that a Bull Netch, a large flying flea, could provide such a smooth ride. I hesitated momentarily before taking him back to my apartment, I mean after all, half of the door was buried in a staircase, what would he think of me? Would he laugh—of course, maybe that wouldn't be so bad.

"This is your home?"

"Yep."

"Well, don't think me rude, but are you aware that half your door is missing under ground?"

"Yeah, I noticed, but rents cheap and I'm beside a bar, any questions?"

We got inside and he looked around. I had to admit that I had done well with furnishing the place. Julan smiled and said, "So, this is Balmora? It's so grand! Oh, Anni, can I ask you honestly, do I seem like a complete savage to you?"

"No, Julan," I said honestly. He looked like any other Dunmer I had seen walking around well perhaps a bit dirtier, but then so was I.

"I know how people view Ashlanders violent, uncivilized barbarian tribes, living in filth and squalor, obsessed with ancient superstitions." He paused and turned to me. "You settled types with your luxurious lifestyles, you can't understand why we might choose to live as we do, so you think we must be ignorant savages. But we are proud of our culture. We have things more valuable than the tasteless displays of our wealth you get in cities like this."

"I never said you were a savage, Jules. Believe it or not, I've worked for everything I've had and frankly enjoy the amenities, but I can also appreciate how the simple life can certainly make you see what is truly important."

"Exactly! Anni, you're more open-minded than many people perhaps because you are an Outlander." He paused again then spoke softly, "How strange that you seem to understand me better than most native Dunmer, but your view is rare; my people are viewed with suspicion in the cities."

"Yeah, but truthfully every new comer is. Julan, its not just Ashlanders."

"Well, be that as it may Anne, although I'm proud of my heritage, my mission must be kept secret, and I worry that I look too conspicuous. What do you think?"

"Wear what you like, Jules, but you could do with some decent weapons and armor. I'll see what we can do about that."

What should have been a lovely evening in Balmora turned sour almost immediately. Foolishly, I tried to kill two birds with one stone and had stopped by Cosades to drop off a much anticipated package a book on Vvardenfell that he lent me and asked to have rebound. When I walked in with Julan, Cosades immediately became enraged. "Do not bring him in to discuss official business!" Cosades stated briskly, obviously high, not mention paranoid. Julan immediately became pissy.

"What? I'm being kicked out?" he hissed. "Fine. I'll just leave you to your Very Important Private Conversation. But I'm not standing around in the street like some damned beggar! If you want me, Anni, I'll be in the Southwall Corner Club. Maybe some pretty Breton will buy me a drink."

I flashed a dark look at Julan as he stomped out. I had to control my anger in front of Cosades.

"Caius, this is the book you asked for," I stated meekly, "I am sorry for the misunderstanding with Julan. I didn't think if would upset you if I came back with him to return your book. I had no intention of discussing Blades business with anyone but you."

"Annika, I can take no chances anymore, with anyone, though I apologize if I have upset your friend; though hope you're not planning on forming any long term attachments as this mission will require your full attention. I'm sorry to be so blunt about this but it's for your own good. You're a pretty girl, and bound to attract attention, but this mission must not be compromised. I'm sorry." I nodded slightly in assent, knowing I that I was a liar.

"Oh, and thank you for returning this book to me—it was a gift from my wife. Gave it to me before I left Cyrodill for this wretched place."

He turned from me, holding the book close to his chest. For a second I could see the man he once was, with crystal blue eyes that smiled when he spoke, and a sharp mind, I could see how once he would have been respectable, even formidable. I don't know what he did here, or what demons drove him to this life, but in spite of his sugar habit and quixotic moods, I liked him.

"Your wife has good taste in literature, I enjoyed the book," I said, but I wasn't sure he heard; he seemed to be far off..I then decided it best to leave Cosades to his books, skooma and darkness. I could not follow his instructions. I had no intention of letting Julan go. I walked along the river Odai, gleaming in the lamplight to the South Wall Club. I was trying to figure out how to smooth things over with Julan though when I arrived there was no point in talking, he was already sloppily drunk.

"Well, helloooo Annika Blue! Did you have a nice talk with your druggy man?"

"He's not my man, Julan! Mephala, you stink!" I was furious at this point. I hated drunks.

"Oh wait, I forgot, I'm mad at you, aren't I, because, because...Shit! I could remember back before that fifth Mazte. Oh, yes, yes there it is, it's because you make me go away, like you were hiding something from me! I've got my eye on that druggy man, you know. Or I will once I can focus again."

Julan then proceeded to puke all over my new dress, and managed to us both thrown out of South Wall.

After cleaning up both him and myself, I started to ask, "Julan, why did you--"

"Oh Annika, I'm so sorry, but no one has ever been as nice to be as you, except Shani." He then stumbled and fell on my bed, smacking his head against the night stand, knocking over the water pitcher.

I turned around and asked, "Who the hell is Shani?" All I got a loud snore in response. I had to step back and gather myself together. Tomorrow would be a big job.

Day 39

Gah!" Julan shouted. Cold water in the face first thing in the morning left Julan feeling none too pleased. Tough. He staggered up and said, "Oh, I'm so tired all of sudden….maybe I should go to sleep. Don't worry about me, just leave me here and go on without me."

My rage boiled over at this point. I had told him previously we had an important (and very lucrative) job to do. "I'm going to make a few stops, but you better be up and ready to go or you can go without a trainer."

"Mephala, Annika! What's gotten in to you?"

"Maybe you ask Shani!" I said slamming the door. I left to see Hasphat, but really I would have made any excuse to leave. I was tired of the smell of alcohol that was wafting off his body. That scent brought back too much. I also needed to get out of my head for a few minutes and prepare for what lay ahead.

My trip to the Fighter's Guild was uneventful. I crossed the Odai, leaving the slum for the commercial district. Upon arriving at the Guild, I was lead to Hasphat, a dark haired Imperial, with a taste for antiques.

"So you're with Caius, eh? And Caius wants information? Of course there's this-for-that involved. I require a favor first, and then I'll tell you what you want to know."

No surprise there, knowledge is currency.

"What do you want Hasphat?"

"A Dwemer puzzle box. It's in the ruins nearby called Arkngthand." Directions and a description were soon to follow. Hasphat was really riled up about this little box…I wondered why he couldn't send one of his little fighters to get the job done; then I remembered--I was completely expendable.

"Anything that I should know before hitting Arkngthand?"

"Make sure you have weapons and back," he smirked.

"I expected as much." I walked around for a few minutes and decided I needed Julan. I had let him sleep for a time and thought he might be ready. If he wasn't, well, I'd cross that bridge when I came to it.

Walking in the door Julan was wide awake sitting on the bed. "Gods, I feel awful..."

"What did you expect?" I shot back angrily.

"How much did I drink, Anni?"

"Enough. Who is Shani?"

"Oh, shit," he said then shook his head. "I hope I didn't say anything embarrassing." I shrugged. "Well, if you must know, she was…a close friend."

"No surprise there." I felt like a dozen glass arrows hit me at once. I took the blow admirably.

"I suppose you could say that we were childhood sweethearts. We grew up together back when I used to have more contact with the Ahemmusa camp than I do these days. I always had a crush on her, but never actually expected her to feel the same way Turned out she did." He smiled at the memory of this.

"Go on," I uttered coldly.

"Anyway we were nearly adults by that time and you know how it is. Sneaking out at night to meet, hiding from our parents. We thought we were really in love, us against the world, all the usual stuff. Head in the clouds, really."

"So what happened?"

"Mashti happened. That's what. She found out and told me to break it off with Shani."

"You're kidding me, right?" I asked though I could tell by the look on his face, he was not. "Are you a man or scrib?"

He looked up, shaking his head. "You don't understand. Mashti was right. I didn't see that at the time, of course. I yelled, swore and absolutely refused. We had a huge row, and I left home in a rage. Lived in the mountains for a week and then the dreams started getting to me.I had time to think about everything, and sadly I realized my mother was right."

I shrugged my shoulders in disgust. "You let your mommy make that decision? Tell me, does she dress you too?"

Julan took a deep breath, and looked at me directly. "Annika, I had responsibilities that I had to fulfill duties to my people that went beyond my feelings for one person. Shani, was distracting me, stopping me from doing what I had to do, because I had started to forget my mission. If I really cared about her, I had to leave her and concentrate on training. Anything else would have hurt her in the long run."

"That's a load of guarshit and you know it! I can't believe you!" Truly I was blessed by Azura, or whoever to see this side of him before I took things any further.

"Don't Annika, please. You don't understand. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.I'm sure she'll never forgive me and that's probably for the best I suppose. The relationship probably would have ended on its own anyway, but I still wonder--you, know, how things might have turned out."

Ouch. I took a deep breath and said, "Let's get to work Julan." I spent some time training him on sword play, but in truth, he was nearly as skilled as I was.

"Jules, let me see if I can get someone to work with you, I recently met someone at the South Wall that may be of some assistance."

I went next door and spoke with a character named Tres who agreed to work with Julan and myself for a fee. I went back to the house and fetched him. Julan looked pained but remorseful.

"Come to yell at me some more?" he asked.

"No. Are you ready for training? We have to get ready to go, unless you've changed your mind."

"No," Julan stated looking directly at me. "I haven't changed my mind and I'm ready when you are."

"Good," and we walked out the door. Entering Southwall, I turned to him, "Jules, we're going to hit something big, and I need you to be at your best. I'll pay for your training, but I have to know if you're game."

"I'll do what I can," Julan said with no hesitation. We both trained hard, and after a few days I believed we were as ready as we'd ever be. We set out for this Arkngthand. Nervously, I twirled my hair as we walked, thinking. I had done big jobs before, but never for the Empire. Something told me there was more at stake then just some gold pieces.

 

Day 38

In the distance, walking along a rocky path I saw a strange structure that I could only assume was the ruin. Large iron buildings of a strange design rose from the earth. They were like nothing I had ever seen before; the reliefs on the turrets remarkable. Had I not been there to do a job, I might have studied them harder, though to what end I didn't know. I remember as a child hearing stories of the Dwemer from an old priest who talked incessantly about them. They were a secular people, who chose to worship reason rather than demigods. Sadly the entire race disappeared from the whole of Tamriel, for reasons unknown. What were left in their place were a backward and superstitious people.

During the last stretch of the journey Julan was remarkably quiet. No words were exchanged as I hit the crank open a large iron door. We walked in to a dimly lit, cavernous room. I could hear his heavy breathing as we were approached by several nameless denizens, attacking us on sight. I was impressed as Julan did not flinch at the violence. His movements were fluid and swift. He and I made short work of any smugglers who crossed our path.

"Mephala, Jules, you're good!" He smiled hearing that as we ran down the long rusted corridor to an entrance way marked Heaven's Gallery. We had been attacked on all fronts, but had remained victorious. Julan was quick with his spells where I was quick with the sword. We complimented each other on every level—at least in combat.

"Where is that damned puzzle box?" I said throwing my torch across the room in disgust. We spent hours racing through the maze-like ruins. It wasn't until I nearly given up, coming out of the Hall of Centrifuge (and yes they all had those ridiculous names) where we had started that saw glint of something, perhaps a light. Stepping back then looking up, I saw an upper level that I hadn't noticed before. "Well, toll-loll. Looks like we overlooked something, Jules."

"These places are so weird, Anni. What do you suppose really happened to the Dwemer?"

"I'm not sure. To be honest, Jules, I had heard few tales of the Dwemer before I landed in Vvardenfell. I've only been here a several weeks, so this is all new to me."

"Yet you have been all over the place on the mainland, haven't you?" he asked as we ascended several flights of stairs.

"I spent some time in Chorrol—most my life, actually. I then traveled to Anvil and then the Imperial City."

"You spent time in the Imperial City?" He seemed astounded. Personally, I hated the place.

"More time then I would have liked, Jules." I let the subject drop; we had things to do. Boss Crito was the last smuggler guarding a small room and he was a snap, literally. I found the puzzle box in the back of a shelf—I wasn't sure if the thieves actually knew what they had, but the job was done and we were alive.

"Gods, we made it! Oh, Anni!" We hugged each other, forgetting earlier animosity for a moment. He stopped and whispered, "We should make our way back."

"Yes." We walked silently through the starry night.

Day 41

Hasphat Antabolis was pleased with his pretty little prize. He started talking to me about the Nerevarine and Sixth House. I could see Julan was slightly uncomfortable with this line of conversation. I hoped his "sacred mission" had nothing to do with either subject. Hasphat, mercifully just handed me his notes on the Sixth House. Apparently they were a bunch of cultist who worshipped Vvardenfell's boogie man, Dagoth Ur.

"House Dagoth, or the Sixth House, as its called now was once on of the great houses or tribes of Vvardenfell," Hasphat said quickly, not even bothering to look away from the box. "Much like the Redoran or Telvanni. It was lead by Dagoth Ur then and now he is drawing in new worshippers and cultist." I nodded taking the notes from Hasphat. Julan looked over at me as we walked out of the Fighters Guild.

"I suppose you'll be taking those notes to Cosades now, will you? I don't like the sound of all this. Why would an old skooma addict be interested in the Sixth House? And why would he be so secretive about it?"

I shrugged. "I have no idea. This is just a job." This was the truth.I had no concern for the Dagoth or his worshipers. Let him have all the mindless zombies he wanted.

"Let me see those notes," Julan snatched them out of my hand. "Why does Cosades want to know this stuff about House Dagoth? That's something best left alone. It's bad luck to even talk about things like this," Julan lectured.

"It's just talk," I said innocuously. "It's just some crazy cult. They're all over the place."

"No, Annika, its not just some cult. There's more to it then that. I hope Cosades knows what he's doing--but what am I saying? He an ignorant Outlander…of course he doesn't know what he's doing."

"Gee, thanks Jules. You're only slightly offensive," I smiled. "Well, the night is young, and I hear music playing, so lets go have drink before I'm forced to run you through," I laughed. I dropped the notes off to Caius and he advised me to see the Orc Sharn-gra-Muzgob about the Nerevarine Cult. I told him I'd see her first thing on the morrow. I then met Jules outside the Market Tavern. Walking towards him he grinned at me wickedly and looked me up and down--no subtlety there.

"You look beautiful, Anni," he said in a low voice, that sent shock waves through me.

"You look like yourself," I gulped. Julan laughed softly then opened the door. A rush of cold air and smoke rose from the entrance.

Walking in the crowded, dimly lit bar I heard the sound of a woman's voice. I stopped for a second and turned towards the Dunmer beauty on stage. The minstrel was playing some native tune, soft and haunting. Julan swayed slightly and sang along though terribly out of tune. He looked over at me, blushing."This was lullaby Mashti sang to me." I nodded, staring at him. Suddenly the music and singer changed. He glanced back over towards me, "Tell me pretty girl, do you Bretons know how to dance?" his lips curved in laughter.

I gulped. The smoke and lights were already a heady mixture and my heart was pounding as I reached out to him. I had no idea what the mistral was singing about, but the beats were sensual and rhythmic. I felt his hips moving alongside mine and his breath against my face. I felt dizzy. Looking up at him, his gaze caught mine, as my pulse pounded. My lips, merely inches from his own, parted meet each others. Suddenly, the music stopped, we backed away slowly. Turning, I noticed we had gathered a crowd.

"So you can dance, Anni," he said in a quite murmur. "I didn't expect that."

"And I didn't expect that Ashlanders danced at all...being so pious...and," my voice trailed.

"What?" His grin dropped. "Anne, you know nothing about my people or me."

"I'm...sorry," I stuttered clumsily as I knew, once again, I had tripped over my words.

He looked towards the bar. "I'm getting a drink."

"And I'm calling it a night. I'll see you tomorrow, Julan." He nodded was then lost in a sea of people. I headed home.

The night air was hot and sticky and I had had too much to drink; restlessly tossing and turning I decided to go out and sit on my stoop. Watching the night slowly bled into morning, I came to the sad realization that I would not be sleeping. There was too much on my mind. I could not decide what to do about Julan. The more time I spent with him the lines became blurred. I knew that I had thought more of him then merely a tagalong or an extra pair of hands—more than something useful. From the first I was attracted to him and I did nothing to stop it; I had hoped we would have had a brief fling and by now Julan would be a piece of my history, but that was not the way it's played out. I was also bothered that he kept me at a distance. Julan had not put the make on me and there had been every opportunity. He had become a liability, but I had done nothing to stop it. Walking back in, I watched Julan sleep on the floor, I had a nagging feeling that something was about to go terribly wrong.

"Wake up," I said as coldly as possible, "we have things to do. I've been given another assignment. We're heading to the Mages Guild." He gave a puzzled look and mumbled something under his breath.

Already in foul mood from lack of sleep, Julan and I trugged in a trance like state towards the Mages Guild. Upon entering Julan added his two cents of course.

"You know the trouble with the Mages Guilds? They're full of mages," he laughed. Hilarious. "And Anni, that Orc over there makes me nervous, there's something not right about her," he whispered as we approached an Orcish woman who I could only assume was Sharn, grinding up what appeared to be some sort of bone.

"Of course there's not," I said quietly. "But unless she's asking us to murder women and children, I'm not going to make a big deal about it."

"Even if she did, I'm doubtful you would say much for the right price," he snapped.

"Julan," I sighed wearily, "lets keep it above the belt, at least this early in the morning."

"If you--" I cut him off before he could say anything else that would catapult me in a worse mood, if that was possible.

"Sharn, it's good to meet you. I'm Annika Blue. Caius sent me." The Orc did not even look up from her work. She went along grinding the bone into powder and muttering to herself. I prompted her again. "Sharn gra-Muzgob?"

"No," she said raising her hand before I could say anything else. "No interruptions! How many times--oh, wait," she paused, putting her bone down and turning towards me. "You are one of Caius's associates?" I nodded. "Now that's a different matter completely. Caius and I have a very satisfactory arrangement, and I'm sure we can come to some sort of agreement, if you will do a little errand for me."

"Let's have it, Sharn."

"It's simple. I need the skull of Llevule Andrano," Sharn said this like she was asking me to pick up a handful of daisies. Julan was spot on—she's not right—at all. Sharn gave me directions to the Andrano Ancestral Tomb and advised me to take precautions and added that Dunmer take grave objection to unauthorized tomb visits.

"You'd think they wouldn't mind," I said shaking my head as I went down the list of possible undead meanies who would be there to greet us. "I mean they're dead after all."

"It's wrong, Annika!" Julan shouted."The dead are supposed to be left to their sleep undeterred."

Sharn looked at Julan as if he was a petulant three year old then turned to me. "Will you do it, Annika?"

"Of course," I said without hesitating. Julan stormed off immediately. When I got outside he was standing against the wall; his eyes burned holes into mine.

"How could you?" he spat.

"Easily, Julan. I need to complete this mission. The stakes are higher than you could possibly imagine and, no I will not tell you why. I'm sure I'll be asked to do all sorts of horrific things and if you are afraid to get dirty, or in your case dirtier, then go back to Ald-ruhn for awhile, or maybe Ghostfence where you can find a trainer that meets your pristine standards."

I started to walking away, then Julan grabbed and spun me around. An eternity passed as we stared at each other, eyes burning; silently, we argued without saying a word. Finally, he dropped my hand, shaking his head. I smiled slightly and started walking. I heard his footsteps follow behind.

We walked in sullen silence for a short time, speaking only when necessary. I watched the mushroom trees blow in the wind and kanet petals fly across the grass. There was a sense of peace and gentility all around us. Finally Julan spoke, "Anni, what do you know about the gods we worship?"

"Strange question," I said looking at him.

"Not really. You're about to defile a house of the dead—a tomb. I was just wondering if you worshiped the same gods on the mainland."

I don't worship anything, I thought, but then I remembered what Red had said about the Dunmer being super religious. No need to offend Julan anymore than I already was—I needed his help. "Most people worship the Nine Divines."

"Thought there was only eight."

"Well, when you become Emperor, you can call yourself a god too," I winked, alluding to Tiber Septim, the Emperor who named himself a god.

He smirked. "I just wondered what the difference was."

"Well, it's a difference in godhead be assured, but I guess it's also difference in intensity, but its hard for me to describe it as I was raised on Abbey grounds." I thought for a moment, cringing at the memory. "The town's people saw the Imperial cults and temples as a social club or venerated trade house. Priests and Preistesses were another matter entirely. Some actually believed in what they preached—though most didn't. Correct me if I'm wrong Julan, but Dunmer tend have more direct relationships with their gods."

"Most Ashlanders worship their ancestors, so yes, it is very personal."

"Hah! I've heard you Dunmer are as religious as priests,"

"So you've said," he said as he looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "No need to be insulting, Anni, I was just curious."

"No insult intended, just kidding."

"It's not a laughing matter."

"Depends on who you ask," I muttered, tossing a kwarma egg in his direction. "Eh, let's sit a spell."

"Can you pass me some wine?" He took sip and closed his eyes, savoring the taste. "This is good. Nothing like this in the camps."

"Meh," I shrugged. It was ok, but good wine was a birth right in Cyrodill. Even the abbey I grew up in had a small vineyard. The finest wines and brandies were made there, but I saw his face and quickly agreed, "Its good stuff."

"Hmmph." Julan looked off raising a brow. I knew that had come out a tad condescending.

We sat for a time without speaking, quietly devouring our food. The sun was beginning to set when I stood. We headed south into the heart of the Ascadian Isles. The land was beautiful, even draped in night. Pastoral ranches and manors dotted the landscape. About half way to Pelagiad I saw something standing along the road, I heard sniffling coming from the figure. "What in gods name is that?" I asked.

"What?"

"Over there," I said grabbing Julan by the shoulders and pointing ahead to what looked like a woman.

"Ooohhh, a damsel in distress!" Julan of course bounded straight over to the weeping Breton woman standing along side the road.

Maurie Aurmine, the weeping woman, stopped us and said "Begging your pardon. Have you seen a bandit nearby? I must find him!"

My mind quickly jumped to Nels, "Uh, depends on what bandit you're looking for."

"Well, I was just walking along here, minding my own business, then suddenly a bandit jumped at me from behind. He was a dark elf--a strong, dashing dark elf. He didn't harm me in any way, although he did take my jewels." Her eyes glazed over at this point and I wondered if she was quite sane. "He was quite gentle and he talked to me for what seemed like forever."

"So you want me to find him and get your jewels, back right?" I asked having no idea at this point what to expect.

"What's that?" she said. Now I'm sure she was stoned off sugar. Maurie went on, "Oh, never mind the jewels! I just want to find that bandit again. He was charming and funny and I simply must see him again." I heard stifled laughter behind me.

"I'm floored, I'm just utterly floored. What's this bandit's name?" I asked in disbelief.

"Nelos Onmar. A name that will stay on my lips for eternity," she sighed. Maurie seemed to have a flair for the dramatic—a bored girl with access to too many books.

She went on, "Perhaps you can find him for me. Please, I cannot live without knowing if he could ever love me. I have nothing to offer you in return, but could you not help me for the sake of love, uh...."

"Annika Blue, and this is Julan Kaushbael. And yeah, I guess we could help."

"You'll try? Oh, thank you, thank you a million times over." I thought she would break into song. "I'm not sure you'll be able to find him. He mentioned something about heading to head north so I imagine he might be found in Pelagiad. Please, if you find him give him this glove for me, as a token of my love. I'm certain he will want to find me again!"

"I'll try and find him, Maurie. When I said that I noticed immediately that Julan's demeanor had changed. We were back to cold, and it was going to be a long walk.

"I didn't think you were so unfeeling," Julan said shortly out of earshot of Maurie.

"What do you mean?"

"Leading that poor girl on like that. Saying you'll find someone when you won't, after all, what's in it for you?"

"Julan, I have every intention of finding that man. I too believe in chance encounters."

"Really?" he asked earnestly.

"Yes."

"So you're familiar with that bandit, Nelos Onmar?"

"No Jules, not that bandit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know this is a long chapter....
> 
> FYI Folks: I'll be putting this message through out the series. For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashal are Kateri's creations, though I have added to the dialog (and in some cases changed it), particularly in the case of Julan.
> 
> kateri-t's incredible mod Ashlander Julan can be found here: lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm
> 
> Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan.
> 
> Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC


	4. Julan Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annika has taken on Julan as her protégé. Despite plucking Annika's every last nerve, Annika finds that there is a special chemistry between she and Julan.

From the series Nerevar Blue, a novel based off the The Elder Scrolls and mods Ashlander Julan by Kateri and the LGNPC.

Day 41

By day break we had reached Andrano Ancestral Tomb. 

"Well, this looks like the right tomb," Julan said, pausing for effect. "Honestly, I think we could just pick up any old skull for her. How do you tell them apart anyways?"

I shrugged, "Oh, I'm sure Sharn would find a way, involving us hanging from our feet."

Impulsively I grabbed Julan's hand and said, "Friend, I am truly sorry for this."

"I've a feeling that's not the first time I'll hear those words, Annika," he said as his eyes held my gaze for a moment, then he turned from me.

"Just the same, Jules," I said softly. 

We pried open the entrance to the tomb; a strong odor hit me as the door swung open. I forced down the bile in my throat and silently we made our way down a small, unlit corridor. In the dark hall I tripped over a large object. Lighting the torch I saw it was a slightly decomposed body. "Ugh… Great. I love being greeted by a corpse, some thief, no doubt." Hearing a screech, I soon saw the poor bastard's demise.

"Die, fetcher!" Julan screamed and vanquished the Ancestor Ghost with a fire spell. He ran down the hall with me chasing after him. Without looking or listening, Julan swung open the door directly in front of us. Idiot! Immediately, I was struck as the first arrow that flew from a Skeletal Warrior. "Annika!" Julan shouted. I motioned for him to take the Bonewalker from behind while I made short work of the bastard that hit me.

"Annika, are you ok?" he asked, catching his breath after the Bonewalker was no more.

"Peachy, Jules. Oh and a new weapon for you. It's about time you earned something for your work." I handed over a quiver of spark arrows and a good long bow, still nursing my arm.

"Thanks, Anni," he answered softly, as he looked at my wound. "Are you badly hurt?" 

"I'll survive," I said, though my arm was throbbing, I wanted to get out of this tomb before I healed it. For now I'd live. Finally, several doors and many skeletons later we found the lonely skull of Llevule Andrano. 

"So you found it?" Julan asked surprised. "Well let me know when you've tire of skeletons, and we'll go."

"Yeah, I think were done robbing this poor man's crypt."

"A thought, Anne, how do you know it's his? Did his mother sew his name into it?"

I had to laugh, "No Jules, the markings on the tomb are pretty clear."

"Say, how'd think he died? Do you think that freak Sharn had something to do with,uh, his demise?"

"Probably. Maybe too much Orc for a man."

"I really didn't want to think on that," he frowned. "Now I'll really have nightmares."

I said laughing, "Well, it will take your mind off old Dagoth, won't it?"

"I guess. Kind of like breaking a foot to cure a hangnail. Let's get out of here, Anni."

We walked out of the tomb toward daylight. "How's that arm? Let me see it." Julan gently lifted my arm away from my chest, where I had been cradling it. He smiled as our eyes made contact, quickly I turned away.

"Augh, careful, Julan." He paid me no mind as he cast a spell of healing which only left my right shoulder slightly stiff. 

"Thank you," I said quietly.

"My pleasure," he said looking at me. "Annika the Brave."

I paused for a second and gulped, shifting my eyes to the ground. "Well," I said clearing my throat, "let's get really brave and head over to Pelagiad.

"Are we close?"

"Yeah, you can see it over there, just beyond the Imperial garrison. We can unload some of this loot and maybe even find that sexy rouge that likes ladies gloves. Here," I said while handing him part of the bounty taken off the tomb. "Make the most of it. Let's get to Pelagiad while there's still light."

We stopped in first at Uulernil, the Armoror. He was an unusually tall High Elf, and his unpleasantness was in equal proportion to his height. I never liked the Altmer, or High Elves, as they were always pretentious and droll; their yellow skin was as sallow and dull as their personalities. I decided I would have some fun at his expense. He started on me as soon as I dropped the armor on his counter. 

"What, then? How did you get all this?" Uulernil asked in a snarl. I just looked at him blankly; hcontinued his tirade. "Lost your way to tavern to get soused?" He then turned Julan, "Looking for a courtesan to lighten your coin purse?" 

Ugh. I hated nosy people. I'd make him wish he never asked me. "Actually sir, I have to sell this armor so I can pay that man over there for sex," I said motioning toward Julan who promptly started coughing loudly. Uulernil, stuttered a barely coherent "yes sera" and a few more things under his breath about light women and such. 

Leaning over the counter I added, "Please hurry this up, the gentleman charges by the hour."

Walking out Uulernil's shop, Julan turned and stopped in front of me.

"What?" I feigned innocence.

"I cannot believe you said that," he grimaced. "Was it really necessary?"

"He was a s'wit and it was funny. Besides, I get tired of the attitudes I encounter everywhere we go."

"You were a bit harsh and frankly I was a more than a bit embarrassed, but yeah, I have been dealing with suspicion all my life and grow tired of it, but Anne…it's just…well…it was funny, though I think you're certifiable."

"Perhaps, but look on the bright side Jules, at least you're never bored. Let's go to the haberdasher, and ask about Onmar. Hopefully, he's more pleasant."

Mebestian Ence, the haberdasher was the complete opposite of his neighbor. A slight man with a quick wit, he started gossiping as we walked in the door. "I get the weirdest customers sometimes…." Mebestian, who asked us to call him Ence, then told me about some dark looking man in a holocaust coat who tried to sell him an over priced funeral ritual book, bound in human flesh.

"Probably, his ex-wife," I quipped.

"Perhaps his former trainer," snarked Julan.

"Touché."

"Oh, you two are so funny," Ence said. "Say, have you met my neighbor Ur-rin-al?"

"Of course," I said, then I regaled him with the tale of our first encounter.Ence laughed so hard he fell off his stool.

"Oh, Annika. I knew I'd like you right away," he said after he stopped laughing. "What brings you to Pelagiad?"

"Nelos Onmar. Seems he's made away with a maiden's heart, not mention her jewels."

"Really?"

"Yes. Maurie Aurmine."

"Hmm…Can't say I know her, but you know those rich-girl types. Always off for a fling with a handsome highway man. Anyways, you can find Nelos at the half-way tavern."

"Ehhh, I was hoping you'd tell me he was away. I don't want to see that girl's heart smashed by some thief."

"Well, he seems like a nice enough fella," said Ence.

"But," I waited.

"Well it's just," Ence leaned in, "he really needs to get off his backside and find a decent job. I offered him stable employment here, but he turned me down without batting an eyelid."

"Hmmm. Maybe he's found a new employer in Maurie. Thanks, Ence."

"Please come back soon Annika and Julan, it was fun. Oh, and tell me what happens between our star-crossed lovers, will you?"

"Will do." I said, and meant it. 

As we were walking towards the Halfway Tavern, I turned to Julan, "That was fun. Glad he wasn't as humorless as his neighbor. It's good to make new friends."

"It's always nice to have girlfriends," quipped Julan.

"Be nice," I said tartly. We walked across the street to the Halfway Tavern.

"Oh, we're here," I exhaled. I was dreading this as I didn't want to explain Nels Llendo. I had hoped he had been off with some other willing victim.

From Ence's description I spotted Nelos Onmar quickly. He was sitting in the corner by himself. I walked over to him and smiled. Immediately, he bowed, and much like Nels, he kissed my hand.

"Annika Blue, the pleasure's truly mine. Beauty such as yours should not go unremarked; to gaze in your eyes is to see the divine," Nelos offered me his wrist with dancing eyes. "See for yourself. Is my pulse not pounding?" He laughed softly. "Ah, do not be offended, sera, I could not help myself. But I am being rude. Nelos Onmar is my name. What can I do for you?"

"Bah,"said Julan loudly. "I'm going to the bar."

I turned away from Jules and focused on Nelos. "It's more about what I can do for you, sera," I said sweetly. "Turns out your charm worked its way in Maurie Aurmine's good graces. She's offered you her glove and heart."

Nelos looked shocked, "You have what?" he said disbelievingly. "How odd. She was a lovely young woman, but what would she want with a rouge like me? She's beautiful though, and seemed kind. For the first time in my life, I actually felt a little remorse for robbing someone. I should see her again," he said with conviction. "Tell her you have note from Nelos. I must see her again. I won't forget this friend."

I walked quickly over to Julan as I saw Nels Llendo walking through the door. Julan smiled at me, raising a glass and said, "Since we're in a tavern, why don't we have a drink?"

"Yeah, uh, yeah. I guess," I gulped.

I could tell Julan had already had a few, so I knew what I was in for. I quickly acknowledged Nels with a nod as he passed by me and stared. Julan caught the look, and said loudly, "Hey is that guy giving you the eye? Is there something happening between you two that I should know about?"

I stammered quickly, "Uh, lets go Jules. We have to gossip—I mean talk—to Ence. We'll drink with him."

He didn't stop and actively started picking a fight. "He looks like fool, talks like a fool and yet women chase him!" he said, noting the harem surrounding Nels.

"Let's go, Julan!" I snapped; somehow I managed with great effort to get him out the door. I told Julan honestly that I received from training from Nels.

"In what, tongue kissing?"

"Short sword, actually."

"Well when you want long sword, come see me!" Julan snapped and brushed past me.

"Ai…Let's just go talk to Ence and find Maurie, Jules."

We met up with Ence as he was preparing for bed, but readily he opened the door when he saw it was us.

"Annika?" Ence asked groggily as he invited us in.

"If it wasn't good, I wouldn't have bothered you," I said pulling out the letter. 

"Ooohhh, do tell," Ence said excitedly. 

Jules, though he feigned disinterest, perked up immediately as I read the letter. "It says : Truly, I was enchanted with you from the moment I saw you. I beg your forgiveness for my past transgressions. While I cannot imagine what a woman of your beauty and breeding would see in a rouge such as me, I thank the gods that you have sent for me. I will come to you as soon as I can. Until then."

"My gods,what stuff," Ence said as he treated us both to Cyrodillic Brandy and tea. "Annika you are a treasure." 

"What foolishness," Julan spat.

"Hey, you're the one who was so inclined to help her," I pointed out. After a few drinks, I finally stood. "Oh, let's go and finish playing matchmaker. Ence, tell me if he goes to her or she to him. It should be interesting. I'll try to stop back soon."

"Thanks, Annika, for livening up this sleepy little town."

We found Maurie still along side the road. I thought she had been paralyzed by a scrib, no, she was love struck. Maurie was elated that Nelos wanted her too. 

"Good luck to you both," said Julan with more sincerity than I could muster.

We reached Balmora late that night and hit the Market Place Tavern. Another band was playing and we had all we could drink, though no dancing, at least not like the other night. After the fifth Matze Julan wanted to pick a fight (again) with an Ordinator. Time to go. As we crashed through the front door (which was already damaged) Julan moved unsteadily toward me and took my hands.

"I'm sooo sorry for giving so much trouble Annika Blue. Thank you for rescuing me from the Clannfears and for training me and for not hitting me very hard when I spilled Mazte all down your front." He then fell in the chair. I don't know if it was the booze talking or if he genuinely meant what he said, but it was certainly good to hear.

"It's alright. Good night Jules."

"Good night, Anni."

Day 43

"Dear gods, my stomach," I moaned. I guess this is what comes with spending every waking hour with a lush.

Julan lifted his head off the pile of clothes on the floor. "Gah. Why'd you let me drink so much?"

"Sorry about putting that knife to your throat," I scowled. "Anyway. Let's go eat then visit that freak Sharn."

We walked past the stores to a street vendor selling kwarma eggs. We ate a few to settle our stomachs then entered the Mages Guild where we found Sharn tinkering with something that looked like some unfortunate's entrails.

She looked up from her work as I tossed her a bag with the skull wrapped in paper. "Ah, Annika, you got it," Sharn said. 

"Uh, yeah." Gods that woman scared me.

"Not sure we should give it to you, though," said Jules. I shot him a look.

"Very good," she said peering into the bag, gleefully. "Perfect for what I have in mind. I'll answer any questions you have about the Nerevarine Cult and give you the notes I've prepared."

"I guess all I need to know is what the Nerevarine Cult actually is and what are its plans in Vvardenfell." 

Sharn went into detail about the Nerevarine Cult, though I must admit I was barely paying attention. I figured I'd just read the notes like I always do. I noticed, however, that Julan was listening intently. 

"Let me see those notes," he said, taking the notes right out of my hand. As usual he didn't wait for a yes. "Hmmm. Well, she knows her stuff, I'll give her that. But what does some old Imperial sugartooth want to know all this for? It doesn't make sense. Why is Cosades asking you to find out about the Nerevarine, by Azura?"

"Jules, it's just a job."

"You keep saying that," remarked with suspicion in his voice.

"I say that because it's true. Now let's see if we can get you some training around here."

"Well, don't bother asking Sharn. What's she going to teach me, how to turn a prince into a frog?"

"Well, you're hardly a prince, so I don't see how it could hurt." 

We spent several hours training with the other mages—everyone except for Sharn, though I doubted she noticed the snub as she was too busy toying with sera Andro's skull. Later, we headed back to the Market Place Tavern for lunch.

Julan looked thoughtfully over his crabmeat and eggs for a moment then spoke. "Thank you for training me, Anni, I can see I'm improving already. I suppose I just needed someone else to encourage me and check my technique. But I was thinking," he paused, swallowing, "I really don't know much about you other than you're from the mainland—Chorrol, I believe and you spent time in the Imperial City. Tell me more." 

I sighed and closed my eyes. I knew this was coming. I stared off in the distance, avoiding eye contact. Julan asked with his mouth half full. "So tell me Anni, how did you come to Vvardenfell?"

"On board a prison ship, actually," I said flatly.

"You're a convict? By Azura, you're not on the run, are you?"

I glared at him. "Yeah, and I'm planning on a murderous crime spree, hijacking a silt strider and taking you as hostage."

Julan choked on his food. "Wha—Oh. You're joking. Hilarious. So what really happened?"

"I was released. I'm an ex-con now," I said as calmly as possible. Please gods no more details. I couldn't tell him—not yet. I felt a lump growing in my throat.

"Released? Here in Vvardenfell? Hmmph! As if the Empire hasn't done enough damage without deciding to dump their criminals on us!"

Angrily, I stood up and retorted, "Yes, I should kept my criminal tendencies overseas and left you to get eaten by Clannfears."

"I'm sorry, Anne. I didn't mean it personally—you are a good person," he said nervously, moving his food around the plate. "Well, at least I think. Um…so…were you guilty? Of whatever it as you…uh…did to get locked up?"

Staring off into space for a few moments, I took a deep breath, "Yes, Julan, I was guilty, but I believe what I did was right—no choice. And one day…when…" I couldn't continue, embarrassed my eyes were full of unshod tears. Julan grabbed my arm and turned me to face him.

"I believe you, Anni. I'm not sure why, but I do. You've been a good friend to me, helping out like this and I'm loyal to my friends. And even if you were lying, I'm willing to judge you on your present actions, no matter what you did in the past. So! Shall we get going?" 

I nodded in assent as we made our way to Cosades. How many more times would I have to have this conversation?

We walked past an armor store and headed in. I looked for more trainers and a master's repair hammer for Julan, as I was tired of paying for repairs—came up with nothing. Walking along the Odai, towards Cosades, Julan stopped then said the one thing I had been dreading. "Annika, I've been thinking… All your hard work has paid off, I believe. Thank you so much. I really think I'm ready to face the Red Mountain—I feel like I could take on anything! Right….I'm heading back to Ghostgate," He said quickly. 

I stared in utter silence.

He kept going. "Say, do you want to keep me company for a little longer? Just over to Ghostgate and through the fence to the foot of the mountain? It's been good to have some one to talk to, you know. I'll miss traveling with you. But I need to get on with my sacred mission." I thought it odd that he brought this up shortly after lunch and our conversation regarding my way of arrival to Vvardenfell. His speech seemed a little canned—decidedly rehearsed. Perhaps this was for the best—I had gotten too close. From the first I knew this would hurt and sadly my instincts were right. I gathered my reserve and answered as nonchalantly as possible.

"Sure, we'll be heading that way soon."

"Great!" he said cheerfully. "Let's get going!"

"Let me get these notes to Cosades and get paid. We'll stop at my house and get some supplies. We'll need them."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI Folks: I'll be putting this message through out the series. For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashal are Kateri's creations, though I have added to the dialog (and in some cases changed it), particularly in the case of Julan.
> 
> kateri-t's incredible mod Ashlander Julan can be found here: lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm
> 
> Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan.
> 
> Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC


	5. Ghostfence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julan sets off for his ultra-secret mission. When disaster occurs and Annika ends up dragging an unconscious Dunmer down Red Mountain, both agree it's time to visit the source.

**Day 44**  
  
"I read the notes."  
  
"Huh?  Oh good morning, Anni," Julan said in a stretch.  We had just landed in Ald-rhun a little after day break.  I had spent the time aboard the silt strider reading the notes on the Nerevarine Cult; Cassius had decided to let me keep them.  I wasn't impressed with what I saw.  The Ashlanders who lived among the wastes believed that some warlord reborn would unite the Dunmer and drive out all other peoples from Vvardenfell.  Fools—little did they know the Septims.  The Empire would never let a conquered province go, and these Nerevarine Cultist sitting around in squalor, waiting for some incarnation come back and push out the Imperials seemed like a terrific waste of time.  
  
"What did you think?" Julan asked enthusiastically.  
  
"I think you Dunmer hate white people, black people, Orcs, Argonians and other elves. Come to think about, pretty much everyone else."  
  
"Last time I checked, your people weren't oppressed," he snapped bitterly. I had hit a nerve.  
  
"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure of that, Jules.  Frankly, I'm no so sure what I am either—obviously half Breton, but who knows, I could be half dark elf. I could be you third cousin once removed." He laughed heartily at that, walking down the land strip.  
  
"Anni, my people have been moved around.  They have lost their homes, history and sense of worth.  All joking aside, wouldn't you be angry too?  Wouldn't you want revenge?" he asked looking at me earnestly.  
  
"I've wanted revenge all my life, little good its done me—wait." I paused for a moment in the road, staring at something I had missed earlier. "Is that a Daedric ruin over there?  Jules, ya feeling brave?  Want some last minute training?"  
  
These shrines were a monument to golden septims.  They were filled with cultists who were heavily—and often expensively—armed.  The alters were usually covered with offerings of gems and other valuables.  I had furnished my home from the loot scored of just one of those sites.  I had no intention of missing this one.  Though, there's always risk involved.  Sometimes the cultists were possessed or other times they summoned their various Dremora lords.  No matter, if one was quick with a sword or spell there was money to be made.  
  
"Bah, you'll never learn," he frowned disapprovingly.  
  
"And I'll never stop," I grinned.   
  
Outside there were several people hanging around the shrine.  Witch hunters, or something to that affect.  Opportunists more like it.  They claimed they were there to stop the cultists, but never had I witnessed them help bystander when attacked, though I'm sure they took the armor off the dead.  To me they were almost worst than the people inside the shrine—those poor souls were just insane, the ones outside were predatory.   
   
Immediately, after entering the shrine whose name I have no hope of pronouncing or remembering, we were attacked by a bunch of cultist praying to some demigod I didn't care about.  No matter what Julan said, I hated cults—though I didn't hate rubies that were laid upon the alter and there were a whole plate of them left on this particular shrine.  Julan didn't seem to take issue with lifting a few jewels.  
  
"Anni, did you see those rubies?" His eyes were as big as the plate.  
  
"Got 'em," I said quickly, nearly being bashed by a Dremora, the spiritual guardians of the shrines.   
  
"Jules!" I shouted as I saw a cultist come up from behind. He didn't answer as he was busy being attacked by Horner Home Wrecker (that was Nord cultist name, or at least it was the name tattooed across the chest.)  We both ended up taking several restorative portions after that.  
  
"Anything else you want to do to get me killed?"  
  
"No, Jules I think we're done for the day.  Let's head to Ghostgate so you can die proper."  
  
"Really, Anni, have you no faith?"  
  
I paused for a moment, thinking of how to couch my response. There was no need to goad him. "In you yes, in this mission—I'm not sure.  What exactly are you going to be doing?"  
  
Frustrated, he sighed. "I told you. I can't discuss it, and you wouldn't understand anyway."  
  
"Fine, let's get moving," I said shortly. I was tired of begging him for an explanation. Two hours passed as we hiked towards Ghostgate.  I was tired and dusty. I looked back at Julan, "Are you ready?"  
  
"As I'll ever be," he said.  We walked through both gates and started up the mountain.  A storm was raging, particles of ash and dust found their way up my nose and mouth.  I could barely see two feet in front of me.  
  
Apparently noticing my discomfort, Julan turned to me. "Anni, you can stop. We're here. Thank you for everything--I mean that."  
  
"Wait!" That response was guttural. I shouted over the din of the storm, "What are you planning to do here?"  
  
"I've told you. I can't discuss it."  
  
"Bullshit!  I'm not just going to leave you here with no explanation!  Talk, Julan!"  
  
"Why do you care, anyway?" he spat.  For a second I couldn't answer him.  Why did I want to know?  
  
"I….just please…tell me!"  
  
"I'm swearing you to secrecy," he shouted over the din of the storm.  
  
"That's fine.  We're probably not making off this mountain anyways."  
  
"Thanks for your vote of confidence, Anne.  Anyway, I'm going to Dagoth Ur."  
  
"What? Now you've completely snapped on me.  
  
He slowed for a moment, roled his shoulders then continued up Red Mountain.  
  
"Jules!" I cried out again.  
  
This time he stopped and turned toward me. "I'm going to enter his citadel, hunt him down and kill him," he said without any emotion behind his statement.  I stared blankly for a moment.   He met my gaze unflinchingly.  "I'm going, Anni."  
  
"No.  No Julan, you can't be serious. There's no way--"  
  
"I don't know why you're so worried," he snapped. "What in Oblivion do you know about it anyways?  You barely paid attention to anything Hasphat or Sharn told you."  
  
"I'm not standing on the side of Red Mountain, in bloody ash storm for you to lecture me!  I gotten enough from the notes to know he's a Devil and he'll…he'll…eat you on toast!"  I swear I could not come up with anything better at that point.  Perhaps it was the ash blowing in my face.  
  
"Toast?  We'll just see who has who on toast! Look you have no idea what you're talking about so shut up, ok?"  
  
"I'm talking to a idiotic Ashlander who not so long ago needed help from Clannfears!"  
  
"You're never going to hear me are you?  Shenogorath, woman!  Well you think what you like, I'm going up there.  Are you coming?  Or are you scared?"  He really knew how to get at me.  
  
"You're an s'wit.  But I'll come and laugh as you get eaten alive before you make it half-way."  I was hoping he'd take a swing so I'd at least have something to tell the Ordinators as to why I was dragging an unconscious, dark-elf down the side of a mountain.  
  
"See you at the top, Anni."   
  
We walked less than a mile when he stopped and turned to me, "What?"  
  
"Huh? Jules, I didn't say anything."  
  
"Oh, I could have sworn.  Nevermind then."  He started back up the hill.  We had gone half a mile before he said angrily, "Look, I can't hear what you're saying when you whisper like that."  
  
"What? I didn't say anything that time either!"    
  
"Just stop teasing me, Anni.  I'm trying to concentrate."  
  
"Uh…sure thing."  He's gone mad.  And I'm stuck on a mountain top with him.  Fantastic.  
  
A few minutes later the same.  He spun around and shouted, "Stop doing that!"  
  
"Doing what Julan?!  Doing what!?" I screamed.  
  
"Shenogorath!  If you're trying to make me paranoid, it's not working. Just stop it, ok?"  
  
"I'm not making you paranoid, that silt strider's already flown!"  
  
"Just shut up!" he spat.  For once I was quiet. "Aaaaagh!  Shut up! Shut up!!! I'm not listening to you!"  
  
He wasn't even talking to me at this point.  "Julan! Can you hear me?  Gods what's wrong with you?" He then started screaming that he was Indoril Nerevar reborn—who the hell's that?  He kept begging "them" to get out of his head.  
  
"Julan!  Listen to me!!!  Jules!"  He then collapsed. And so…I ended up carrying an unconscious, dark elf down the side of a mountain.  
  
 **Day 47**  
  
"Ulmiso, it's been days…" I said to the elderly healer in front of me.  She seemed slightly frustrated with my nagging.  
  
"I've taken a look at Julan," said the healer, looking up from some brew she was concocting.  "What in Vivec's name were you doing up there?  
  
I just shook my head.  I had no idea how to answer this woman, what in gods name were we doing up there? "Is he going to be alright?"  
  
"I've examined him and nothing's wrong—physically.  He keeps muttering nonsense, but I think he's just exhausted.  He should wake up soon.  Try not to worry."  
  
I had been beside this bed for days of worry. Julan had laid in the bed, shaking and calling out random names.  He had eaten nothing and only drank when I poured water down his throat. Finally, I heard him start.  I rushed to the side of the bed, taking his hand.  He turned to me. "Uhn...I'm in Ghostgate? How did…? Oh Gods, my head…Gah, my brain feels like it's full  dust and ashes.  Anni, I dreamed we were climbing Red Mountain….Wait. You're looking…We did climb it, didn't we?" I nodded in ascent. "Oh, I remember now.  But it was like so many of my dreams.  Except that I could hear what the voices were saying this time."  
  
"What was it?"  
  
"There were some I couldn't recognize, but one. It was Dagoth!  I don't know how but I just know.  He was….he was mocking me.  I suppose I shouldn't be surprised this happened.  But…what do you remember next?"  
  
"You shouted at me, then at nothing and then fainted."  
  
"I fainted.  I thought that was part of the dream," he said quietly, his voice full of disappointment. He then turned over in despair.  "What does it matter?  I've failed at my mission—again.  I'm still not ready.  Maybe I'll never be ready."  
  
"Don't say that, Jules. You were brave. It takes time to be a great warrior--it just takes time."  
  
"Ai. I'm running out of time, my people are running out of time.  Maybe I should just go back home and heard guar.  Seems like its all I'm fit for."  
  
"No, you're more than that," somehow I knew those words were true and not just a comfort.  
  
Attempting to smile he said, "Thanks, I'm glad one of us believes in me.  But what to do now?"  
  
"Well, since you're mother sent you on this "sacred mission" perhaps we should go talk to her." I wanted a word with this woman.  How could she be so stupid as to send her son on a suicide mission that clearly, he wasn't prepared for?  
  
"I've been avoiding that option, but it appears I have no other choice."  
  
"We'll go as soon as you're up to it."  
  
"Right. We're west of the Ahemmusa camp, along the coast.  She has skulls hanging outside—don't worry.  Mashti's idea of a joke—I think… But look, I don't want you get the wrong impression of her.  She's a good person.  She just cares about me and my mission and is, well, slightly over protective."  
  
Oh boy.  Overbearing momma.  "But, hey…I just have one more thing I want to ask you.  When you were on the mountain, and you were yelling at the voices..."  
  
"Um…yeah?"  
  
"Well, you said you were Indoril Nerevar reborn."  
  
"Did I?"  
  
"Yes," I said. Julan shifted slightly, avoiding my gaze. I wasn't letting this go, "Care to explain?"  
  
"No. Not right now. I hurt, Anni…and I'm just tired. Can we talk later? I know you won't drop it."  
  
"No, you're right Jules, I won't."  
  
"I'm sure," his lips curved in a smile.  "Let's head to Vos, its quickest way there.  I want to stop by the trade house.  I was thinking we could pick up some kind of gift for Mother to sweeten her temper a bit.  She's not going to like what I've been doing—at all."  
  
 _What, mommy doesn't like Outlanders?_   "Sure. We'll head there directly," I smiled.  This should be enjoyable.  
  
"Oh, and Anni," he said, taking my hand.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Thank you…Thank you for not letting go.  I think…well I don't want to think what would have happened had you not been there." He squeezed my hand a little harder.  
  
I put my finger to his lips. "Let's get going….Onward and upward."  
  
"But," Julan said standing up, "let's go to a tavern first. Mephala, I really need a drink."  
  
"Yeah, me too."


	6. Mashti Kaushibael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annika Blue encounters Julan's Maribash mother Mashti Kaushibael. Through Mashti's threats and postures, Annika Blue can tell she's hiding a dark secret and that everything Julan's been told is a lie.

From the series Nerevar Blue. A novel based on the Elder Scrolls and mod Ashlander Julan by Kateri.

  
**Day 49**

We had made the long trip from Ghostgate to Vos via the Mages Guild in Sadrith Mora. Fast travel was never my style as it made me dizzy, though Julan didn't seem to mind.

"You know its funny, Anni. This island has ways to transport all its people from one place to another in an instant, yet my people go barefoot and without food."

"Ironic—and sad. Julan, I think one day you will do great things for your tribe—for all tribes." Somehow I knew that was true and not just words spoken to comfort.

"You have great faith in fools, Anni," he said softly.

"I've been told that before. I like to call it confidence."

"Whatever you call it, it's good to hear. I hope's its true," he smiled.

We stopped quickly by the Gateway Inn and spoke to Angaredhel, the Prefect of Hospitality in Sadrith Mora to get hospitality papers (of course). They were necessary in order to conduct business of any kind in Sadrith Mora and not be arrested. I certainly wasn't going back to jail over a silly piece of bureaucracy. After getting the papers and three boat transfers later, with the stars out in full force we landed in Vos, a small farming village in the Grazelands. I decided we should stay at the Varo Tradehouse for the night as I was not familiar with the area; though Julan clearly was.

"Right. There's a trader called Lleris Amyrn who normally hangs around here. He buys and sells ingredients, potions and magical items and Mother does a lot of business through him. He might have something she likes. Oh…wait…there he is. Let's go talk to him, shall we?"

Julan bounded off towards his old acquaintance. I noticed how much more at ease he was now, his nature open and warm. I had never seen him before like this before. Perhaps it was his proximity to home and family. I hadn't had either of those since I was little. I was a child of the wind; going where ever fate blew me. I had no family to speak of except those I had chosen to create—friends really, nothing else. I think I was a bit envious.

"Why Julan, hello!" Lleris said immediately. Julan greeted him with a warm embrace and smile as Lleris barraged him with questions. "I haven't seen you in some time! How is your lovely mother? And who is your new friend?"

"Hello Lleris. This is Annika. It's good to see you too. I'm just looking for something Mother might like."

"Ah, a present for the esteemed Mashti, is it? I just obtained a rather powerful item—a Twilightbalm amulet. Might that suit the lady? Only 1000, gold." It was a beautiful amulet, and would serve her well in this part of the world.

"It's lovely," Julan said softly while holding the necklace in his hand. "She'd love it, but sadly I don't have that kind of money, though it is quite beautiful." Julan sighed, handing back the amulet to Lleris.

"Stop," I said, both men turned to me. "Julan you do." I knew that that Julan had by rights earned at least part of what I'd taken in. "You've hit the tombs and caverns as hard as I have and have earned at least that. I could not have done my work without your help. Take the money and get your mother that amulet. Make her happy."

Julan smiled at this acknowledgement and took the money. "Thank you, Annika Blue. Eh, I hope this helps get back on her good side," Julan said, paying Lleris then putting the amulet in his pocket. "And I think its time I told you the whole story about myself and my mission, if you still want to know."

"I do, actually. Let's go to the bar and talk over some Mazte."

We sat down and ordered our drinks, and Julan began to spill out his story.

"Well, the first thing you should know is that Mashti is not actually my mother by birth. No one has any idea who my real parents are. Azura sent my mother a dream, in which she told her to follow a black Kagouti into the Grazelands, and when she did, she found me as a baby, in the shadow of some rocks. Azura told her that it was her task to raise me to be a great warrior, and that I had an important destiny."

"Wow," I uttered unblinking. I didn't believe it but let him continue. "Was she already an outcast at that this time?"

He nodded. "Yes, but it had only happened just before. Azura told her that it was her fate to be an exile, in order that she be left alone to concentrate all her energies on my upbringing."

"She sacrificed much, but Julan, why was she exiled by the Ahemmusa?" I was curious about this and wondered if it had anything to do with his birth.  I'm pretty sure it did.

He paused for a second, and I knew immediately that he wasn't going to give me a straight answer. "Oh, well it was all before I was born. Tribal politics and such, I guess. She had upset some important people, though if you really want to know, you should ask her yourself.She really doesn't like to talk about it."

"I imagine not."

He sighed, "She gets upset because of all the lies they tell about her at the Ahemmusa camp. There are some very vicious and untrue rumors."

Immediately, my heart went out to this woman. She had endured much and raised as son that any mother would be proud—and yes, protective of.

"Ok, Julan. Let's get back to the part about you being Nerevar."

"Ah. Yes—that. Look, you know who Indoril Nerevar was, don't you?" My eyes stared blankly at him. "The great Dunmer war-chief from long ago, who united our people against the Nords and Dwemer?"

"Err…well…."

"Oh, Anni, it was in Sharn's notes," he said, exasperated and shaking his head. "Look, I guess it doesn't matter whether you do or not. Go and read a book, if you care. What matters is that he was murdered by Tribunal of Vivec, Almalexia and Sotha Sil, the false gods that the great houses of Morrowind and Vvardenfell worship." I nodded at least knowing that much. "Anyway, Azura foretold that Nerevar's spirit would one day be reborn to avenge himself and set things to rights in Vvardenfell by destroying Dagoth Ur and whatever profane sorcery the Tribunal used to steal their false god-hood. In the prophecies, this reincarnated Nerevar is known as the Nerevarine."

"And you think this is you?" I asked.

"I know it sounds…well, unbelievable. I find it hard to believe myself, sometimes. But it's true. Azura has revealed her will and explained what must be done. I know I have a responsibility to fulfill and however impossible it might seem I have to try. Who could oppose Azura?" he grinned. Gods he was charming—when he wanted to be. "I trust her to know what my destiny hold, and what I am capable of."

"So Azura speaks to you?" I asked, trying to beat back the sarcasm lodged firmly in my mouth.

"Not personally, no. She speaks to my mother through her dreams and visions. That's why I need to go home and consult her wisdom. She'll know what to do, because Azura will advise her." He seemed confident in saying this—I was less so. Hopefully he'd prove my inner skeptic wrong.

"We best go then," I said looking at the small clock in a dusty corner of the bar. "We'll head out a first light. Finish that Matze, and don't ask for another. I'm not bringing you home to momma hung over," I laughed.

"Anni?' he gazed at me intently, taking my arm. "Yeah, look, I know I've been very secretive about all this but I do have good reasons. If they knew about me, the Tribunal and their Temple followers would hunt me down and destroy me. So would the Emperor, come to that, since the Nerevarine is also prophesied to free Vvardenfell from the foreign invaders. So I must ask you to keep my secret."

"Very well. I won't tell a soul—not even Ence," I laughed. "And for what it's worth Julan, I believe you." I believed in him, though not the story…not for a minute.

"Thank you, Anni. But I'm not asking you to believe me," he said surprisingly—and reasonably. "I'm asking you to keep my secret, and maybe um," he paused staring into his Matze.

"Yeah?" I said taking a final gulp.

"Well, it's like this…you've been a good friend to me and I…I'm not accustomed to asking anyone for help. It's always been just me and my mother. But if you...if you..."

"I want to help you in any way I can, Jules. And I will."

Julan stared at me for a long time after that, then smiled wickedly and said, "One of these days Annika Blue, I swear I'll do something you can thank me for."

I rose from the stool and stood before him, sweeping the hair back from his pointed ear. "I look forward to that day," I whispered, brushing softly against him.

**Day 50**

At dawn we headed out. As we crossed the Grazelands plains and moved toward the coast, I found myself drifting off, remembering Chorrol. The Grazelands were beautiful with fields of wicker wheat and soft rolling hills and a sky that stretched on forever. I ran my hands over the fields of wheat and closed my eyes; for a second I was a child, back at the abbey playing in the surrounding fields.

"Anni, you look lost in thought."

"I was thinking of Chorrol," I said before I could catch myself.

He stopped walking and motioned to an outcropping of rocks; we sat and rested. "What was it like? You know I know nothing of your life, before…before prison," Julan said hesitantly.

"It's a sad story. Are you sure you want to hear?" Please say no. Please say no.

"Yes, I think its time," he said.  Of course he said.

"Well, then, " I mumbled hesitantly as I started my tale. "In the winter of 407 a heavily pregnant woman stumbled on the grounds of an Abbey west of Chorrol. She was terrified of something though she never said of what. The servants, priestess and priest decided to nurse her back to health. Within four days, Anais—that was the name she gave the servants—went into labor. Early that forth morning she gave birth to a girl—me. A week later she was gone. She left without a trace--and left me behind."

"Gods Anni," Jules said quietly.

"I was raised until I was twelve by a Khajiti governess or servant, I'm not sure which. I called her Kat—everyone did. Her name was Kat Azshle. She was kindness incarnate and I loved her dearly. I can attribute at least part of a happy childhood to her."

"What did she look like--your mother, that is?"

"Kat always said that my mother 'had eyes like the sea after a storm'. She had long blond hair and a face much like mine, though Kat always said my features were sharper."

"But did you ever find her or find out why she left?"

"No. At sixteen I left in search of my mother—and a way out of the abbey. I guess I was sick of leering priests and Kat had passed four years before." I leaned against some rocks and took a deep breath. "I hitched my wagon to a local farm boy and we headed to Anvil." At this I saw Julan look away.

"Julan, the farm boy was gone in three months and I was on my own."

"You never saw him again?"

"And I never cared to, either. He left me, Julan. And gods, if you only knew what I had to do to survive—please don't ask." My head instinctively jerked, as if wincing from the memory.

"I won't. You're a hell of a thief and warrior. Because of you I've gone further than I ever thought possible," Julan said softly, placing his hand against my cheek. "I told you before I would not hold your past against you—and I meant it. We will not discuss it further as I see those unshod tears in your eyes and it pains me too to think of what you had to do. Whatever it was, sera, I promise you—it will never happen again."

I turned my head letting his hand drop. "Let's get moving." I wanted to stop remembering. We walked in silence for awhile, moving close to to the shore. I smelled the salty air in the calmly drifting winds. Off in the distance I saw a tribal camp and a stunningly beautiful Dumner female. Instinct told me to "stop by for some supplies." I asked Julan if he wanted to go.

"This is the Ahemmusa Tribe, Anni; remember what I told you?" he asked, looking bitterly in the direction of the encampment. "In truth Anni, I'm not sure I'd be welcomed, but you go and get some food. I'll wait right here."

"All right, Julan. But know this—I won't let anyone treat you like an outcast. I don't understand why you've been exiled too. I thought it was between the tribe and your mother."

"No. I am her son, so the state of being an exile applies to me too. But…I just…well…its painful and embarrassing. They all call my mother a liar and far, far worse." He stopped and looked off in the distance. I knew the conversation was over.

"I'll get some food," I said as I kissed the top of his head.  "Won't be but a minute."

 "Okay, Annika the Brave, go be brave and get us some food. I'll wait right here."

"I will, but we think we should speak about this later." I headed straight toward the girl with long flowing red locks. My instincts were correct, this was Shani. A woman knows.

"What do you want Outlander?" she huffed. Shani was haughty—and very beautiful. I had hoped otherwise.

"A trader, actually, I'm with my friend Julan Kaushibael," I said sweetly. She dropped her bow immediately and stared at me in disbelief. Why did I say that? Well, I was a woman…and they are thing fiercer than Daedra.

"What?!? Julan!" she hissed. "You should mind yourself—and keep better company!" She then stormed off before I could get information about a trader, though she looked back at me and then looked toward the hills. She still loved him—and that knowledge cut me to the quick as my presence cut her.

"Are we ready? Did you get some supplies?" he asked as I came over the ridge.

"No. The first person I met was Shani. I told her who I was…and who I was with."

"Oh, Anni, why?" He was visibly angry.

"It was luck," I said feigning innocence. I didn't mention the gut instinct or that I had meant to do it on purpose.

"I'm sure she was none to pleased," he scowled.

"No, she wasn't. I'm sorry Jules."

"Really?"

"Of course. She seemed kind of angry and I sensed hurt.  Maybe you should smooth things over with her," I said, knowing full well that Shani would always be a shadow I would have to contend with if I didn't nip it in the bud now.

"I'll talk to her later," Julan said, distracted. "I see mother's yurts from the distance…we should go."

We walked the short distance to Mashti's yurts. I looked to Julan as he was about to enter. "Anni, let me do the talking as you've already enraged one Dunmer woman today."

 As we entered, I saw a slight, beautiful, not to mention visibly angry woman. I hadn't even spoke…

"Who are you?!" she shouted at me. "What are you doing here with my son! I warn you, if you dare—."

"I'm guessing you're not impressed with my new dress," I said while ducking behind Julan.

"Mother! Calm down and let me explain," he shouted before turning to me.  "Anni, would you mind leaving us alone for a minute. Why don't you go like the fire in the…um…the guest yurt and make yourself comfortable. You'll be sleeping their tonight."

"As you wish," I said and walked out. After walking into the guest yurt, if you could call it that, I heard shouting. She was furious, so was he. I also knew at that moment that everything Julan had been fed by this woman was a lie. The resemblance was clear—the coal black hair, sharp, defined cheek bones and those eyes—those magnificent eyes, like pools of fire. I've heard tales of orphans who begin to look like their adoptive parents, but did I ever resemble Kat? No. This woman had lied. To what end, the gods only know, but eventually I would find out.

I stared at the fire for a few hours and finally there was no noise. I went in to Mashti's yurt and was greeted by a tense silence. Julan spoke, "Ah, Anni, Mashti and I have talked everything over, and we've agreed that Azura should be consulted about what I should do next. While mother is not exactly happy about your involvement, she agrees that you may be able to help. But we shall seek Azura's guidance."

"Ok." _He didn't give me up._

"Mashti is going to conduct a ritual tonight to summon Azura in a dream. She will make certain prayers and incantations and then she will receive a dream-vision from Azura."

"How convenient," I snarked. Julan just went on.

"I should stay here and help her prepare, but you can do what ever you want. You can sleep in the yurt—you should get some rest. I'll see you in the morning."

"Fine." I glared at Mashti and she returned the stare. "I'll see you on the morrow." I then went in the "guest yurt" and took off the dress—no point in it getting ruined. I laid down and stared at the fire and thought of what it must have been like to be raised by that woman. I woke in the middle of the night to someone sitting down beside me. "Julan?" I asked groggily.

"Um, Annika, are you awake?"

"Am now," I smiled. Boy was I glad I made that choice in underwear. "Did you want something?"

"Um..No,no…I just…," He looked frightened. This is not what I expected with Julan stealing into my yurt at this late hour.

"Are you alright? You look like hell." It was the truth.

"I…no, I'm not. Not really. I…I think I may be going mad."

"Huh?" I sat up. "What do ya mean?"

"I had another dream. It was…horrible. Worse than any I've had before. I wasn't on the mountain this time. I was in a cavern. And there were those Ash Priest things there watching me, standing all around me. And they started whispering things…horrible things. And they spoke, my skin started rotting and my flesh was becoming monstrous."

"Ugh."

"It felt like they were trying to crawl into my head, and change who I am and everything I believe in into something horrible and depraved." He turned away. I took his face in my hand and turned it back until he was looking at me. "Annika, to eat away at my identity until I have nothing left; except what they want me to have….And then…even after I woke up I kept seeing them…just in flashes..out of the corner of my eyes…the Ash Priest things, and others…worse…but when I looked again…there was nothing….I thought I was losing it." Julan grew quite for a moment. "I had to get out of there. I had to see you."

"What are you going to do?"

Julan looked toward the fire. "I can't talk to Mashti. She has enough to worry about. And maybe it's nothing, although it didn't feel like nothing. But…I ...I…just felt so alone, I suppose. I had to talk to someone. I hate to admit it, but I'm scared because I don't know how to fight it," he said as he stoked the dying coals of the fire, then turned towards me. "How do you fight something like that?"

"I don't know, Jules. I honestly don't." I paused for a second, I had no idea hat he was going through and didn't want to give him any canned encouragement. "Look you're strong and I have faith in your ability, and most times your sanity, though really it comes down to you."

"I hope you're right. I…I don't want to go mad. And if Dagoth Ur wants me just to give up my mind to him….well, I won't come quietly. But what," he paused looking down at his legs, "what if I'm not strong enough?"

I looked at him while gently brushing the hair out of his face. "You will be Julan, and I'll be there with you." Julan moved closer to me and I wrapped my arms around him, blankets falling around my waist. Slowly, he began to relax in my arms.

"Feel better?" I smiled.

"Yes," he sighed deeply. I then felt his lips on my neck. I paused for a second, moving back slightly.

"Um, I'm sorry, I got a little carried away there," Julan said.

I turned slightly to him whispering in his ear, "I didn't say you should stop."

I felt his hot breath on my neck. We then gazed at each other, for what felt like an eternity, both of us silently deciding how far to take it, as we both knew once we started there was no going back to trainer and protege. Suddenly, he grabbed my face kissed me deeply. I felt shockwaves run through my body. I felt his hands move across the confining corset. Arching my back, I moaned and pulled him on top of me. Our bodies moved together in time; I felt his breaths quicken as his mouth moved across my breast.

Abruptly, he pulled back. "I think we should stop," his voice gravely. "I should let you get back to sleep."

"What? You could sleep here, Julan." _Lust driven wench._

He leaned over and kissed me deeply. "Annika, I'd love to. Believe me. In fact, that's why I'm going to leave now, because if I carry on kissing you any longer, I won't be able to resist. But I really don't want rush things with you, and spoil it—I have done so in the past. So, goodnight Annika the Brave. I'll see you in morning."

Impulsively, I took his hand and kissed the inside of his wrist. "Good night, Julan."

**Day 51.**

I actually woke up happy, that is until I realized I would have to speak with Mashti. _Well, Annika the Brave, its time to meet with that marbigash_ —though I thought I might get Julan first. I'm not that brave.

I walked into his yurt. It was a disaster—potions, books and cheap armor strewn everywhere and I had no idea what that thing was in the corner.

"I was about to get you, sorry about the mess," he said sheepishly. "I was beginning to think it would never be morning. Come on, let's go and find out the results of my mother's visions."

The sky was overcast. I did not want to go in, but go in I must and did. Mashti addressed me immediately.

"Outlander, I have received Azura's guidance, and I would speak with you now."

"So speak," I said bravely; she looked a bit taken back.

"I have spoken with the Daedra Prince who guides me in all things concerning my son. She has informed me that you may be trusted, and that you may yet be important to the fulfillment of the prophecies. My son has chosen to disclose the secrets of his mission to you. As an Outlander, you cannot hope to truly know this mission's importance to this land, but I hope you will try, for your own sake. The gods deal harshly with those who would stand in the way of destiny."

I stared coldly at her, "Continue."

"I understand you have been training my son. In faith, I myself can see improvements in his skills. Perhaps you have truly been sent to aid him on this difficult journey. If this is so then I give you a choice. You can continue to support him as he carries out the work of his destiny, in which case you will be rewarded with all the gifts the gods can bestow…"

"Or?"

"Or betray him and I shall call down the curses of a thousand vengeful ancestors upon you and we shall hound you, waking and sleeping, to the end of you brief miserable life."

"Hmmm. I see" I replied as tartly as I dared. I did not like this woman, and I would be damned if I backed down to her.

"This is no joke! I hope we understand each other, Annika Blue. For the present you should continue to train my son. Show Julan the world, as he has no experience—I see by your look you can offer this. I will contact you when the time is right. Take this ring, I have given another to Julan. I will allow him to communicate with you via spiritual link and travel to your location. Now go."

"We will talk again, Mashti," I said and walked out of her yurt. Julan was outside smoking a rolled up hack-lo leaf.

"Didn't know you smoked."

"Didn't want you to. It's a terrible habit for a future savior," he laughed.

"Does you mother know?"

"Are you kidding? Gods, can you imagine? I think she's the one who drove me to it. I guess you disapprove too."

"Yep, terrible--now give me a drag." He smiled at that and we walked arm and arm sharing a smoke along the beach.

"So, this is great. Azura thinks you're okay and now we can continue adventuring together! So, what should we do? You must have something you should be doing now."

"No. Not really."

"Nothing?"

"Well, as you know I'm working for Cosades."

"Oh that, s'wit," he spat bitterly.

I rolled my eyes knowing those two would never be on friendly terms. Didn't matter. "Oh, he's a bit eccentric. Secretive, you know. I'm collecting information for him, mostly.

"About?"

"Oh, all sorts of things. Maybe he's writing a book or something. Like I said, eccentric."

"I guess we could go see him, or find some Daedric sites—clearing out those around the camps are helpful to my people."

"Also lucrative. Jules we have to go to Vivec and then I'll take you to see a special friend."

"Really?" he asked hesitantly. "Well, whatever. I'm just happy to have a little freedom for once!" Julan had finally been let out to play.

"I bet. Let's go help some Ashlanders. I see that Daedric shrine from here."

We hit the Daedric shrine of some demigod or another, and started back to Vos, though I had to rest as this particular shrine had been difficult. I had been hit by Frost Ancronach; one of the monsters created by those crazy cultists running around the place, and had been badly hurt. Julan tended to my wounds. I saw the Ahemmusa camp from the distance. I knew we needed some fresh water.

"Julan. You're going into that camp. We need water and I'm not going to have you skulking around here like some fetcher. There's Shani. Go make peace with her."

"Anni."

"Now Julan!"

"Fine," he hissed. "Oh Shenogorath, here she comes."

"Julan," Shani said, not unpleasantly, "They told me you had gone to the Red Mountain. I see you've changed your mind—I'm so glad." Julan just glared at her. An awkward silence ensued. "You have changed your mind, haven't you? Please tell me you're not still a complete idiot?"

"Hello, Shani, pleasant as ever, I see. And no, I haven't changed my mind. I'm just training some more first," Julan said shortly.  Shani just rolled her eyes. "Stop looking at me like that!" he shouted.

Shani pounded her feet, like a spoiled child. "Look, I know you won't listen to word I say, so just go away!" She then turned to me. "Can't you make him listen, whoever you are?"

"You're the one who doesn't listen!" Julan raged. "You never did!"

I inserted myself into the conversations as we started gathering a crowd. I figured I would break it up before they both started a full on riot. "Annika Blue," I said politely, offering my hand. "I don't think we ever got to introductions the last time we met."

"I'm sorry about that Outlander…I mean Annika," Shani said considerably contrite.

"Well, we're looking to speak to your trader," I said directly.

Shani stared at me momentarily then spoke. "Her name is Lanabi. She's in the yurts by the Gulakans, but," she said turning to Julan, "you knew that."

"Thank you, Shani. It was a pleasure," Julan said, then curtly nodded at her and spun off in the opposite direction. After that mess, we went to the trader, got some potable water and made our way to Vos.

"Same old Shani," Julan said as we walked away. "Why can't she listen? You listen, don't you? Sometimes I don't know what I saw in her at all."

"She's lovely…and spirited. I can see it."

"Well, it's done. As if I needed reminded of that."

"Let's just get to Balmora."


	7. Severa Muddy Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter (Severa Muddy Three), Annika dupes Julan into helping her find out why the Dark Brotherhood is after her. Julan also experiences the seemier side to Annika's profession and personality.

From the series Nerevar Blue.  A novel based on the Elder Scrolls and mod Ashlander Julan by Kateri.  
  
 **Day 56**  
  
We finally reached home after more than a week on the road.  As I lit the candles in the lamps, Julan turned to me.  "Listen, can we talk?  About what happened the other night?"  
  
"Yes," I said, feeling my guard going up. He hadn't mentioned what had happened in that dimly lit guest yurt in days past and had not made another move.  I had no idea what that meant, but I guess I was going to find out.  
  
"I need to know where I stand with you. I mean, I'd hate to think that kiss was just a one-off.  But I don't know how you feel.  I don't feel like making a fool of myself, if you're not interested."  
  
"I am, Jules, I am," I said seriously.  "I kissed you back, didn't I?"  
  
"Yeah," he said smiling. "No one's ever kissed me quite like that before. But Anni, to be honest, I'm not in any position to get involved with someone.  My mission is too important, and this sort of thing has, uh… caused problems in the past."  
  
"So, what are you saying?"  He's about as clear as mud.  
  
"I know I shouldn't be doing this, and I can't let it get too serious, but…there's something about you.  I don't know what it is, but I'm intrigued.  I can't stop thinking about you.  And I can't help but wondering, is there anyone else?"  
  
I paused for a moment then smiled, "Afraid some big Nord might come and put a warhammer through your face?"  
  
"No!  Well, maybe, but I don't care if they do, let 'em try," he grinned.  "I just want to know if I have any competition.  Call me selfish, but I don't like the thought of sharing you."  
  
"No," I said honestly. "There's no one else."  
  
"Good—though surprising. Well, now that's cleared up," he said as he moved in for a kiss. Immediately, I put my fingers to his lips.  
  
"Ohhh, not so fast, Jules.  What about you?  Are you sure it's all over between you and Shani?"  
  
"I've barely spoken to the girl in two years, but yeah, I guess we kind of left things unfinished.  I hurt her and of course she hates me now and I do confess that it still bothers me."  
  
"In what way?" I asked, only mildly defensive.  
  
"Oh, I wish things could have ended differently, but that doesn't mean I'm sorry that it's over or that I want her back, Anni.  It never would have worked.  I just wish we could still be friends.  Satisfied?"  
  
"Yeah," I nodded.  
  
"Good," he reached over and planted a soft kiss on my lips.  
  
 **Day 58**  
  
I left Julan back at the house to go talk to Caius. I needed to see if he had anymore work.  As I walked across the cobbled road, I realized I had reached a milestone of sorts.  I had been in Vvardenfell for nearly two months.  I had a place to live, a beau and a relatively steady income—more than I ever had in Cyrodill.  Perhaps coming to Vvardenfell wasn't such a bad idea after all— not that I had much choice!  But oh, it's been good thus far.  
  
"Hello, Caius," I said, tripping merrily across his threshold.  
  
"Annika, good to see you. I had wondered where you'd been." Oh, it was fortunate that he was sober.  
  
"I had taken your suggestion and found some side work, but I'm back now, if there's anything you have for me."  
  
"I actually have three tasks for you.  I need more information on the Nerevarine Cult and Sixth house.  
  
Gah! This again? Really? "Sure, Caius."  
  
"Speak to Mehra Milo, Addhiranirr and Huleeya in Vivec.  I've given you more specific information in the notes.  Speak to them and come back to me.  I'll have more work for you then."  
  
"Ok.  But, could you tell me what you want with this information?"  I was tired of running these little errands about a religion I knew nothing and certainly cared nothing about.  
  
"I'll tell you what you need to know when you need to know it.  If you want to know more, than I suggest you read more.  Nothing in your papers mentioned illiteracy, though I wonder," Caius spoke with a cold sarcasm that chilled me.  
  
"I can read, Caius," I said defensively.  
  
"Well, then maybe you should start.  Less time in the pubs and more time with a book.  That is all.  Come back when you have the information—and try to be less of a dolt!"  
  
"Yes, sera."  
  
Walking along the Odai, I thought about what Caius had said. I was a dolt. I hadn't bothered learning anything about Vvardenfell; in fact I had avoided it to the point that it seemed my ears involuntarily closed when his informants started talking.  All I knew was that I was on an island surround by people who hated each other and were either devoted to golden septims or psychotic Daedra.  I had met very few sane pilgrims in my travels.  Everyone seemed to be on edge, as if something terrible was going to happen.  Paranoia was rampant.  I suppose that could be attributed to the Emperor's failing health, or the political instability of this tiny island, but it seemed Dagoth Ur, this devil who lived under the Red Mountains was the source.   In truth, he sounded like a story parents told their naughty children to get them to behave, _"You'll eat your supper or I'll call Dagoth in.  Mommy, Daddy, there's a Dagoth under my cot!"_   I was smiling now, though I knew I would have to start understanding the people I was spying on. I met up with Julan and quickly briefed him on the mission.  He seemed much more interested in than I.    
  
"Vivec?  We're going there?"  
  
"Yeah, I heard it's a nightmare to get around in."  
  
"Still, Anni…Vivec!  I've never been." Jules then reigned in some of his awe. "Home of the false gods!"  
  
"Hmmm... Julan, we're going to stop by my house outside of Vivec and get some rest," I said as we were climbing into Balmora's Silt Strider.   
  
"You have house in Vivec?  I thought you were just newly here and kind of broke."  
  
"I'm not new to a card table. Won it." I had been there once before.  It was large, but unfurnished, the plumbing was a nightmare and well, I can see why it was being staked.  
  
"You are woman with many hidden talents, Anni," his lips curving in approval.    
  
I shifted a bit, staring at my feet. "As I was saying we'll stay at my home and head for out for some shrines, after we had some rest and grub."  
  
"What, no errand for Mr. Sugar?" Julan asked mockingly.  
  
"Not today.  No, you're going to meet a special friend of mine—if I can find him again, that is."  
  
"I'm intrigued," Julan said, stepping off the Silt Strider.  
  
"Just wait till you meet him.  But first, there's a ruin up ahead.  Let's have a look, shall we?" Ald Sotha was the shrine and in it was Severa Magia, Night Mother of The Dark Brotherhood.  After being tipped off by one of my associates at the South Wall, I had planned on going in there to see if it really was one her minions that attacked me and why. Of course that hadn't happened since Julan came on the scene, which was fortunate for both us, as I'm not sure how I would explain their attacks in the first place.  Who wanted me dead?  Sadly though, a conversation with Severa wasn't in the cards.  She attacked me on site before I had uttered a word.   
  
She and her Dremora came at both us immediately.  Julan concentrated all of his power on both her summoned demons while I went for the lady in black—dressed exactly like the bastard who attacked me.  Whoever Severa really was and whatever she was protecting, she proved willing to hand her life over for; though the battle could have easily gone either way. Severa fought well and had earned her title as well my respect, hitting me with everything from magic to poisoned darts.  She floored me and it was Julan who won the day by several lethal hits from his bow.    
  
"Jules, stop!  Don't kill her!" I screeched, kneeling down beside the dying Night Mother. "Severa, why have your people come for me?  In Balmora?"   
  
She started laughing as blood spilled from the corners of her mouth, drenching her long black hair.  As long as I live I will never forget what I saw next.  Severa, rather than talk, breaking the bonds of the Dark Brotherhood's code, took a dagger and slit her own throat.  
  
"Gods, Anni." Julan looked as if he had seen a ghost—worse actually. "What is going on and how do you know that woman?"  
  
"I don't know her, Julan, but somehow, she knows me."  I then confessed to him my experience in Balmora with one of her minions and the crumpled sheet of paper.  
  
"You never went to the Imperials about this?" he asked rather shocked.  
  
"No Julan, I hate them almost as much as you do…I thought if I tracked her here, I could get some answers."    
  
"So you planned this all along?" Julan confronted me angrily.  "You almost cost me my life and yours—you better have some answers, Anni."  
  
"Well, Jules…maybe you should go ask her. The lady with all the answers just slashed her throat." I paused for a moment, feeling rather guilty.  I had used him.  "I'm sorry, though. I should have told you earlier about the attack."  
  
 _"You think?_ " he asked caustically.  
  
"Look, let's see if she kept a ledger of some sort," I suggested, my eyes downcast like a guilty child being caught.  "Maybe that will tell us something. Oh and Jules," I said as he looked up at me, "thanks…for saving my life."    
  
"Well, I guess we're even now."  
  
He helped me up then pulled me close and kissed me, making my knees weak.  "Chances and risks, Anni—I'll hold you while close while you're still with me." Still dazed I nodded and said nothing else as we went through books and books of codes and names.  
  
"Anne, come here," Julan said as held out, with a shaking a hand, a small black, leather bound book with names.  "Page six, third row down."  I saw my name in black ink.  Beside it, the initials E.C.V.S. were written in purple ink.  I tore the page out.  There was nothing I could do about it though.  Julan and I went back to the house and I fell into an uneasy sleep, waking at the slightest noise.  
  
  
 **Day 59**  
  
In the morning we arrived at my favorite arms dealer.  Everyone called him a Mud Crab, though he was really a paranoid Wood Elf carefully disguised.  
  
"By Azura, how do you know these people?" Julan said. Of course he was shocked.   
   
"I'm a thief, Jules. You either know you're clientele or you're a very poor thief."  
  
"Hmmm," Julan said uncomfortably.  I'm not sure how he felt about my chosen profession.  On the whole, he was a boy from the hills who had, until the last several weeks, lived a very sheltered life.  I wasn't sure if I was a teacher or a corrupter.   
    
"Muddy," I started.  
  
"It's good to see you, sera.  You're prospering.  Who's this with you?"  
  
"No one of consequence." I figured if Julan was to be some sort of savior, the less dirt attached to his name the better.  I could take the hits.  
  
"Shay, lesh make a deal," Muddy started as we haggled over the skooma and weapons for what seemed like hours.  In the end I had come out pretty good and made close to 50,000 septims.  Julan learned much about haggling and that Vvardenfell was a thieves paradise.  
  
"Will you always live this life, sera?" Jules asked as we walked back toward to Vivec.  
  
"No, thieves don't really live long lives, but for now I need to make enough to complete my work and start over."  
  
"You know the problem with being so good at your…uh…chosen profession, Annika?  You never know when to stop.  When is enough…well, enough?" Jules was right and I knew I was in danger of becoming addicted to money, though more to the chase.  Raiding a thieves den or Daedric shrine gave me such a rush. It fed something in me.  
  
"I'll stop when there's reason, Jules."  That's all I could really say and the only answer I could give him.  
  
"What could stop you?" he asked coyly looking over at me. I said nothing but looked up at him. We walked in silence with Vivec on the horizon.  
  
  
 **Next Day: Early**  
  
"Oh, who do we have to see," I said stretching loudly on the dimly lit floor mat in the foyer.  I hadn't furnished the place at all.  It was early in the morning, the sun rose boldly behind Vivec.  "We'll start with Huleeya, the Argonian.  Black Shalk Tavern.  Hopefully he's awake." I was barely so, though I was looking forward to meeting an Argonian, as I had never crossed paths with one before. Argonians were considered a beast race.  They looked much like lizards with large liquid eyes and beautiful skin.  The Black Marsh, their home, was often raided by slave traders and Argonians, sadly, were often victims of vicious racial hate.  
  
Julan rose slowly, looking over towards me, across the room, a safe distance from me. "So we're asking a Morag Tong assassin for information now?  Your Cosades has some interesting friends, doesn't he?"  
  
"Let's hope they have some interesting information," I said curtly.  We walked in the Foreign Quarter of Vivec.  Personally, I hated the city as it was a bitch to get around in.  Vivec, Vvardenfell's great city was as divided as its island home. Julan and I stumbled through the endless halls of the Foreign Quarter.  
  
"There it is, the Black Shalk," I said with trepidation in my voice.  As we walked in I immediately sensed a tense atmosphere.  I saw Huleeya, the only Argonian in the bar; he was surrounded by some menacing looking Dunmer.  I approached him, "Huleeya, I am an associate of Caius Cosades.  I was wondering if you could tell me about the Sixth House or Nerevarine Cult?"  
  
"I welcome you as friend of my friend," Huleeya said nervously.  "But I wish to go to my friend Jobasha's store and these troublesome fools are in my way.  I have tried to persuade them to let me leave, but they hate my race and I fear there will be violence. The sight of a free Argonian offends these racist thugs.  I do not want to trouble my friend Saralis Golmis by fighting in his club and I would also prefer not to call any extra attention to myself," he paused looking over at them and then slowly turning his head back to me.  I knew what he was going to say next. "Perhaps if you speak with them," he said hopefully.  I nodded, knowing how easy it would be as bullies were easily intimidated.  Huyleeya then whispered, "Annika, be careful…and be ready."  
  
"Always," I said with my hand on my hilt. I walked over to Ethys Savil, the n'wah in the way.  
  
"Am I talking to you, fetcher?" he said. "No. I am talking to the filthy lizard. So push off."  
  
"Excuse me?" I had no patience for his kind this early in the morning. "Look, slug I'm willing take you and your miserable friends to Oblivion, so I suggest you shut the fuck up and move out of my way."  
  
He looked over at me, then to Julan and Huleeya.  I guess he decided it was not worth the effort. "You wanna talk to that filthy, goddamned lizard, then it's your problem, not mine.  Get outta here and good riddance."  I saw the bartender looking nervous.  I figured I'd spare him the headache of clean up and me the headache of explanation.  We'd settle the score later.  
  
"Fine." I turned to Huleeya.  "Let's go."  We moved pass the crowd gathering in bar and made our way to Jobasha's Bookstore.  The store was lined wall to wall with, what I had guessed, were rare books.  Julan was in heaven, his eyes glazed over looking at all the tomes.  
  
"I used to read all the time, when I was younger," his whispered in reverence.  "A friend of mine, Hansour, a trader, used to provide me with books he picked up from his trade routes. People used to tease me about the way I spoke, because I knew so many words.  Most Ashlanders can't read at all."  
  
"Well, I have to talk to Huleeya for a while, so make yourself at home, and here's some of the cash from Mud Crab so if you see anything you like..."  
  
"Thanks, Anni."  
  
"Again, it's yours. You've earned it. I'll come get you when I'm done."  
  
Huleeya took me aside and started speaking about the Nerevarine Cult.    Huleeya explained the difference in belief between the Ashlander Dunmer and the Dunmer of the Great Houses.  Basically, the settled Dunmer belong to the Great Houses and worshiped the Tribunal, the Ashlanders, still live a tribal existence, worshiping various Daedric princes  and the spirits of their ancestors.    
  
He explained that the Ashlanders had been forced into the poorest lands—with their own kind in a settled existence looking the other way—and now they turn to Nerevar for restoration.  He then spoke of false incarnates—those who believe they were Nerevar reborn, but, in the simplest terms, were not.  Huleeya also warned of the persecution of the Nerevarine by the Temple and Empire.  He stated that Ashlanders generally hated the Ordinators, for their ruthless abuse and murder of the Nerevarine Cultists.  Now Julan's attitude toward the Empire, the Temple and settled people made more sense.  I understood.  
  
Huleeya wished me well with my mission and asked me to send his regards to Cosades.  I then looked over at Julan who was pretending to read a book, looking out of the corner of his eyes.  
  
"I couldn't help but overhear what you and Huleeya were discussing," Julan said, looking over the top of his book.  He was holding it upside down.  
  
"I know," I said while righting the book. Truly I loved his naivety and hoped he'd never lose it.  
  
"Huleeya has great understanding. I could have told you all this, but could not have put it so eloquently—not great on details and names."  
  
"I finally get it, Julan."  
  
"Good Anni…that good," he said squeezing my hand. "Who's next?"  
  
"We'll, I guess we'll try Addhiranirr. Gods know where we will find her. I'll have to think like a smuggler."  
  
"That should be no problem for you, Anni," Julan laughed.  I gave a quick shot of elbow to the ribs.    
  
We looked for hours and finally found a nervous Addhiranirr in the St. Olms Underworks.  Addhiranirr was a Khajiit, as was my dear Kat.  Khajiit was another "beast race" of Tamriel.  They hailed from the province of Elsweyr, and were a kind of feline humanoid, known for their intelligence and agility.  They were thieves without comparison. I stared at this Addhiranirr for moment, looking for a piece of Kat, as I did with every Khajiti I encountered, a part of my heart refusing to believe she was dead.   I spoke, haltingly, introducing myself, though Addhiranirr refused to speak to me about anything related to our mission unless I take care of the "nice Census and Excise agent upstairs."  She was a smuggler and the nice Census and Excise agent could cost her a nice and long stay in an Imperial prison.  
  
"Ok Addhiranirr, we'll be back.  Julan, lets go think of a reasonable lie."  He nodded in assent. Duvianus Platorius, a plump and over dressed Imperial, was hot on Addhiranirr's tail—literally—he was in Wasteworks of St Olms, just a floor above Addhiranirr.  I looked around the platform and waited for an opportunity.  A group of people were walking in his direction.  I came in from the opposite direction and 'accidentally' ran into him and the group of people.  Papers scattered everywhere and some kids twittered at the mess.   
  
"Top of the morning to you sera," I said brightly. Duvianus grumbled, slightly embarrassed.  "I see I've caused a terrible mess. Oh here…let me help," I said, smiling sweetly, scattering more papers in the process.  
  
"Uh, its fine, please stop.  I'll take care of it," he said, frustrated.  He then rubbed his jaw and looked around, I could see he was thinking. "Perhaps you can help me with something else.  I'm looking for a friend of mine, Addhiranirr. Have you seen her?"  
  
"Actually yes, sera, a couple of hours ago," I said cheerfully.  "She just took a gondola to the mainland." It scared me how easily this lie came.  
  
"Damn," he sighed.  "What a disappointment.  But thank you for your time.  I was just heading back to the mainland myself, anyway.  Maybe I'll run into her there."  We waited about twenty minutes watching Platorius gather up his papers and leave.  Julan then turned toward me and stared.  
  
"That was too easy."  
  
"He bought it hook, line and sinker."  
  
"No, I meant for you, Anni."  
  
"I know what you meant,"  I stared straight ahead.  We crawled back down the sewers to a very grateful Addhiranirr, who was all too willing to talk.  She spoke first of the Sixth House.  
  
"Addhiranirr knows about this because it's about smuggling.  Some smugglers are suddenly too busy for their old clients, because they have a new employer, the Sixth House who pays very well.  Addhiranirr does not know what they smuggle and this is odd, because these smugglers are always loud and bragging.  Now they hush up like fat-bellied kitties full of sweet-meats."  
  
"Interesting," I nodded.  There was much to smuggle in Vvardenfell, in fact the caverns were dripping with loot. Smugglers were naturally paranoid and cautious, though seemingly more so then usual, or at least more than I had observed in Anvil.  Many of the caverns I had hit in recent weeks were guarded by petty criminals or street urchins with little experience in smuggling. Perhaps with the extra bounty their employers had no choice but to hire novices.  "Now what can you tell me about the Nerevarine Cult?"  
  
"Addhiranirr knows nothing about the Nerevarine Cult except that it is just a silly superstition.  So you tell Caius this.  Nobody in her right mind pays any attention to this moon-yowling. Prophecies and ancient heroes reborn and other silliness.  Fuzzy tales for little kitties." My eyes shot a look to Julan, which meant shut it.  
  
"Thank you for the information and I hope your affairs prosper, Addhiranirr."  
  
"Good bye, sera."  I nodded and we made our way out of the Canal Works.  Julan was quiet during the brief walk from St. Olms to the Hall of Wisdom.  I knew he was angry about Addhiranirr assertion that the Nerevarine was a child's story and I think he was even more offended because he sensed I believed that too.  
  
Finally, we found Mehra in the Vivec Library.  She was also nervous.  Seemed Vivec was full of nervous people.  Ordinators made the situation no easier.  I had been threatened once as we were walking down the Foreign Quarters endless halls, and I could barely contain Jules.  Mercifully, the sheer number of books in Vivec's library had a way of calming him.  
  
"Yes, I'm Mehra," a tall, copper-eyed Dunmer spoke.  "Caius sent you?  Follow me to the back of the library.  We can't talk here."  I saw an Ordinator standing by.  When we reached a quiet corner, we discussed the discrepancies in Temple doctrine.     
  
"So what you're saying is the Temple worships Nerevar as a saint, but persecutes anyone who speaks of his reincarnation.  That's hypocrisy, Mehra." I could not believe these people.  We then spoke about Caius at length.  I wanted knowledge of the man who had my fate in his hands.  
  
"Caius is a dear friend of mine," started Mehra, her guard dropping and smile spread across her face.  "He admires the best traditions of the Temple like charity, education and protection of the weak.  He is a Westerner, but he has come to love our land and our people."  
  
"He seems to be particularly this land's history."  
  
"That is how Caius and I met, looking through history books," she said as she smiled fondly at the memory.  "Sera, Casius serves the Emperor, but he suspects the Temple is hiding something.  He sees the failing virtues of the Temple as a threat to Vvardenfell's political stability."  
  
"Smart man."  
  
"You are fortunate to know him, sera," she said softly, cluching a book to her chest.  "I cannot speak much more because I'm being watched," she paused almost instinctively looking over her shoulder.  "I am careful, but afraid.  Please tell Caius that if anything goes wrong I will leave a message under the agreed code 'Amaya'. Also, you will need to get a copy of the "Progress of Truth" to better understand the dissident priests are fighting for.  There's a copy here, but you would have to be a particularly skilled thief to get it."  
  
"I will tell him—and thank you, Mehra."  
  
"Good luck, Annika," she said and made her way back to the front.  I had a book to steal so I would need a distraction.  
  
Quickly I turned to Julan.  "Jules, I want you to knock a plant or shelf over and get the attention of those Ordinators, though do nothing that they can arrest you for."  
  
"My pleasure," he said, grinning slyly.  He had been waiting for this.  Julan grabbed several books off the shelves and pretended he couldn't see over them then "ran into" an Ordinator who knocked over a plant that in turn knocked over a shelf.  
  
"Stupid, n'wah!" an Ordinator shouted.  I cued Julan that I had what I need and we quickly exited.  
  
"Excellent work, Julan!"  
  
"I had a wonderful teacher," he grinned at me.   
  
As we walked down the long cooridors of the Hall of Wisdom, Julan spoke. "Mehra seems to have her eyes opened to what is happening, and is trying to find the truth. She knows that Vivec, and the rest of the Tribunal are hiding something."  
  
"That's why she's in trouble, Jules."  
  
"They better leave her alone, Anni!" he said impassioned.  A man and his cause—how very heroic.  
  
"Let's get back to Balmora, and pass this along to Cosades.  They're friends, so maybe he can help her."  
  
"I'd like to know why Cosades is asking you to find out about the Nerevarine.  Why does he want to know about that?  You haven't said anything to him about me, have you? You swore to keep my secret!"  
  
My gods, what brought on this little bout of paranoia? "You know I haven't said anything, damn it!  Maybe he's interested in local religion.  You've got nothing to worry about.  How could you even ask me that?"  
  
"Because I saw what a good liar you are—and frankly it scares me."  
  
I whipped around and grabbed the collar of his shirt. "Look, if you don't trust me now then leave. Julan, I've held out on saying this, but frankly I'm sick of you questioning me, and the unending paranoia.  I have to work for Cosades, and I've had to do some things that are repugnant to me, but gods, I've never betrayed you!  I never kept anything or any conversation secret from you—how could I when you immediately snatch the notes from my hand—before I've even read them!  So I ask you Julan, who's using who?"  
  
"All I will say is this mission is my life," he said grimly.  "I will not let anyone stand in the way of it—not even those I care deeply about."  
  
"That's not an answer. I've taken some incredible risks on your behalf. You were never supposed to be privy to any of this."  
  
"So you finally admit Cosades doesn't want me to know about this."  
  
"No," I paused. "Not just you—anyone.  I don't know for what purpose."  
  
"And you don't think to ask."  
  
"No Jules, I don't. The less I know the better as the more I find out disturbs me."  There was another pause.  A tension filled the air as both of us wanted to say things to the other that would indefinitely disturb the already precarious peace.  
  
"Let's just walk out in the country and cool off for a minute, Anni. I need to walk."  
  
"And I need to think."  I wasn't sure if he was staying for me, or for the information I was providing him.  The gondolas scattered throughout Vivec would have made for a romantic ride against the setting sun, though we made our way back to the Silt Strider engaging only in small talk.  
  
"Anni, I'm going to the South Wall for a drink. Care to join me?"  
  
"No," I said coldly.  
  
"Then I'll see you on the morrow."  He strode off quickly.  I had been terse, but was tired—of the mission, of the paranoia, and…well all of it. I walked into the house and landed on the bed, turned out the lights and was in a deep sleep with in minutes.  
  
 **Later that Night**  
  
"Aaaaahhhhh!"    
  
"Anni, what is it?" Julan ran across the room tripping over his armor.  I hadn't realized he had come in.  "Jules, ah..oh… I had a dream about a man in a golden mask.  I saw myself dead! Oh gods, I was dead!  He kept saying there are many rooms in the house of the Master!  I can't breathe!" I clutched at his chest blindly, in a panic.  The dream came upon me like quicksilver.  It was as real as the arms that were holding me. The man in the golden masks—was it Dagoth?  
  
"Anni, Anni, I'm here. You're alive, you're safe. It was just a dream. Close your eyes, Anne," he said as he rocked me softly.  He held me until I fell asleep in his arms.  
  
I woke later to another vivid dream; this time I was in Anvil, in the home I wished I could forget. I walked past many rooms and heard footfall behind me.  Suddenly, I turned and the home changed into a dungeon, walls lined with cells.  Ahead, I saw the man with the golden mask who spoke to me, but I could not understand a word.  He reached to me and his touch was cold, but I could not move, I cried out but could not make a sound.  I woke terrified, unsure of how the dream ended.  Turning over, I watched Julan sleeping peacefully next to me and decided not to wake him.  Frankly, this was not a dream I had any desire to share.  I sat up and reached for the remaining hacklo leaf in Julan's pouch.  I thought about him and his 'sacred mission' and how it seemed to be merging with mine; although mine was far from sacred to me.  I was fearful.  It was obvious now that eventually our missions would cross purposes—what would be the end result?  Would he stand by me?  Would I stand by him?  I was sure I was falling in love with Julan, but would I sacrifice my freedom for him—for love?  I was still unsure—of everything.  
  
Upon waking in the morning from a fitful sleep, I went to see Cosades.  No need to wake Julan as I had not energy to argue, which is what inevitably happened when Caius was mentioned. The less said about that particular subject, the better.  
  
I joined Caius for some tea and breakfast. He was happy the mission went so well, but concerned for Mehra. "We go way back, Annika.  She was a good friend and confidant when I first arrived.  I may need you to help her later.  Now, I need to review what you have written and see where it fits into your mission.  Take on some more jobs, and come back in a few weeks.  I need time to digest all of this."  
  
"Yes, sera."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI Folks: I'll be putting this message through out the series. For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashal are Kateri's creations, though I have added to the dialog (and in some cases changed it), particularly in the case of Julan.
> 
> kateri-t's incredible mod Ashlander Julan can be found here: lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm
> 
> Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan.
> 
> Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC


	8. Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Annika and Julan fall for each other, the secret nature of Annika's mission comes to fore. Enraged, Julan must decide whether or not to continue adventuring with Annika.

From the series Nerevar Blue.  A novel based on the Elder Scrolls and mods Ashlander Julan by Kateri, Metal Queens.  
  
 ***Strong Language*  
  
Day 61  
**  
"So where do you want to go?" I asked stretching in the early hours of a dreary morning.  "We have weeks, you know."  
  
Julan rubbed his chin pondering then took a swig of tea.  "You know Anni, I've never been to Azura's Shrine.  I figure as she plays such an important part of my life I should at least go and see it.  Maybe it will spark some sort of vision."  
  
"Ok.  It beats waiting around here for something to happen.  Let's try to find a reliable map."  We stopped Dorisa Dravel's book store and found an old map of the Azura Coast region and the (possible) location of the Shrine.  The travel to Azura's Coast Region was long and taxing, and either the map was wrong or I couldn't read it. We spent the week going from port to port, one silt strider to the next.  When we finally arrived at the eastern city of Molag Mar, I was told we'd have to hoof from it as there were no boats going to the Shrine or any of the populated areas surrounding it.    
  
"It is kinda out in the middle of nowhere," mused Jules, "and I in truth, I'm glad."  
  
"More exercise?" I asked sarcastically.  
  
"No, silly girl, I am happy that its reasonably safe from any Imperials trying to desecrate it, or any…er…thieves trying to plunder it."  
  
"Oh, Jules, "I said laughing, "You're a treasure.  But don't worry.  I will be respectful to the Grand Lady."  
  
"Thank you, Anne."  We arrived late in the evening to a huge shrine on top of a mountain.  Atop the shrine was a statue of a woman with her arms held out, as if she was embracing the land.   I could only assume it was the beloved Azura, Goddess of the Night Sky.  Julan was awestruck.  "Oh, she's beautiful!  He dropped to his knees and started chanting when reached the  inner shrine.  I had no idea what he was saying—and did not ask.  I always viewed ceremony with respect—at least at a healthy distance.  As Julan touched the statue, it started to speak.  I was shocked…I had seen strange things before—we were in a land governed by magic, but still, this was unexpected.  I was also troubled by Azura's voice….I had heard it before.  
  
"I, Azura, Queen of the Night Sky, task you to travel to an island near Dagon Fel and rid the island of Daedra and send me proof of Shenogorath's interference."  Apparently she and this Shenogorath, another demigod, also known as the mad god, have some kind of wager going about solitude and prayer. Azura had placed an unknowing acolyte in some little cabin on a far flung island off the coast of Dagon Fel.  Shenogorath decided to swing the odds in favor by disturbing the acolyte with all sorts of Dremora. I understood none of it, but agreed to help with the quest for Julan's sake, though I felt it was a terrific waste of time.  Surely these deities had more to do than bicker amongst themselves?    
  
Julan was elated by this. "By gods, Anni, she spoke to me!  Azura has sent me to task.  Surely it is the sign that I am Nerevarine!  Oh Anne!"  He picked me up, swung me around and kissed me.  "We must go to Dagon Fel immediately!"  
  
Yeah.  I was happy with this mission as it would give me a chance to see Erica and Red—I missed both of them.  "Surely Jules, but we have to stop in the town proper.  I have some friends I want you to meet."  He looked slightly uncomfortable.  The trip was painfully long, though it was worth it to see Red drop a basket of kollop shells on the beach and come running towards me.  
  
"Anni!" Red came over and rushed me. "You left without saying good bye!  What gives?"  
  
"Had to catch a boat." I said, giving her an exaggerated kiss on the cheek. I looked over and saw Erica standing over her latest work, she smiled, putting her hammer down and walked towards me.  
  
"Good to see you friend.  I see your affairs have prospered since last we met.  What brings you to Dagon Fel?"   
   
"This gentleman.  Ladies, this is Julan Kaushibael.  We're here on a mission from the gods," I quipped.  I then looked over at Julan;  I was proud of him as he was the dashing sort.  Red started eyeing him funny.  Then started laughing.  
  
"Hey Julan, don't I know you from somewhere?" she laughed. This cannot be good.  
  
"Uh…no…maybe…uh…I'm not sure."  Julan's was blushing—and that's hard to tell on a Dark Elf.  
  
"Yeah, well I am…It was a couple of years back…there was Matze involved, oh and you danced on the bar then we—"  
  
"RED!" Erica shouted.  "Julan it's good to meet you.  Annika and I have been friends for quite some time." She said this a little forcefully and continued, "You're welcome here—a friend of Anni's is a friend of ours."  
  
"Is there a place I could clean up?" he asked nervously.  "It's been a long trip."  
  
"Down the hall and to the right," Erica motioned. Julan exited the room hastily.  I was dying to find out why.  
  
"Ok Red, out with it," I hissed as soon as Julan was out of earshot.  "I so want all the gory details.  Quickly."    
  
"A couple of years ago he came into Dagon Fel with a few of his Ashlander friends.  We all got trashed on Mazte and…well…are you sure you want to hear the rest?"  
  
"Yeah…go on."  
  
"We had drunken sex in the storage closet. Of course that was after he did a strip tease on the bar."  
  
"How very romantic. Jeeze, what are the odds?" I said shaking my head.  
  
"I'd say about 1 in 10 with her," Ice quipped.  
  
"Are you mad, Anni?"  Red asked quietly. "I probably shouldn't have said—"  
  
"Of course I'm not mad, Red.  Though dying of curiosity—shit here he comes."  
  
"Ladies…" Julan said politely, knowing full well he had extinguished a heated round of gossip, "I was hoping you'd suggest a place to eat.  We've survived off scuttle for days."  
  
"Let's head to the End of The World Tavern," Ice suggested.  "I think we could all use a little something in our stomach."  
  
"As long as it's my treat," I said.  It was the least I could do.  Later on when everyone had fallen asleep, or in Red's case, passed out, I filled Erica in on as much as I could without betraying Julan's confidence.  
  
"He's a liability, Anni," Erica stated as she exhaled.  "He's going to hurt you and this mission is going to be trouble."  
  
"Hmmm…I know, but hell, it's been pretty lucrative.  I have prospered, and I wanted you to see that.  I also wanted an ear." I said as I closed my eyes and leaned against her.  Erica put her arms around me.  "I've wanted to cut it off with him, but Erica…I think I'm in love."  
  
"It's difficult.  He seems like a good guy—a little naïve, but charming.  You say he's useful with an arrow and spell.  Have you...?"  
  
"No…that's the thing.  I feel he's holding out.  He says it's because he doesn't want to rush things."  
  
"Could be…or maybe he's afraid…and he doesn't want too get attached.  He might even be trying to draw you in.   It's your call. I've watched him and seen him look at you throughout the night.  I think there's something there, but in truth Anni, he's a bit young for you. Not in age, but…."  
  
"In living." I completed her thought.  "I know. I told him about serving time, but I haven't exactly explained the crime. He freaked out about my history.   I guess he's lived a very sheltered existence."  
  
"With a crazy woman," Erica added.  "Anni, you've been guarding your heart all your life.  Eventually everyone falls in love—and everyone gets hurt.  You can cut him out now or take a chance. That's the only advice I can give you."  
  
"Yeah, I know."  
  
"Let's get to sleep."  
  
In the early afternoon we woke.  This time I told everyone good-bye and I purchased a shield for Julan from Erica.  "This saved my life on so many occasions."  
  
"Thanks for the endorsement," Erica smiled.  
  
"And the cash," added Red.    
  
"Hah!  Of course, Red.  Do take care of yourself and keep that thing in check—I meant your mouth, but I guess it applies to other parts too," I said as we hugged.  "Julan, it's time to help Azura win her little wager."  
  
We walked down the path to toward the coast.  "Anni, I didn't know Red was your friend.  I wish she hadn't said anything. It happened years ago…a group of my friends from the Ahemmusa Camp decided to take a boat to Dagon Fel.  We wanted to take our chances with the sea and sew some oats.  I went along for the ride as I was trying to get over Shani.  It just happened."  
  
"You must have been pretty memorable," I laughed. "Julan, that's just Red—and that's why I love her.  She says the first thing that comes to her mind and doesn't second guess herself.  She's guileless.  I'm not angry at either of you.  In fact the story she told was pretty funny.  If the Nerevarine path doesn't work you could always go into table dancing…Seems you're pretty good at…"  
  
"Aaaahhhh! Such a joker—wait Anni, I think I see that Island ahead."  In the distance, off the coast of Dagon Fel, I saw a small island, surrounded by a light fog.  As we got closer, I saw the little cabin—the acolyte's home.  It was surrounded by Daedra of every kind.  
  
"Jules, I'll let you take the lead.  This is your mission." As difficult as it was, I stepped back; he had to learn to sink or swim. We were hit by every class of Daedra, from Hunger to the damned Daedroths, whose poison spewing mouths could drop me in a moment.  After hours of blood and gore, aching arms and sore limbs, we finally reached Staada—a towering Golden Saint.  I stood back and let Julan take lead in battle and the prize to present to Azura.   
   
"Ugh.  I'm exhausted.  Spying on cultists actually sounds fun.  Let's loot some ruins in this area and make the trip worthwhile—well to me that is.  Jules, I know how much doing this meant to you."  
  
"Thanks Anni."  We took only one Dwemer ruin that had obviously been looted many times before, as their was little more than shattered glasses and plates, then used a recall spell to get back to Azura's coast.  It was much like fast travel, with the queasiness, though it made for a much shorter trip.  
  
"You ready?" I said walking back into the shrine.  
  
"As I'll ever be.  Let's go on in."  Azura, with her booming voice speaking to no one in particular (as was common with gods) accepted the tokens of the wager.  Jules received the one thing he was craving—acknowledgement.  Azura let Jules keep the ring and armor found on Staada.  She also handed him Azura's Star, an exceedingly valuable soul gem.  
  
Day 71  
  
"Julan, if you want to stop by Mashti's and tell her all this, be my guest.  I'm going to go to Balmora and see what's happening with Cosades.  We'll meet up in Ald-ruhn, at that tavern you like so much."  
  
"You sure you don't want to go with me?  I know how much you and mother get on." He said laughing.  
  
"Hmmph. I'll see you at the Ald Skar Inn.  You should give her the ring."  
  
"Oh, and Anni you can take the soul gem. I'll see you soon—I hope."  
  
"Very." I kissed him softly on the mouth; though in truth, I was happy to get a few days to myself.  I needed time to think.  I went to Pelagiad and spent the evening with Ence. By his grin I knew he had the latest on Maurie and Nelos; turns out Nelos did get off his duff and find her.  I cracked open a bottle of Cyrodillic wine as the warm southern wind blew the sweet scent of golden kanet all around.  
  
"Damnedest thing, Anni.  He left almost immediately after you spoke with him.  She was in Pelagiad the next day."  
  
"Really?  So are they living off love or did he actually get some work?"  
  
"Are you kidding me?  Nelos?  Work?  Oh that's rich…..No turns out Sera Aurmine owns an ebony mine not too far off.  From what I've heard, Daddy is just glad she's found something to amuse herself with.  Very dramatic girl.  Nelos is oblivious so it works out marvelously."  
  
"Oh a happy ending!" I smiled wistfully, "Everyone loves those."  
  
"Speaking of which…where's your handsome prince?"  
  
"He's visiting Mum.  They're close…" I said rolling my eyes.  
  
"Oh don't be so harsh…There's nothing wrong with that….But there's something else, isn't there, Anni?"  
  
"Yes, and I wish I could talk about," I sighed.  "Gods know I need to."  
  
"Well when you can, I'm here," smiled Ence.  His kindness was a balm.  I spent the night with him, listening to stories of his life and loves in  Pelagiad.  He also laughed about his failed romance with Uulernil. "Too bitchy even for my tastes," Ence laughed.  
  
"Too uptight."  
  
"Not too many choices round here, Anni," he said sadly.  
  
I put my head on his chest. "I can only imagine."  
  
Ence rented some pack guars and we headed back to Balmora, saving my legs the trip.  I stopped by Cosades who had finally figured out what he wanted me to do.  "I need you to go to Ald-ruhn and speak to Hassour Zainubani.  He's a Ashlander who left the Wastes to become a wealthy trader.  I want you to speak to him about the Nerevarine Cult.  You can ask around, but I think he spends a lot of time in the Ald Skar Inn."  
  
"Ok. I'll report back soon." Sitting on the Silt Strider, yet again, I thought.  Déjà vu. I was tired of this whole Nerevarine thing. Walking down the landing strip to Ald-ruhn, yet again, I wondered what the interest was in all this to the Empire.  Avoiding another war? Trying to win over an angry people?  When I walked into the Ald Skar I saw Julan talking to an older, distinguished looking gentleman with grey-black hair, and cat like eyes.  "Hello Julan," I said in a low voice.  
  
"Annika Blue, this is Hassour Zainubani.  He's an old friend of my mother—and me."  
  
"Hassour, it's a pleasure," I said graciously.  
  
"Pleasure is all mine," Hassour said, taking my hand his, his warm smile lighting up the room.  "So Julan tells me we have a friend in common. I believe you know Caius Cosades?"  
  
"Yes. Actually it's funny that you mention him as I've been sent here by Caius to speak to you regarding the Nerevarine Cult, but first, from what Julan has told me there is a gift giving custom of your people."  
  
"That is correct."  
  
"Julan has told me you were fond of books—in fact he said that you were the one who provided him with so many as a child."  
  
"Why Julan, you remember."  
  
"Of course, old friend," Julan answered tenderly.  
  
"I picked this up in my travels," I said, handing Hassour a book called Ashland Hymns.  
  
"Why Annika, thank you!  This book—simple sentiments, simply stated." Hassour then looked up at me, "I gratefully accept your gift.  My people have never loved the written word, and I lament their ignorant scorn for such common yet potent magic." He turned to Julan, "I can see what you mean about her…Well…Annika what would you like to know about the Nerevarine Cult?"  
  
"Whatever you wish to tell, though I already have access to one who knows a great deal," I said looking toward Julan, "but Caius wanted me to speak specifically to you."  
  
"Well, I will give you my notes on Ashlanders and the Nerevarine Cult.  Though, Annika, you should know, as I'm sure Julan has told you, that Ashlanders generally dislike most settled people, particularly non-Dunmers.  I know it's a racist view and I've scorned that way of thinking as I believe it makes my people more insular and vulnerable, but sadly that's just the way it is.  Follow Julan's lead in dealing with the tribes."  
  
"I will. I am quite fortunate to have him with me."  
  
"You are indeed.  Take care lovely Annika," Hassour said as he kissed my hand, "and take care of Julan." He bowed respectfully to me and to Julan as we turned to leave one of the most charming mer I had met since landing on this rock.  
  
"Well that was ironic," I said walking out the door. "What a lovely man.  How did you know him?"  
  
"He used a travel route that ran by our yurts.  Mother and Hassour would often trade—and I think they grew quite fond of one another, though mother never spoke of it directly.  He used to come by with gifts of books for me.  He also is the one who taught me to read.  Hassour often traveled with his son Hannat Zainsubani, and we would play while Hassour and mother talked."  
  
"What happened between Hassour and Mashti?" I asked purely out of curiosity.  
  
"I'm not sure.  When I was about 13, he stopped coming by.  I was greatly saddened by that.  I tried asking mother, but she would abruptly change the subject.  In truth, don't know, Anni."  
  
"Well, let's get these notes to Cosades.  By the way, how was your trip to mother's?"  
  
"Good, she was amazed. She wanted to thank you for taking me there."  
  
"Wow."  
  
"Look I know the two of you got off to a bad start, but Anni, she's really is a good person.  I hope one day the two of you can be friends.  It would mean a lot to me.  Anyways…enough of that…Where's that kiss?" I felt his warm lips against mine and realized how much I'd missed him in the last few days.  
  
"Julan, I think we should talk when we get back to Balmora." I said slowly.  
  
"Uh oh, something wrong?" he asked jokingly, but I could tell he was concerned.  
  
"Nothing," I put my hand on his chest. "I just think we should talk." I had no idea what I was going to say, but before his mission and mine came to a head, I wanted him to know how I felt. I was going to lay it on the table.  
  
"Well, let's get back.  Appears we have much to discuss." He took my hand as we made our way to the silt strider.  We reached the apartment and started kissing heavily.  Julan removed his armor and then sat on the bed.  Before we stopped my shirt was on the ground and my lips swollen from kissing.  "Oh, Anni, you'd best get to Cosades.  I do think you're right about having that talk." He kissed me again. "I'll be here waiting for you."  
  
"Jules," I said while dressing quickly. "I…I'll be back soon."    
  
I walked to Cosades as if I was walking on air.  Had I ever felt this way before?  The farm boy, no—no there was nothing like this.  My only hope is that he felt it too.    
  
"Annika," Cosades said, "Good work on the report, but keep those notes on you.  I'm promoting you and sending you to the Urshailaku camp to speak with Sul-Matuul and Nibani Maesa.  But before you, I think it may be time to tell you what's going on."  
  
Finally.  I just nodded in assent.  
  
"The Emperor and his advisers believe you may be the Nerevarine.  That's why you were spared on his Majesty's authority and sent to me.  Here's the decoded package.  It explains everything."  
  
 _Oh gods no…no…I will lose him.  Oh gods…no, no, no._  
  
"Annika, are you ok?  You look as if you're going to fall."  
  
I swayed like a birch in the wind.  "No Caius, I just need to sit—and read.  This is all a bit much for me.  Certainly unexpected." Not mention unwanted.  
  
"Annika," Caius said after a time, "Do you really satisfy prophesy? Are you really the prophesied Nerevarine?"  
  
"I don't know…I honestly don't know, Caius."  
  
"At first, I thought we were just supposed to create a persuasive imposter.  Now I don't know what to think." He then turned toward me, his voice losing some of its previous sympathy. "But I'm sure of one thing.  This is not just a primitive superstition, and we will treat it seriously, just as his Majesty commands."  
  
"I have to go," I said as I slowly rose.  I felt a wave of nausea wash over me.  "I will report to Sul-Matuul." I ran out the door and vomited over the side of the railing.  For two hours I sat by the river Odai and thought of throwing myself in.  "Oh gods, if there are any out there, why?  Why not Jules?  He was supposed to be the one.  Please hear me.  Let him be the one." I wept bitterly for a time then I knew what I had to do.  I had to face him.  I made the trip back home as if in slow motion.  I felt like I had weights attached to my body as opposed to the clouds I felt earlier this morning; what a difference a day can make.  I had barely turned the door nob before  Julan swung it open.  
  
 "You!" he could barely speak. "You…you faithless, traitorous n'wah!"  He knocked the jewelry box off the dresser.  "You scum, you liar! You whore for the Empire! I thought I could trust you!!!  I had even thought, idiot that I am that I might love—Gah!  Forget it.  Now you have betrayed me in the worst possible way!!!"  
  
Gods how did he know?  "What are you talking abo—"  
  
"Don't start…Don't start!" he raised his finger and pointed it at me. "Just shut your lying mouth! I knew something wasn't right about that Cosades man!  So I used our telepathy rings to listen to your conversation."  
  
"You spied on me?  Bastard!" I said pushing past him.  
  
"What?" he swung me around. "You have the nerve to accuse me of spying???  You're the goddamned spy, Annika!  I know that now!  You're an Imperial Blade! Of all people, I never thought you would be a spy for my most hated enemies.  I should have known.  You're a thief, liar and gods knows what else!"  
  
"You never complained when those skills benefited you!  And for the record, I never thought I'd be a fucking spy either, Julan!" I cried.  
  
"Don't!" He threw a vase across the room.  Don't you ever say my fucking name again!  He paused trembling.  "And you know, your lies aren't even the worst of it!"  
  
"Oh, well let's have it!  Just get it all off your chest, Julan!"  
  
"AAAAHHHH!" He picked up a beer bottle and threw it across the room landing against the wall. I wondered what would be next, he seemed to take delight in destroying all of my "Imperial" excess.  Julan moved closer pointing his finger in my face, "You're trying to pass yourself off as the Nerevarine!  You!?!  An Outlander?  How dare you mock me like that!!  And not just me…my people…my religion… my entire way of life!" He tossed the dresser.  He actually threw a dresser.  Landed inches from my feet.  
  
I started crying at this point.  I had never shed a tear in front of him.  I had come dangerously close but now…everything was too near the surface.  "Look, this was a surprise to me too!  I never wanted this!" I sobbed hysterically.  
  
"I don't care, you bloody bitch!  Your tears don't work so quit crying!"  I picked up the closest thing to me--a book and flung it at his face.  He moved toward me and threw me up against the wall and hissed, "I don't care. You're still prepared to go to the Urshailaku and attempt to con them into accepting you as the fulfillment of the prophecies.  That is the most offensive and ridiculous thing I have ever heard!" He threw me on to the bed.  At this point I didn't know what was coming next so I quickly stood my ground and shoved him in to the large chair—it would difficult for him to throw it now.    
  
"Look, you stupid, Ashlander bastard—and that's truly what you are… I had no idea!"  
  
"How can I possibly believe anything you say anymore?  I just…." He looked up at me and paused…"I can't believe you could do this to me."  
  
"It's always about you, isn't it?  How do you think I feel?  I never wanted this…."  
  
"You!" he spat. "Annika, how you feel?  What—."  
  
"Gods, you're a child," I snarled. "You can't even think of anything but yourself!" I screeched.  
  
"Stop changing the subject!!  You lied to me!! You must've been laughing at me all along," he said standing, voice growing louder. "How could you lie about something so important to me?…And don't…don't you dare say 'its just a job."  
  
"I never told you I was with the Blades because I knew you'd act like this!  If I had known this was going to happen," I said moving closely to him hissing, "I would have let those Clannfears eat you alive."  I shoved him.  He drew back, but stopped himself.  
  
"Maybe you should of…" He turned for a moment, head in his hands. He then looked up.  "Gods are you saying you think I'm overreacting?  You self-centered cunt!  You betrayed me in the worst possible way and I will never forgive you.  Ever!"  
  
"Get the fuck out of my house….." I said softly, closing my eyes…He didn't move. "Get the fuck out of my house!" I shrieked.  "Get the fuck out!" I picked up the silver water pitcher…flung it, just inches past his head.  
  
"Oh, no. You're not getting rid of me that easily.  Do you really thing I'm going to sit back and let you try and mislead my people?"  
  
"Oh and what do you plan to do?  You're a hated outcast from your people, remember?" I shouted in a rage, then stopped for a second, shocked by my own anger.  I wanted to take that back as soon as the words left my mouth, but the damage was done. There was no going back now.    
  
He stared at me for a minute, hate and tears welling in his eyes.  And then he spat out the words…  "Go on, twist the knife, you bloody whore.  Yes, I am an outcast, and probably no one would listen to a word I said, but I will do something! I can't let you do this and I won't.  You'll have to kill me first!"  
  
"Perhaps I will."  I clenched the hilt of my sword.  "Get out.  Now."  
  
"Fine," he said moving closer until he was inches from my face, his body pressing me against the door, "but remember this pretty girl, you have betrayed me, but I won't let you betray the whole of Vvardenfell to the Emperor!"  
  
He slammed the door shut.  I slumped to the floor.  Anger and tears overwhelmed me.  I needed to sleep.  I had to sleep.  Klutzily, and shaking, I went through my cupboard and found the potion of rest I bought at the local apothecary.  I downed a gulp, then two.  Suddenly the room started spinning, my head and thoughts, my heartbreak, all of it started fading into Oblivion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably one of my favorite chapters. For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashal are Kateri's creations, though I have added to the dialog (and in some cases changed it), particularly in the case of Julan.
> 
> kateri-t's incredible mod Ashlander Julan can be found here: lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm
> 
> Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan. The Metal Queens is a mod, though their dialog is written by moi.
> 
> Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC


	9. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite the pain of knowing that Annika is on same path as him--to the Nerevarine--Julan decides to continue on with Annika, if only to protect his people and (bonus) piss her off entirely. Annika learns of the plight of Dunmer in the native camps. She must proceed lightly if she is to pass the test.

**Day 73**  
  
I woke two days later.  I rushed to the loo and vomited, splashed some water on my face and looked around.  Surrounded by glass shards, busted chairs and books strewn everywhere, I sat down on the floor and lit a hack-lo leaf.  There was nothing to drink but water, all the liquor was gone, and so was Julan's armor.  He must have gathered it all while I was sleeping.  I did a quick inventory and found nothing else was missing—that didn't surprise me—he wasn't the thief...I wasn't sure what to do at this point.  I had come this far.  What next?  Continue with the mission?  I had no heart or energy to go to Urshailaku—I did not care about being the Nerevarine.  I thought the Ashlanders, Dunmer, all of them were crazy.  How could I possibly be a prophet when I didn't believe the doctrine?  
  
I had to eat.  My stomach hurt badly and I had thrown up blood—probably because of that cheap potion.  " _I'll just go next store and get some basics_ ," I said to myself—as there was no one else to say it to.  I walked out my door—and bloody hell—there he sat.  "What are you doing here, Jules?"  
  
"Ah…sleeping beauty finally wakes…I thought you dead for awhile, you barely stirred."  
  
"Sorry to disappoint," I said, almost in a stupor.  I had no energy for this.  Julan continued to follow me wherever I went, except back into the apartment.  I surveyed the tiny room though I knew only other way out was through a tiny glass window—breaking the pane would alert him, and I was sure he'd be watching for it anyway.  " _Well, now I've eaten something I might as well go to that Ashlander camp,_ " I thought to myself. " _Maybe they'll throw me out and this will all be over and I can stop by Dagon Fel afterwards_."  I walked back outside refreshed.  "Come on, s'wit, we have things to do."  
  
"Don't speak to me like that," he hissed through clenched teeth.  "In fact don't speak at all."  
  
I had actually thought I was being respectful; after all he did tell not to speak his name. "Ah, Julan." I said walking over to him, inches from his face.  "I really don't care what you want or what you say at this point.  If we end up killing each other, fine.  You have more to lose than I," I said smiling, and at that I walked right passed him and headed for the silt strider.  The Urshailaku Camp was past Khuul.  We got off at Ald-ruhn, where, much to my humiliation and ire, I tripped and fell off the landing strip. Julan looked over and smirked slightly, though offered me a hand. "Enjoyed that did, you?"  He said nothing.  
  
"Oh the silent treatment?  How very mature.  Well, at least it will be a pleasant journey to Khuul."  I stopped by an apothecary to pick up some Telvanni Bug Musk, a very expensive perfume/potion, rumored to calm or seduce others.  I figured I needed all the help I could get in speaking to the Urshailaku.  
   
"That stuff smells like stink. I hope I don't have to smell it all the way to Khuul," Julan spat.  
  
I smiled at Julan then turned to the Alchemist.  "Excuse me, Cienne, could I please get another bottle of bug musk?  I'd like to wear some now; _its one of his favorites_."  
  
"Be as obnoxious as you like, Annika, I'm not going anywhere."  We walked quietly under the stars through Ald-ruhn, heading back towards the silt strider, though the silence would occasionally be punctuated by his muttering.  The ride to Khuul was long and quiet.  Julan was right, the bug musk stank.  
  
Upon arriving to the small, coastal village of Khuul, we came upon the cavern Ashir-Dan. I turned to him and asked, "Would you like to go in?"  Julan scowled.  
  
"Whatever I take is mine, and don't count on me for back," spat Julan.  
  
"Fine.  Let's go."  
  
The cave wasn't much of a challenge.  We walked out of the Ashir-Dan with a few weapons, though my sword was in bad need of fixing.  I asked Julan to repair it.  
  
"Do it yourself, fetcher," he grimaced.  
  
"Ok.  We go back to Gnisis.  Actually," I paused, smiling, "I think we'll head to Dagon Fel." .  
  
"Oh, so your friends can kick my ass."  
  
"Jules, I could do that on my own."  
  
"Let's just go to Gnisis.  It's closer."  
  
"Fine." A day later we were back in the same spot that we started.  Gods, he was stubborn.  We reached the Sheogorad Region early that morning.  "Just so you know, I plan on hitting every damned cavern and Shrine that I encounter Jules." No answer. We came upon the cavern Ilibid.  The fighting was bloody and disastrous.  I got hit by two Dremoran Lords at the same time.  I just barely managed to kill them before they got to me.  Strangely the cavern was attached to a crypt, leading into a Daedric ruin.  There I found a shield with healing effects and a Daedra mask—wonder what this long dead inhabitant was practicing?  I didn't have time to think of it though, my body ached and I was badly bleeding.  
  
"Annika, you're hurt—though not that I care," he quickly added.  "But all this bleeding over everything and groaning is getting old—should I try and heal you, just to shut you up?"  
  
"Heal yourself, s'wit.  I don't need you." I did, though--badly. I tended to my injuries as best as I could—though I realized I should have picked up more healing potions in Ald-ruhn.  How easy it would have been to ask for his help, but no, I thought it would be best to wait it out and rest; plus resting for few days had the extra bonus of pissing Julan off.  He was in a rush to get to the Ashlander camp and I knew it.  We had hit two shrines and a cave by the time it was all said and done.  I could see the Urshailaku camp in the distance.  I turned to Julan. "We're almost there."  
  
"So what are you going to do?  They'll laugh you out of the camp, you know."  
  
"Jules, that's what I'm hoping for."  
  
He looked at me, puzzled. "They why are you even bothering?"  
  
"Because I have no desire to go back to the Imperial City in chains.  Julan, I was given a conditional release, if that means anything to you."  
  
He was silent for a moment. "It doesn't.  And whatever you're trying to do, you're wasting your time."  
  
"My time to waste.  But, I'd really appreciate it you keep out of it when I talk to Sul-Matuul and not start yelling that I'm an Imperial imposter.  That would be great."  
  
"Why should I?  You ARE an Imperial imposter."  
  
"Oh gods, you bloody fool," I said in frustration. "They're going to test me against the prophecies.  If I fail, which no doubt I will, then none of this matters."  
  
"Well…that's true." he said shortly.  
  
"But, if you start making a fuss, they'll refuse to test me at all—and then you'll have no proof I'm a faker.  So think about." I spun around, "Just keep your mouth shut for now, OK?"  Bloody s'wit.  
  
"Fine.  But it's not to help you in any way.  Oh gods, you're putting on that musk.  I'm going to be sick!"  
  
"Excuse me," I said to a random inhabitant as we entered the ramshackle encampment. "I'm Annika Blue, and this is Julan—     
   
"If this is tribal business take it Zabamund." The tribesman said coldly.  
  
"Where can I find him?"  The elderly looking man just pointed in the direction of a group of hovelled yurts.  "Thank you, sera." As Julan and I walked towards the grouping of yurts in the center of the encampment, we encountered people who either stared at us in contempt, or worse, people who looked genuinely frightened.  These people made no bones about their distaste for me, the n'wah.  I went into Zabamund's yurt and we spoke.  He was respectful, but made it clear that I had no standing among them thus I could not speak to Sul-Matuul, Ashkhan or the wise woman. I then told him all that happened to me and gave him the proofs of the prophesy.  Julan was amazingly quiet through all this.  
  
Zabamund finally agreed, "These are not simple matters you present to me.  You know a great deal more than I thought any Outlander would know.  He may be angry with me, but I will let you speak to Sul-Matuul."  
  
I waited for minutes, maybe an hour, then we were escorted to the Ashkhan's yurt.  Sul-Matuul was an older gentleman, whose eyes belied the pain for his tribe and people.  He wore a barrier shield—a clear sign that he did not trust me.  I thought to myself that I was the least of this tribe's worries.  There were no children playing outside and everyone looked frightened.  This was dying tribe.  "So," he started.  "You think you fulfill the prophesies?  You wish to tested to see if you are the Nerevarine.  Well, no Outlander can join the Nerevarine Cult, Annika; however, if you complete the initiation rite, then I will adopt you as Clannfriend of the Ashlanders."  
  
"What is the rite, Sul-Matuul?"  
  
"To be adopted by the tribe, you must undergo a harrowing; you will be judged by the spirits and ancestor to see if you are worthy.  Go to the Urshailaku Burial Caverns and bring me my father, Sul-Senipul's bow." He then gave me directions to the Caverns.  It was a short distance away from the camp.  When we reached them, Julan stood in front of the entrance, a simple cavern door with no adornments.  
  
"So.  You've found it.  You're not actually going in there are you?"  
  
Gods, I was sick of this. "Just shut up, ok?  You've made your feelings very clear, but I'm going in there whether you like it or not!"  
  
"No…Anni.  I wasn't trying to." He exhaled deeply, then said in a softer tone, "I just have a bad feeling about this.  You don't know my people like I do.  You think this is an initiation, but its not. It's a deathtrap. Sul-Matuul has no intention of making a Clannfriend; he just wants to get rid of you.  He doesn't think you'll come back from this place."  
  
"Really?" I shot back in disbelief.  
  
"If this is truly the Urshailaku Burial Caverns, then they are a most sacred place.  No Ashkhan would send an Outlander here to trample and profane the bones of his ancestors.  But he might send someone there if he was sure they would die, since the release of their soul would increase the power of the tomb's ancestor guardian spirits.  This is how my people think.  Can you not see that?"  
  
"Odd you should be telling me this.  I'd thought my death here is would be just what you wanted.  Why the sudden concern?" Julan just stared back at me blankly and said nothing.  
  
"Fine," I said coarsely, though I believed him.  His argument made sense; however, I had little choice in the decision. "I'm going in any way.  It's either death by ghost or gallows, and frankly I fear the gallows more.  You coming or not?"  
  
"I'm coming," he said hesitantly, but quickly added, "someone has to make sure you treat this sacred place with respect!"  
  
"Whatever," I murmured.  Pushing in the sealed door, we walked into an eerily lit cavern. Mummies were sweetly lined up in poses holding their dearest earthly possessions.  I did not take them.  I had no desire to desecrate an already decimated people.  We went quickly through all the side caverns of the Laterus Burial Chamber, a large cave with a water fall, its slippery rocks forming a spiral stair case.  We were chased constantly by skeletal warriors and ancestor ghosts—I mused that this tribe spends more time protecting their dead then their living.  I was surprised to see how much Julan had done to protect me, as I, curiously, seemed to be their target.  At long last we made it to the Juno Burial Chamber and found the ancestor ghost of Sul-Senipul.  He fought bravely, but in the end gave up his most treasured prize, the Bone-biter bow.  
  
"We have it!  Let's get out of here!" I shouted.  Julan was silent for a moment.  He then paused and gently turned me around to face him.  
  
"Can we speak for a moment?" I nodded, he had been helpful throughout this particular venture, and the least I could do was hear him out. "Anni, I've been thinking…about a lot of things really, but mainly about your being forced to be this false incarnate."  
  
"You? Think?  I'm amazed, Jules.  Tell me, did it hurt?"  
  
"Gah!  Could you just shut up and let me finish!" He was frustrated. Good. Julan continued, "you lied to me about being a spy for the Emperor, and I'm still not happy about it. And—"  
  
"Oh, not this again," I whispered, walking away.  I was tired of apologizing.  No more.  
  
"Will you please be quiet and let me finish?  Shenogorath, this isn't easy for me, you know!" He was staring hard at me then raised his hands over his eyes in frustration.  "Where was I?  Oh, yes…And I'm not happy about you agreeing to pretend to be the Nerevarine for the Emperor, but…"  
  
"What, Julan?  What?"  I was hot, tired and my body was aching.  I was in no mood for a fight.  
  
"But…as I said, I've been thinking.  And I've been trying to imagine what I would have done, if I had been in your position.  And I don't really know.  I probably would have shouted a lot and ended up getting thrown back in prison…" He paused then spoke slowly.  "So it occurred to me that maybe what I would have done in you situation wouldn't have been …very good."  
  
Tiring of the lies and cover, I decided at that moment, I would let the truth's wretched face show. I turned to him and started walking in his direction until I was inches from his face, "No Jules, I'll tell you exactly what you would have done… what I'm doing now!  I wasn't just facing time, you fool, I was facing death!  A month from the day they released me I was scheduled to die by gallows, for a brute who thrashed me repeatedly." I paused for a second, clearing the lump from my throat. I had to let this out, as it was eating me alive.  
  
"I was a servant in this pustule's home for a time in Anvil, and…he…hurt me often and other servants as well.  Most times I endured, but one night….I did not. He beat me savagely, like a dog." Julan looked away for a moment. "Look at me, damn it! You're going to hear this—I want you to know!" He looked me directly in the eyes as I continued, "I grabbed a statue off the mantle and hit him in the back of the head and kept hitting him—repeatedly until the only sound I heard was a thud, and all I felt on my hand was dried blood and bone." I paused for a second, grimacing at the memory.  "I took everything I could sell and ran, and was on the run for two miserable months before they found me.  They threw me in jail and at the trial who do you think they believed, Jules?  The pustule's grieving widow or a street urchin on the lamb? So there it is…You know everything...  Now you just go on telling me what you think you would have done!" I turned and started walking towards the cavern door.  Julan, quickly caught up to me and spun me around, staring in silence at he.  I pushed his hands off me, wiping the tears streaming down my face.  
  
"Anni…." He went silent for a time then finally spoke.  "I don't know what I can say--there's nothing really," He paused. "I guess while we were going through the harrowing I tried to think about why you might be doing what you're doing—though gods, I had no idea…Anne, I know its not your fault the Emperor is trying to manipulate you.  And I can understand why you would want to find out why…And…"  
  
"And what, you're not trying to apologize, are you?", I laughed bitterly.  
  
"And I realized that this can't be fun for you either. And I haven't exactly been making your life any easier."  
  
"You've been a thoughtless, self-centered, bastard, Julan."  
  
"You're right," he shrugged. "So yes, I am apologizing.  For shouting at you and for not listening to you, or your side of the story…..and for generally being a thoughtless, self-centered, bastard."  
  
"Hmmm…. Maybe you should be a bit more apologetic," I said as smiled at him through the tears.  In away I was relived that this all happened as the truth was out.  I could afford to smile…finally.  
  
"Shenogorath, woman!  What do you want me to do, stab myself?"  
  
"Hmmm…Well, that would be a start, yes."  
  
"Anni…" he sighed. "I'm sorry for the way I carried on. I thought after the fight I would lose, and gods, yes I'm sorry for that."  
  
"I know." I laughed, relieved. "Oh shit, just come here…" I dropped my shield and dagger and wrapped my arms around him.He snaked his arms around my waist, and leaned in to kiss me.  I felt his hands wander lower as he carressed my hips and ass, pulling me closer into the kiss.  
  
After we came up for air, he spoke. "You know, Anne, it's almost worth fighting with you just for the making up bit." Jules said laughing. I smiled and squeezed his hand.  
  
"Let's get out of here. I'm tired and your mother is not far off.  Let's get some rest and come back later to meet with the Urshailaku."  
  
"Sounds like a plan.  You ready?"  We transported back to his mother's.  I decided that after I was properly rested I would find a way to speak to Mashti.  There are some things we had to discuss.  In the morning, I asked Jules to fetch us some breakfast—I think he knew what I was up, to but decided to give me and Mashti some "bonding time".  
  
"Mashti," I said as plainly as possible. "I think there are some things we need to speak of."  
  
She turned away from me, staring at chest in the corner. "I can tell you nothing more you would wish to know.  The only thing that matters is Julan's mission."  
  
 "I know and I've nearly died for it," I added sardonically. "I think there is plenty you can tell me.  For starters, what happened with the Ahemmusa?"  
  
"Hmmph….You would know my past, Annika?  Very well, sera." She looked past me took a breath then started slowly.  "I was born to the Urshailaku Ashlanders, and I was respected there, for my father was the chief of the tribe and my mother was a high-born Redoran lady he took as slave-bride in a raid on some travelers.  But when men of the Ahemmusa came to our camp on a trading mission, the spirits whispered to me that my destiny lay with their tribe, and when they left, I went with them."  
  
"Spirits, you say?"  
  
 "Yes," she had her arms against her chest, cradling her breast.  I knew there was something she was holding close to heart.  A truth she would not share with me.  Mashti continued, "When he discovered that I had gone without his permission, my father was very angry, for I was barely 18 and promised to one of his gulahkhans.  He disowned me as a daughter, and I never saw him, my home, or my mother again.  I hear he is dead now.  Good.  He was a harsh, cruel man, and I never missed him.  I became one of the Ahemmusa, and studied the ways of their wise women.  I was skilled at the craft—though too skilled.  The petty jealousies of others made me an exile in the end."  
  
"What did they actually exile your for, Mashti?  What was your crime?" I was going to flush her out.  She was not used to lying to strangers.  Mashti turned her head and looked at the wall—she would not meet my eyes.  
  
"I do not like to speak of this.  It was long ago, but the wounds to the heart and the honor do not heal.  There are those I can never forgive, and those whom I would have forgiven in an instant, had they but asked for it.  And now it is too late…Ai…Leave me now, Outlander…I wish to be alone."  
  
"As you wish. I'll go find Julan."  
  
"Annika," Mashti turned suddenly. "Thank you for helping my son and showing him the world."  I nodded and walked out of her yurt.  
  
"All's well?"  
  
"Yes," it wasn't but I would let it go for now.  "Let's go meet with the Urshailaku.  We have much to discuss." In truth I felt guilty for causing Mashti pain, but her lies were going to cost Julan his life.  
  
"I'll just go and say good bye to mother. Won't be but a moment."  
  
When we left the encampment, the sun was slowly sinking beyond the horizon.  We were so quiet that I could hear the sand along the shoreline crunch under my feet.  Finally, Julan broke the silence. "What did you talk about?"  He asked, almost accusingly, as we walked in the direction of Urshailaku camp. "Mashti was quiet when I went in…" Julan stated. "She's not normally so."  
  
"Your mother told me of her life before the Ahemmusa and you.  She said a bit about being exiled."  
  
"She usually doesn't speak of that."  
  
"She said it was painful to speak of. What did happen, Julan?" Julan took a deep breath before speaking, he turn for second as if wincing from the pain of the memory.  
  
"The Ahemmusa accused my mother of killing their Ashkhan.  My mother and I were cut off from them completely and made into outcasts…as you so subtly pointed out."  
  
"I'm sorry for that Jules…I'm sorry for most the things I said that night…but particularly for that."  
  
"We both said terrible things…gods.  I wish it never happened."  
  
"So do I, but it did…" _And frankly we were better for it_.  
  
"Well….The sun is setting and the stars are on the horizon," he said quietly.  
  
"My favorite time of night." I saw the red line of the bright orange sun, caressing the starlit sky, as if she were begging it for more time to shine. The waves were a muted pink reflection of the sky.  
  
"Let's sit down by the water and eat, shall we?" he asked.  We sat by the water and stared at the stars.  
  
"Anni, the whole thing was painful and embarrassing.  I lost many friends and people I cared about.  People accused my mother of horrible things.  I cut myself off from my friends.  It's not that they hated me, but…well…my presence was unwelcome."  
  
"I can't imagine that." I couldn't—I had never dealt with ostracism before, probably because I didn't care enough about the people surrounding me.  
  
"Can we change the subject, Anne?"  
  
"Gladly," I said taking his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI Folks: I'll be putting this message through out the series. For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashal are Kateri's creations, though I have added to the dialog (and in some cases changed it), particularly in the case of Julan.
> 
> kateri-t's incredible mod Ashlander Julan can be found here: lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm
> 
> Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan.
> 
> Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC


	10. Corpus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Annika contracts corprus, Julan must take the helm and lead Annika to safety.

From the Series Nerevar Blue, a fan fiction based off the Elder Scrolls and the fanastic mods Ashlander Julan by Kateri and Less Generic NPC by the LGNPC Team.  With much love to the Princess Bride and Jane Fitch.  
  
 **Day 75**  
  
By daybreak we neared the Urshailaku camp. "Well Sul-Matuul's in for a nasty shock.  I sure he thinks us dead," I said to Julan as we reached the encampment.  
  
"Probably…We'll see if he keeps his word about making you Clannfriend —though wouldn't hold your breath."  
  
"He seems like a man of honor," I shrugged.  
  
"I'm not saying that he isn't; however, Anni, you are what they despise most. How you could call someone a friend—offer a bed and food—when you hated everything about them?  If, in truth, you were afraid of them?"  
  
"I see your point.  Well, there he is now."  I saw the Ashkhan outside his tent, staring off into the distance with a hack-lo leaf smoking in his hand.  Sul-Matuul turned to us, but did not betray any look of shock or surprise.  He was a man expert at hiding emotion.  We had that in common.  
  
"So, Outlander.  Have you completed the initiation rite?"  
  
"I have your father's bow."  Sul-Matuul's face dropped and composure briefly left him.  I could see this was unexpected news.  
  
"Let me see it," he examined it closely then closed his eyes. "You have passed the initiation rite and as I am a man of honor, I declare you Clanfriend of the Urshailaku.  Now I will fulfill my other promise.  You may visit Nibani Maesa, our wise woman, at your leisure.  Please go with care and do not harm my people—they have seen enough misery."  
  
"You have my word, Sul-Matuul."  
  
"Now that you are Clanfriend, I want to speak to you plainly, Annika Blue.  I find it hard to believe that you are the Nerevarine.  You are an Outlander, but the Nerevarine comes to drive all Outlanders from Vvardenfell.  How could an Outlander be the Incarnate?" I had no answers and just shook my head.   
  
"The Great Houses took our homes and mocked us with false gods.  The godless Outlanders then stole our lands and dignity.  The Nerevarine is the last hope the Urshailaku—nay every Ashlander—has.  I will let no one steal this hope from us."   
  
"I understand, sera," I murmured, then remained quiet as he went on.   
  
"These are serious words, sera, words of life and death.  I see honor and merit in you, but take care of what you say and do in the name of the Nerevarine."  
  
Looking at Sul-Matuul, I spoke intently. "I take your words to heart.  Thank you, Ashkhan." I left his yurt and grabbed Julan's hand.  "I'm not sure I can do this.  His words…I understand your anger now.  I won't be a part of you people's further destruction."  
  
"You might not have to be," he said as his lips broke into a cat's grin. "I still can't believe he named you Clanfriend.  I am glad though—at least he is a man of his word, and Anni, you have to do this."  
  
"If just to make your path easier, Jules," I said, squeezing his hand. We walked in to the yurt of Nibani Maesa.  Once inside, a tall, stately woman glared at me.  
  
"They've told me of you Outlander," Nibani spoke frostily.  "I am speaking to you because I must do as my lord Ashkhan bids.  So ask your questions."  
  
"Tell me about Nerevarine Prophesies."  
  
"There are many and they suggest many things." Nibani said vaguely.  She went on to tell me that there were many signs of the Nerevarine and though I met some of the aspects—I was not born with a moon and star mark. "So you are not the Nerevarine; though you may play a part in the coming of the Nerevarine."  Julan's eyes lit up at that and in truth so did mine, being relieved of the burden of prophesy. Nibani quickly added that though I was not the Nerevarine, I was the one that could become Nerevarine.  
  
"Huh? Nibani, how is that so? Either you are the Incarnate or you're not."  
  
She shrugged as if she didn't care. "It is a puzzle and a hard one.  But you have found some pieces and you may find more.  But in truth, sera, would you choose to be the Nerevarine?"  
  
"I'm not sure." It was the most honest answer I could give.  
  
"Well, reflect on it, and seek the lost prophesies among the Dissident priests of the Temple.  Find them and bring them back to me and I will be your guide."  
  
"I will do as you say," I muttered passively. I had gotten so used to passivity.  
  
As Julan and I were walking out, Nibani looked over her shoulder. "Remember, Outlander, what you do affects us all."   
  
Once outside, Julan lit a hack-lo leaf. In the cloudy night air, Julan's cat like grin lit up the night. "So, Nibani says you aren't the Nerevarine.  No surprise there.  Shall we go back to adventuring now?"  
  
I could tell he was relived by her words, but he seemed to be missing the big picture. "Julan, she said I wasn't the Nerevarine, but that I might become Nerevarine; that's the strangest thing that I've ever heard."  
  
"Well, the way these prophecies work, anyone who fits the description could be the Incarnate in theory, but only one person will actually achieve it.  That's how we have failed Incarnates.  Like the verse said, "many fall but one remains."  
  
"Maybe the lost prophesies can tell us more and help you figure out what you need to do next."  
  
"That's true, and now I think about it, you pretending to be the Nerevarine might not be such a bad thing," he said, rubbing his chin.  "It means that the Temple and everyone else will be focusing on you as the Incarnate, and assuming I am just your companion, when it's actually the other way around! Gods Anni you're brilliant!" he picked me up and swung me around.  
  
"Yeah, brilliant.  I get to be your decoy! Yay!"  
  
"Oh, don't be like that, Anne," he said still holding me, eyes dancing. "We make a good team, don't we?"  I smiled and nodded as he chirped, "This is going to be great, you'll see!"  
  
We started to walk off the encampment, then it hit me…Urshailaku…Mashti… "Jules, I forgot my sword.  Hold on a second.  Just wait out here for me."  
  
"Huh? Okay?" I took off before he could ask anymore questions.   
  
I ran back in to Nibani's yurt. Breathlessly, I started speaking, my tongue barely able to make out the words. "Nibani, I only have a few moments, but I have to ask you some questions regarding my companion, Julan."  
  
"Go on Outlander," she said.  
  
"Do you know a Mashti Kaushibael?"  
  
She looked up at me with a surprised expression on her face.  "Annika, I have not heard that name in many years now!" Nibani actually smiled.  "She was the daughter of our previous Ashkhan, but left us to marry a man from the Ahemmusa.  Is she still among them?"  My stomach did a flip after hearing that information…  
  
"No, she is not still with them, but…what do you mean "marry a man"?  
  
Nibani looked at me as if I was daft.  "Exactly what I said," she stated shaking her head. "At least that's what she told her sister, the night she left."  
  
"Is her sister still around?"  
  
"Sadly, no…she left to be with our ancestors.  Why to do you ask these question and how are they related to your companion?"  
  
"Oh, I think he may be a relative.  I've not heard the name Kaushibael before, not common." An idiotic lie, I figured I better stop as it could only get worse, "Uh, I better get going.  Thank you, Nibani." I turned and dashed out the door, and Julan caught me as I was running out.  
  
His eyes bore a hole through mine.  In a low voice etched in irony, he asked, "You were in there longer to get a sword.  What's going on Anni?"  
  
"Jules, your mother's relatives are here.  I asked if...well…" I had to come up with something good. "I asked if your aunt was around.  I wanted to introduce the two of you."  
  
"Really?" he asked harshly.  I could tell he did not believe me; I can't say I blamed—it was a terrible lie.  "Let's be honest for a moment Anni, shall we?  You don't believe my mother, do you?"  
  
I looked away quickly.  I didn't want to hurt him, so I answered his question with another. "Why do you always think the worst of my intentions?" Probably because he knew me too well.  "Why do you always think I'm lying?"  
  
"Because your mouth is moving," he said.  I could tell he was getting defensive, but if Mashti was covering something…well he'd have to know.  
  
"Nibani told me your mother left the Urshailaku to marry a man from the Ahemmusa…" I said as plainly as possibly.  
  
"Why do you think the worst of my mother?  Gods, don't be ridiculous.  Mother's never been married," he said shaking his head.  "I told you—people tell all kinds of lies about her.  You shouldn't listen."  
  
"I'm sorry, Jules," I said, but didn't add that often where's there's smoke there's usually fire. I'd have to take another tact and let the subject drop for now. "Let's get some rest.  We have to get to back to Balmora."  
  
"Ok. Look, Anni," Julan turned to me, speaking softer, "I don't think you always lie.  It's just…I wish you tell me the truth more often…and not be so afraid to do so."  I said nothing, but squeezed his hand.  
  
In the morning we made our way down the coast.  I wanted to see if I could get to the Imperial city of Caldera today.  Julan hadn't been there, and I thought it was pretty town, perhaps he would see that not all things Imperial were a horror.  Along the way we encountered the Daedric shrine Maelkashishi.  We were attacked immediately by one of the worshipers outside. "Now that's odd Jules, usually the worshippers are inside and the "witch hunters" are out here."  
  
"Hmm, that is odd, Anni.  Wonder what gives?  Should we investigate?"  
  
I looked to him and smiled.  "But of course." Inside the Daedric Shrine we encountered another strange site, an ailing Orc Bulfim gra-Shugarz.  She had ashe-chancre, and nasty little disease, known to many bathhouse denizens. Both Julan and I tried healing her, but nothing worked.  She asked us to leave her and advised us to leave the site, other cultists were there and would attack us immediately—in fact she would have attacked us had she been up to it.  Nice.  Would have killed her, but I didn't want to get that close.  We hit the shrine and sent her friends to meet their favorite gods and sent some Dremora back to Oblivion.    
  
We took the fast travel option from Ald-ruhn, then ambled through Caldera and stopped at all the shops to trade.  Despite Julan's absolute hatred of everything Empire, I think he enjoyed the little mining town; its setting was picturesque and pretty; nothing like the dirty streets of Balmora or the dust and ash from Ald-ruhn.  
  
"You know, this place reminds me of Chorrol.  It looked much like this." And it did.  The streets were cobblestone and the houses were made from timber and stone.  The signs hanging outside the merchant shops were bright and cheerful and inside the shops were stuffed with quaint and charming little objects.  After trading some tools and weapons, we went into Shenk's Shovel to get some food.   
  
"I'm getting a drink Anni, do you want one?  
  
"Yeah," I said, taking a seat near the window.  
  
"Quite a pretty town they have here," Julan said before adding, "I bet the ale even tastes Imperial."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" I looked at him in disgust.  "You're really hateful sometimes."  
  
"I think I'm being charitable.  Anni, in case you forgotten, they enslaved my people!"  
  
"That was a long time ago.  Don't you think it's time you moved on?  I mean you're not slaves now." Stupid argument, but he had to learn to get along with others, if it was his destiny to be a uniter of people; he had to start thinking like one.  
  
"Moved on? Just because it was a long time ago doesn't change anything!!  Anni, it was a great injustice then, and its still one now!"  
  
I exhaled then grinned at Julan.  "You know, you're sexy when you're angry," I said slyly.  I had my feet in his lap and moved them slightly over his crotch. "But, seriously, all hate aside, you have to admit that the Empire has done much for Vvardenfell."  
  
"I don't care what they've done!" he gulped as I moved my foot slightly.  "They took our freedom, our pride as they raped our lands! Nothing, no roads, no school is worth that, damn it, nothing! ....Oh and err, thanks," he said blushing fiercely.  
  
"So you hate all Imperials, then?" I was baiting him.  
  
"Yes, because they...er...are evil!"  
  
"Yes, yes, I know, but can you say, in all honesty, that you've spoken to every single Imperial on Vvardenfell? And you've truly decided you hate every single one of them, have you?"  
  
"What?  No, of course I haven't met ALL Imperials, silly girl.  I just hate what they represent."  
  
"How the hell would you know what they represent, since you avoid them like the plague?  Name one Imperial you actually know," I said laughing.  "Come on, expert!"  
  
"Well," he said looking up from his brandy, lips pursed, "when you put it that way, fine you win," he said smiling, "I suppose I don't hate all Imperials.  Sometimes I say things without thinking.   Though," he said holding my foot smiling, "no matter how convincing your argument, I still hate the Emperor and Ordinators.  Is that okay, with you, pretty girl?"  
  
"I'm with you on that," I smiled, wiping my mouth.  
  
"Good.  It appears you've retained some reason."  
  
"Let's head to Balmora….unless you wanted to stay in Caldera tonight," I said, glancing quickly at Julan, my eyes an invitation.  He paused for a moment and I could see his mind working.   
  
Surprisingly, he said softly, "We should probably head back."   
  
Regretfully, I moved toward the door as Julan paid the tab.  We moved in silence through the quiet, dimly lit streets of Caldera down a lonely alley, when unexpectedly, Julan pushed me up against the wall and kissed me the way I had wanted to be kissed—hard and grasping, tasting of hack-lo and Matze.  Instinctively, I wrapped my legs around his waist and we moved rhythmically against a damp wall.  I felt him through his travel worn pants, and electric coursed through my body.  
  
We didn't notice the foot fall behind us. "There are Inns for that kind of business!  Unhand her and move along," the Imperial guard shouted. "You dark ones are like animals!"  Jules reached for the hilt of his sword, I grabbed him quickly.    
  
"To Balmora, love," I whispered quickly, pulling at his sword arm.  
  
We arrived in Balmora quickly, as I feared what he would have done had we stayed in Caldera. When we reached the apartment, it dawned on me; we hadn't been there since the fight.  
  
"Oh Anne, we certainly made a mess of things," he whispered.  "You go see Cosades and I'll start cleaning this up."  
  
I headed over to Cosades, though I hadn't really wanted to.  He greeted me eagerly. "So," he started, "you've spoken to Sul-Matuul and Nibani Maesa, and from what they say, it sounds like you could really be the Nerevarine…That's just incredible."  
  
"I know, but keep in mind Caius, Nibani said I was the one 'who may become the Nerevarine'." I said.  No use in breaking out the banners and having a parade if there was nothing to celebrate.  
  
"I'll get word to Mehra and see if she can find out whether the Dissident Priest have any of the lost prophecies.  For, now I have a very tough assignment for you.  Do you think you're ready?"  
  
"Willing heart and able hand," I laughed. "What is it?"  
  
"Well, don't get over confident." Caius then explained that I was to raid a Sixth House Cavern called Ilumibi—a sea cavern.  Seems there might be a problem with corprus disease.  I was to meet with Captain Raesa Pullia at Forth Buckmoth and get all the details.  I was going to give Julan the option of opting out.  No need for both of us to die.  
  
I returned to a clean apartment and an adamant Jules.  "No, Anni, I'm not opting out.  This mission sounds…interesting.  And dangerous.  Probably suicidally dangerous.  But if it's something you have to do, then I'll be right there with you.  I think you're going to need all the help you can get."  
  
I leaned over and kissed him.  "Thank you. Oh, and the place looks great."  
  
"Let's avoid trashing it in the future," he said with a sly grin.  
  
"Agreed." I snaked my hands around this waist.  He held them and said softly before dropping them to my sides.  
  
 "We must rise early on the morrow.  Good night, Anni."  
  
  
 **Day 77**  
  
"There she is, over there," I motioned to the tall brunette in full armor. Without thinking, I started rubbing my hips and back, until I noticed a guard staring darkly at me.  My ass hurt from all the trips back and forth on that dammed silt strider.  We were back to Ald-ruhn again walking towards the Imperial fort.  It was strange contrast to see a large, imposing stone fortress beside town fashioned with soft-angled buildings made from clay and adobe.   Buckmoth Legion Fort seemed ill-placed against the softly rolling hills of rock and ash.  
  
"Raesa," I started politely, extending my hand to her.  
  
"You must be Annika Blue.  Caius sent you to handle this Sixth House business?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
She took a deep breath than spoke. "Well, there some things you should know, before approaching Ilumibi. Only one trooper from the last party returned.  He died soon after, horribly disfigured from Corprus, and out of wits.  He kept saying Ilumibi." Was she trying to spook me?  
  
"Where is this place?" I asked shortly.  
  
"It's not on our maps, though try asking around Gnaar Mok, the fishing village on the coast.  Anyway, the party ended crossing paths with a half-man creature named Dagoth Gares.  Apparently this Gares slew the rest of the patrol, but spared one—"  
  
"To tell the story," I added.  
  
"Exactly," she smiled, seemingly impressed. "The soldier kept mumbling that 'the Sleeper awakes, and 'the Sixth House has risen.  Towards the end he became more feverish and started ranting "Dagoth Ur is Lord and I am his Priest" and 'All will be one with Him in the flesh'.  He died shortly after."  
  
"I'll see what I can do.  Thank you Raesa."   
  
Julan and I stocked up on some curative potions and food, explaining to Julan that we would have to make the long trek through the Bitter Coast region to the shanty town of Gnaar Mok.  Hiking through the mountains, we made small talk, some things about a plant or the way a particular tree looked against the sky.  We were avoiding anything of substance as it would lead to the inevitable question of us.  I thought about what I had learned from the notes I had read.  I had a few questions for my tutor.  "Julan, tell me about the Dwemer and Dunmer.  Why were they at war?"  
  
Julan smiled at the chance of getting to lecture. "You know the Dunmer were once known as the Chimer, before the Tribunal became—what they are."  I knew he was going to say gods, but caught himself.  
  
"You know I never understood that."  
  
"What?"  
  
"The whole Chimer race.  How they became the Dunmer."  
  
"Well, I could refer you to the book _The Changed Ones_ , but for time's sake—"  
  
"We have quite a bit of time."  
  
"Well, okay, Anni," he paused for a second, to think.  "Alright, the Chimer people came from the Summerset Isles, and were indistinguishable from Altmer or High Elves."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes. The Chimer, under their prophet Veloth made the exodus to Morrowind."  
  
"When?"  
  
"I…I don't know the date off the top of my head, some time in the first Era..  Anyways," he said with some frustration, "quit interrupting, love, I lose my train of thought."  
  
"Sorry.  Go ahead."  
  
"The Dunmer arrived in Vvardenfell, though it was already populated by the Dwemer people, who were very secular and governed by reason rather than religion." Sounded like interesting people, though I knew better to interject.  Julan continued.  "The Dunmer prospered in Morrowind thus threatening the Dwemer.  The two naturally clashed over land and religion."  
  
I nodded.  This was actually quite interesting.  
  
"Anyway, despite their differences, both races came together when threatened by the First Empire—Nords from Skyrim.  Lord Nerevar and Dumac Dwarfking forged an alliance and close friendship and were successful in driving out the n'wah—" he turned to me to see if I caught that. I did and scowled slightly. "I mean Outlanders," he said quickly.  
  
"So what happened?"  
  
"Well, some time after they successfully beat back the Nords, Azura sent a vision to Lord Nerevar that the Dunmer were harnessing power of a dying god to make themselves immortal. The sin of the Dwemer was the creation of a new god from the substance of a dead god, Lorkhan."  
  
"Where did they find a dead god?  I mean are they just lying around?"  
  
"I...no!  No…I don't think so.  Can I finish?"  
  
"Sure," I said quietly.  
  
" _Great_.  Anyway, to make a long story short,  Nerevar confronted his dear friend Dumac and the two quarreled over the Heart of Lorkhan.  Dumac refused to force his people give the quest for immortality.  The argument broke their friendship into pieces.  The two men fought viciously and were both mortally wounded.  Before dying, Nerevar made Almalexia, Vivec and Sotha Sil promise never to use the Dwemer tools to ascend to god-hood."  
  
"That's so sad…horrible, really."  
  
"It gets worse, Anne," he said, then paused dramatically.  "So as Nerevar lay dying, his wife Almalexia, her lover Vivec and Vivec's brother Sotha Sil plotted to break the oath they made with Nerevar and Azura to never use the Dwemer tools to raise themselves to godhood, and in doing so, Azura cursed the Dunmer to look as dark as their acts.  
  
"What acts?  I mean I understand they broke an oath and all, and that's bad, but there has to be more."  
  
"Much more.  There is story apparently the Tribunal, as they call themselves, killed Nerevar while he was summoning Azura.  Apparently they used poison against him as they couldn't beat him in a real battle."  
  
"That is pretty bad," I said.  
  
"Anyway, Azura was understandably enraged and she vowed to turn "our eyes as red as lava" and our skin "as black as our hearts".  Of course by this time, Vivec, Almalexia and Sotha Sil had already used the Heart of Lorkhan, and were  gods, thus they could change their appearance at will.  It only fell back on the people they were supposed to be protecting. The sin of the Tribunal, Anni, is in breaking an oath to Azura to promising to never tap into the Heart with Dwemer tools.  And we've had to pay the price ever since."  
  
"I don't think it's much of a curse, Jules.  You Dark Elves are really quite attractive," I cooed.  
  
"You think?" he laughed, wrapping his hand around mine.  
  
"I always thought the Altmer looked sallow, jaundiced almost." I smiled slyly. "They certainly behave as if constipated."  He laughed openly at this.  
  
"Oh Anni, lets take a break and have food.  I'm starving," Julan smiled.  We ate some bread, cheese and water that I had packed earlier, though the supplies were dwindling.  I looked to the large tree off to left of us, its branches reached out slightly beyond the land touching the sea.  I watched the sun sparkle through the moss and almost dozed off.   Julan mumbled something, though I did not catch what he said.  
  
"What?" I asked sleepily.  
  
"I said I wanted you last night.  It took everything I had to fight it," he said staring into his wine.  Sadly, and to my great disappointment, we did not pick up where we had left off in Caldera after I returned from Cosades.  
  
"Why does it have to be a fight?" I asked softly.  
  
"I'm at risk of losing myself, Anni.  In truth I've wanted you from the first.  I'm just afraid…."  
  
"Of what?"  Of course I knew.  He couldn't trust me.  Could I blame him?  
  
"Of getting too close to you…of…well," he then spoke softly "…of getting too close. My mission Anni, it has to come first and I'm losing myself in you."  
  
 I turned away for a moment.  "I don't know what to say, Jules…I'm sorry if--"  
  
"No Anne, don't be sorry," he said shaking his head. "Gods no, don't be sorry.  I just…Just give me time…Give us time."  
  
"Ok," I smiled. What else could I say?  I felt Erica might be right that he was trying to draw me in. "We're near Gnaar Mok," I said shortly.  "I see the planks that Raesa described.  I guess we'll head over and ask for directions. Oh and Jules…don't worry about it, ok?  Whatever happens…happens." He nodded and smiled.  
  
"You know it's kind of pretty here, Anne.  The moss and the trees…." Julan's voice trailed off.  
  
"Hey, dreamer…It's a bloody swamp, raging with corprus and gods knows what else, but hey, I think I saw a shack for sale back there, we can inquire if you're interested. Take up fishing, or piracy, or something."  
  
"Hmmph, you're already a pirate, I think."  
  
"Agrgh," I said laughing loudly, though from the corner of my eye I saw a small man staring at us. "Look, Jules, there's a Wood Elf over there.  Let's see if he knows where this Ilumibi is."  
  
The elf, Anglalos, stated that that particular cavern was at the north end of the island, right of Khartag Point.  He warned us not to poke around there. "It's a popular smugglers den and they might not welcome visitors."  I certainly didn't want to run into anyone I had already ripped off.  
  
"What's Khartag Point?" asked Julan.  
  
"Some of the Orcs consider it a landmark.  One Orc or another jumped off the cliff on a dare.  Didn't end well…" Anglalos said shaking his head.  
  
"Thank you for the information.  We'll take your warning to heart," I said considerately. Of course I was lying and I knew we wouldn't, but it seemed a nice thing to say…We found a place to camp, and I pretended to fall asleep quickly as I didn't want rehash the previous discussion or have reason to end up more frustrated.  It was enough to know that he cared and had thought of it too.  I would have to be satisfied with that for now.  
  
The morning came too soon.  The air was damp and sea had brought in the fog, creating an eerie setting, enhancing my uneasiness.  I was dreading this mission.  For the first time I was hesitant.  I had a terrible of sense of something going wrong.  "Jules, are you ready?"  
  
"As I'll ever be."  We trudged across the planks and swampy water out to the sea.  Right off Khartag point we saw a small island—a rock really, with a tree and cavern door.    
  
"I think this is it," I said as we walked in slowly.  Immediately I felt queasy; the air was putrid and the stench overwhelming.  
  
"Anni," Jules started, "this place doesn't feel right. There's something wrong, terribly wrong. We shouldn't be here."  
  
"I know," I said shivering. "My skin is crawling."  
  
"The air feels somehow diseased. Let's just hurry and get whatever the hell we came in for and get out!"  
  
"Uh Jules, I'm working on it!" I hissed.  
  
Before he could reply a voice out of nowhere a suddenly spoke. "The Sixth House greets you, Lord Nerevar.  I am known as Dagoth Gares, priest of Ilumibi Shrine, and minister of the Sixth house servants.  My Lord, Dagoth Ur has informed me of your coming.  I wish you had come to honor the Lord's friendship, not betray it."  
  
"Sheogorath, Anni!!!  That's just like the things from my dreams!!  Anni, this is bad, bad, BAD!!"  
  
"He's after us; we'll have to take a stand," I said. I then began shouting, "What do you mean by friendship, Gares?"  
  
"Once we were friends and brothers, Lord Nerevar, in peace and in war," the disembodied voice called out. "Yet beneath Red Mountain, you struck me down as I guarded the treasure you bound me by oath to defend.  But, remembering our old friendship, I would forgive you and raise you high in my service." I somehow knew this was Dagoth Ur, not Gares speaking.  
  
"We don't want your friendship, Dagoth.  The Sixth House has to leave Vvardenfell now!" I said this as forcefully as I could, though I was shaking and having a difficult time finding my way through the dark cavern.  
  
Gares spoke, "The Sixth House wakes from its long dream and with its Lord, Dagoth Ur, it comes forth to free Vvardenfell of foreign rulers and divine pretenders!  Dagoth will cast down the false gods and drive the foreigners from the land.  He bids you come to Red Mountain to grant your friendship anew."  
  
I turned and what I saw shook me to the bone. A hideously deformed man behind me which I could only assume was Dagoth Gares, floated towards me.  I quickly raised my sword and struck him down.  With his dying breath, Dagoth Gares smiled and looked up at me with his lips barely moving as he spoke, "Even as my Master wills, you shall come to him in his flesh and of his flesh."  I felt a sharp pang in my stomach and went down to my knees.  Immediately, my face began burning as if someone held a torch to it.  I screamed.    
  
Julan came up behind me running. "Anni, we did it, darling!" Then suddenly he stopped. "Wait…Anne, what's the matter with you?  Anne, are you quite alright?" He turned my face to the light, quickly letting his hand drop when he saw it.  "Shenogorath! You have corprus disease!  That bastard cursed you with corprus!  Gods!"  
  
"Oh no…no…Jules…What does this mean?"  
  
"Mashti told me about this.  It's a serious form of blight disease.  Dagoth's minions can transmit it, so she made me drink these foul-tasting herbal concoctions for a week to make me immune." I started breathing heavily.  "Damn!  Why didn't I think to make her do the same for you?  Damn it!"  
  
 "We…didn't know…this was to happen," I said choking.  My breathing was labored and I felt like I being strangled.  
  
"Anni, they say it's incurable…And…always fatal…Ai…Anne…" he said, jaws clenched.  "I'm so sorry…I'm just so damned sorry…"  
  
"Jules I don't want to die in this fucking cave.  We have to get back to Balmora." I don't remember how we go back—in faith, I believe he carried me, but somehow we made it. I only remembered the feeling of time moving quickly and my body shaking. "I have to see Cosades," I whispered. Upon seeing me and my warping flesh, people cleared the streets and shouted profanities in my direction.  "Julan, just stay calm.  You have to help me…Don't rise to it."  Cosades was waiting and this time did not shout at Julan's presence.  
  
"Annika," Caius said clearly, without emotion—or fear, "I am worried you have corprus disease. But I have some good news in that department."  
  
"Good news…really?" I asked bitterly, not bothering to mask my resentment.  
  
Casius knelt down toward me.  "Listen Annika, Fast Eddie, one of my informants, told me that your best chance of getting cured is Divayth Fyr, an ancient Telvanni wizard who runs a Corprusarium south of Sadrith Mora for victims of the disease. Here…take this (handing Julan 1000 drakes and a Dwemer artifact).  A gift may sweeten his disposition." I couldn't say anything at this point.  I was too weak.  Cosades gave Julan directions as I was fading in and out of consciousness.  Julan lifted me again and we headed for the Mages Guild and fast travel to Sadrith Mora.  
  
"You shouldn't be here!  Get away!" shouted Masaline Merian, Mage of Travel.  
  
"You'll transport us, or simply, you will die," Julan grimaced, with his hand on the hilt of his sword and me swung over his shoulders, eyes burning.  Masaline didn't hesitate, though other Mages were gathering.  In a moment's time I felt as if I was flying…Then there was light and someone carrying me. I lost consciousness as my body burned.  
  
"Anni, love, we're here," he said shaking me slightly.  "You have to be strong to speak with Divayth.  Wake up, Anni…"  
  
"Jules, if I don't make it…"  
  
"Don't speak like that!"  
  
"…Please tell Erica…."  
  
"You'll tell her yourself," he said emphatically.  
  
"Julan…I…."  
  
"Anni!" I felt his hand tapping my face.  I was being carried again.  The Telvanni architecture could not have made this easy for Julan; Telvanni strongholds were notorious in their construction of unending towers where only flying was an option.  Finally, we made it to Divayth, and aged Dunmer, in Daedric armor.  He wanted something from me….Dwemer Artifact…And boots…  He said something about having a potion.  I was to get that potion.  
  
"Go to the bowels of the Corprusarium and get my boots from my eldest patient, Yagrum Bagarn. Go see what's in store for you if you don't take the potion." This made no sense to me…I was dying and this s'wit was worried about his damned boots.  Julan and I didn't speak as we made our way down to the bowels of the Corprusarium…I stopped as we reached the gate.  I saw the caverns beyond.  Everything was tinged with a yellow sickness.  I turned back toward Julan, gazing at him through unfocused eyes. I knew I didn't want him coming with me.  
  
"Jules, this is too dangerous…I think…I think I can manage…Please don't follow me..."  
  
"Annika…you know I'm not--"  
  
I cut him off. "Jules, I have to do this alone….too risky.  The Nerevarine cannot fail.  You must complete your task—and fulfill your destiny." He looked straight ahead, jaws clenched.  
  
"You're right, of course. I know you're right…" He stopped and I could tell he was rationalizing my logic, perhaps feeling guilt for being relived. "If one of Divayth's patients attack…I could be infected…Or I'm worried I might snap and kill one of them and then you'd might not get the damned potion…You know I have some trouble controlling my temper sometimes; I don't want to risk this or you ."  
  
"Wish me luck then."   
   
"If you need me, I'll be close by," he said turning from me.  
  
"I know," I uttered as I stumbled through the gate.  I felt strength—at least strong enough to move across the dank Corprusarium to get those damned boots; I suppose it was the light at the end of the tunnel. Almost blindly I made my way to Yagrum, a hugely obese Dwemer, who handed me the boots and started talking about the disappearance of the Dwarves, bragging that he was the last of them.  I couldn't care less. The place smelled strongly of piss and defecation.  Denizens of the Corprusarium were horribly bloated and missing body parts.  I had to get out of there, as I felt I would be sick.  I took the boots before Yagrum finished talking and headed back to Julan and  Divayth study.  This had to work.  
  
"No boots…no potion." Divayth sneered as I reached his tower.  
  
"Here's your damned boots," I said dropping them at his feet. I was beyond pleasantries just now.  
  
He smiled caustically as he picked up a sparkling silver vial. "You must drink this here," Divayth said handing me the potion.  "I want to see if it works.  Agreed?"  
  
"Yes!"  I was shaking uncontrollably at this point.    
  
"Bottom's up!  Good now swallow." I drank the entire bitter tasting potion. Divayth looked at me in shock. "Good grief!  Look!  Look!  It's working!"  
  
I felt a  warmth spread through my body,  a kind of numbness—the pain had stopped.  I felt the burning in my face subside.   
  
"Remarkable," Divayth started, "let me check your eyes…and skin… your tongue…Amazing.  I think it worked.  No sign of the disease at all."  He smiled, a man proud of his work.  "Of course," he continued, "you still have the corprus, just like I planned, but all your symptoms are gone.  Marvelous…I'll make some more for the rest of the inmates."  I slunk down in large cushioned chair.  I needed to sit for a moment.  
  
"Just let her rest," a voice said as I started to doze.  I heard Julan and Divayth speaking about the Tribunal and then the disappearance of the Dwarves.  I still couldn't care less.    
  
After a time I stood.  "I think I'm strong enough to go." I said.  The last two days were a blur.  "Jules, thank you for helping me.  A lesser man would have been afraid."  
  
"You have no idea how glad I am that you're well."  
  
"I want to rest for a few days.  We'll stay in Vivec.  I don't want to go back to Balmora for a while.  Just give me some time."  
  
 **Day 94**  
  
From the bed, on the third day after our arrival, I looked at the tub in the middle of the room.  "What I need is a good bath." I said aloud.  
  
"Why don't you let me fetch the water?  You're still very weak, sera." Julan said in a low tone.   
   
"Yes, a warm bath would be good.  I can't remember the last time," my voice trailed.  It had been months since I enjoyed a good bath.  Showering on the run or diving in a cool lake was just not the same; and I still ached from the whole ordeal.  
    
"As you wish," he spoke softly and gently touched my cheek.  Julan had cared for me since we had arrived in Vivec—and though I barely remembered it; it was he who saw me through the corprus.  Something in him had changed in the days past. I had watched him come up and down the hall with water for the bath, no complaint, just a gentle smile in my direction.  I fell asleep watching him; when I woke it was dusk.  A pale pink shadow fell across the floor.  I rose slowly and moved toward the full length mirror, removing the loose shift I had worn since arriving in Vivec. I had been standing in front of the mirror looking for any marks on my body that would tell the tale of corprus when I heard a soft footfall behind me.  I looked up and saw Julan's reflection in the mirror.  He looked longingly at me then closed his eyes briefly.  He then put the pail down and walked closer towards me.  Julan looked at my body for what seemed to me an eternity then lifted me up. Not to the bed as I had anticipated, but to the bath.  
  
"I shall see you at dinner, Annika," he said in a low, husky voice as he walked out.  
  
Later that night we sat outside against the house, leaning against each other staring at a clear sky; the evening air smelling sweet, of heather and kanet.  "Look, Anni…at the stars," Julan said in whisper. "They make you feel very small, don't they?  Are they gods, do you think?"  
  
"I'm not sure."  
  
"How else could they have such an influence on our lives?" he asked smiling.  "Anni, can I ask you a personal question?"  I laughed at this as just hours ago he had lifted my naked body into a steaming tub, how much more personal could you get?  He then looked at me seriously, "Are you a religious person?"  
  
I thought for a second before speaking, as I never really put these thoughts into words.  "I believe in belief, Jules," I started slowly.  "The gods are all around us, I suppose…a tree blowing in the wind, sands shifting across the wastes in the sunset, the way the breeze kisses the plains, moving the wheat across the fields in a dance…a lonely house amid fields of cornflower…"  
  
"Anni, I think you are a poet." Julan said softly.  
  
"It's many things Jules, not just nature but of man and mer…I believe the gods are everywhere…I see them when a mother holds her child, or when a beggar cries out and is heard…It's the way that two lovers find each other in a sea of people—and the terrible things that happen, that could easily pull them apart." I stopped for a second, staring at him, then continued.  "Fate and the stars are bigger…and more real… than the petty games the Daedra play…In truth Jules, its hard for me to put any belief in them as I feel there is more to the stars then that…The gods, or god is a force that we cannot see, but is there…always there." I said closing my eyes.     
  
"Anni, I've never heard it put such a way," he said sipping on Cyrodillic Brandy.  "As you know, my people worship the good Daedra, Azura of course…and our ancestors, although, I don't have any myself…but I know that Azura protects me," he stopped pausing for a second… "but even so, sera, the Daedra are hard to understand.  And they say that Shenogorath, the Mad God takes many forms…I can't begin to understand that…to comprehend why.  I don't even like to think about it really.  I need to have faith—to believe."  
  
"I know what it means to you and how it gives you strength, I wish I could say the same…It must be good to have something—or someone to look to, outside yourself."  
  
"Anni its funny, I used to think that anyone who didn't have the same beliefs that I had were wrong, and well, for lack of a better term…a bad person…I think that's why I hesitated asking you before… I guess I didn't want to judge you in that way.  But lately I've met so many people who think all kinds of different things. And lots of them are good people.  Like Mehra, and Divayth," he then paused looking directly at me, "and you, Annika Blue."  I smiled at this and squeezed his hand.  
  
"Oh, you may not be perfect," he said laughing.  
  
"Aw, come on Jules."  
  
"Seriously, Anne, he said biting my shoulder. "But you are good—and somehow I've always known that…You've had the patience of a saint to have put up with me for so long!" he said. He paused for a second, then turned to face me.  "I never would have come this far if you hadn't helped me.  I'd probably be dead somewhere."  
  
"I don't know about that," I said turning slightly.  "Delayed perhaps.  But Julan, you have strength too.  You've saved my skin quite a few times before."  It was true.  Many times I would have met my end in some nameless cavern or Daedric shrine.  
  
"Chances and risks, Anni… You do seem to get yourself into trouble," he laughed.  
  
"No more than you can handle," I said smiling, the paused. "No more than we…." I said, my voice trailing off.  Julan looked at me, gently lifting my chin to meet his gaze.  
  
"I just want you know," he said, then stopped speaking though he stared at me intensely.  
  
"Yes?" I felt my heart beating rapidly.  
  
"You're amazingly beautiful…and I'm terrible at this.  
  
"It's ok," I said, nuzzling his cheek softly.  
  
Suddenly, he leaned over and kissed me passionately, his wet lips drinking me. He then stopped and leaned back against the wall.  I could see he was still fighting it.  The battle would be lost tonight.  I could feel it radiating from both of us.   
  
"You're a treasure Jules, like your name," I whispered softly against the warmth of his head.  
  
"I think Jules was the name you gave me," he said quietly.  "But oh, that reminds me…" he started, though rather sheepishly, "I wanted to give you something, it's not much, but…well, I had Mashti enchant this."  He then held out long, pink amulet with a stone of fire inside.  It was simple, yet lovely.  
  
"Its beautiful Julan, I love it. Here, help me put it on."   I turned slightly from him and moved my hair to the side.  I felt his hands brush up against my neck, sending chills down my spine.  
  
"You know, Anne, for the last several weeks, I've been the model of self-control and restraint," Julan started, his breath against my ear. "But I'll have you know that it's been a struggle…"  
  
He then turned me to face him. "My will has prevented me from touching you in a way," he stopped, his breath growing heavier.  I brushed my lips against his arms as he held me.  "Anni, I better stop."  
  
"No," I said firmly. I wanted him.  It would be tonight. It would be now. I moved my lips across his, barely touching them.  I felt his breath quicken.  
  
"Anni, I don't think I can stop this time.  If you've any doubts or if you're going leave…"  
  
"I'm not going anywhere," I said breathlessly, almost chocking on my words.  I took his hand and guided it over my breast, I stood, letting the shift slip off my shoulder and fall to the ground. In the distance, I saw the lights from Vivec, flickering like stars on the horizon. Julan did not speak but came toward me, nostrils dilated in the way that spoke of no return.  He lifted me up and pressed my body against his, breath hot on my shoulders and collarbone, his scent dizzying, wafting of a man's desire, his kiss like hunger. His lips moved across my breast in a flame, his hands softly caressing my hips, before parting them.  Breathing heavily, I ran my fingers along his stomach; he let out a slight moan as I undid his breaches and let them fall.  We then stopped for a moment, pulses thudding then Julan lifted me against the wall.  I wrapped my legs around his waist as I had in Caldera, except this time there was no leering guard peering around the corner.  Even if there had been, he couldn't have stopped us; not Azura, not Mephala nor even Dagoth could stop us as we slid down the side of wall and fell into the dew-soaked grass.  We cried out to all of them as he entered me, thrusting deeply within.    
  
Finally, after the shaking had stopped, he held me close. "Anne, I think I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know it's a really long chapter.
> 
> Nerevar Blue Series link lesliewifeofbath.deviantart.co…
> 
> I've left some references to the Princess Bride one of my favorite movies and White Oleander my all time favorite book.
> 
> FYI Folks: I'll be putting this message through out the series. For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashal are Kateri's creations, though I have added to the dialog (and in some cases changed it), particularly in the case of Julan.
> 
> kateri-t's incredible mod Ashlander Julan can be found here: lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm
> 
> Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan.
> 
> Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC


	11. The Rift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annika learns the deadly truth about her parents and why the Dark Brotherhood wants her dead.
> 
> The balance shifts as Annika and Julan learn more about the Nerevarine prophesy. Julan become uncomfortably aware of the possibility that Annika, not he, may be the Nerevarine.

 

From the series Nerevar Blue, a novel based off the Elder Scrolls and the mod Ashlander Julan by Kateri.  
  
 **Back to Balmora**  
  
"Caius,"looks like your Fast Eddie was right," I said as he opened the door for me.  It was good to be back. It was good to be alive.  
  
"Annika, I am glad you're cured, but I have some news.  I've been recalled to the Imperial City.  You're being promoted to Operative," he uttered, somewhat sadly.  
  
"Why?" I gulped, as the ground began to fall out from under me. This mission was difficult enough without losing my guide.  I had been told what to do for so long that I couldn't imagine it any other way.  
  
"Some internal politics.  Concern about my sugar use, I suppose.  My wife is also ailing, so going back is not unwelcome. I have a home outside the Imperial City in a small fishing village.  It will be good to get back to a simpler life."  
  
"Get back to your wife," I probed, hoping to find an angle that would change his mind. "You've mentioned her before.  I know you miss her greatly.  Tell me about her, about your wife in Cyrodill."  
  
"Anais," he said softly. I felt another a blow.  
  
"What did you say her name was?" I stuttered. That named carried a special magic.  
  
"Anais," Casius stated as he stared at me curiously.  "Annika, what is it?  You look as if you've seen a ghost…Here sit down." He motioned to the chair.   
  
"Tell me, why would you want to know about that?" he asked as his nature was naturally suspicious.  
  
Scrambling, I spit out the first thing that came to mind. "I'm just curious."  
  
"Well Annika, I suppose it couldn't harm anyone telling you.  I met my wife Anais—."  
  
I cut him off, as he had hesitated too, coming up with a good lie, I suppose.  I would catch him now.  Perhaps he wanted to be caught. "Describe her."  
  
"Long blonde hair—bit of gray now. With eyes like the sea after a storm." I must have jumped, or in some way startled, for he stopped for a moment and reached out to me...  
  
"Annika?"  
  
"Where is she from!?!"  I had been hearing that phrase since I was a child.  _'Your mother had eyes like the sea after the storm.'_  
  
"The Imperial City—though in truth…" He hesitated, a look of fright crossed over his brow. "Annika, I'm not sure—"  
  
" _Tell me_ , Caius…" my voice guttural.  
  
"She had fled the city—sometime before we met..."  
  
My mind went blank.  Children.  "Do you have children?"    
  
"Yes…two…Though she had a child—earlier," he spoke hesitantly.  
  
"Tell me Cosades," I said shaking.  "Tell me where that child was born."  We stared at each other for what must have been an eternity.  I could see his chest rise and fall—he knew.  
  
"Annika…"  
  
"Tell me!  Tell me everything!" I shouted in a passion. I would have ended his sugar habit right then had he not.  Cosades knew at that moment who I was.  Now he was going to tell me.  
  
"Anni," Cosades said taking a deep breath, "you were born in Chorrol?"  
  
"I was born on the abbey grounds. To a frightened woman named Anais who had eyes like the sea after a storm," I spat.  
  
"Anni, knowledge of this could cost you your life—perhaps mine as well. Maybe, well...maybe things are better left as they are—"  
  
"I'll take my chances," I said flatly.  
  
"Well, if you're sure," he said, eyes full of concern…and something else; was it compassion? He continued, "My wife…..Anais Marceline was one of Uriel Septim's many mistresses—a mere palace servant.  After a time, Empress Caula found out that Uriel favored Anais and that she was pregnant with the Emperor's bastard.  In a rage, she ordered Anais's death.  In truth, I believe the Empress feared a challenge for succession, though what threat a poor serving girl would have posed—." He paused for a second,  "Anyway, the Caula had been rumored to kill off other bastards, so Anais did not take a chance of staying in the city."  
  
"Why Chorrol?"  
  
"I'm not sure.  I don't think there as any rhyme or reason to her decision.  She was scared.  You see, Annika, the odds were against your mother.  Uriel would not have challenged the mother of his two legitimate sons.  Anais had no choice—she fled the Imperial City and headed west.  She reached an abbey outside of Chorrol and gave birth to a girl—no threat to Empress or her precious sons."  
  
"Why did she leave me?" I asked this in a hushed tone; much like a child. I had wanted this answer all my life.  
  
"Are you so sure it's you, sera?" he asked kindly.  I knew it in my blood.  
  
"Answer me!"  
  
"She was afraid she would be found out.  You see her beauty was your mother's undoing.  Many people began asking about the young woman who gave birth to child on the abbey grounds.  Inquiries were being made.  Anais knew her child would have a chance if…if she let her go."  I sat motionless and stared at the wall for minutes; maybe hours…I wasn't sure.  
  
"But why was I spared?  Sent to Vvardenfell?" It would have suit the Empress's purpose had served my sentence.  The gallows made more sense than the conditional release I had been handed.  
  
"Perhaps to make sure you lived, though I'm sure the Empress had nothing to do with that decision.  A hidden bastard—even if it's a girl—is better than no heir at all."  
  
"So do you think Uriel knew?"  
  
"Maybe, though its more likely one of his advisers found out. It was not hard to trace her."  
  
"Trace her? What are you saying, Cosades?"  
  
"Anni, I fell in love with your mother while I was tracking her, for the Emperor's adviser Jauffre Kobay.  In truth I helped her along the way, though she was quite unaware. Jauffre knew I was with your mother shortly after your birth…"  
  
"Why did they not hunt you?"  
  
"I was able to make your mother disappear. Anais ceased to exist after your birth.  Once it was reported that you had been born a girl, Jauffre was not so interested. There was another bastard boy born—your half brother—and hidden away in another monastery."  
  
This sounded too incredible to believe. "What of the Empress? Why did she not track…me?"  
  
"Because Caula never knew you lived. The Empress was left under the impression that Anais died somewhere along the journey west.  She was satisfied with the explanation, and soon she had another son to help her forget."  
  
"How convenient for her," I said bitterly.  
  
"Don't waste effort on impotent anger, Anni.  What's done is done."  
  
"If you knew…what it was like, what hell I've been through…perhaps, you wouldn't be so dismissive," I choked. Though in my heart, I knew he was right; to seek revenge was to shadow box.  Though, a thought had crossed my mind—had I been watched the entire time?  If so, why didn't someone come and save me sooner? I then looked to Caius, "Did anyone watch over me?"  
  
"Anni, I'm not sure.  I didn't know who you were when you first walked through that door—though."  
  
"Though what?"  
  
"The more I knew you, the more I suspected.  Annika, I know the answer you want and I can't give it to you.  I have no idea why they would let Uriel Septim's bastard rot in an Imperial Prison for over two years.  I just don't know."  
  
"Then tell me this," I said looking up at him, "was she happy?  Did you make her happy?"  
  
Caius paused and walked over to me, placing his calloused hand on my shoulder. "Yes, we were happy for a time.  Then I got sent to this hell hole, about three years ago."  
  
"Did she ever…" I paused. I wasn't sure if I wanted the answer.  
  
"She did, Anni…she thought of you often—though she never spoke of it.  I would see her staring off into space, holding one of our children, and I knew…I knew she was thinking of you."  
  
I closed my eyes in relief.  His words were a balm.  "Thank you—for telling," I said, choking on my words.  "For taking the risk." I leaned over and kissed him softly.  
  
"Anni, there is one favor I'd ask…Mehra is in trouble.  She needs my help and I'm unable to give it to her—I am leaving on the morrow and do not expect to return. She is in grave danger—."  
  
"I will help her Caius," I said.  
  
"If you find her, and she's still alive, give her this."  He handed me a sealed envelope.  "It means a great deal to me."  
  
"I will help her, and when this is all over....I will find you—and my mother."  
  
"Take the Talos Bridge from the Imperial City to the town Weye. Look for us there. I hope to see you again, Annika Blue."  Our eyes met and knew he meant what he said.  
  
"You will."  
  
 **Day 98**  
  
"Jules?" I said as I heard his familiar footfall in the doorway. It was late and I was groggy—over come by recent events, I had spent an emotional evening crying myself to sleep in a tear stained pillow.  
  
"You know it's me, Anni," he grinned, "Who else would it be?"  
  
"How did it go?" I said, forcing myself to make idle conversation.  
  
"We made a decent amount of money, and Hassour, helped with finding a good price….All in all about 3000 septims." We had accumulated quite a stock pile of weapons and goods and had to get rid of them as they had become a tripping hazard.  "Look, I took the liberty of purchasing a little shack in Ald-ruhn, I figure it might come in handy someday."  
  
"Good idea."  I paused for a second then jumped on the first thing that came to mind—Mehra.  "You were right about Mehra," I started.  I could not bring myself to tell him of anything else…not yet. I continued, "According to Cosades she's in trouble. You up to another trip to Vivec?"  
  
"Mehra?  Of course, we'll head to Vivec directly."  
  
"Julan," I commanded sternly, "you will have to listen to me and do exactly what I say.  I'm making no plans of sacrificing myself or you for her…I know that sounds harsh, but…"  
  
"That's just the way it is," he grimaced.  "I know, Annika.  But you'll do all you can?"  
  
"Of course…We'll stop by her home, though I doubt she's there, but perhaps she's left something telling me where she is."  We took the silt strider immediately.  A plan was forming in my mind, though obviously much would depend on where she was placed.  We arrived in Vivec, and discreetly make our way through the Hall of Wisdom.  My instinct was right; Mehra was not in the library or in her room.  A note on her bureau confirmed my worst fears—Mehra was being held in the Ministry of Truth.  She left instruction that I was to see a sympathetic guard, Alvela Saram, outside the ministry and to bring Divine Intervention scrolls.  I turned to Jules and told him this.  
  
"They got her?  Oh this is horrible!  You have no idea what they do—."  
  
"Really?" I asked incredulously. "Jules, in case you forgotten, I've been in an Imperial dungeon before…Now, we're going to get her, but we have to keep a cool head.  You can follow my lead or get us both killed—and that's what it will be as I refuse to go back to prison."   
  
We flew silently up to the Ministry of Truth using some silly named potion; the Ministry looked like a strange egg suspended in the sky.  The only way you could reach it was through levitation.  "Damn," I spat through clenched teeth.  "This is going to be more difficult than I had anticipated.  Hang back Jules, I think that's Alvela Saram, Mehra's friend."  
  
Levitating toward the top of the Ministry, then lowering myself as gracefully as an apparition, I began to speak as startled Alvela stuttered, "I'm sorry.  Nobody's allowed into Ministry."  
  
"My name's not 'nobody', Alvela."  
  
"You're not here to visit anyone, are you?" she uttered nervously, looking over to Julan, who had just landed behind me.  
  
"You know why we're here."  
  
"Mehra said you would come," Alvela whispered cautiously, looking over her shoulder.  "I'll just say you subdued me with magic and stole my key."  
  
"That's good of you. You must be close to her if you're willing to risk so much."  
  
"Some of us are sympathetic to the Dissident priest," she started. "But I warn you, kill an Ordinator, and you'll lose that sympathy.  Now hurry."  
  
"Thank you, sera. You take terrible risks," Julan said, bowing Alvela. She nodded wordlessly as she opened the door.  
  
"Julan, throw this on.  It's a shadow cloak I got from Muddy—got two.  They're invaluable.  Stay close and I will be the one who takes the keys." Julan was good to his word, he hung back as I searched the guard's chambers for a key.  Mehra was not easy to find, the caverns leading to her cell were a maze, though when I arrived, she was not surprised to see me.  
  
"I knew Casius would help!" she sounded so happy.   I did not enlighten her as to Casius's recall—I figured that could wait—we had to get out now.  
  
"Annika, I have a plan.  We'll use the divine intervention scrolls and will travel separately to Holamayan, home of the Dissident Priests." Clearly she had thought this out.  I admired her confidence.  She knew someone would be along to rescue her.  
  
"How do I get there?"  
  
"Go to the East Docks of Ebonheart and see Hateria.  Tell her you want to go fishing."  
  
"Fishing?" asked Jules skeptically.  
  
"Yes, sera.  She'll know what that means and will bring you to Holamayan.  We can discuss the lost prophecies there."  
  
"Fine.  Let's get out of here," I said.  "I hope to see you soon, Mehra."   
  
Day 99  
  
Her plan worked brilliantly, by dawn Jules and I were on a boat to Holamayan.  
  
"It looks to be long ride," said Jules quietly.  
  
"That's good, sera, for we have much to discuss.  First I should tell you that Cosades has been recalled."  
  
"That's disturbing," he said carelessly.  
  
"Not nearly as disturbing as what I'm about to tell you, Julan.  I found out who my parents are. Cosades told me."  
  
Julan looked at me skeptically.  "Let me guess, Cosades is your long lost father."  
  
"No, not quite," I uttered.  
  
Sitting up, Julan looked a me quizzically. "Who is it, then?"  
  
I took a deep breath. "Uriel Septim."  
  
"Guarshit!" Julan said before he could stop himself.  I raised an eyebrow. "Anni, are you sure? I mean Uriel Septim?  This just sounds…well, inconceivable."  
  
"Anymore so then a black kargouti sent by Azura leading your mother to a pile of rocks?" I shot back.  
  
"No. I suppose not," he paused. "It's just astonishing.  My lover is an heir to the thrown!"  
  
"I'm not sure that's entirely the case, Julan." I then lit a hack lo and recounted the sad story of Anais Marceline.  "In the end, she was the real victim in all this."  
  
"I not surprised," Julan said clearing his throat. "I mean it's shocking, but from what I know of the Septims…well its—."  
  
"A common occurrence," I said completing his thought.  "Julan, I'm not sure you'll want to go on with me, for once my cover is blown you and I will be out in the open.  All eyes will be on us.  The Emperor, Empress and any enemies I've made along the way."  
  
"Anni," Julan said softly, "when I said I loved you…I threw my lot in with you—I have committed fully.  That's why I waited so long.  I knew I was sure then, and I am still sure.  Regardless of who you are or where you came from, I love you—that will not change."     
  
"You sacrifice much," I said looking over at him.  
  
"No more than you," he said then laughed, pulling me on his lap, "Well sera, at least I'm sure of one thing…"  
  
"What?" I asked cautiously.  
  
He smiled wickedly and moved his hand up my thigh, "You're not my third cousin once removed…"  
  
  
 **Day 101**  
  
"It would appear that we are here," I said as I heard the boat pull into a single dock.  The island looked barren, save a few trees. "Did you get some sleep?"  
  
"Some," he said groggily, looking around, "You know, Anni, this place feels special somehow…protected, as if nothing bad could happen here." Hateria informed us doors to Holamayan only opened every twelve hours, so in a sense it was secure.  Though I knew there was no such place in Vvardenfell or Oblivion, where nothing bad could happen to you.  
  
"Something could I'm sure," I answered back skeptically.  
  
"You always think there's someone out to get you," he muttered crisply.  
  
"Yes," I said simply, "and that's why I'm still alive today."  He muttered slightly then we walked up a hill to a large, curved iron door.  I knew he wanted to say more, but I could tell he was tired and exhaustion got the better of tongue. Maybe this place was blessed.    
  
"Well it seems the door won't open for at least another ten hours or so, dusk I think…Let's catch up on some sleep.  I'll get the bags."  
  
"We just need one, sera," he smiled.  We woke and found something to eat.  I then approached the opening to Holamayan.  It would appear the shrine was built into the island itself.  We then entered the great hall; it was simple, yet striking.  
  
"Mehra," I said walking into the library, knowing immediately where I could find her. "I'm glad you made it safely, though I should tell you that Caius has been recalled." She looked distraught. Immediately I felt the hair rise on my back.  I felt defensive and protective of my mother, a woman who I had never known.  I wondered what the nature of Mehra's and Cosades relationship was.  She said they were close, I wondered how close.    
  
"I am sorry he is gone…he was a good friend and confidant.  I was hoping he might help us.  Now he's gone…" she said haltingly, pausing then looking away slightly.  "I don't know what to think."  
  
"We will move on without him," Jules interjected coldly..  
  
"Mehra, Casius gave me this and asked that I deliver to you."  I paused staring; my eyes burning a hole through her. "You said you had access to the lost prophecies?"  
  
"Master Barelo, can assist you with that.  If you'll excuse me, sera, I…I have some things I must do," Mehra said clutching the letter, clearly distressed.  At that moment I knew; they were more than friends.  
  
"Annika," Barelo spoke, focusing my thoughts and gaze away from Mehra, "I have the information Nibani Maesa is looking for.  I have reviewed the Apocrypha and have found two passages of particular interest."  He then went over the passages that clearly indicated that the Incarnate was an Outlander.  I looked over at Julan, standing stoically against a bookshelf, his eyes an impassive mask.  Barelo went on, "The Lost Prophecy and The Seven Curses may offer additional insights into the riddles surrounding the coming Incarnate," he paused and looked over the rim of his spectacles, "we also have prepared a document for you called Kagrenac's Tools.  This will explain the terrible secret that the Temple conceals about the true history of the Tribunal and the corrupt nature of their divine powers."  
  
"We have time, now Barelo. Tell me about it.  Who was Kagrenac?"  
  
"The story starts beneath the Red Mountain."  Barelo began, telling me the story like an elderly man would tell to his grandchildren.  "The Dwemer miners discovered a great magical stone.  Kagrenac, High Priest and Magecrafter of the ancient Dwemer, determined that this magical stone was none other than the heart of the dead god Lorkhan, who had been cast down under the depths of the Red Mountian by the other gods for all the mischief he had created in the mortal world.  Determined to use the heart's powers to create a new god for the benefit of the Dwemer, Kagrenac forged three great enchanted weapons.  Wraithguard was an enchanted gauntlet designed to protect the wearer from destruction when tapping into the heart's power.    Sunder was a hammer enchanted to strike the heart and produce the exact volume and quality of power desired.  Keening was the blade used to flay and focus the power that rises from the heart."  
  
"I know from Julan that the Tribunal somehow got a hold of tools and broke an oath doing so."  
  
"And killed Nerevar," Julan added.  
  
"Yes, and killed Nevevar, but how does Dagoth Ur fit into all of this?" I never quite understood his role or that of the Sixth House.  
  
"Well—." Both Julan and Barelo started at the same time.  Barelo turned to Julan and Julan bowed out of respect, indicating that Barelo should continue with the tale, then walked away.  Barelo continued, "Dagoth Ur had fought with Lord Nerevar against Dwemer in order to destroy whatever creature the Dwemer were making.  After Dumac had died, Lord Nerevar and Lord Dagoth retrieved the tools and were not sure what to do with them.  Nerevar asked Dagoth Ur to guard the tools while he went to consult with his counselors, Lord Vivec, Vivec's brother Sotha Sil and  Lady Almalexia about the fate of Kagrenac's tools.  While Nerevar was gone, Dagoth was tempted by the tools, after all who would deny the chance of becoming immortal?" Barelo asked rhetorically.  "When Nerevar returned, Dagoth refused to yield the tools to him and Nerevar, along with the Tribunal, fought Dagoth Ur.  Lord Dagoth lost the battle, was mortally wounded and driven off.  Nerevar and his counselors, the Tribunal, decided to take tools for safekeeping, swearing never to use them, though when Nerevar died, or was murdered, the Tribunal went back on their word, using the tools to elevate themselves to gods."  
  
"So anyone using the tools can become a god?" I asked, fantasizing about getting back at all who had hurt me.  
  
"Technically, but remember Annika, Kagrenac's tools are cursed," Barelo said sternly. "Stealing power from the heart of a god is a terrible sin and folly; their use can only lead to disaster."       
  
I nodded like a child transfixed.  "Thank you Barelo," I stood rising, "Thank you for this."   I looked off across the room and saw Julan muttering to himself.  I felt a pit growing in my stomach.  Slowly, I walked over to him and placed my hand on his shoulders "Jules, since we're here for several hours, we—."  
  
He cut me off immediately, his voice indignant. "Looks like the lost prophecies were a big waste of time, doesn't it?"  
  
"Why do you say that?" I asked though I knew, I was just curious how he would spin it.  
  
"Well, I was hoping to get more out of them," he sighed, "but it looks like they were lost for a reason.  Just more stupid poetry that makes no sense."  He never spoke of books or poetry like this.  Something was eating him and I knew what it was. His life rested on the belief that he was the Incarnate—these prophecies challenged the very purpose of his existence.  
  
"Are you saying this because they claim the Nerevarine will be an Outlander?"  
  
"Oh who knows what they claim," he said with false sense of resignation. "They're prophecies, it's their job to be vague about everything."  
  
"Really? Because they sounded clear enough to me." I said tersely, knowing I was dabbling with fire, but Julan had to prepare himself should there be some sort of truth to these lost prophesies.  
  
"That is fucking nonsense," he spat.  "Of course the Incarnate isn't going to be an Outlander."  
  
"Are you so sure?"  
  
He then turned to me angrily, "And you shouldn't forget what we're doing here—you're only pretending to be the Nerevarine to help me—we agreed to that!" Julan paused for a minute and lowered his voice though it sounded just as menacing, "I'm sure all this attention is flattering to you, but just keep in mind what's important, ok?"  
  
"Flattered?" I said knowing I would deny it, lying to him and myself. I continued, "I asked for none of this and I've said that to you from the beginning.  You can take those prophecies, being the Nerevarine and shove them up your—."  
  
"Look," he bellowed. "I don't want to talk about this anymore, alright?"  We were starting a scene. I saw the strange looks from the other acolytes.  
  
"Fine." I stalked off.  
  
"Annika,"he called after me. "This is a really sacred place.  Try to behave yourself, won't you?  I know there are tempting wares here, and you are an Outlander, but try to keep your hands to yourself, lest one of these priceless objects ends up in your pocket."  I shot Julan a look of disgust.  I never thought he'd stoop to humiliation, even in anger.  It was a long ten hours waiting for that door to open.  We spent our time on opposite ends of Holamayan.  I was enraged by Julan's insecurity and weakness.  I knew he saw me as competition and I hated him for that—and though I would never admit it, I now understood why.  If somehow, I actually was to be the Nerevarine, it would take everything he had.  While the hours crawled on, I spent time reading the report on Kagrenac, the Dwemer and failed god-maker.  Finally, as dusk approached I heard the sound of the doors rising.  I turned and saw Julan behind me keeping his distance, his eyes refusing to meet mine.  
  
"Were going back to see Nibani," I spat, walking out of Holamayan.  "Keep up and shut up."  
  
"Don't threaten me Annika! Love or not, you will not speak to me that way!"  
  
"I would say 'not' at this point."  
  
"Fine.  Have it your way," he called me bitch under his breath, but loud enough so he knew I would hear it. I spun around and shoved him.  
  
"You dare embarrass me like that?" I screamed.  "In front of all those people?  To call me a thief?"  
  
"You're angry that I called you what you are? Don't act so precious," he sneered; I slapped him.  
  
"You will not put your hands on me!"  Julan threw me on the ground; we struggled until he pinned me.  His breath was hot on my face.  He tore my shirt as we struggled.  I could feel him getting hard. "Listen to me…You will not take everything I am.  I will not allow it!"   
  
"You going to make this rape, Jules?"  He stopped then lifted me and threw me against wall of Holamayan.  
  
"I would rather fuck a guar." The rest of the trip was spent in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nerevar Blue Series: lesliewifeofbath.deviantart.co…
> 
> FYI Folks: I'll be putting this message through out the series. For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashal are Kateri's creations, though I have added to the dialog (and in some cases changed it), particularly in the case of Julan.
> 
> kateri-t's incredible mod Ashlander Julan can be found here: lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm
> 
> Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan.
> 
> Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC


	12. Shani

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Ghost of Girlfriends Past rears it's annoying head as Annika encounters Shani and learns more about Julan's past.

From the Series Nerevar Blue Based off The Elder Scrolls and mod Ashlander Julan by Kateri.  
  
 **Day 107**  
  
"Nibani, I have the lost prophecies from the Dissident Priests," I said plainly walking into her yurt.  The last several days had been hell, I had barely slept since the fight, and Julan and I only spoke out of necessity.  
  
"Outlander," Nibani spoke excitedly, oblivious to the tension in the room. "You will tell me these things over and over, until I have them by heart.  And then you will tell me what these priests say, what they see in these words and then you must leave me for a time.  When the moons have come and gone, return and I will give you my judgment."   
  
After telling Nibani of the prophesies, I left her yurt.  I saw Julan standing outside, smoking hack-lo.  I wasn't sure how much of the conversation he heard between Nibani and I, as it was still early when I heard Julan leave the yurt.    
  
He looked over to me, face of stone and said, "Nibani Maesa may believe these lost prophecies but I don't. This is pointless."  
  
"No, its not, Julan.  It's not pointless if it gets you closer to being the Nerevarine."  I did not believe these words as they came out of my mouth.  I knew in my heart something had shifted.  
  
He looked over at me, cocking his head, "Well according to the lost prophecies, you are that."  
  
"That makes no sense and is ridiculous," I growled.  "Jules, I'm sure it's just another piece of the puzzle.  It might not make sense to you now, as there are still pieces missing.  Let's go see your mother again and get her take."  I said this knowing that she might bring him some comfort, though I knew in my heart that the closer we moved towards solving the riddle, the less likely it would be that he played the part of Nerevarine—the part he had been rehearsing his whole life for.  I wanted to go to Mashti and the Ahemmusa to find someone to pick up the pieces when his world came crashing down.  
  
"Fine, shall we start?"  
  
"Go ahead…I think I'll stay here tonight."  
  
"Then I will see you on the morrow," he said coldly.  I watched him walking away alone, his silhouette disappearing into the night.  I stayed around the camp until the morning, looking for people who resembled Julan.  There were a few.  I did not ask them anything.  I felt the answers should come from the source, not conjecture of distant relatives.  I made my way back to Mashti's encampment.  It was late, as I had planned it that way.  I needed privacy.  
  
 **Day 108**  
  
"Mashti, we have to talk," I had come into Mashti's dwelling late the next night.  I started only after I was sure Julan was asleep.  
  
"Outlander, I wonder if you might perform a small task for me."  
  
"Go on."  Best to sweeten her disposition before calling her out.  
  
"There are two women camped just south-east of our home.  They are spies for my enemies in the Ahemmusa camp, posing as outcasts.  I want them dead."  
  
"Then do it yourself," I snapped. I was not this woman's creature.  
  
"In faith, I would, but if I or Julan were to kill them, it would cause more strife with the Ahemmusa.  I wish to avoid provoking the tribe further." I couldn't believe what she was asking of me.  I knew that she saw that too.  "Annika, I only wish to be left alone.  You are an Outlander so they will see you as a target and doubtless they will attack you on sight."  
  
"I will take care of them Mashti, but then you and I must speak."  I quickly put on my cloak and slipped out.  I wanted to make this as clean as possible.  I too, needed the Ahemmusa and did not want clarify my role as Mashti's assassin. I saw a group of women in the distance.  There were certainly more than two, and whatever magic these ladies were using, it was terrible.  They saw me despite my cloak and I was attacked by no less than eight.  It was a fierce fight.  I had tried to keep the last one alive, just to ask her why she was harassing Mashti, but it was not meant to be.  Badly injured, I limped my way back slowly to Mashti's yurt in the early light, knowing that I killed without provocation for a woman I disliked intensely.  
  
"They are gone Mashti," I said stumbling into her yurt.  "I hope what you were telling the truth because I just slayed eight women.  
  
"There were only two," she said while tending my wounds.  
  
"Eight Mashti, now let's speak.  I spoke to Nibani Maesa."    
  
"What?" her eyes lit up at the sound of that name. "You spoke to Nibani Maesa?  Azura's star, how is she?"  
  
"She is well and is now the wise woman of the Urshailaku.  Nibani spoke fondly of you but told me some disturbing news.  She spoke of you leaving with the Ahemmusa to marry."  
  
"But of course it's not true what she said," Mashti chortled.  "I have never been married.  But since I left in the company of a man, I had to say that I was going to marry him to preserve my reputation.  You know how it is."  
  
"I never was burdened with that," I paused, staring hard. I knew she was lying, but couldn't prove it. I slept on her bed roll for a few hours, then rose painfully. "Mashti, I will be back later.  
  
Mashti stood up. "Outlander, you must rest," I was surprised to see the concern in her eyes.  
  
"No.  There much to do.  Please tell Julan when he wakes that I return soon."  I hobbled over to the Ahemmusa camp as quickly as my aching body could carry me.  I had to find Shani.  I saw her standing in the distance, stringing her bow; her long, beautiful red hair blowing against the light of dawn.  She turned to me and scowled.  
  
"So, where's Julan?" Shani asked with all the disdain of an ex-lover.  
  
"I'm not here with Julan," I said gasping slightly, taking a seat by the rock beside her.  "I came to talk to alone."  
  
"You're hurt," she said with actual concern.  
  
"It's really not as bad as it looks, Shani," I said shifting my leg to a more comfortable position.  
  
"He's not with you?" Her voice sounded too hopeful. "Humph, I'm surprised.  You looked like you were joined at the hip."  
  
"He's in his yurt sleeping, Shani."  
  
"So you came to discuss Julan behind his back," she said this in a haughty tone, but I knew that in her secret heart, she wanted to speak.  
  
"Yes, actually."  
  
"So he's told you all about me, has he?" she scowled.  "I bet he has.  I'm sure he said I was clingy and demanding and argued with him all the time."  
  
"No, nothing of the sort," I said plainly, without betraying any emotion.  
  
"Really?" She paused for a moment then spoke, "Well, I'm sure he told you that I compared his dear mother to a Hunger, only without the charm and good looks. Oh, and that I was a cheat, a liar, thief, and trouble maker."  
  
"No, those seem to be my title right now," I laughed.  "And what you say about Mashti, well, that's why I'm here." She didn't speak of Mashti right away; I saw she had some demons to exercise.  I let her do so, as she would eventually tell me what I needed to know.   
  
"He didn't say all those things?  I'm surprised. You should hear some of the things he's said to me!"  
  
"I'm sure," I laughed.  I had to get her on my side to open up.  It was pathetic; she had no idea who she was dealing with.  The spider and the fly.  
  
"It's just so sad, Annika!"  
  
"Call me, Anni, love," I said as sympathetically as I could.    
  
"We were the best of friends…then lovers…perhaps that was the mistake.  Maybe if we had only been friends, he wouldn't hate me now.  But it's too late, everything is broken.  I'm a fool to still be here."  
  
"For him," I said closing my eyes.  
  
"Because he's making a terrible mistake!  His mother is a lunatic, and she's going to make him do something suicidally insane, but its all lies!"  
  
"I suspected as much…and that's why I'm here talking to you."  
  
"He won't believe me!" she started crying. "And he barely looks at me these days, but I have to try."  
  
"Shani, I need to you to be strong.  I need answers because that is the only thing that's going to save him now.  I love him.  Yes, please don't look away. Shani, I know you love him too.  When it all falls for him, I will need you to pick of the pieces.  He will need his friends around him."  
  
"What about you, Anni?  If you love him…I mean."  
  
"I do.  But Shani, I have no idea how the Nerevarine prophecies are going to play out or where our destinies will lie."  
  
"So he's told you, has he?  About being the Nerevarine, I mean?  And all that stuff about his mother finding him in the wilderness as baby?" I nodded in assent, though said nothing.  She continued, "Hah, babies don't come from rocks you know, whatever Mashti says!"  
  
"Agreed.  I'm trying to find out the whole story and am getting nowhere.  Please tell me what you know, for Julan's sake."  
  
"I will, Anni," she started slowly.  "I know what happened.  And Mashti knows I know—that's why she made Julan break off our relationship, when she realized that I had found out.  She was afraid that I would manage to convince Julan.  I never did, though.  That idiot believes anything she tells him."  
  
"She's all he's ever known,"  I said simply.  If this girl didn't understand basic human nature, well, I certainly wasn't going to explain it to her. "So what really happened?"  
  
"I can't tell you here!" Shani whispered gruffly, as I saw some one walking in our direction.  Shani turned to me quickly and whispered in a hushed tone. "If Ahmabi were to hear us she'd go mad!  She's the Ashkhan's widow…She's the on who banished Mashti and she has forbidden all discussion of Mashti or Julan.  I think she would kill them if she could, but she frightened of Mashti."  
  
Interesting.  My mind was already working.  I held out my hand to Shani. "Thank you.  Just remember what I said."  
  
Shani looked over her shoulder and spoke quietly, "Well talk more when I get back from a hunting trip.  I'm not sure when I'll be back, but I'll try and send word to you somehow."    
  
"We're planning on being here for the next few days, I'll check in before we leave."  
  
"Goodbye, Anni."  
  
"Goodbye, Shani."  I had to get back to Mashti's.  I hobbled back to her outcast encampment and crashed down beside a snoring Julan.  
  
 **Later that Morning**  
  
"Mephala!"  Julan shouted at me, surprised to wake by my body curled around his. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Ai. Trying to heal."  
  
"What in gods named happened to you?"  
  
"I was taking care of some business for Mashti. If you want to know more ask her, because I'm done out." I went to sleep almost immediately and woke to Julan sitting beside me with some bread and wine.  
  
"You sleep the entirety of yesterday.  Here's some bread and wine, I know you must be hungry."  I sat up and took the bread.  "Mashti told me what you did for her.  Thank you.  Did you find out anything about them?"  
  
"No.  Your mother was correct that they attacked me on sight.  I have no idea who they were or why they were stalking her.  They didn't enlighten me; neither did your mother for that matter."  
  
"What do you mean?" he spat.  
  
"She knows more than she's saying, Jules, you know that as well as I."  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about," he said coldly.  
  
"Of course you don't," I said with exasperation.  The rivers of denial ran deep in this little family.  I took a short breath.  "Jules, it's a beautiful day, the sun is shining.  Let's just stop being mad for a moment and enjoy it."  He looked at me and grimaced.  
  
"Why would you want to spend time with a marauding rapist, Anni?"  Turning he face from mine. I had hurt him badly, and I feared the extent of damage.  
  
"I don't know, probably the same reason you want to spend all your time with a thief and liar.  Please Jules—I'm sorry.  I said those words in the heat of anger—I did not mean them." In truth I did, but I had crossed a line and now had to figure out a way back. I knew he still wanted me, and despite my newly assigned role as competition, I think he still loved me.  I was not willing to lose him to prophecy, so….I moved closer and whispered in his ear, "Besides, I was willing." I started kissing his bare chest, slowly moving my tongue down his stomach.  
  
"Oh…Well when you put it…Oh…Annika…."  
  
 **Day 112**  
  
"You know," I said, as we woke lazily in the mid afternoon of the next day, "the weather's still beautiful…Let's go kolloping, have a picnic lunch, then slaughter some Daedra.  Sound like a date?"  
  
"Perfect.  Gods, I must be crazy," Julan laughed shaking his head.  We walked out towards the sea, wind gently blowing the clouds that passed effortlessly against a deep blue sky.  "I haven't been kolloping in years," Julan said holding me.    
  
"I've always loved the sea," I said wistfully, dancing ahead in the sand. It was true.  Chorrol was land locked, but when I reached Anvil…well, the sea was that town's only consolation, and was mine when it chewed and spit me out.  We sat on the beach like children for awhile eating kollop meat and digging out their little treasures.  I noticed that Julan had that far away look.  
  
"So, Daedra got your tongue?" I said smiling at him.  
  
"Hmmm?" he muttered, still staring out into the sea.  
  
"You look a bit preoccupied. Spit it out."  
  
"I look preoccupied?" he said smiling at me. "Ah…I suppose I am a little. I was thinking of Shani."  
  
"I see."  
  
He saw the look I gave him… "No sera, nothing like that, it's just everything that's happened. I was so angry at you…then you had corprus, and I thought you were gong to die.  It makes me think, what if I had stayed angry at you then something terrible had happened, and I never got the chance to sort things out?  I'd have never forgiven myself, and then I think about Shani…"  
  
I was quiet for a minute.  Unsure of what to say. "Julan, you must try to live a life with no regrets.  If you feel that you may regret your actions—then fix it.  No 'what ifs'."  
  
"Oh, I'm not sure. We were so close—like siblings, really; then it ended so badly. Still, I think I should at least try to mend fences."  
  
I sighed deeply. "Well, there's no time like the present.  I'll leave you to it."  
  
"Are you sure you're ok with this?"  
  
I smiled wanly. "I'll meet you back at your mother's when you're ready—."  
  
"No, come with me," he said grabbing my hand. "I'd like your company."  
  
"Would she?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.  "Cause I don't think she would.  Jules, I think this something you two have to work this out on your own."  
  
"Yeah, you're right.  I know you're right." Of course I was right, you dolt.  I am a woman.  He went on, "But it is a beautiful day, maybe we could make our way to the camp, find Shani and then you could head to Vos—I know you like that clothes shop."  
  
"Oh, I think I could burn an hour or two," I said laughing.  "But let me change.  I'm not sporting a dripping wet bikini."  
  
"You might give some of those older tribesmen a jolt," Julan laughed.  That rich sound of his laughter was good to hear.  Perhaps clearing the air on all fronts is what was needed; however, when we reached the camp, Julan was given a nasty shock.  Kammu, an elderwoman stated that there had been an accident during the hunting trip.  
  
"Shani's hunting troupe returned some time ago, but she was not with them, sera.  They say they lost her somewhere in the Grazelands.  Normally I would not speak to you of this, because of everything, but that I am worried, and we cannot spare the warriors to search for her. Please go see Gunta.  She was leading the expedition."  
  
Julan, nodded then sprinted to Gunta's yurt.  She was clearly upset by what had happened.  She addressed Julan directly.  Good—it was time they stopped treating him like an outcast.  
  
"Julan, we were suddenly attacked by many Kagouti and the group became scattered.  We assembled again, but Shani was missing.  We searched, but thought she might have come back here….Oh sera, you know her…Thinks she can do it all, but she's no good with a bow and I fear the worst."  
  
"Where was she last seen?" Julan asked.  
  
"Near the Nerano Ancestral Tomb.  She was last seen heading towards the mountains.  Please hurry," Gunta said, taking Julan's hand into her own.  "She could be badly injured."  
  
"That s'wit!" he spat as he stomped out the door. "And she calls herself a scout!  Never had a sense of direction.  Never!"  
  
"Let's head towards the mountains." I marveled how his instincts were spot on in this.  I needed to quit underestimating him.  
  
"She's probably just wandered to Vos for a drink and got talking to someone," he said this, but we both knew it wasn't true.  
  
"We'll check the mountain region first," I said, knowing that precious time would be wasted traveling to Vos, just to confirm our silent suspicions.  We crossed the Grazelands post haste and made good time.  We had reached the ridge in under two days.  Just over the mountains is what appeared to be an abandoned mine shaft.  "Look Jules, there's a shield!  In front of that mine shaft.  Shit, do you think?"  
  
"Most likely…Anni! The door is jammed!"  
  
"Break it down!  Move!" I shouted as we kicked down the worn door in together.  "Gods the ceiling was partially collapsed.  Jules…I don't think she's in Vos…"  
  
"No shit!" he growled. There was blood on the ground and few dead nix hounds.  We encountered several live ones as we ran through shaft's caverns.  
    
"Why are all these wild animals and Daedra running around an abandoned mine?"  
  
"You'd be surprised to know what the Imperial scum used to keep us Ashlanders out of our own land."  
  
"No time for a lecture.  You'll have to tell me how dreadful I am later," I said then paused, seeing more blood, and then a large puddle of water underneath a partially collapsed beam.  There looked to be a doorway submerged.  
  
"Julan, I see something in that pool of water. Dive!"    
  
We reemerged from the water on the other side of the underwater door, racing to the end of the cavern seeing an unconscious Shani lying by a pile of raw glass.  "Shani!"  Jules ran past me, and held her, gently shaking her. "Shani can you here me?"  
  
"Julan?" Shani spoke, barely audible.  
  
Julan looked up to me in despiration.  He started babbling, "She's alive, Annika, but barely conscious I wonder how long has she been here?!  Give me that potion and I'll try to make her drink it," he said urgently.  He took the potion, but his hands were shaking.  Quickly, I took it from him and lifted her into my arms.  
  
"Shani, I said gently, forcing more healing potions down her throat.  "Wake up, love."I took her in my arms and rocked her as if I was rocking a small child. Julan paced wildly.  
  
"Shenogorath, this is all my fault!  Why didn't I come earlier?  Shit!"  His face was wet, I wasn't sure if it was sweat or tears.  I gently turned Shani over resting her head in my lap, placing my hands to her face, hoping that being the bastard of an Emperor would somehow endow me with some of his power—the power to cure wounds, so the faithful claim.   A foolish wish, though we were all fools.  A third dose of the potion helped her finally come around.  
  
"Uhn…" Shani began to stir, "Annika and Julan?  You came for me!"  
  
"What happened Shani?" I asked gently.  
  
Shani struggled to focus on me. "Ai, I've eaten nothing but mushrooms for days I think…"  
  
"What were you doing here?" I asked innocently.  
  
Shani's clouded look quickly changed to a scowl. "Oh you know, I just liked the scenery…. I got trapped in this fucking cave! What in Oblivion do you think?" she shouted angrily. Pity, it seems the potion worked too well.  
  
"Calm down," I said as gently as possible. "What happened?"  I asked gently this gritting my teeth.  Oh, I didn't like this girl.  
  
"We were chased by Kagouti.  I ran up the hills to get…to get a better shot, but then one cornered me and I kept backing up."  
  
She stopped and coughed.  I handed her some water, then signaled to Julan. "Jules, please get us some more." He filled an empty potion bottle with water and handed it to me.  
  
After a time, Shani began to speak more coherently. "I stumbled over the edge of the foyada.  I was hurt and all these animals were attacking me.  I just ran into the first place I could find. I needed shelter."  
  
"The entrance must have collapsed behind you," I said.  
  
"Yes, and there were all these Daedra too.  I just ran and ran trying to find another way out.Then the Ogrim--I dived past it into the water and found this cave.  Even when I didn't hear it anymore the exit was blocked."  
  
"There's no other way out?" I asked incredulously. These mines were like a labyrinth, there was likely another tunnel that could lead us to an exit.  
  
"What do you think?" she screamed at me. "Of course there's no other way way out!  What was I supposed to do, dig?  Idiot!"  
  
"Right," I said while standing."My sympathy just dried up. Jules you take the helm."  
  
"Anni, I'm sorry," said Shani starting to cry.  What was it about woman's tears that drove me mad? I hated hysterics—unless I was the one performing them. Shani continued crying, "I just didn't think anyone was going to come.  I had given up hope.  I thought I was going to die and no one would even find my body for a proper burial with my ancestors.  So even my spirit would be trapped here."  
  
"You'll be fine," Julan said helping her up.  "I'll figure something out."  Julan then walked over and placed his hand on her forehead.  
  
"Thank you.  Very much, Anni.  And thank you, Julan.  Of all people, I never would have expected you to come for me….And you're being so quiet.  That's not like you.   I kept expecting you to interrupt and call me a little s'wit.  Are you quite well?"  
  
"Can you walk?" Julan asked quietly.  "We should get you home, Shani." Suddenly there was a loud crash behind us.  "Shit!"  There was a cave in that blocked our only escape route.  
   
"What?" Shani yelled. "No!" she shrieked defiantly, pounding the ground, as if her anger alone could change the tide.  Shani slumped against the wall of the cavern and looked at me.  "Now we're all stuck in here.  Stuck with you, Annika, I could live with, but now I'm stuck in here with that selfish n'wah who's just going to insult me until I smash my head in with a rock to escape."  
  
"Were going to have to teleport out!" Julan said coldly between clenched teeth.   
   
"No! I can't teleport, and you're not leaving me!" Shani cried.  
  
"I can teleport you, you s'wit!" Julan was getting angry and I was beyond frustrated.    
  
"Oh, don't start on me again!" Shani shouted.  "I don't know why you're here, if you're only going to yell at me!" More sobbing.  "Why are you here Julan?  I bet it was Anni's idea!"  You don't care if I live or die anymore, do you?  And now, I bet you're wishing I was dead just to shut me up!"  
  
"Gods, do you blame, me—."  
  
I cut him off before either could retort.  In truth my head was hurting and this scene was getting old.  "This arguing isn't getting us anywhere."  
  
Shani moved to a sitting position holding her damaged foot. "Well, I don't know why he's here!  He hasn't even asked me how I'm feeling.  He's hardly spoken to me."  
  
"Listen you fool," I started crossly. "He's the one who ran after you after we found you had disappeared.  When found you unconscious it was he who put the potion to your mouth—."  
  
"But I suppose he promised his darling mother that he wouldn't have anything to do with me, and he has to do what she wants, don't you?" Shani cut me off, as if I hadn't spoken.  "You always do everything she tells you because life's so much easier that way.  You never have to think at all!" Shani continued to shout.  Gods, I wasn't even here. I stopped speaking because I knew both were beyond hearing me.  
  
Julan turned in a rage, "That's no true!  You think we broke it off because she told me to!  I did it for your sake; you're just too blind to see that!"  
  
I cracked a bottle of Matze and lobbed some bread in their general direction.   
  
"What are you doing," asked Shani staring blankly at me.  
  
I held of up the Matze and bread. "Dinner and a show. You two just go on. I haven't been this entertained in a while…"  
  
"Fine.  Laugh at my expense, Anni.  I hope you choke," Shani said wrathfully.  "And Julan... No, you ended it with me because you were getting bored, and your mother gave you an easy way out.  I know that.  But I hate that you're too much of a coward to admit it, so you pretend you did it for the sake of your mission, or some other load of noble guarshit."  
  
"Ooohhhh, good one Shani!" I said winking. Julan turned in my direction, the first time since this ordeal began.   
  
"Shut up, Anni," he said.  I shrugged.  
  
Shani continued, "You know I'm telling the truth—I can see it in your face.  I've known you all your life, Julan, you can't lie to me.  Never could."  Julan said nothing.  I knew in my heart everything that Shani said was true. He was a willing victim to his mother's manipulation.  It was easier just to do what someone said, rather than thinking on it.  I had done that most my life—either by priest or an Imperial.  
  
He then finally spoke, his voice slow and gravelly.  I knew the tempest was coming... "You little s'wit.  You think you know everything about me, don't you?  From what you've been saying in the last five minutes shows you don't know me at all!" Here comes the shouting.  Maybe another cave in.  I started gathering glass shards around us as I knew I could get a good price on them.  
  
"Maybe you're right about some things.  Maybe I was thinking of ending it before Mashti demanded it. But if you really believe that I hate you, and wouldn't come looking for you--" He stopped and put his head in his hands.  The blow up was going to be monumental, he continued, "Do you know how worried I was?  I thought you might be dead!  Look, you're a sister to me.  You stood by me when others turned their backs.  I care you more than you will ever understand."   
  
Now Shani was bawling at this point.  "Oh Julan," she sniffed. "I'm so sorry.  I was so angry for so long.  I didn't mean all those things. You were my closest friend" She was a mess of tears and snot and I was going to be sick, just utterly sick.  
  
"I've been so lonely without you to talk to. Just promise you won't be so horrible to me anymore…" she cried, as Julan walked to her and gently wiped the tears away.  
  
"I won't.  I'm so sorry, Shani.  You know I'd always come to find you."  
  
They were hugging now.  I wanted to puke. "Bravo!  Bravo…good show guys, but hey, I'm out of Matze and its getting a bit stuffy in here.  And I think I'm about be a little sick in my mouth so can we scoot?"  
  
"Nice," Shani said scowling.  
  
"Anne," Jules smiled.  
  
"No Julan. Seriously, I'm thrilled you both worked it out, but Shani, you're bleeding badly and I just want to get out of here before we all get crushed by rocks and glass. Right now I don't care how."  
  
"We have to teleport.  Shani, just close your eyes." Julan had marked a spot outside the camp.  I was proud of him for thinking ahead. Mamaea, the healer, rushed out to greet us.  
  
"Thank you so much for bringing her home," Mamaea said gratefully. "You are truly a friend to the Ahemmusa."  
  
"It was Julan.  You have him to thank."  Mamaea acknowledged this with a nod and I spoke to Shani.  "You'll be better soon.  When you're up for that talk…."  
  
"I'll see you soon, Anni.  And thank you."  
  
 **Same Day**  
  
After leaving Shani in the hands of her healer, Julan and I walked along the coast back towards Mashti's encampment.   
  
"Shenogorath, I'm glad that's over," he sighed. "It's a relief to know she doesn't hate me, even if I probably deserved it.  Maybe we've both grown up."  
  
"Maybe." I said hesitantly.  Gods if she was this immature now, I can't imagine two years ago.  "Let's go home and get some rest." I put my arm around him, trudging along the shoreline.  
  
"So now, you've met her, what do you think?"  
  
"A little immature, but well meaning."  This was the truth.  I was too tired to play games.  "I think she'd be a perfect fit for the local drama troupe."    
  
"Maybe you should pass that suggestion on to her.  Seriously, I'd like it if you two were friends.  You're not jealous are you?" he snickered.  
  
I shrugged. "Perhaps insecure would be a better word, at least a bit.  She's known you so long and you have so much history together."  
  
"I care about her greatly, like a sister.  Everything else is in the past—I've told you that, Anne," he said smiling at me.  "Shani never really understood me, or what I'm trying to do.  She wanted me to marry her, settle down and be a hunter, or a herder.  I don't want that."    
  
"I know." I knew what little girl dreams were, I had had them myself and knew that they rarely came true.  
   
"I want to make a difference, and help my people, somehow.  You understand that, I think.  Whether you believe in my mission doesn't really matter, you believe in me." He paused and turned me around, facing him, "I'm stronger when you're with me.  I think I make you stronger too."  
  
"You have,"I said, leaning on his arm as we walked. In the months past I had learned sheave my heart, and let break a little too. "Lets rest tonight then pay Nibani a visit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI Folks: I'll be putting this message through out the series. For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashal are Kateri's creations, though I have added to the dialog (and in some cases changed it completely), particularly in the case of Julan.
> 
>  
> 
> kateri-t's incredible mod Ashlander Julan can be found here: lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm
> 
> Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan.
> 
> Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC


	13. The Unwilling Incarnate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment of truth has arrived for Annika Blue. What gains as Nerevarine, she loses in love.

From the Series Nerevar Blue Based off The Elder Scrolls and mod Ashlander Julan by Kateri--a love letter to them both, really.  
  
 **Day 117**  
  
"Are you ready?" I said turning over toward Julan.  We had rested for several days in his encampment.  I had dropped all pretenses of staying in the "guest yurt".   
  
Julan paused for a moment stretching, then turned over to toward me.  "I guess I'm as ready as I will ever be," he sighed.  Slowly we rose and gathered our gear, then headed headed east through the wastes back to Urshailaku. I had come to dread our visits to Nibani.  She and those damned prophesies had become a division.     
  
"Jules, it's strange.  The one thing that brought us together keeps pulling us apart."  He said nothing, but nodded slightly and stared straight ahead.  Arrival at the camp was nothing short of depressing.  The children had started coming out of the yurts when we were there, but they had very little. Recently I had taken to finding clothes and toys to bring to them.  The mothers who wanted more than misery for their children took these offerings happily; the others made it pertinently clear that my charity was unwanted. I wondered to myself what was the good of pride when your child's feet are cold?  
  
"Nibani, it's good to see you," I said firmly.  "Have you made your judgment?" Enough stalling.  
  
"Yes, sera.  The ancestors and stars have given me clear signs and the prophecies leave no doubt—the Incarnate shall be an Outlander.  You, blessed by Azura, must lift the seven curses of Dagoth Ur. " I saw Julan cringe at these words. Nibani continued, "I have been chosen to be your guide down the Nerevarine's path.  I will read the signs and show you the way.  It is time."  
  
"Is there a possibility that the prophecies could be wrong, that another—an Ashlander—could be the one?"  I hoped that she would reconsider and Jules would have the strength to speak up; I would not on his behalf.  
  
"That is doubtful, though I would not discount it. You have passed both the first and second trials—uncertain parentage and the Curse-of-Flesh, corprus." She paused for a moment and turned toward Julan.  I could tell she was hoping he would speak, but no, Julan stared back at Nibani like an impassive rock.  She then turned back to me, staring with her cold, dark eyes. "The third trial is not my secret to share.  Go to Sul-Matuul and he shall be your guide through the third trial."  
  
"Thank you, Nibani.  I will go to Sul-Matuul immediately." I said nothing to Julan.  I was disappointed that he could not speak up for himself.  I was heartened, though by thought of the first two prophecies being easily filled.  I mean anyone could be born a bastard and drink a potion.  In a way Julan had passed the second trial—he did not contract corprus.  I would point this out to him later—when he finished brooding.  
  
"Outlander," Sul-Matuul said warmly upon my entering his yurt. "You have entered the path of the Nerevarine.  This is a hard thing to believe.  But Nibani has spoken to me at length of this and I have had time to consider.  I shall keep my own counsel, and set before you my own test.  I do not dispute with Nibani, though the wise woman's ways are not the ways of the warrior.  Many before have tried the path of the Nerevarine, but all have failed the warrior's test.  You must have strength, courage and cunning."  
  
"Go on, Sul-Matuul."  
  
"Nearby lies Kogoruhn, the ancient halls of the forgotten house.  In recent times, creatures of blight have come to dwell there.  I myself went there, with some brave hunters and came back again, but it was a bad place, and I am not ashamed to say I was afraid, sera, for myself and my men. If you want the secret of the 'caverns dark, where Azura's eye sees,' then you will prove to me that you have a warrior's heart.  Go to Kogoruhn and retrieve weepings of a corprus beast, to show proof that you are immune, a cup with mark of House Dagoth so I know your eyes have seen what I have seen with my own, and a special shield that lies on the Tomb of Dagoth Morin."  
  
"I shall do these things or die trying, Sul."  
  
"Good luck, sera," he said, though his eyes didn't mean it.    
  
We walked out the door; Jules was steaming.  "This is big waste of time, Anni! This isn't getting me anywhere.  How am I supposed to carry out my mission if we're getting all sidetracked with a stupid prophecy that isn't right?"  
  
"Why didn't you say something to Nibani?  You have had every opportunity to set her straight!  You could just as easily fit all those "signs".  You, too have unknown parents and you didn't catch corprus from me—that in and of itself says something.  But damn it, Jules, you have to say something!"  
  
"Nibani is not my guide!  Azura is—through my mother," he said forcefully.  "You know this."  
  
"Well, do you have a better idea?"  
  
"You know I don't," he said irritably.  "But I don't like this.  It's all heading in the wrong direction.  They should have realized you're not the one by now.  Something's not right here," he said looking around the camp.  
  
"I can't help what they see and what they don't see and you haven't spoken up.  So what do you want me to do?  I say we need to find the location of this shrine or cavern."  
  
"Yes…and they're only going to tell you where it is if you play along with what they want you to do," Julan said irritated.  
  
"Of course, they don't want me to be the Nerevarine, especially Sul-Matuul.  You know this."  
  
"Oh, Anne, I suppose you're right.  I know I'm too suspicious for my own good.  I just…Oh nevermind.  Let's go and get these damned trinkets from Kogoruhn.  I just hope this Cavern of the Incarnate place will give me the answers I need about what to do next."  
  
"I know, Jules.  And hey, for what its worth I know it's difficult for you to hear that…that someone other than you is the Nerevarine."  
  
"Let's just go Anni, before we..." his voice trailed.  
  
"Let's," I said looking directly at him.  The night time dessert air was crisp with brilliant stars shining above.  I could understand how this land could grow on you.  Desolate, yes—but there was beauty in the barren rock.  When the sun went down over the rolling hills and cast a pale red light across the land, I could see how a people revered it as god.  In the distance, I saw an unnatural looking hill—no building..  It stuck out our like a palm tree in the snow.  It didn't belong here.  
  
"That's it."  I paused, climbing the steps to the top of the structure only to find a dead Ordinator at my feet.  "Wait, Jules—stop.  There's a dead Ordinator." Odd.  
  
"That's a happy sight," Jules quipped.  
  
"Seriously, I wonder what's going on?"  
  
"Well, you heard Sul, Anni. He wants to send you to a particularly nasty place to make sure you're good and dead."  
  
"I know, though look, over there's some dome." There were three oddly shaped buildings, one of them dome like.  "That's the smallest one, we'll start there."  
  
"Probably where they store the slaves."  
  
"Maybe." We swung the unlocked door open into a room much larger than anticipated, though there were no slaves, just musical objects and Dagoth Something or other.  We slew him right off and gather the corprus weepings (ewww) and the Dagoth Cup.  
  
"Mephala, Anni, did you see his face?  Do you think they were actually human once?"  
  
"Honestly I don't know…But, hey—two down one to go."  
  
"Hah, hey look, bells!  I wonder what music these lunatics enjoy! Go on, Anni, give us a tune!"  I grabbed the bell hammer and started banging on them.  Jules did a little jig and then took his turn.  "Gods, Anni…even in a pit we have a great time."  I kissed him for that.  We then entered the main building and were immediately attacked by naked cultist.  
  
"You'd think they'd wear some armor," Julan spat.  
  
"You'd think they'd wear something—you know some people just aren't meant to be wondering around all naked."  
  
"Oh, so you're looking," he laughed.  
  
"It's hard not to see—eh, cellulite."  
  
"Well?" Julan asked hopefully.  
  
"Well what?" I asked elusively.  
  
"How do I compare?"  
  
"Jules, I'm not even going to answer that."  He looked disappointed.  "Fine, you're way better." I said rolling my eyes as we made our way down another level.  
  
"Don't sound so enthused."    
  
"I'm not going to feed your vanity.  You know what you got."  
  
"Do you?" he smiled.    
  
"Huh? Hey, what do ya think it's behind door number three?"  Had to change the subject and I was fortunate. The gods had blessed me with a locked door and a dead body behind it.  Not only that, but Dead Sera was wearing glass armor.  "Jules, hand me torch, would ya?  It does me no good if I can't see what I'm stealing…."   
  
We walked down the hall another unmarked room when we were immediately attacked by a Flame Atronach, who went down with my blade and Julan's bow.  We reached another door, inscribed on molding was "Vault of Areode".  "Hmmm…What kind of name is "Vault of Areode"?  Do you think these Dagoth's sit around over some hack lo and Matze and come up with this stuff?"  
  
"Probably Imperial Brandy," sniffed Julan. We made it to the water way and quickly to the cavern called Charma's Breath.  I was impressed with Julan's skills with the cross bow.  No one I had ever seen equaled him in marksmanship.  We had just taken out Dagoth Elan and found the glowing shield hiding behind the alter.  "Hey, we got what we came for, Anni. Let's get the hell out of here."  We headed back to Urshailaku camp, where we would be rivals once again.  I hated it.   
  
**Day 118**  
  
"So Annika, you have passed the test." Sul-Matuul said with an air of disbelief and unmasked disappointment. "I am impressed.  These tokens that you have brought to me—you may keep them."  
  
"Thank you, Sul" I said politely, though I did not add that he could keep the corprus weepings for himself.  Gross.  
  
"So your searching heart is ready.  I believe, that it is time to drop the pretense and for you to seek Azura. 'In the Caverns of the dark Azura's eyes sees and makes to shines the moon and the star. Annika, this is the Third Vision.  You must go to the Cavern of the Incarnate and look for the moon and the star.  The secret of the Cavern of the Incarnate is set in a riddle."  Oh, great.  
  
He cleared his throat then continued, "The eye of the needle lies in the teeth of the wind/ the mouth of the cave lies in the sin of the pearl/ the dream is the door and the star the key." Sul then paused and looked at me placing his hands on my shoulder.  "You have surprised me with your strength and impressed me with your vision and respect.  Take this with you, my blessing, and the blessing of our tribe, Malipu-Ataman's belt."  
  
"Again, thank you.  I will do all that I can for you and your people, Sul-Matuul." I walked out slowly, bowing my head.  Julan followed behind me.  
  
Out of earshot from Sul-Matuul, Julan said angrily, "You know, if they know where the damned cave is, why can't they tell us?"  
  
"I think we should ask your guide for answers.  Let's go see your mother."  
  
"I think you just want to go back to my yurt and make love."  
  
"You're right.  Shall we?" Julan smiled and took my arm.  
  
 **Day 122**  
  
I knew my way to Ahemmusa camp blind, though the night and heavy fog made travel difficult.  I had left before the sun rose.  Time was running out; we had spent several days at Mashti's encampment, trying to glean answers from a woman who clearly didn't understand the questions.  Mashti was a woman drowning; she kept trying to come up with vague explanations for the riddles presented by Sul-Matuul.  Julan was frustrated and I knew eventually he would want to strike out and try to find the cavern on our own.  I had to find out what Mashti was covering and the only way to do so was question the Ahemmusa tribesmen.  I first went to the person who knew Julan best—Shani.  Shani had been staying in the healer, Mamaea's yurt.  
  
"Shani is still delirious and resting.  She cannot speak to you now." Mamaea said icily. She was lying. If only Shani had told me earlier.  
  
"I have to find out some information regarding Julan. Mamaea, I won't be turned away. I need those answers now."  
  
"Well," she said turning to me, "Speak to Kammu.  You will find out all you need to know from her."  
  
"Fine," I answered cooly, marching out of her yurt.  
  
I found Kammu cooking a meal over the fire.  As she had been kind to me before, I had hoped she would provide answers.  Slowly I approached her.  "Kammu, I need to talk to you about Julan."  
  
"That is tribal business, and none of your concern," Kammu uttered softly.  
  
"Oh, it is _my_ business Kammu, and I _will_ have some answers.  About Mashti—."  
  
"Outlander, please!  Gods, that murderous witch! By Boethiah, don't say her name out loud, and do not mention such a thing to Ahnabi!"  
  
"Why?" I asked impatiently.  
  
"Ah, sera….Ahnabi, has always been unstable, but especially since her husband, our Ashkhan, died.  Still, she's very respected and we try to keep her happy…We don't mention Mashti or even Julan, not if we can help it."  
  
"I'm sorry, Kammu.  Julan's life depends on these answers.  I will go to the source if I have to."  
  
"Anni, no!" Kammu started to stand, but I was determined to talk to this Ahnabi and made my way to her yurt before Kammu could stop me.  I walked in softly and saw a small women bent in prayer.  
  
"Excuse me, Ahnabi, I am sorry to bother you."  
  
"No, sera," a woman with a frail body and tired eyes looked up at me and rose slowly from her small alter.  I assumed it was to her fallen husband, the deceased Ashkhan.  
  
"Sera, I know this painful for you, in fact I was told that you may become quite angry at the mention…" I felt a lump growing in my throat as I stared at this woman who impassively stared back.  "I have to know about Mashti Kaushibael.  I am trying to save her son. Was she married to an Ahemmusa man?"  
  
She paused for a moment, as if she did not hear, turning her back she uttered in a low hiss, "What did you say?"  
  
"Mashti Kaushibael…was she married?" I stuttered slowly.  
  
"Han-Sashael was only ever married to one woman and that was me!" she shouted as she turned and started screaming. "How dare you suggest that what that evil witch did to him and any connection to a marriage before the gods?  He was mine!"  Ahmabi was sobbing at this point, but she continued, "He loved me!  And when she couldn't have, she killed him!" She dropped to her knees.  "Get out!" she said in a low guttural voice. "Get out of here!"   
  
I backed out of her yurt slowly.  Upon exiting I was grabbed by an Ahemmusa named Rakeem. "Outlander, what are you doing?"  
  
"Finding out the truth," I said, gruffly shaking off his hold.  I was afraid he would draw his sword. Instead he pulled me aside and agreed to talk.  
  
"Had you come to me first," he said slowly, "you could have avoided Ahmabi's wrath."  
  
"I didn't know, Rakeem.  I have find answers and nobody speaks!  I have to know the truth about Mashti Kaushibael."  
  
"Hmmph.  The witch woman?" he asked bitterly.  'Yes, Outlander, I was there she worked her magic upon our warriors; nearly destroying the tribe….It was bad, very bad.  I alone survive, and I wish I was dead with them.  There is nothing left for our people now."  
  
"Rakeem, what happened?" I said softly, putting my arm in his as we walked down to the shore.  
  
"Anni, if I may call you that."  
  
"Please."  
  
"It was three summers ago.  Han-Sashael, asked me to join his hunting party.  We spent the summer roaming the Grazelands, bringing home food, killing the evil creatures around the camp to protect the tribe.  On a morning with a red sky we came upon Daedra, four of them.  Hungers…I believe you call them."  
  
"Yes.  I have encountered them at shrines."   
  
"To see four at once, sera was strange.  They just stood there, like they were waiting on us.  So we attack.  We are warriors, yes?"  
  
"Of course," I added patiently.  
  
"So we fought the Daedra, bow and blade.  But we were not hurt, and they started running away…"  
  
"Rakeem, I've known them to back up when fighting. That's why they were so hard to hit."  
  
"No sera, they turned their backs, though moved slowly as if they wanted us to follow them.  This was strange, but we did not think….Our prey flees, we chase…hunting, eh?" I nodded and he continued.  "The Daedra ran into a cave.  Han-Sashael says follow—we kill them all and carry their skins and hearts home in glory.  He tells one man to stand watch at the cave mouth, and tells me to run back to the camp and bring the pack guar, to carry home the prize.  So I ran towards the camp, though something made me turn," he stopped and shuddered. Wordlessly I handed him a rolled hack-lo leaf.  "I saw her, sera.  She was moving fast between the rocks, straight to the cave," he said quietly.  
  
"Are you sure it was her?"  
  
"I know.  I saw the sun shine off her dagger….I was afraid, for I know of the witch women and what they do to men with their ghost-snake."  
  
"What?" I asked, incredulous.  Ghostsnake?  That sounded slightly obscene.  
  
"Just listen," Rakeem responded, rather impatiently.  "I crouched, very still.  I saw her summon her magic, she killed the man at the cave mouth, Ainab.  He was a large man, but he dropped quickly.  She then ran inside.  I heard screaming then, and I went to move…toward the camp to get help.  Some warriors came back, but it was too late."  
  
"Please continue, Rakeem…though I know this must be painful."  
  
"No, sera…no how could you possibly know?  But this has to be said…A group of us headed back to the mouth of the cave.  Dead men, dead Daedra of every kind….they were all dead.  Han-Sashael…he was not there among the dead…Mashti was not either.  We thought she lured him into the deep tunnels, where she could catch him unawares...She could never beat him a fair fight!  We then heard his scream…his death, but we never found the body."  
  
"What of Mashti?"  
  
"We took the bodies of our warriors—our brothers and tribesmen--and…we ran.  When we got far enough from the cave, I turned around…we all did and saw the witch woman.  Sera, she came out with no blood and the Daedra did not touch her at all."  
  
"Why did you not seize her?"  I would have thought they'd have her head.  
  
"In truth, we were too afraid.  She was too strong, and we could not lose anymore…Ai…That was a dark day for our tribe…So many strong warriors…gone.  My brother, my cousin…our Ashkhan.  The tribe, Ai, sera…I do not think we will ever recover.  Now we are just waiting for the evil to come from the mountain and finish us.  There are no more strong warriors.  No more honor for the Ahemmusa."  
  
"I wouldn't be so sure, Rakeem.  You're still alive…there are others." I said those words knowing that he was right.  This weakened tribe could not take another blow.  "Thank you for speaking to me."  
  
"What will you do now?" he asked slowly.  
  
"Set things to rights."  I was not sure how. I knew Mashti would deny it all and that Julan would believe her lies…As Rakeem and I walked back to the camp I saw Julan in the distance.  I made my way over to him slowly.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Julan uttered grimly. "You were talking to Rakeem for some time."  
  
"Trying to find some truth." I said walking past him.  He grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face him.  
  
"How? By listening to more lies?" Clearly he was angry.  "Why can you not believe me?"  
  
"Its not you I don't believe, Julan."  
  
"I'm tired of this," he said.  "Let's go find the cavern.  I think I have an idea of where it might be…unless you'd like to continue gossiping."  
  
"No, I've heard my fair share of stories today." I said resigned.  
  
"We'll set out at first light.  My mother gave me a map."  
  
"How does she know?" Mashti had been stalling all week.  
  
"I told you she's guided by Azura!  Gods, Anni, why can't you believe it?"  
  
Because it wasn't true.  
  
 **Day 123**  
  
All this time it had been in our back yard.  The Cavern of the Incarnate lay less than four miles south of Mashti's compound.  My heart was pounding as we reached the door.  "Jules, its locked," I said stating the obvious.  In frustration, Julan kept trying the door.  No picks, magic or bad tempered kicks made the door budge. I turned to Julan, "What about what Sul said about the star being the key?"  
  
"Ahhh, Anni…the answer is dusk!  We're looking for Azura's star!  Gods, why didn't I think of that earlier…We'll try the door again this evening." He was giddy.  Julan had been waiting for this moment for a lifetime.  Everything…that he knew and was instilled in him lay behind those locked doors.  
  
"Are you sure you're ready?" I knew there was little I could do to delay the inevitable.  
  
"Anni, I've been ready for quite sometime.  I've been preparing for this day since birth.  I am glad you are here to share it," he squeezed my hand smiling.  I wished I could be anywhere but here.  I knew in my heart and mind that I was the Nerevarine, though I came to this knowledge with a sad resignation.  I did not want to be an entire people's savior.  Part of me still hoped that it would be him.  Had he spoken up earlier maybe the fates would have heard.  
  
"We have hours to burn before the stars come out—what do you want to do?" I asked leaning against a rock near the door.  "Hit a cavern somewhere?  I thought I saw one on the ledge above us…or close…Randy, Rabies, something."  
  
"No…Anni, you're thinking of Ranyabi Egg Mine, and unless you want a hand full of eggs or scrib jelly, there's nothing in there for you," he said smiling.  "Anni, everything's going to be different after I walk in there…I just want to wait it out."  
  
"We could rest," I said smiling, knowing what that meant.  He smiled and held my hand.    
  
"No, Anni, we could talk though."  
  
"About?"  
  
"Your life…I know so very little…Who was Kat, the woman who raised you? Was she so awful that you can't trust?" I knew he was referring to my ardent distaste for his mother. She was a liar.  It couldn't be helped.  
  
"Oh, no…no…I told you before she was kindness incarnate, and that her name was Kat Ashzle.  She taught me to read, to dance and to think."  I closed my eyes thinking of her…her smile and grace, the way she held me and spoke in a low, purring voice.  Kat was my port in the storm, my protector and guardian.  What else could I say about her?  There were no formable words to describe it.   
   
"Did she teach you sleigh of hand?  Khajiti are famous for it, you know."   
  
I did not like his tone.  Kat Ashzle was my religion, my Azura.  She meant more to many then any of Vvardenfell's demigods or false prophets. "I guess," I said coldly.  "I would watch Kat raid the pantries and probe the coffers when the priests claimed there was no money to pay the servant's wages.  She always made sure there was enough for me.  I was with her from the time I was born, until…she passed," I closed my eyes, remembering her scent and warmth.  
  
"How did it happen, Anni?"  
  
"Ai…there was a lump," I said slowly.  "She was sick for some time.  The priests did tend to her, but in the end…In the end no amount of begging or praying were enough to save her, but gods, I tried…" The memory drained me, though I continued.  "She passed in her sleep as I laid beside her." It was a horrific memory, waking next to corpse of someone you loved, her body cold and stiff.  No warmth radiating beneath her soft fur.  I paused for a moment, then spoke.  "Part of me died with her that morning." I said, flatly.  He was wise not to speak for a time.  
  
"No wonder you're so fond of the Khajiti," he pointed out needlessly.  "Is that why you're always freeing them, Anni?"  
  
"Well, partially, Jules." You dumbass.  "Also, I'm not a real fan of slavery, as it turns out. Seems unfair that you can be born in chains without so much as committing a crime.  This place is so backwards. You say your people believe in gods and nature and…what was it?—oh yes, a simple life, yet you hold slaves—you buy and sell your own kind even—."  
  
"That's illegal…to sell a Dumner," he interjected.  
  
"Happens all the time, Jules, I've seen it.  I just don't understand.  The mainland has moved away from slavery, though there are still illegal pockets of it in the backwaters, and the practice is widely condemned…Why is it still here, sanctioned?"  
  
He took a deep breath. "The practice was protected in Vvardenfell and on Mainland. It was a last ditch effort to stop the war. The exception was granted to Dunmer in the Armistice of ….I can't remember the year Anni…but it was granted as a concession because my people saw the use of slaves as their ancient right."   
  
"Right?" I spat.  "Ancient convenience, more like it."   
  
"Call it whatever you like, Anni…I'm not going to argue semantics.  Look, I hate it too and once I'm Nerevarine and have defeated Dagoth…well…I'll look into doing something about slavery."  
  
"Even if you were to drive us all Outlanders out of Vvardenfell," I laughed.  "At least slavery is illegal everywhere else in the Empire."  
  
"Oh…I'm not driving everyone out…" he turned to me smiling.  "I think some ought to stay."  
  
"Well, we'll leave it at that…" The afternoon sun was warm on my face.  I closed my eyes leaning against Jules. He was warm and smelled of sand and sea.  I wanted to remember us just like this. We rested for a time. Waking, I looked to the sky, "There's a star on the horizon.. Is it Azura's?"  
  
"Yes…Anni its time," he said jumping up quickly.  We moved to the heavy doors and opened them with a heave.  Slowly they opened, exposing a dank and dark cavern—not the place of a god, I thought.  The shrine on the coast would have been more appropriate, though somehow this moss covered, little cavern felt more natural.  We stepped in looking ahead, seeing a large statue with hands holding something that sparkled in the dark.    
  
"I feel strange, Anni."  
  
"Anticipation?" I asked nervously.  
  
"I…guess," Julan said in a shaky voice.  We moved slowly towards the alter.  A great voice boomed above. I had heard it before… It was Azura of course…And she directed her discourse to me not Julan.  
  
"Annika Blue. You bear the Moon-and-Star, the ring of Nerevar.  None may deny; you are Nerevar Reborn, the prophesied Incarnate.  You will unite the peoples of Vvardenfell together to drive out Dagoth Ur and expose the false gods.  Beware.  The temple will know you as the enemy.  Ordinators will mark you for death, and the Tribunal Faithful of the Great Houses will hate and fear you.  The doubters of the Tribes will test your strength and doubt your honor.  You will be known.  You will must prepare and be ready.  My disciple Nibani Maeasa will be your guide." I reached out and grabbed the ring as the image of her hands faded. When she faded into nothingness, I saw a circle form—spirits and ghosts.  They were the failed incarnates, from warchiefs to commoners.  I spoke to all and respectfully took their trinkets, but one story…just one…resonated.  
  
"Welcome, Incarnate.  I am Idrenic Nerothan," said the specter before me.  "I was not the one.  But I wait and hope…Ask, and I shall tell you my story." I nodded, she went on. "I lived in the late years of the Tribuante, and behind the scenes, I helped us demoralize, then repel the Akaviri invaders.  I knew nothing of the Nerevarine or Dagoth Ur until I took refuge with the Ashlanders.  I died a fool, trying to loot the ruined Kogoruhn," she paused. "Here. Take these," she said handing me a master's pick and probe.  "Perhaps there's something in the world left worth stealing."  Maybe. But it was not in this cave.  
  
Slowly I walked out of the cavern, toying with the ring on my finger.  I twisted it thinking of the mission ahead.  Then suddenly I remembered.  
  
"Julan!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI Folks: I'll be putting this message through out the series. For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashal are Kateri's creations, though I have added to the dialog (and in some cases changed it completely), particularly in the case of Julan.
> 
>  
> 
> kateri-t's incredible mod Ashlander Julan can be found here: lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm
> 
> Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan. Also, the dialog from the character Rakeem is written by Kateri.
> 
> Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC


	14. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth behind Mashti's lies is finally revealed. What will it mean for Annika and Julan?

From the Series Nerevar Blue Based off The Elder Scrolls and mod Ashlander Julan by Kateri.  
  
"Julan!" I screamed.  He was not in the cavern or outside.  "Shit!" Where could he have gone, and how long had he been gone?  My mind was racing.  I had to think.  I didn't even hear him leave…Mashti.  Quickly, I sprinted up the foyada.  I couldn't see him anywhere ahead.  I ran to towards her encampment, but knew without a recall spell or flight, it would take at least 2-3 hours to get back there with this ash storm raging.  How did he get such a jump on me?  Recall?  Why didn't I think to do that—but, wait, I thought…why did he?  I tried contacting him through our telepathy rings to no avail.  I only heard water.    
  
The dark, starlit sky was turning orange by the time I had arrived to Mashti's encampment.  I had checked Julan's yurt first—though knowing I wouldn't find him there.  Sweat drenched and scared I started banging on her door—it was barricaded by something.  Inside I heard the sound of a woman sobbing.  Mashti.  "Open the door Mashti!  Open the god-damned door!"  I started kicking it and in rage and exhaustion I threw everything I could find at it—all to no avail.  I had to think of something…Shani.    
  
I reached her in a panic, and spilled, barely coherently, my story. "What? Julan's gone?  His mother is what?  And you're the Nerevarine?!  This is insane Anni.  Ok…Ok…what to do?"  
  
"I need some answers.  Now."  
  
"Alright…I just hope it's not too late.  We can't talk here, though.  We'll go to the tradehouse in Vos.  Perhaps Julan is stewing over his Matze," she said.  Gods, I hoped he was; and I had made a decision; if he was indeed stewing over a long drink, I would back out and wish he and Shani the best.  Looking at me would be a constant reminder of his failure.  As we dashed up winding stairs to the trade house, my heart pounded.  I wasn't sure I could handle his not being there…but that was the case.  There was no loud Dumner on the table dancing or passed out in his Matze.  There was just Shani.  "I'm sorry to drag you out here but I wanted us to speak in private, this was the only place that came to mind.  This is the place where we used to come when…" she looked away briefly, then turned back to me, "but anyway. I promised you some answers."  
  
"You did," I said shortly.  
  
"Julan's mother…virtually everything she's ever told him is a lie.  She never found him in the Grazelands.  She got pregnant by Han-Sashael, the Ashkhan, and his wife made him throw her out of the tribe.  Everyone knows what really happened.  Nobody ever spoke of it, though, to spare Ahmabi's feelings.  She never had any children of her own, you know, so it was especially hard for her."  
  
"How could he have not suspected?" I questioned incredulously.  
  
"Mashti had him brain washed!  But, sometimes I think he doubted her, but was too proud to admit it.  I mean, he used to spend a lot of time at the camp when we were growing up, he heard what was said."  My gods, I could only imagine living a life of ridicule…everyone speaking in whispers and stares.  I never knew his strength until now.    
  
Shani continued, "Ahmabi wanted to hide the truth from him so much that she started a hundred different rumors about Mashti to disguise the true one.  Most of them were false, so of course Julan thought they all were."  
  
"Superb—excellent strategy," I said turning my head in disgust. Ahmabi had brilliantly hid his parentage—and his inheritance. "I still think he would have questioned Mashti."  
  
"I'm sure he did, Anni," Shani said softly, "but he loves her. He wanted to believe her. And of course he wanted to think that he was special, and not just some illegitimate outcast with no future.  I mean, who wouldn't?"  
  
"What of Han-Sashael? How could he have not said anything? For the very least, the good of his tribe?"  Bastards are the world's oldest backup plan.  
    
"He never said anything, Anni.  He knew of course, but never let Julan suspect.  I honestly don't know why.  Perhaps it was Ahmabi's doing.  But I used to see him watching Julan in the camp, sometimes.  When he thought Julan couldn't see him.  And now it's too late. You spoke to Rakeem, right?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Then you know what Mashti did. In the end, she can never be forgiven."  
  
"I'm not so sure of that, but continue, Shani."  
  
"I should have told you this earlier..."  
  
"Yes, you should have," I said flatly.  
  
"Maybe he would have believed it coming from you," she said turning from me.  
  
"There was never any proof. And it's like you said, who would want to be a bastard when you could be the Nerevarine?"  
  
"You have to find him, Anni.  I don't know what he might do.  You have to make Mashti talk.  She might know something."  
  
"I'll come back when this is over.  Shani," I turned to the wall hugging myself, "when I bring him back, I plan to walk away.  He should be with someone who doesn't remind him of his failings—."  
  
"Oh, no Annika Blue.  I still love Julan and you know this, but I won't have him pinning for you. Second best—no, I won't live my life like that.  You will have to sort it out," she grabbed my arm slightly. "Don't come back until you do."  She brushed past me and I knew our talk was over.  I had to come up with something.  The answer lay in where it all began, I headed back to the encampment.  I thought of what I might have to do break down door, though it was already open upon arrival.  I entered the yurt, Mashti looked up at me wearily, but without malice.   
  
"Annika Blue, I thought you might come back."  
  
"You knew I would."  
  
"I suppose you want to know where Julan is."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I honestly don't know."  
  
"No more lies, Mashti," I shrieked, pounding my hand on the table. Moving my hand on the hilt of my sword, I knew that if it came to a battle of magic she would destroy me, but if it came to the sword…her skull would joining the others decorating her yurt.  
  
"I'm not!  He came here, he..." she sighed, then looked up at me wanly. "I told him everything.  He allowed me no choice in the matter.  You know too, I can tell by your face.  So.  What would you have me tell you now?  I am sick of secrets."  
  
"Why did you do it?  What in gods name led you to think it was a good idea to make him believe he was Indoril Nerevar?"  
  
"Why? Fool, that you cannot see this," Mashti uttered bitterly.  "We were outcasts, Annika.  His father would not, or could not acknowledge him.  I could never return to my people.  What kind of life could I offer my child, reviled and rejected?" she shouted, impassioned. "When I left the Urshailaku I took little with me except my knowledge of the prophecies.  So I gave him a dream, a purpose… it was all I could give him.  I had nothing else."  
  
"Guarshit, it was a lie, and a deadly one at that."  
  
"Not true?  You know nothing about truth!" Mashti seethed.  "No, you speak of facts and what are facts, sera?" she asked rhetorically.  "Facts mean nothing to me."  
  
"Obviously. "  
  
Her eyes flashed a rage; her voice seethed. "Julan could have become the Nerevarine, no matter what the prophecies say.  There is always another prophecy, and if there's not, well, then you can make one of your own! He could have done anything—anything!—that he put his mind to, if only he had believed in himself.  The fault is mine," she said shaking her head, "for not making him believe more."    
  
There was a strange truth to her words, as cynical as they sounded.  Another day, another prophecy, make your own future, become the next prophet.  The logic was sickly sane….But no… I was not going let hypnotize me, as she had done to Julan.  
"He could have been killed. This mission has been more than deadly.  If he is dead now…"  
  
"No! I was sure…sure that the gods would protect him.  And they did!"  
  
"You're delusional; sick enough to believe your own lies," I said crushingly. "It takes a special art to do that, one even I never possessed."  
  
"No, I'm not," she pounded a table.  "They sent you, did they not?—but now I think perhaps that the gods have been laughing at me all along.  I know you are the one to bear the Moon-and-Star.  Perhaps my son and I have been mere tools guide you towards your destiny." I drew back, she winced. I moved towards her, until we were toe to toe.  
  
"You listen, closely Mashti, for I will only say this once," I said menacingly.  "I love your son.  I have loved him from the first. If your lies have taken him away…."  I closed my eyes at this. I could not think.  Regaining composure I looked at her and smiled, "You know, I had always thought you both were using me.  Now I know Julan and I were both pawns to you and the twisted gods you both pray to."  
  
"Your spiteful words matter not to me…not anymore," Mashti said resigned. "Gods or Daedra, and the prophecies, none matter now.  Whether I used them, or they used me, or you used both of us, it's all over.  It's finished.  I have lost the final thing that it was possible for me to lose.  I have lost my son."  
  
"Think Mashti," I said slowly. "You must know where he might have gone."  
  
"It matters little where he went.  He will never return to me, I know that much.  I have lost him forever.  He never even raised his voice.  His face as he left," she paused looking over to me, "He looked so much like his father, like Han-Sashael.  I know he will not be coming back."  
  
"Maybe not to you.  But I will find him," I said this gritting my teeth and turned away, towards the door.  
  
"I danced for him," she whispered.  I stopped and looked back at her.   
  
"What?" I turned in disbelief, looking at Mashti hugging herself.  Gone was her sharp voice.  
  
"Han-Sashael.  When he came with his men to make trade agreements with my father.  All the girls, we preformed a sacred dance, just before the evening meal.  We only called it sacred in order to justify its place as traditional, but we were right.  It was sensual and beautiful, and what could be more sacred than that?  He came to my yurt that very night.  He was charming, and handsome.  Perhaps I was a fool, but I believed him when he said he would marry me." I said nothing but nodded to urge her on.  This information may come into play.  
  
"We left at dawn.  By the time we arrived in the Grazelands, I was deeply in love, and stunned by the beauty of my new home.  I was happy, too happy.  I soon discovered the truth," Mashti paused and took a deep breath.  "My new love was already married.  He wept, and begged my forgiveness.  He said he had been captivated by my beauty; he had lost his wits and wished he could make things right.  He said his wife did not understand him, he loved me.  Male talk.  But I was very young and I loved him and I could never return home.  So I accepted everything he said," I closed my eyes.  I could see this—all of it. I also saw my own mother before me.  I pictured her with that bastard Uriel Septim.  Why lies and false promises had he made?  Mashti sat down before continuing.  
  
"He told the tribe that I had come to train as a wise woman.  Ahmabi was suspicions, but she had no proof.  I saw him in secret, whenever he could get away.  I knew people were talking, but I cared little for their opinion.  I was happy.  But of course it could not last.  I became pregnant, and we could no longer conceal the truth from his wife.  You know the rest.  He never said a word in my defense when she wove her lies to cast me out.  Not one word."  She paused for a moment, turning to a dusty chest.  She opened it slowly, delicately lifting something out of it.  
  
"Look at this," she said softly, handing me a beautifully embroidered dress.  "Once, it was going to be my wedding gown.  My sisters and I sewed it, when I was betrothed to my father's gulakhan…I took it with me when I left with Sashael.  Of course, I never used it." She then looked to me.  "Here you take it.  I have kept it too long and it holds too many sad memories.  Use it, when you find Julan, or throw it away.  I care not."  
  
"Mashti, where is he?"  
  
"The last time he left me, when I told him to leave that silly girl from the camp, he later said that he had been living in a cave called Dun-Ahhe.  Perhaps he is there, perhaps not.  But before you go, he asked me to give you this," she said handing me a crumpled letter. "I have no idea what it says as I never learned to read. Take it. And, I should confess something."  
  
"Go ahead."  
  
"I had not intended to give you the note, nor direct you.  Why should I help the one, who day by day, has drawn the affections and loyalty of my son away from me?  No, do not speak.  I am not so poor a mother that I cannot read his heart in such matters.  I have learned from the past.  When I made him choose between that silly Ahemussa girl and myself, I thought to strengthen his loyalty to me, but I miscalculated.  I underestimated his attachment to that girl, and perhaps underestimated him."  
  
"Were you so unsure that you had to test him?"  
  
"Perhaps." she paused, glaring at me.  "I nearly lost him then and now… now that I have truly lost him…But even if I had the chance again, I would know better than to ask him to choose.  I heard how he spoke of you, saw how he touched… Bah!  Enough, I have resolved to give up my spite and have aided you, have I not?  Go then, find him if he will be found."  I nodded.  I would not lend her the grace of a final word.    
  
Outside the yurt I opened the letter. It looked to be quickly scrawled and was crumpled.  
  
 _Anni,  
I am sorry for this…for leaving you—it was too much.  I'm not angry about you being the Nerevarine; I think I knew it all along.  Or maybe I just knew I wasn't.  Doesn't matter much now I suppose.  Please keep your promise to Sul-Matuul.  I'd wish you luck, but you never needed it.  
  
Keep an eye on Shani for me—and Mashti.  I suppose its funny how I've learned she was really my mother all along; I don't want to call her that anymore.   I needed some answers and now I have them.  I just have to figure out what to do with them.  Please don't worry…  
  
I want you to know that everything I said was true; I'm sorry that fate has placed us on different paths.  Whenever the stars and sun meet, I will think of you.  Always.  
  
Julan_  
  
Jules. I held the letter in my hand for a moment, then looked at Mashti's dress.  I had to find him.  I would start at Dun-Ahhe.  Upon, entering I knew he wasn't there; the cavern had been taken over by some sorcerers, who surely would not have tolerated a broken-hearted boy in their presence.  I ran throughout the cave to make sure they had not hurt him. I found no evidence of Jules, but was immediately attacked by some random mages.  When will these wizards learn that a blade is faster than an incantation?   Running out of the cavern door I had an idea.  Before when I had tried to locate Julan via the ring, I had heard water, though was too panicked to listen for what kind.  Was it running, like a stream, or was it the ocean?  I put on the ring again, and this time shut out every thought and fear.  I heard water, but also the sound of scrib—many scrib.  There are often many scrib in a cavern or mine.  Mine…Ranyabi—it was close to Azura's cavern and to Dun-Ahhe.  If he was chased out of Dun-Ahhe--right. To Ranyabi.     
  
Enduring an arduous hike up a mountain in the dark, I came upon the old egg mine.  The plants near the entrance Ranyabi have been cut back, the dust disturbed.  Someone has been here—and scrib.  I heard many scrib. _"I'm coming, Jules._ " I said to myself as I trudged through the corridors of the mine.  In the distance, on a rock across a puddle I saw something sparkle.  It was his ring, though no sign of Julan.  It appeared that he has tossed it in, and I could picture him doing so in a rage.  Not the Nerevarine—just a pathological liar's bastard son.  I went across the water and picked it up.  I looked at the tunnels ahead of me, labyrinth like, typical of an egg mine.  
  
Through the muck and kwarma shit I waded, until I saw something that horrified me.  On the steps of a platform a specter floated.  The Ancestor Guardian did not attack, but spoke.  
  
"No," the apparition said. "You shall not enter than place. Leave."  
  
"Please.  I have to find Julan," I begged.  
  
"He is ours now."   
  
My heart sunk like falling. "He's dead?" I asked barely audibly.  
  
"He still is among the living, but he is ours now.  He will hear our words and do our bidding."   
  
So he wasn't dead.  There was still time. "Who are you and have you done—?"  
  
"We are the ancestors of the Ahemmusa.  For too long, he has ignored our cries for vengeance.  We have waited too long."  
  
"Please…just let me talk to him…please," I pleaded.  
  
"No…He is ours now.  He has no more need of words…"  
  
"I am his friend…Maybe I can help you…with your bidding." I would do and say whatever it took. "Please…I am not lying."  
  
"Prove it.  Show me a token of this friendship." I held out the ring—it was all I had left.  The specter faded; though I still heard its voice.  "You may pass, but remember, he is ours now."  
  
I pushed in the heavy door leading to another part of the mine.  Through door I heard wailing.  A man's screams…raw and tortured.  "Julan!" I cried.  Nothing.  "Damn it, Jules…Answer me!"  Further down the rabbit hole I went, the screams and pleas getting louder—until I saw it.  The sight would never leave me.  I saw the person I loved most losing their mind.  Julan was rolling in on the ground with these Ancestor Ghosts circling him.  Laying in a fetal position, his screams were intense…Had I found him sooner… "Jules!"  He didn't hear me.  He was beyond hearing, any earthly sounds at least. Bravely, I ran past the circling specters and crouched down beside him, gently shaking him, trying to get him to see me.  
  
"Anni…is that you?  Please…please…" He was rocking back forth; begging for them to stop.  I knew I could not kill these unholy things, there were too many.  I must speak.  I stood and approached the entities circling us.  
  
"Stop it!  You're killing him!"  
  
"Earthwalker, why are you here?  This is clan business, family business.  You have no place in this. We will speak until he listens."  
  
"He can't hear you.  You're breaking his mind!  Stop!"  
  
"His mind matters little.  What matters is blood—shared blood and spilled.  We called to him in his dreams, but he could not hear us through his mother's lies.  He hears us now but still resists."  They were the ones in his dreams—not Dagoth.  It made sense now.  
  
"Whose blood do you want?  I will spill it."  
  
"We demand blood in payment for that of our fallen brother, Han-Sashael.  He lies unburied, cruelly slain through a woman's evil and jealous love.  She must pay and his bones must be returned."  
  
"I'll do whatever you want—," I begged.  Had they asked me to kill Azura, I would have found a way.  
  
"He must obey."  
  
"Please…whatever your bidding.  Please just let me talk to him."  
  
"Agreed.  But know this….if he resists, we will return.  He will find no rest until his work is done."  Suddenly, the spectors dispersed and silence; only Julan and I remained in this dank cavern.  I ran to Julan's broken body in the corner, and rested his head in my lap.  
  
"Anni…you're here," he gurgled, coughing up dirt. "You've rescued me again…"  
  
"Not quite.  We have to get out of here."  Quickly, I put the telepathy ring on and transported to the encampment.   I had to heal him, actually, Mashti had to heal him.  
  
"You brought him back!" Mashti said touching his forehead gently. Julan was barely conscious, so there was no protest over her maternal touch.  
  
"Yes, now heal him.  We will speak later," I barked.  She did what she was told without word then left him to me.  I bathed him, cleaning off the blood, piss and shit off both of us and slowly nursed him back to health—what any wife, lover, or mother would have done.  In a way, I had been all three. It was days before he was coherent again.  
.  
"Trouble with the relatives?" I said coming into his yurt with firewood.  Julan was awake staring at the dying fire.  
  
"You could say that."  
  
"Talk to me," I said stoking the fire.  
  
"She murdered him, Annika.  It's all true…every story…I heard the story from that scout, Rakeem, but I never believed it.  But the ancestors said….She killed him…Han-Sashael, the Ashkhan...my father!"  
  
"Maybe, though Mashti told me about their affair, she mentioned nothing about murdering your father."  
  
"Annika, they want me to kill her. To avenge a father I never knew."  
  
"And denied you," I added coldly.  
  
"This is insane.  But Annika…it's her fault I never knew him."  
  
"I don't think that's entirely true. You're father knew who you were long before he died."  
  
"Anni, she lied to me my whole life!  She's murdered him…maybe she deserves to die, but…" I could tell he was weighing everything out, rationalizing the ancestor's request.  I could also sense that he was shocked that I was defending her.   
  
"But she's still your mother," I finished his thought.  
  
"I don't know if I can do this."  
  
"Julan, I think there's more to this story than anyone's letting on, and as much as pains me to say it, I don't think the blame rests entirely on Mashti's shoulders.  She made a foolish mistake, but I just don't think she's the murderer."  
  
"I don't know…All this time I thought it was Dagoth Ur on Red Mountain that day, and in my dreams, but it was my father…trying…trying to stop me…" He turned from me.    
  
Holding him, I whispered, "We will get through this."    
  
"I'm not so sure.  What am I going to do?" he asked.  "Who knew having a family would bed so complicated?" I laughed and held him, resting my head against his shoulder.  After a time he spoke.  "Oh, Anne, I should go face her." He got up slowly and walked into his mother's yurt.    
  
Mashti started to speak, "Julan, you must—  
  
"Be silent!" Julan said sternly. "I 'must' nothing.  I'm here for answers from you, and nothing more.  I know you murdered my father.  But I want to hear it from you!  Don't turn from me. You tell me why you did it…and why shouldn't I kill you where you stand!"  
  
"So you know everything, do you not?" Mashti asked bitterly.  "If you know that I killed him, then surely you know the rest. Please, by all means, tell all the sins of your wicked mother, since you know them all so well."  
  
"I know what Rakeem said happened, and I nearly put a knife through him. I never believed it could be true, until now."  
  
"So you believe him, and no longer believe you mother?"  
  
"How can I?  You speak nothing but lies," he shouted.  "Lies to hide your shame and failure.  Gods, everything they said about you was true, yet I defended you!  You…you are despicable," he spat.  "You lured him to his death…in some bloody cave."  
  
"Some cave—you dolt!  That cave is known as Sansit—and its name shall be tattooed on my heart until I am gone." She looked at him.  "Everyone knows of Sansit.  It is the source of Daedra and corprus invading these lands," she said shaking her head.  "Sashael was reckless.  Drunk with the thrill of the chase, foolishly thinking he could drive the beasts back beneath the mountain," she stopped for a moment and took a breath.  "Ai….he wanted to make his people safe."  
  
"Liar!" Julan shouted. "He was lured in there by you!  I know you can summon Hungers, and make them obey you!  You were seen approaching the cave!"  
  
"Yes, I was watching. I couldn't believe he was so foolish."  
  
"Damn it, you killed the guard!  Then you entered the cave and finished the job!"  He was screaming.  This would get us nowhere.  I stood between the both of them.  
  
"Mashti, you really killed the guard?" I was hoping she'd say no…  
  
"I did, Annika," she said softly, with remorse.  "He refused to let me come near Sashael.  His fear made him rash and I was forced to defend myself." She let out a sigh.  "I had to follow Sashael—to stop him.  I had seen…There were far worse than mere Hungers in there."    
  
Julan was furious at this point. From experience I knew there was no stopping him. "You're lying. You expect me to believe you went to save him?  Funny how they all ended up dead, then, isn't it?  And you came out without a scratch!"  
  
"I…was too late.  Julan, his men were dead, and he…he had gone deeper in, lost in the haze of slaughter.  Killing all in his path, unaware he was the only one still standing.  I ran and ran through the caves full of corpses, but deep beneath the mountain the tunnels were dark and maze like, and I could not find him.  I heard him, dying, but I could not…" she was in tears, "I never even found his body."  
  
Silence.  Mashti then turned to me.  
  
"Annika, I shut myself in my yurt for a week.  I said that I was praying to Azura, so that my son might not know my grief," she said looking toward Julan.  
  
"I remember that," Julan said softly. "But, why did you never tell me, while he lived?  He was my father, and I never knew him.  How could you deny me that chance?"  
  
"Deny?" Mashti laughed softly through the tears.  "What have I denied you?  The chance to be rejected and reviled, as I have been?  If you would tell me of my sins, then tell of his as well.  He denied you, not I; he refused you as his son.  I merely spared you the pain of knowing it.  I loved you too much to make you endure what I suffered.  And now you truly know all I have to tell you."  She stopped and looked Julan directly in the eyes, "You may kill me now, if that is your wish.  I have no reason to live any longer." Julan stared at Mashti, then turned and left the yurt, without so much a word.  
  
"Mashti, let him go—let him calm down. We will speak again."  
  
"There is nothing left to say, Outlander."  
  
"There is much," I said then turned and left the yurt to find Julan sitting by shore, smoking hack-lo.  I walked up silently to him, placing my hand on his shoulder.  
  
"I've wasted my whole life," Julan said staring out into the sea.  
  
"Hardly," I said, taking a drag. "You were well educated in you people's lore, you've learned how heal and how to fight.  And thought the guise that Mashti used in meeting those ends…was…well, deceptive…nevertheless, you learned, and you were loved, despite everything." He said nothing, but laughed quietly.   
  
"Jules, we are the bastard children of powerful men.  We were forged in the fires of passion and regret and are made of steel.  You will have to get past your anger and your people will have to reconcile your existence." I ran my hands through his hair, and smiled.  "Julan, Han-Sashael had an heir.  By rights you should be the next Ashkhan…."  
  
"Ahmabi, will never allow for that."  
  
"Tough. She's old and not long for the earth, her bitterness consumes her.  The tribe knows it. Julan, think for a second…Why have the Ahemmusa not found another Ashkhan?  Because they know there's one already."  
  
He exhaled slowly. "Well, Anni, I know what I have to do now, regardless of outcomes.  Ashkhan or not, I have to return my father's bones to the tribe. He has to be properly buried…or…his spirit cannot rejoin his ancestors and he cannot protect our tribe."  
  
"What of Mashti?" After all that had happened, and all I knew she was capable of, my heart went out to her.  She had gotten a raw deal.  
  
"I'm still not sure about that," he said, gazing at her yurt. "Perhaps…Perhaps if I find where my father died, there will be evidence of what happened, and some way of proving if her story is true."  
  
"What if she killed him?"  I can't say I'd blame her if she did. To deny his son...He had it coming.   
  
"Then…I'll do whatever I have to," he said turning towards me.  "It is my duty.  You see, I realized…I'm not the Nerevarine, and I never was.  But one thing was true all along—I do have a sacred mission to save my people--and now I know how," he spoke taking my hand. "But what of you, sera?  I think its time we talked about you.  And what you will do, now that you are Nerevarine?"  
  
"I can't believe it," I said shaking my head. "Maybe I don't want to."  
  
"I understand that, Anni. I thought the same thing many times.  But," he smiled holding my face, "I always knew there was something special about you.  You're going to be a great hero, the one bards write songs of. I don't think you're going to need my help, but you were ready to follow me up Red Mountain once, and may Azura take me if I won't do the same for you."  
  
"Julan…" I didn't know what to say.  
  
"I'm not sure why you came looking for me. You have your own destiny now, and you won't need me to fulfill it."  
  
"You know why I came for you," I said staring off into the ocean.  
  
"Say it."  
  
I paused for a second, then turned to meet his gaze. "Because I love you." I had hoped not to make a fool of myself, as admitting something that profound, and that close to the soul leaves you vulnerable; though I knew by his smile, I had said the right thing.  
  
"I know, I just wanted to hear it.  I love you, too—you this you know, sera.  More than I can say." We stared out into darkness for a time then he continued, "Anni, you've made me possible. If not for you, I'd be yet another sad and failed Incarnate ghost in Azura's little cave.  You make me happy and that's…it's not something I'd ever expected to be."  
  
"But you left…"  
  
"I know and gods I'm sorry for it.  I just couldn't imagine that you would still…need me…once you knew who you were…And I was afraid of that.  I thought it would be better to go then asked to leave."  
  
"Don't do it again." I was dead serious.  
  
"Never."  
  
"I'm still picking splinters out of my hands," I said laughing.   
    
"I swear it.  I'm yours—forever, if you want me," he said, brushing the hair out of my face.  "You don't have to do this alone.  Before you came, I thought I was on my own, and was terrible.  I never want that for you."  I kissed him softly, sensually. We stood on the beach for a time…then I led him back to his yurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI Folks: I'll be putting this message through out the series. For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashal are Kateri's creations, though I have added to the dialog (and in some cases changed it), particularly in the case of Julan.
> 
> kateri-t's incredible mod Ashlander Julan can be found here: lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm
> 
> Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan.
> 
> Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC


	15. A Reunion From the Grave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julan meets his long-gone father. Annika comes to understand why Mashti did what did. And Julan asks Annika an unexpected question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashal are Kateri's creations, though I have added to the dialog (and in some cases changed it), particularly in the case of Julan.
> 
> kateri-t's incredible mod Ashlander Julan can be found here: lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm
> 
> Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan.
> 
> Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC

**Day 135**  
  
"Good morning, Nibani," I said on this crystalline day. We had left Mashti's encampment at first light Julan and I had arrived at the Urshailaku Camp shortly before noon the next day.  
  
"So you have passed the third trial, tell me all you heard in Azura's Cavern."   
  
I explained everything that I could, and let her know I was ready for the next trial. "So what's next?"  
  
"You have to unite all the great houses in Vvardenfell and have them name you Hortator."  
  
"Hora-who?"  
  
"Oh Anne," Julan said shaking his head.  
  
"Outlander," Nibani says closing her eyes in frustration, "when a greater enemy threatens, the Great Houses put aside their quarrels and choose a Hortator, or a single war leader to lead all the Houses.  Only a Great House council can name a Hortator.  You will have to get approval from Hlaalu, Redoran and Telvanni Houses."  
  
"How can I convince them?"  
  
Nibani smiled, "The Hlaalu are soft, cowardly, sly and greedy--much like the mainlanders.  You can probably buy them."  I knew that was a swipe at my character and I knew she disliked me greatly, but what I also knew was she needed me.  
  
"I'm sure I could."  
  
Nibani went on. "The Telvanni are ageless sorcerers living in towers throughout Vvardenfell.  I know nothing of them, except they are old, terrible and evil."  
  
"What of the Redoran?"  
  
"The Redoran are proud and haughty, known as great warriors and great worshipers of the Tribunal.  As they love the Temple and Vivec, they cannot love you.  The Temple warriors hate the Nerevarine Prophesies, dissident priests, and upstarts.  They will most likely hate you and will kill you if they see you."  
  
"Fantastic.  Jules, you sure you don't—." I said joking—though rather poorly timed.    
  
"Too soon, Anni." He shot a scowl in my direction.  
  
"After you are named Hortator, then you will have to be named Nerevarine by all the tribes.  Of course the logic of the Nerevarine being an Outlander is offensive to most, and you will not be welcomed, though your companion Julan can be your guide."   I think if she had her choice she would have preferred him.  "Come back when all the houses name you Hortator and the tribes call you Nerevarine."  
  
"Well…thank you Nibani.  I'll try not to get killed.  Let's go Jules."  We made our way out of the camp, and walked through the wastes, west towards civilization. The sky was blue with light clouds forming on the horizon.  
  
"No." I said stopping suddenly.  
  
"What?" Julan turned, looking at me with a puzzled expression.  
  
"We're going to stop heading west.  I think we should get this over with." He looked at me as if I lost my mind.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Sansit. They'll hunt you forever if we don't."  
  
"What about you, Anne?" he asked with concern.  "What of the Hortator?"  
  
"Nibani's told me what I have to do, though talking and pleading with a bunch of uptight, hateful people that can't stand me sounds a whole hell of a lot less important then exercising demons.  Just a thought…"  
  
He smiled, "After you."    
  
Sansit was just a day away.  Cavern was not blocked, though as we entered it a telltale red glowing light and intricately woven banners gave notice that the cavern had been turned into a Sixth House base.  
  
"Anni this isn't Daedra—it's Sixth House. I can't believe those bastards have taken over this cave…building their filthy alters over my father's bones!"  
  
"Save your anger for the fight!  The shrine's up ahead!"  On the floor of the dimly lit shrine, there were naked Dreamers praying.  They looked up at us in a sugar daze and rose slowly to attack.  Without armor, we cut through them like butter.  Sadly, it was during some kind of religious rite.  Who was I to say the Sixth House was evil? Was it any worse than other religions or cults floating around this tiny island?  
  
"Anne….Do you see that?"  Julan took my hand and pointed.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Back there?"  Partially hidden behind a torn banner was a large crevice in the stone.  It looked to be a passage.  We squeezed through the tiny corridor, against a slippery wall, our hands the only guide through the darkness.  The passage then opened up to a large, cavernous room, and in an instant we were attacked by an Ogrim and Golden Saint.  
  
"This is more like it!  These are Daedra caves, all right, but we need to go deeper, I think," Julan said excitedly.  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Yeah. My father died beneath the mountain."  He sounded sure.  
  
Walking through the cavern I saw bits and pieces of armor, most likely from the fallen Ahemmusa on that terrible day.  I picked them up slowly.  Julan walked far in front, it was as if he somehow knew where he was going.  Ahead in the distance, we saw a faint light; something was emanating from darkest part of the cavern.  "What is this?" Julan asked putting his against the misty barrier. A light shown through a tunnel, but we could not pass through.  
  
"Jules, watch out!" from the blocked passage two Hunger moved in from the other side to attack.  "Jules, if they are able to pass through to us, perhaps we should subdue then use them to get through to the other side!"  He stared at me in amazement and smiled admiration.  Quickly he nodded and cast a spell.  The Hunger went limp and walked, as if in a trance, through the passageway, we passed along with them.  More Daedra lay ahead.  A gigantic Hunger stood between us and back of room.  Hungers were easy, even if they were giants, and though my sword and shield took a beating, the monster was felled.  Thank gods, neither of us were seriously hurt.  Across the cavern, upon a rock, a shadowy figure stood.  Wordlessly we approached it.  
  
The image ahead of was of an incredibly handsome Ashlander.  His hair was a sandy blond and he had blue eyes, but had the sharp features and skin color of an Dunmer.  I imagine if Julan and I ever had children, this is what they would look like.  
    
"Han-Julan?" the ghost asked.  Julan dropped to his knees. I could only assume this was Sashael.  The specter started speaking in an incomprehensible Ashlander dialect.  I backed away.  This was between father and son.  
  
"You do not understand me, Han-Julan?  Hah! You're no son of mine!" He was now speaking in the Imperial dialect.  
  
"Father…" Julan pleaded.  
  
"Oh, so you do still remember some of your culture, do you?  Ai, these young ones of the tribe, all speaking the tongue of the n'wah, talking like Outlanders, forgetting the language of their ancestors."  
  
"I'm just a little out of practice, that's all." Julan spoke a child, in a halting, sad tone.  Perhaps if Han-Sashael had played a greater roll in his life…  
  
Sashael continued his tirade, "Ai, such a generation we have upon us.  No respect for the tribe.  No respect for the ancestors.  Leave their father's bones to rot in a cave for three years, soul trapped, unable to join with the tribal spirits.  How will the tribe survive, with such children as this?"  
  
"You're right. I failed you."  
  
I couldn't bear this any longer.  In a rage I strode angrily toward the specter. "No, Sashael you failed him!" I shouted.  "You denied him from birth.  What right do you have to chide him?  I would have let you rot forever!"  At that moment, I realized was speaking to my father Uriel Septim, not Han-Sashael, though this was the closest I would ever get to chiding him.  
  
"You shall not judge me, Outlander!" bellowed the angered specter. Good. What could he do but speak? "There are others who have the task of judgment. Julan, you may demand answers from me."  
  
"No.  I demand nothing.  I understand how it was.  You made a mistake—a brief affair, an unwanted baby.  What could you do but deny it?  Your honor could not be stained by such a thing, you're wife was too respected.  And you had her feelings to consider.  You could not shame the woman you loved by raising another's son, while she remained childless.  I cannot blame you.  I—it was a mistake and you dealt with it as you had to."  
  
"Ai…" I began to walk away.  I don't know where my rage came from.  Was it Julan's weakness?  Anger on behalf of Mashti, and every wronged woman?  My mother, my own rage against my father?  Julan grabbed my arm.  
  
"Please, Anni, let him finish."  
  
"Julan," the voice said weakly, "I made a terrible mistake.  I married the woman my parents had chosen for me, because she was a most religious woman, although I did not love her as she loved me.  And when she threatened to summon her Daedric lord to destroy you and your mother, I made a deal with her.  She would let you live, even allow you into the camp, so long as I never named as my son, and never spoke your name."  He paused for a moment.  I wondered if the ghost of a man could feel shame, or remorse?  Do you carry sins like weights when you pass on?    
  
Sashael continued, "I see now that I was a fool to think she would harm you, since she would lose her hold over me, and any little love I held for her would be destroyed.  But in my folly and panic, I swore a biding oath to the gods and ancestors, staking the very safety of the tribe."  
  
"I…I see," Julan said, deflated.  
  
"It was always my plan to tell you.  When you were a man, and had nothing to fear from Ahmabi and her threats.  But it is not an easy thing to do, after nearly 20 years…and I had sworn oaths that were dangerous to break.  So I hesitated, like a fool.  But then…your Shani came to see me, weeping, and told me of your mother's plan for you.  That you were to go to Red Mountain and defeat the devil.  You had to know the truth before it was too late."  His Shani.  Bah!  
  
"I sent for you, but you were not to be found.  So I went to Ahmabi, and demanded that she release me from my oaths.  I no longer cared about her threats.  She obeyed me, or let me think so.  No doubt she prayed to Boethiah that very night." He paused for a second then continued, "What did she pray for I wonder?  I cannot think she intended my death, as for all her faults, she loved me.  But the Daedra interpret requests as it suits them, for their own amusement.  She received the trap that ended my life on the next day's morning hunt."  
  
"Ai," a moan escaped Julan's lips. Han-Sashael continued.  
  
"Julan, I have made many mistakes in my life.  Many, many regrets.  But loving your mother, and fathering you, these things I have never regretted.  It was the most joy I ever knew, even if it brought the most sorrow.  And now you are here, fulfilling my greatest wish.  You will return my bones, and save the Ahemmusa.  Take them, and release me from this place.  My spirit will no longer retain this mind, and these memories.  I shall become one with the Ancestors."  
  
"Good bye, father," Julan said bowing.    
  
"Julan…One last thing, before my soul reaches Oblivion.  Tell your mother…tell Mashti…that if I could keep but one memory of this life, to hold with me always, it would be of her, dancing…"  The specter then disappeared, Julan stooped to gather the bones and silently we walked out of the cave toward day light.  We did not speak until we reached Mashti's encampment.  Seeing the skulls decorating her door made me smile, despite her twisted psyche, I had known all along that she had been telling the truth about Han-Sashael.  I was pleased that my instincts were right.  
  
"Well," he started quietly as we reached the sandy shore. "I got what I came for, didn't I?"  
             
"Did you?" I questioned, for I did not think he had.  
  
"Yeah, I suppose…Though I thought I'd feel different about this, somehow.  I thought if I returned his bones, I'd feel like I was really his son, or something.  And, when he spoke, saying the kinds of things a father should say…I could not feel it.  He is not my father…just some man I hardly knew."  
  
"I'm glad you had the chance to make some kind of peace,"I said as my voice trailed off.  I was still angry, at his weakness, at the acceptance of his mother's treatment.  'Your honor could not be stained.'  So it was perfectly alright—nay expected—to crucify mother, but give father a free pass. I walked past him towards the guest yurt.  I would not be his comfort tonight.   "I will never understand you, Jules.  Maybe it's best I don't."  
  
"Anni, what?"  
  
"You spoke of Mashti like it was nothing that he discarded her. Is that what you'll do to me, when you're through?  Will your explanation be 'a brief affair'?"  He had done nothing to warrant this tirade, but in truth….in truth I was afraid.  I knew the future and saw it clearly before me in the eyes of every Ashlander we encountered together.  They would look at Julan and I, and I could see they despised me and wondered what he was doing with the n'wah.  Eventually he would be called upon to make a choice, what would it be?  
  
"Anni, that was different."  
  
"Guarshit.  It's the same.  It's all the same. Mashti, my mother—all of us.  Discarded. Meaning nothing.  How could you have let it pass?  I thought," I looked at him dead in the eyes, "I thought you were different."  
  
"Anni, would you have me chide a dead man?  What's past is past—and no, it does not affect my future."  
  
"The past is the future, if you've learned nothing from it!" I snapped. He said nothing for a few tense minutes, then I turned from him, entering the "guest yurt".  "Julan, when we--when you rise, come for me.  Good night."   
  
"Good night," he said tersely, and made his way into his yurt.   
  
**Day 137**  
   
In the morning I rose, unsure of what would become of us, though my way was clear.  I would help the people of this land, though they despised me—with or without Julan, then I would move on—towards the mainland, finding my mother and vanquishing that ghost that haunted me for so long. I walked out of yurt more confident than I had been the night before.  
  
"Anni, are you ready?  I wish to get through this," he said curtly.  We walked briskly toward the Ahemmusa Camp.  Julan carried a sack containing his father's bones; with his free hand he impulsively grabbed mine.  We walked along the sandy beaches like two lovers.  
  
"Julan!" Sinnammu Mirpal, the Ahemmusa Wise Woman shouted, "Julan, you have returned the bones?"  She was in awe.  
  
"Yes," he said simply.  
  
"Please give them to me.  I shall carry out the necessary rituals."  She paused and took his hands, "This is a wonderful thing you have done for our tribe.  Please tell me everything that has passed."  Julan sat down beside Sinnammu and explained the whole tale, Ahmabi's part, and Mashti's innocence.  Sinnammu sat quietly thought this and sighed as she spoke, "So…this is how it was.  And we blamed Mashti all this time.  I believe you, but there are many in the tribe who will not.  Ahmabi is known as a religious woman, and a loving wife.  You must make her confess her crime, if you would prove Mashti innocent." She paused for a second, thinking.  "There is a way this may be done.  Ahmabi is easily angered, and…if you provoke her, she may admit it all."  
  
"Who would believe us?" I asked, not knowing what would happen even if she did confess.  
  
She looked at me as if I had no place in this conversation.  "I shall be listening outside, Outlander, to bear witness to you."  
  
"Thank you, Sinnammu," Julan said. She nodded, releasing his hand.  We exited the yurt.  
  
"Anni, we need to make Ahmabi so angry that she explodes and admits everything.  It shouldn't be too hard—we seem to have a special knack for making enemies!"  
  
"Indeed," I smiled.  A quick trip across the camp and we were there, in front of the Ashkhan's yurt.  I wondered if Ahmabi would in some way be relived; the other shoe dropped and her lies would fall to the ground, like gossamer and silk.     
  
We entered her yurt, she was kneeling again in front of the alter—did she spend her days like this, begging for forgiveness where there could be none?  She rose quickly and shouted. "What is he doing here!  How dare you come here!"  This would be easier than I thought.  "What do you want from me?" she asked.  
  
"Simply, Ahmabi, the truth," I said calmly.  
  
"Go away!  I don't owe you any explanation!" .  
  
Julan strode towards her, "You have no choice in this, Ahmabi.  I know Han-Sashael was my father, and I know about the bargain you made."  
  
"And," I added, "we know how your husband really died."  
  
Her eyes darted quickly back and forth.  She had paused to think of a lie. "No!!! How can you even think—."  
  
"Stop, you false rage…your false piety, you withered old hag!" Julan shouted.  Her eyes were almost glowing and I saw her reach for some sort of stick.  I had to stop her.  She had to confess.  
  
"Ahmabi," I said gently, "I understand your anger, but how could you let another take the blame for your crime?  You were woman enough to kill him, but turned scrib when the dust fell."  
  
"You n'wah!" her rage was palatable.  "How dare you say that!! She did kill him!  She tried to take him from me!"  
  
"That's not how it went down, Ahmabi." I said, "and you know it. Han-Sashael pursued Mashti."  
  
"No! She forced me to act, to protect my marriage, and yes, to demand my Lord that He carry out my bidding. It was an act of self-defense!"  
  
"What exactly did you pray for, Ahmabi," Julan shouted, "the night you brought about your husband's—my father's—death?"  
  
Ahmabi turned and hissed at Julan, "I prayed that he might never breathe a word of truth to his bastard spawn," she was laughing wildly now. "But more than that, I prayed for vengeance!  I prayed that whore might know half the pain I felt when he betrayed me for her! And now," she said through gritted teeth, "and now the only joy left to me in this blighted world is that—in that regard, at least, I succeeded."  
  
Julan's piercing smile sent chills through me. This was the man I had come to love. He spoke with a calculated coldness, as if this scene had been rehearsed. "Yes, Ahmabi, and it is now my great joy that the truth is out.  The ancestors want your blood, sera, it's been long overdue."  Julan plunged his sword into her gut, his eyes red as the blood spilling from her mouth. I could see a cold satisfaction in his firmly set jaw.  The bastard forged in iron had finally become a cold steel.   
  
Ahmabi was laughing still—chocking on the blood that flowed from her mouth like torrents in the sea.  "I curse the ancestors, just as I long ago cursed the gods!  And I curse you both, for I will not give you the satisfaction of walking out this yurt alive.  You will never be Ashkhan, whoreson!"  She lifted her hands and Hungers appeared from the smoke of her little shrine.  We fought wildly, though these were not the Hungers that destroyed a tribe of men—they had not same magic of the ones she used against their husband.  In the end, her strength had diminished.  
  
"So, this is how it ends.  The ancestors have the vengeance they desired," he said bitterly.  I held Julan's head as the blood ran down his face.  
  
"At your expense," I added quietly. He stood and held my gaze.  
  
As I went to stand, my hand reached for the table causing it to fall and crush her little shrine.  The clay figurine of Han-Sashael smashed to pieces. We both stared in silence.  Julan then reached for me, "Come on, Anni, let's go and find Sinnammu.  I hope she heard all, or there will be trouble," he said smiling, walking out of his rival's yurt.  Sinnammu stood outside, surrounded by what looked to be the whole camp.  
  
"I heard everything—as did the whole tribe.  Ahmabi will be mourned, but what has happened is for the best.  We cannot keep such poison in the camp.  Tell Mashti that her exile is lifted, and you are both welcome here once more." I saw the pain lifted from Julan's brow.  "Annika Blue," she turned to me, continuing, "if you are truly the Nerevarine, then our prayers and hopes go with you.  For now, I shall name you the Champion of the Ahemmusa.  And Julan," Sinnammu turned, before the whole tribe, and took Julan's hands in hers and spoke, "I think they will call you a great Ashkhan someday.  Oh, I can tell by your face you think I jest, but tell me Julan, why did you go to fetch your father's bones?"  
  
Julan spoke clearly, "So that his spirit might return to protect the tribe and help us become strong once more." I smiled, noting that he had not added that the spirits were torturing him into action.  He is learning—and maybe…just maybe he would one day be a great leader.  
  
"I believe, you, Julan, and you succeeded," Sinnammu went on, "but Sashael's bones were not the cause.  You carry your father's spirit, Julan.  I have known you since you were a child, and you always had his fire, his determination and fierce loyalty to the tribe, even when we rejected you.  I once thought you shared his lack of wisdom, but now I believe that has changed," she smiled.  "Perhaps it is your mother's gift, but no…I rather think it is something all your own, that you have hard-won through bitter experience."  
  
"Ai," he said smiling. This was a greater gift than the Nerevarine.  
  
"In time we shall name you Han-Julan Ashkhan.  Right now you have obligations to your friend Annika that you should fulfill.  I know this, and I shall be here to watch over the tribe until your return."  
  
"Thank you, sera." Julan said releasing her hands and looking to the tribe who had gathered.  I noticed that all eyes were on him.  There was a choice to be made.  
  
 **That Evening**  
  
Before we reached Mashti yurt, I leaned into Jules and kissed him long, and lingering.  On the sand, with the wind blowing in his hair is how I wanted to remember him.  
  
"Let's go in and tell Mashti," he said after we kissed.  "Mother—"  
  
"Are you ready to take vengeance on me for your father now?" she asked. Always so dramatic.  
  
"Mother, hush…I am sorry I spoke so harshly to you.  I know you had nothing to do with Sashael's death."  
  
"Hmmph."  
  
"I spoke with his spirit."  
  
"You…what?" she startled, nearly falling.  
  
"Everything is going to be all right," he said taking her hand, "you'll never have to worry about this again, I promise." He told her of his meeting with Han-Sashael and the subsequent death of Ahmabi.  He also told her of becoming the Ashkhan, and of the past Ashkhan's last wish.  
  
"Sashael loved you till the end, Mother."  
  
"I…this is too much.  I can scarcely believe what you are telling me," she paused, "No longer exiles?  Ahmabi…dead?  And Sashael…oh, Sashael…." Mashti grew visibly weak; Julan helped her to the ground.  "Julan…I once gave you a destiny, a dream.  Perhaps that was wrong of me. It was not your destiny to receive, as it was never mine to give," she said looking over at me, malice gone, she continued, "You have learned to make your own fate.  And you have done things I did not believe possible.  You have never failed me…though I failed…and never told you…how proud I am of you…and how much I love you."  
  
"Shhhh," he said rocking her.  He spoke something to her their own language.  I walked out of the yurt; there was much I needed to think about.  "Anni," I heard him calling out to me. "I think I'll stay here for a few days—"  
  
"I was actually going to suggest that.  Jules, I'm going to visit Muddy—and take care of a few other things."  
  
"You will be back?"  He looked at me, concern in his eyes.  
  
"Of course," I lied. I wasn't sure, but it sounded like the right thing to say.  I just needed time. "You should see if there's a way to integrate Mashti back into the tribe."  
  
"I'm not sure now's the time for that.  I want to be there with her when she settles—I'd also like to be the established Ashkhan, and that will not happen until we have completed your mission."  
  
"Well, I'll return as soon as I can."  
  
"Let me know how we prosper!  Oh, and Annika the Brave, no risks or chances…" he said laughing.  
  
I raised my eyebrow and smiled.  "I'll make my best effort.  I will see you soon." I said kissing him gently.      
  
I was gone for nearly three weeks.    
  
 **Day 153**  
  
I had returned to Mashti's encampment; at the same time hoping and dreading to see it abandoned.  It was not.  In the distance, under a steel gray sky I saw Julan was chopping fire wood.  He glared as I walked towards him then went back to splitting wood.  In the weeks I had been gone I had decided, though the decision had caused much pain, that it would be best for both of us if he abandoned the mission.  Julan's responsibility is to his people, not me, and in truth, I thought he might be happier.  Not only had he been accepted back into the tribe, but was going to be named Ashkhan.  I was more of a liability to him now.   Moving closer though, I had to admit, my resolve was slipping.   
  
"Julan," I walked up to him slowly, I knew he would be angry and I didn't have the heart for a fight.   Knowing that my mission would involve all Ashlander tribes, also I knew it would be best to end this as civilly as possible—he was after all, going to be Ashkhan. I also loved him and did not want to part on bad terms.  He stopped as I approached and looked up from the firewood. I took a breath and spoke, "You once said that it was much easier leaving than being the one left." I took another deep breath, "You need to be with your people.You are free of your obligations to me.  Go—and help your tribe."    
  
He looked at me seriously.  Then started laughing bitterly.  I was not expecting this reaction—at all. "So this is why you've been gone so long, eh?" he asked laughing.  "Gods!  People are all so stupid."   
   
"What?!" This was my serious moment, and he was laughing at me!  
  
"Oh," he said softly chuckling, "it seems that the people in my life have spent the last few decades trying to make themselves completely miserable.  My mother, my father, Ahmabi, even me and you in our own foolish way…We've all acted ridiculously, doing things out of pride, or ignorance, spite…or," he said looking directly at me, "fear.  Anni! No, don't look away, Annika.  I know how your mind works—we've been together day in and day out for nearly a half a year's time.  You have worked out some morbid fantasy—"  
  
"What?!"  He was right.  
  
"You heard me.  There's nothing wrong with your ears…its what's in between that causes all the problems.  But please, continue.  Tell me why we shouldn't be together."  
  
"Because your people hate me.  And they would hate us. I will never be accepted, and yes, I think you will eventually come to realize this and perhaps regret your words…and actions.  I want out before its too late."  
  
"Too late?  What does that mean?"  
  
"You know what I mean…before we destroy each other…or create something that cannot be...be so easily destroyed." That was the reality.  I wanted out before we created another unwanted child—before history had a chance to repeat itself. He was really laughing at this point.  "You're laughing at me—you're not taking this seriously at all!  Gods, I have been a fool.  Go to your people, love a less complicated girl!"  
  
He threw the axe down.  "You think it's that easy, do you?"  I didn't answer.  "Anni I promise you, it's not.  Had it been so easy, well, I might have done it!  I am not so much of a fool to deny the implications and disdain that both you and I will face. And Annika—you know this."  
  
"You hadn't banked on being the Ashkhan…"   
  
"No, no I had not, but it changes nothing."  
  
"It changes everything!"   
  
"Not for me!" he shouted, impassioned. "All my life I wanted to be accepted by my people, but losing you would be too great a price.  Besides," he placed my hands on my shoulders, "I would have asked you to marry me…Actually I would have told you to."  
  
"Told?" I said raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Yes, told," he said sharply.  "Because I won't chance us being foolish again," he paused for a moment, speaking in a softer tone. "Anni, we've made the other possible…and, yes, I think we could make each other happy. Please," he said with the sand and wind in his hair, "Anni, what do you say?"   
  
What could I say to that?  I loved him.  Through all the doubts, jealousy and fear, I knew…knew in my heart…the right answer was simply, "Yes."    He picked me up and swung me around, spinning until we both fell in the surf.     
  
Later in the night, he whispered, "Anni, I did not plan this, though I had it in my heart to ask you for quite some time.  I have not a ring, but—we"  
  
"We have our rings already—the ones made by Mashti. A path into your mind is more to me than some shining rock."  The other jewels were easily had…I had the jewel I desired.  
  
"So…you're satisfied with a simple traveling ring?"  
  
"Our life together has been travel, one day when its not, I'll look to ring and remember."  
  
"Anni, do ya think you're with child?"      
  
"Maybe…" In truth, I wasn't sure.  We weren't careful and if I was not pregnant then there had to be some kind of magic involved—perhaps a well meaning gesture in the form of a charmed amulet.  
  
"You know I would be happy either way," he said, planting a soft kiss on my forehead.  
  
"I love you, Jules."  
  
"Good night, my Anne."    
  
Julan hung around the encampment with Mashti  making a plan for her reintroduction to the tribe.  I walked off  into the Grazelands and found a lonely tree in the distance.  I wanted to watch the wheat dance with the sky.  Twirling the Moon-and-Star round my finger, I thought of the mission before me and how it all boiled down to religion.  The Abbey had drilled the various virtues Nine Divines in my head and taught us our flawed Emperor was descended from a God.  Perhaps it was Kat's doing, for she laughed at these "moon-yowlings" and thus I never took them seriously.  I usually was the first out of the pew when the service ended, if I was not sleeping. How strange that I would be named Nerevarine.  I thought the gods must laugh at us all.    As the sun went down with a glass of wine, I walked into Mashti yurt, holding in my hands her wedding dress.  "Sera. I had wanted you to see this, and to tell you…."  
  
"Call me mother—or at least Mashti!"  I smiled at this, though I could never call her mother.  I reserved that privilege for Kat alone, the only mother I had ever known. "Julan told me this morning.  I am very happy for you both."  
  
"I plan on wearing this when we marry." Mashti, smiled holding her face with her hands.  
  
"You kept this?"  
  
"I think you knew I would."    
  
She approached me and took both my hands. "You will be happy.  This I know."  
  
"But, will I ever be accepted?  I mean, other tribe members or Dunmer?  I see the way they look at me…well, at least the other women in the tribe."  
  
"You're asking this of an outcast?"  
  
"Former outcast, Mashti…former," I said smiling.  
  
"Annika," she turn me to face her and spoke seriously, "Anni, it matters not if they accept you; only that you are loved by whom you love best.  Forget the others…or at least try to ignore them…Besides, you won me over, and that was a task no other woman—not even Dunmer—could ever do.  Just love each other and all else will melt into the ground."  
  
"Mashti, one more question," I asked hesitantly "What did you enchant that necklace with?"    
  
Her hands dropped and she stepped back. Her eyes darted quickly. I had caught her off guard.  She quickly handed me a half truth. "Julan should have already explained this to you it was for restoration."  
  
"But there's something else, isn't there Mashti?  Something that maybe you didn't quite explain."  
  
"I added protection to it, Annika."  
  
"Protection from what?"  
  
She glared at me, "Foolishness.  And regretted mistakes."  
  
"Whatever do you mean?" I asked coldly.  
  
"Do not play stupid Annika, it doesn't suit you," Mashti said as she stalked towards me, this time looking me directly in the eyes, reaching for my hand. "I didn't want you filling my shoes, or that of your mother's.  Think, Anni!  History repeats itself.  I know that Julan would not hurt you intentionally, but…I had hoped you would have waited for some kind of guarantee, alas you didn't," she sighed.    
  
"I see," I said coldly.  
  
"Please don't despise me—it was for yours and his best interest. You were born a bastard, Annika and I spent my life shielding one.  Please—."  
  
I dropped her hand.  "I took off this morning and would have tossed it in the sea, Mashti had it not been such a special gift.  Julan and I are the masters of our fate now."  
  
She sighed, resigned.  "I had hoped for—well, for much…maybe too much or our relationship."  
  
"No, I only wish you would deal plainly with me."  
  
"Fine.  Then let me be blunt.  You have a monster to face.  Annika, how will you swing a sword with a large belly?  Julan is not the Nerevarine—nor can he be.  Ai…I had thought you wise beyond your years."      
  
I stopped.  She was right. No long term attachments, Casius had said.  Now I understood his meaning, even if he did not know the significance of it at that time.   I had gotten swept up in the romance of the last couple of months.  This time Mashti's machinations had served us well.  I put the necklace back on as I was walking out of her yurt.  
  
"Annika," I stopped and turned towards the small woman standing in the corner of the yurt. "Go safely, with my blessing—whatever you decide."  
  
"Good-bye, Mashti…and thank you."


	16. Telvanni Horator

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The path to the Horator begins now. Both Annika and Julan discover what truly makes the Telvanni mages terrifying. 
> 
> Annika crosses paths with an old flame. Angst ensues.

From the Series Nerevar Blue:  A Novel Based off The Elder Scrolls and mods Ashlander Julan by Kateri.  Extra credit for a Less Generic NPC and of course Billy Joel and Suzanne Vega.   
  
**Day 156**  
  
"You know," Julan said while chucking kollop meat into a stew, "we're near the Telvanni Stronghold of Tel Vos.  Might as well start there." He probably wanted to stop by the trade house for a drink.  
  
"Any advice on dealing with insane sorcerers?" I quipped.  
  
"None comes to mind.  Honestly, I haven't had many dealings with them, Anne.  They tend to keep themselves separate from the tribes.  Separate from anyone, really.  Say, since we're heading towards Vos, would you like to get a drink?" Knew it.  
  
"Eh, why not..."  At the trade house we ran into Shani, drinking and flirting with some bard.  I was happy to see it. When she saw us she started waving furiously; I knew she wanted to show off her new catch.  
  
"Anni, Julan!  Come over and have a drink with us!"  she bubbled.  Julan excitedly told her the entire tale of the last month, from finding his father, to becoming Ashkhan…and being a future bridegroom.  Much of it she already knew from the other tribesmen, I was curious to get her take on matters involving our upcoming nuptials.  
  
"Wow…well, uh…I met Tristan," Shani said. He seemed like an affable fellow, shy with large eyes—also, surprisingly, not a Dumner.  "Gods, the tribe would shun me if they knew.  Maybe I could borrow Mashti's old yurt."  
  
"Not anymore," Julan said smiling.  
  
"I guess that's right, and it's time Julan. I'm just not sure everyone's going to go along with this new thinking."   
  
"I don't want to change everything, Sha.  Just the stuff that keeps the tribe from competing.  I'm tired of being marginalized." He turned to Tristan.  "Let me refill your drink; give these ladies a chance to talk about us proper."   
   
"Hey, Anni, what do you think?" she asked nodding towards Tristan.  
  
"He's handsome, Shani, and seems nice, though very quiet for a bard."  
  
"Well, at least he's not some bragging tribesman. He doesn't lord things over me. I don't know, Anni. He makes pretty songs and sings them at me."  I laughed as I pictured that.  
  
"I'm glad you're happy," I said putting my hand over hers.  
  
"Aren't you?" she asked with some concern.  
  
"I am. It's just...well... Shani—what do you think the Ahemmusa will say about Julan and I?  Do you think they'll want an Ashkhan with a Breton bride?"  
  
"Well, it's not like it hasn't happened before."  
  
"Really?" I was stunned.  
  
"Not with the Ahemmusa at least none that I know of, but with the Urshailaku.  They've had slave-brides.  Famous ones.  And if you had seen Han-Sashael…" she trailed.  
  
"I did, Sha. At least his ghost and yeah, I thought the same thing."  
  
"Seriously, Anni, our tribe has been through so much—I just think they want some leadership.  Plus, it doesn't hurt that you being the Nerevarine, and all."  
  
"Good, that's comforting," I said looking over and saw Julan and Tristan coming toward us. "So, Shani, what else have you been doing since last I saw you?" I said, quickly changing the subject as Tristan and Julan brought us drinks.  
  
"Well, after I got trapped in that cave, I resolved to be less useless. I made our wise-woman teach me a few spells—I've even gotten better with travel."  
  
"You?" Julan laughed.  
  
"Yes, me," Shani elbowed Julan in the ribs, playfully.  "Julan, I don't know about you being a Great Ashkhan, but I think you'd vie for most obnoxious.  Anni, I was thinking."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"I was thinking that maybe…maybe some time I could come along with you guys.  I'm not much of an adventurer, but I would like to see more of Vvardenfell."  
  
"Well, we're going to be local for now—we have to go visit some mad men—and women."  
  
"That would be the Telvanni," said Julan after seeing Shani's confused expression.  
  
"Ooohhh, I think I'll take a pass," Shani said cheerfully. "Maybe later?"  
  
"We'll come back for you, Shani—unless we're turned into toads."  
  
 **Day 157**  
  
"Master Aryon?"  I said to the slight man, sitting in his study atop the Tower of Tel Vos.    
  
"Yes, I have heard of you, Annika Blue," he said, still staring at his book.  "You are the Outlander who wishes to be the Telvanni Hortator."    
  
"That is correct, sera." I paused for a minute not knowing what to say. I had to think of something.  "How do the Telvanni go about choosing a Hortator?"  
  
His eyes smiled at me through the spectacles hanging off his long nose.  "The counselors would vote and that vote would have to be unanimous.  But tell me, as I'm curious," he said, putting his book down. "Why would the counsel ever consider choosing you?"  I lifted my finger and showed him the Azura's Moon and Star ring.  
  
"I have Azura's blessing," I said triumphantly.  
  
"You don't believe in Azura," he smirked. How could he possibly know?  
  
"Does that really matter?"  
  
"No. What does matter to me is that you would not exploit your position as Hortator to favor your own House."  
  
"I don't have a House."  
  
"You will, sera," he said with a knowing smile.  
  
"Well, what can I do convince you?"  
  
"There is a matter in Odriniran that if you attended to would allay my concerns and perhaps permit me to give you my vote."  
  
"What situation?"  
  
"Odriniran is the home of our brother, Milyn Faram, but the Hlaalu falsely claim it is an illegal base and have laid siege to it.  He is probably making his final stand at the top of his tower as we speak. I want you to even out the odds. Do this for me and I will be…convinced."  He was manipulating me—and testing me.  
  
"I refuse, Master," I said, bravely as possible.  "As Hortator I must represent all Vvardenfell.  I will not be the agent of one House against another, but you knew that, didn't you?"  
  
Aryon smiled.  "Had you agreed to do it, I would have struck you down where you stand.  Your integrity surprises me, especially for an Outlander," he said, rising from his desk.  "The Hortator must rise above specific House concerns to be able to lead all of Vvardenfell.  Few have done that.  You have my vote, Annika Blue."  
  
"Now tell me what I must do to get the others."  
  
"As for the other councilors, I think they will cooperate, though some might need a little persuading.  Master Neloth is ill-tempered and Mistress Therana is losing her mind.  You are not a male, so Mistress Dratha will like you.  Archmagister Gothren is another problem entirely.  He will not refuse you directly, but will delay indefinitely.  I recommend you kill him," he added nonchalantly. Well, at least there was no beating around the bush.  
  
"What do you get out it if he dies?" I asked abruptly. Aryon, put his hand on his chin, and smiled.  
  
"I'll tell you plainly, Annika," he said walking towards me.  "I stand to gain if Gothren dies—most likely I would take his place as Archmagister.  I say this to you now, so you won't think I'm trying to trick you.  My advice is still good.  Gothren won't name you Hortator, but he'll never come out and say it."  
  
"Seems like drastic means to…get promoted."  
  
"Drastic times call for drastic measures.  You've heard that before, I'm sure," his expression turned serious.  "Annika, House Redoran is crumbling and Hlaalu is on the rise, partially because of their relationship to the Empire.  Gothern continues to isolate all of us," he said bitterly. "Its time for new leadership."  
  
"And you intend to be that leader."  
  
"Yes, Annika.  Oh, don't look so glum," Aryon smiled, seemingly unconcerned that he was plotting his rival's downfall. "It's done in parts all over.  All the Houses do it—the Telvanni are just more honest about it."  
  
"I see," I said uncomfortably.  "Thank you for your advice—and your vote."  
  
"See me when you have all the councilor's…approval," he said with a smirk. Julan and I left Master Aryon and headed east towards the docks of Vos.  
  
"What did you think of him?" I asked Julan curiously, twirling a shaft of grain.  
  
"Not bad for a Telvanni. Their way of moving up is frightening."  
  
"No. Not really. Aryon's right. Ambitious people do it all time.  He's just the most honest I've ever encountered."  
  
"Don't tell me you're thinking of joining them?" he asked incredulously.  
  
"Were it not for this hideous architecture, I might.  I can't do the towers, Jules."  
  
"Good.  So do you want to stay in Vos tonight or head on?"  
  
"I'm dying to meet that crazy woman.  She sounds entertaining.  We can sleep on the transport ships."  
  
"Then shall we?" he asked taking my arm, smiling.  
  
"Let's."  
  
 **Day  159**  
  
Therana did not disappoint.  She was absolutely barking mad.   Atop the Telvanni strong hold of Tel Branora, she stood, surrounded by naked Khajiiti slaves.  Therana was vastly unpopular—a group of youths we encountered while asking for directions made no bones about their distaste.  
  
"Stay out of things that don't concern you, Outlander," the girl said grabbing my shoulders.  "This affair is between myself and Therana.  I'll tolerate no interference.  I have the support of—."   
  
"Save it," I said brushing her had off me.  "I have no desire to step in your political affairs, I was only looking to speak to Therena."  
  
"What could you possibly want out of that old bat?  Therana has long outlived her usefulness—she just exists and nothing else.  Since she refuses to see that and she lets Tel Branora rot in her madness, she will have to be removed."  
  
I shrugged. "You'll have no complaint with me."  I didn't care what they did after I got her vote.  
  
"Then you'll find her atop her tower playing with her slaves and pets."  And this girl was right. Therana was a child trapped in an elder's body.  
  
"Mistress Therana?" I asked the woman sitting on the ground in an outrageous wig and strange outfit.  
  
"Have you come to feed the spiders?"  
  
"Uh, no.  Mistress Therena, I have come to ask you to name me Telvanni Hortator."  Spiders?  Spiders indeed!  
  
"It's a steel box, of course.  You keep things like roots and spices in it, keeps 'em fresh, with a little netch blood.  Or is that a Hormador?  Yes. Or spiders?  In a box.  Spider eggs.  Keeps 'em fresh!"  
  
"No, Mistress—."  
  
"You wouldn't have any with you?  Spider eggs?  Nice fresh ones?"  
  
"No, I was here about the Hortator."  
  
"Hormador?  You got one with you?  Always happy to get some fresh spider eggs, or spiders.  When I was much younger, we grew our own spiders." I blinked. This lady was demented.  I thought I'd just humor her a bit and hopefully she will name me Hormador—wait Hortator. Gods, her madness was getting to me.  Therena continued, "Hormadors.  Big ones.  Ours was steel, with silver plating.  Kier-jo used to polish it.  Cute little kitty…Had it since it was a bitty kitty," she said pointing to a humiliated Khajiti slave.  "Gone now, dropped dead.  They get old, you see, and then you have to get new ones."   
  
I was going to kill this bitch.    
  
"But oh, what was your name again?"  Julan stepped in and impulsively grabbed Therena's hand and kissed it.  
  
"Oooohhh, my, what a dashing young lad you are!"  
  
"Ai…my lady. I've come today to show you…something special."  He then started weaving two silk scarves around her in the shape of a double helix.  
  
"Goodness, where did you learn to do that?" Therana clapped.  
  
"Ai…a magician never spills his secrets, fair lady."   
  
"Ooohhh very pretty!  Do it again…Do it again!"  Julan's performance continued; he varied the routine—bit after bit, until standing there in amazement, she asked, "What is your name?"  
  
"Annika Blue," he said, flashing a sly smile in my direction.    
  
"Such a pretty name for such a handsome mer!" Therana exclaimed excitedly.  
  
"Tell me, love," he said taking Therana's hand again, "would you do me the honor of naming me your champion—the Hortator?"  
  
"Oh yes, I think you would make a dashing Hortator!" she giggled. Turning to me Therana exclaimed, "Wouldn't he make a dashing Hortator, uh…what did you say your name was?"  
  
"Julan," I said simply. "Julan Kaushibael, at your service, milady. And yes," I paused looking up a Julan, "I think he would make a dashing Hortator."  
  
"Then so be it!  I, Mistress Therana, name you, Annika Blue, Telvanni Hortator!"  
  
"Milady you do me great honor." Julan said bowing theatrically to Therana.  "Fair the well!"    
  
I was stunned silent walking out of Therana's chamber.  It was some time before I could speak again.  "Anni," Jules inquired playfully, "has the spiders got your tongue?"  
  
"You were amazing," I said haltingly.  I turned to him, kissing him softly on the lips.  "Thank you for that."  
  
"Ah, Anni," he started, "it was easy."  
  
"No—no it wasn't.  And you did it with such grace."  Julan was silent.  Taking his hand, I looked to him, "For the record, I think you would have made a dashing Hortator," I said quietly as we walked toward the docks.  
  
 **Day 162**  
  
"We're moving pretty quickly through this."  Julan said as the boat pulled up to the docks of Sadrith Mora. "Are you…hmmm…getting anything out of this—becoming closer to, to believing, or understanding?"  
  
"Understanding—yes, believing, no, not at all. Sorry to disappoint, Jules, but I guess I don't understand why Azura can't come down here and deal with Dagoth herself.  Seems odd that a god would need the help of little ol' me."  
  
"Why does anyone need a savior, sera?" he asked softly.  
  
"A test of some sort, maybe."  
  
"A question of worth, perhaps." Julan had covered his eyes, blocking the sun out as he peered at the top of the largest tower we had seen to date. "Oh, there's Tel Naga.  I suppose we should see Neloth."  We soon found ourselves facing angry looking man. He had obviously heard rumors of our coming.   
  
"Whatever you want, the answer is no."  
  
"Hmmm.  So you won't hear me out regarding the Nerevarine Prophecies?"  
  
He took a deep sigh, looking annoyed and put out.  "What are you going on about?  Prophecies, visions, superstitious jibber-jabber?  Don't interrupt me with that nonsense.  Go bother some bone-through-the-nose shaman or bug eating wise woman!" I saw Julan cringe at these words.  By now I trusted him not to fly off, plus I think he realized what we were up against.  The odds were not in our favor.  Neloth was surrounded by Dremora and mages.  We had not prepared for a battle.  
  
"Are you saying they have would have more knowledge than you on this particular subject?" I asked sly.  This man's weakness lay in his vanity.  
  
"Are you still talking?  I could not care less about these things," he said defensively—I had struck a cord.  
  
"Oh, I'm pretty sure I could make a talk worth your while," I said sweetly, handing him 1000 septims.    
  
Neloth stopped and looked up, "Apparently we speak the same language, sera.  So you want to be Hortator?  War leader of the Telvanni?  Is that really necessary?"  
  
"Yes, sera.  Vvardenfell is under the yoke of Dagoth Ur."  
  
"Why doesn't anyone tell me about these things?" Neloth shrugged.  "So. Do you want the job?  Are you qualified?"  
  
"I'd like to think," I said politely.  
  
"Then go ahead. I don't care. Be the Hortator. Just go away," Neloth said, raising his arm dismissively.  
  
"As you wish, sera." I turned and we made our way out.  "Well, that was reasonably easy, though costly.  What did you think of that?"  
  
"I think I despise the Great Houses more daily—perhaps hourly."  
  
"Well—should we go to the Archmagister? I'd like to test Gothren to see if he plans on putting me off as Master Aryon said he would."  
  
"It doesn't matter, Anni." Julan muttered with resignation.  I hoped this mission based on faith would not cost Julan his.  I was greatly concerned.  
  
"Jules, these are just the Great Houses—not the common people.  In truth, sera, I don't think you could get any further removed from the people then these sorcerers."  He nothing for a while then turned to me.  
  
"I think I want to be with you alone before we go.  Find a room, Anni—I need you."  We found lodging at Fara's Hole in the Wall and threw back several jugs of Matze, in the seedy tavern.  Julan gazed into mirror behind the bar.  I saw his mood turning bitter. Best do something about it now.  
  
"A room please," I said to the patron.  Reaching the room, I threw him down on the bed, ripped his breaches off him and straddled him like a harlot in a bathhouse. After all, it was not love he was after tonight, just a release.  I granted it.   
  
**Day 163**  
  
"Archmagister Gothren," I said bowing slightly to the elderly man in a beautifully adorned robe.  
  
"Who are you and what is your purpose in my court?"  
  
"I think you know, sera," I said calmly.  "I would not underestimate your great knowledge of political affairs."  
  
"Fair enough," he said amused.  "Well, state your case, Annika Blue.  Perhaps we can come to some agreement." I presented him with my proofs and quickly told my story.  He gazed at me momentarily then spoke, "Yes.  I understand perfectly.  Your story makes sense and your proofs—persuasive; however, a decision on such a remarkable matter as this is a grave responsibility, and one not to be taken in haste." Ahh…there it was—delay.  He continued, "I will need time to reflect and consider, and to confer with the other Telvanni counselors."  
  
"Of course.  I will leave you to your decision, Archmagister." I bowed gracefully again.  Walking down the precariously steep spiral stair case, I leaned in towards Julan.  "We will go see Mistress Dratha, then return.  If he has not made a decision by then, we will have to act."  We reached the harbor of Tel Mora at dusk; it was an island of women. Mistress Dratha had become a powerful sorcerer due to the death, or actually execution of her mother, who had strove for equality between the sexes.  Some admired Dratha for her tireless efforts; though I had also heard other women, former residents and travel ship captains, complain that she had become too dogmatic.   Men were not permitted to reside here, thus the place was crawling with lonely women.    
  
"Julan, I think its best if I leave you on the docks, you might start a riot if you came with me."  
  
"Maybe I should hit the trade house," he said laughing.   
  
"If you do, I won't be able to save you."  
  
"Go on, I'll try to fend them off."  
  
"You make sure you do," I said kissing him good bye.  I tripped up endless stairs to Dratha's Telvanni Tower.  I would be happy when this mission was over, as it seemed to be one tower after next and sadly I was terrible at flying.  Unending flight and ill-tempered sorcerers filled this land; frankly, I grew tired of it, along with all the bumps and bruises I accumulated on account of my poor flying.   I reached the great hall and saw several women standing around an older woman. I approached Mistress Dratha slowly as she seemed particularly sour.  
  
"Are you the new serving girl?" she asked condescendingly.  
  
"No," I answered icily.  He other servants looked at me in shock.  Perhaps they were unaccustomed to my tone.  
  
"No?" Dratha asked, amused. "Who are you then?"  
  
"Annika Blue. The woman who comes to defeat Dagoth Ur.  Mistress, I have come asking you for the role of Telvanni Hortator."  
  
"Hmmm," she said smiling slowly, the sourness melting away.  "So there's something to those old prophecies after all, eh?  Pig-headed Battlemages don't pay attention to Lady Azura's portents as they should.  And you are the foretold Nerevarine?"  
  
"Yes, sera."  
  
"Quite a shock to those old House Fathers, Nerevar comes back…as a woman!  Ha! Certainly, Annika Blue, I am quite happy to name you Hortator.  Here. Take these scrolls with you," she said handing me four very valuable Summon Golden Saint scrolls.  "Do not fail, Nerevarine."  
  
"Ai, Mistress, if I am permitted to fight, I won't fail," I said sincerely.  "Though, I was wondering, what can you tell me of Gothren?  Had he spoken to you of my coming?"  
  
"No.  Did he say he was going to?"  
  
"He said he would be contacting all of the counselors to confer with them about naming me Telvanni Hortator."  
  
"Ah.  I see.  Well contrary to what most may think, Gothren did not rise to power by fear; he rose by charm.  If he has set in his mind to charm you then, you will find him quite irresistible."  
  
"I think he has set in his mind to delay me—indefinitely."  
  
"Most likely, doubtful he would want the Nerevarine to be an Outlander, or a woman for that matter.  But sera, if you have spoken to Master Aryon, then you know how we Telvanni take care of obstacles, and why," she said laughing, "our towers are so tall.  You know what to do."  
  
"Ai, I do."  
  
"Then do it." Dratha said, looking me directly in the eye.  She turned to confer with one of her retainers.  I knew the conversation was over—and that soon, I would have to confront Gothren.    
  
I left Dratha to find Julan.  He was sitting on the docks, being circled by curious women.  I'm glad I made it down there when I did.  Its not that I didn't trust him…well, mostly.   
  
"Jules, you ready to go?"  
  
"Uh, yeah…Ladies, the pleasure was mine."  
  
"What?"   
  
"Oh, stop being so jealous, Anni."  Funny, I guess he had forgotten all about his incident with Nels.  Maybe a trip to Pelagiad was in order.  Gods—I have to stop thinking like this. "Let's hit some shrines before we visit Gothren.  I want to give him a chance…before I end him."  
  
"I don't think it will be that easy."  
  
"I know it won't.  In fact, believe this will be the hardest kill yet.  I hope it doesn't come that it though. I hadn't planned on leaving a trail of bodies in my wake."  
  
"I know.  Oh, I have no doubt it will, Anni—come to it, I mean.  Anne, they can communicate with each other instantly.  Gothran knew you were coming for him a week ago.  I don't see what difference a few days more makes.  Unless it's to ease your conscious."  
  
"Maybe. Let's just go adventuring for a while, maybe hit some shrines and caverns..." We spent about a week total hitting the numerous sea caverns and Daedric Shrines.    
  
On the last night of respite while staring up at the stars from our bed roll Julan whispered, "Anne, there's nothing for it. We have to stop putting this off.  It's time to pay Gothren a visit.  Are you ready, girl?"  
  
"Yeah," I said quietly.  "I'm ready as I'll ever be, but Jules, I think we'll need back."  
  
"Who do you have in mind?"  
  
"Shani," I said plainly.  
  
  
 **Day 175**  
  
"Archmagister, have you made your decision?"  I could see he had by the increased number of guards and Dremora.  I only hoped Shani could hold her own.  Julan had vehemently fought against using her as back up, but in truth I think he knew she was our only option.  Julan and I prepped her as much as possible, and I could see she was excited to be given such a chance, but still—she was much less experienced than the two of us and her skills were somewhat lacking—but again she was all we had.  I stopped a Vos to pick up some armor for her—she only had netch to her name.  She would need much more than wispy animal hides for protection.  I also purchased a robe and scarf.  No sense in having her identified should a blood bath ensue or something go terribly wrong.    
  
I approached Gothren hesitantly.  He was a charming man with a great deal of charisma and experience.  I had no desire to be his executioner. But if it came it…   
  
"Gothren, it is good to see you again.  Have you come to a decision regarding Hortator?"  
  
"Annika Blue, you seem to have a one track mind," he said humorously. "I am still conferring with my counselors."  
  
"Well, then I'm sure that you'll be pleased to hear that I have met with all the other counselors and have gotten their vote."  
  
He turned to me calmly, though with a menacing smile on his face. "You will never get mine," he said calmly.  "I will not stand for an Outlander Hortator—it will never happen.  Annika, I think you courageous—and cunning.  I give you a chance to back out now.  I have no wish to destroy you."  
  
"Nor I you, Gothren.  But I will—if it comes to it."  
  
"Then, if there's no other way…" He said nodding slightly as he raised his hands high and I landed a blow to his stomach, though it did no damage; instantly he was healed and I had two summoned Dremora on my back.  I was attacked by all three.  In the back round I could hear other's fighting, a female's death scream, though I could not tell whose it was and I certainly could not look back.  A flame dart shot right past me and hit Gothren in the head.  It felled him long enough for me to finish the job.  After Gothren's departure, the war spirits he summoned were easily dispatched, though his retainers put up quite a fight.  In the bloody aftermath I saw Shani, she was badly wounded…  Jules was behind me—as he had been behind me all along.  
  
He gave me a hand "I see you're really getting into this whole Telvanni diplomacy thing!"  
  
"I guess you could say that," I smiled spitting blood.  I turned to Shani, who had killed two retainers while Julan and I were fighting for our lives with Gothren.  She made this victory possible.  "Julan, we have to get her to a healer."  
  
"I have recall set to mother's."  
  
"Uhhh…no Mashti," Shani groaned.  
  
"Shani, listen to me," Julan spoke firmly, "You are badly wounded.  Mashti is an expert healer.  This goes beyond potions.  No protests.  We have to go."  
  
 **Day 179**  
  
The three of us had spent several days at the encampment when Shani pulled me aside. "What's gotten in to her?  She's not behaving like a Daedroth…" Mashti was actually kind; it wouldn't have served her to be any other way—she would be re-joining the Ahemmusa and though Shani was certainly an underestimated member of the tribe, she was a popular one.    
  
"Better than some hunger, eh?" Mashti grinned walking into the yurt.  Shani hadn't see Mashti outside the door.  This would make for an interesting conversations—I just hoped in didn't devolve into sobs or hugs.  Shani was good for that.  She had started to stutter a response when Mashti cut her off.  "Save your apologies child, you don't mean them and I deserved everything you said," she smiled.  Shani nodded, and that, thankfully, was the end of that.  
  
"Told ya," I said softly, winking at Mashti.  
  
In the time she spent recovering Shani, made the most of trying on clothes I had left at Julan's and the few items I picked up for her in Vos. Mashti, Shani and I spent time gossiping, about men, tribal matters and the trivial things that bind women together—or tear them apart.    I felt better after speaking to them.  Shani had assured me that once the other women knew me, I would be accepted.  "You have the best chance of that getting to know them one by one."  
  
"That will take time."  
  
"Anything worth having does," Mashti said peeling onions for the stew.  "You'll have to win them—you'll both suffer if you don't.  Julan can't face a tribe of angry women and frustrated husbands."  
  
"Go hunting with them—then take them shopping," Shani giggled.  
  
"The whole tribe?"  
  
"We're not that big anymore," Shani said softly. I saw Mashti wince at that.  I know she still felt the guilt of that warrior's death.  Four days time passed quickly between us.  Walking Shani back to the tribe, I wanted to make her know, in no uncertain terms, how critical a part she played in our mission..  
  
"Shani, thank you for all your help—we could not have done this with out you."  
  
"Yeah," Julan said. "You did well, Sha—you did me proud."    
  
"Everything we took—and the sword—take it as prize.  You can also keep the clothes.  You've earned at least that." I added.  
  
"Anni, that's a Daedric katana…are you sure?"  
  
"I wouldn't say it if I wasn't.  Take it. You were invaluable."  I could see she had never heard that kind of praise before.  'Stupid little s'wit' and 'useless'—that's how Julan described her—along with the other members of the tribe.    
  
"Shani, I hadn't realized you…you've become so skilled with a sword," Julan said.  "Forget the bow and stick with the blade." She laughed at that.  
  
"Couldn't say I was an Ashlander without bow.  It's our birthright." Shani said, smiling at Julan.  
  
"Sha," I started, "I want you to stay with the tribe for some time—go nowhere near Vos.  We have killed the Archmagister of the Telvanni and several of his retainers.  There will be price to pay, if we don't get to Master Aryon quickly."  
  
"I'll stand with you!" Shani cried.  
  
"Shani," I said gently, "nobody has seen you or can identify you—that's why I had you wear the scarf and robe.  Let me see if there is a bounty on our heads and I will take care of it. If it's not done well with the right connections we all could be serving hard time.  Best to avoid that, love—trust me.  Go back to your people and speak of your deeds.  Maybe you'll inspire that handsome bard of yours to write a new song!"  
  
 **Day 180**  
  
"So it's done?" Ayron asked, though already knowing the answer. For days I thought of everything I would say to this man; some of them being coarse accusations and admonitions, others words of regret for killing such a great man as the former Archmagister, but as I stood before him in his chamber, surrounded by books and ancient tapestries, my words fell like dust to the ground. Aryon glanced at me, slowly standing  from his desk, placing his book to the side.  
  
"Congratulations, Archmagister Aryon," I said gravely.  He turned and gave me a wry smile.  
  
"Same to you, Hortator."  
  
I walked around the chamber slowly, picking up items and putting them back down pretending to study them as I was to flustered to speak and was at a loss for words.  What could I say? I stopped and stood in front of a large gilded mirror.  "Was it all a means to an end?" I asked, turning to Aryon.  "Was I simply your tool, your assassin?"  
  
"Does that matter, Annika?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Ah," he smiled, "well then, let me ease your conscious. Power is such an ephemeral commodity—hard to gain, easy to lose," he said looking over his spectacles.  "One reason is that power in the wrong hands will only prove self-destructive.  Do you understand that, Hortator?"  
  
"Yes."  I said, staring into the mirror. I knew exactly what he meant, would have to watch for that in myself.  How easy it would be to take power and become drunk  with it like Gothren had—and how easy would it be to fall?  I already knew the answer.  
  
"Annika," he said shaking me out of a trance.  
  
"Sera?" I answered numbly, glancing away from the mirror, briefly meeting Aryon's stare.  
  
He walked over to me and placed his hand on my chin, turning my eyes to meet his. "What's done is done and now it's time to move forward.  Even if you wanted to, you can't take it back."  I shrugged sullenly.  "Well, in any case," he said clearing his throat, "I have something for you.  It's the Robe of the Hortator. Hasn't been used in centuries.  But I think you'll be pleased with it.  And Anni," he paused, looking me directly, with an extended hand, "I wish you luck; I may even pray for you," he smirked slyly.  
  
"Till next we meet, Archmagister…and thank you." He nodded as I left the room.  Aryon was a murder and manipulator, but I liked him.  There was no hypocrisy in his actions or words.  He was wise and I respected him for that.    
  
"So, what next Anni?" Julan asked as we stepped on the fast travel platform in Sadrith Mora.  
  
"Back to Balmora, I think.  I'll have to see who I need to speak to about House Hlaalu."  
  
"Do you really want to see them next, Anne?" Julan asked hesitantly.  
  
"Yeah, if they're as easy as we've been told, bought off, I mean…then, well I'd just rather deal with that."  
  
"Why are you so afraid of the Redoran?" he asked as we exited the Mages Guild in Balmora.  
  
"Because they believe—in the gods, their mission," I said wistfully. How can I look them straight in the eye and ask to be their Hortator?  "I'm not there yet."  
  
"I see," Julan muttered. I felt momentary resentment wafting off of him. He knew he should have been the Nerevarine.  I knew he'd never really get over that.  
  
"Well, the Council Manor's straight ahead.  Let's go see who we have to suck up to…or pay off," I smiled.  We entered the manor and were told right off that we needed to be in Vivec.  
  
"If you want superstition and natives go see, Crassius.  I only handle the business end of things here," Nileno Dorvayn said dismissively.   "Come see me when you want to prosper, not preach."  
  
"Where do I find this Crassius," I was annoyed.  
  
"Hlaalu Canton, Plaza," she said shortly.  "He's a bit eccentric, but I think you'll find that to your advantage.  Good day, Outlander."  
  
"And you, Nileno."  
  
"Ai…another trip to Vivec," Julan said none too pleased. "We should walk there, instead of taking the strider.  A nice walk would do us good."    
  
"Let's grab some food and made a picnic of it, shall we?  We'll see Crassius on the morrow." Sitting by Lake Amaya, and sipping some wine I laughed over the name Crassius.  "Gods, I wonder if that's his real name?"  
  
"What mother would name her son that?" Julan asked primly.  
  
"Seems a set up for failure.  You were lucky Mashti had good taste."  
  
"And you Annika, you were lucky too.  Did Kat name you?"  
  
"No, Duima, a priestess at the abbey named me. She was into fancy names—though I never really knew her that well.  She died two years after I was born."  
  
"That's terrible."  
  
"No, it wasn't….she was elderly woman and had lived a full life, from what I had been told. She was a mistress of some important official then retired to the abbey."  
  
"That's pretty common, I imagine," he said sourly.  
  
"Yeah, you know it's funny," I mused. "All the abbeys are filled with former mistresses and whores…"   
  
"Not a saint among them!" he laughed.    
  
"Thank gods, for I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints, Jules. The sinners are much more fun."   
   
"Anni, you're incorrigible—I swear you're going make a reprobate out of me yet.  But seriously, what were they like, the priests and such?"  
  
I paused, thinking for a moment. "Eh, most kept their distance from me.  Some of the males were kindly and father-like—well, whatever having a father means.  Some of them were sleazy and made me uncomfortable—I avoided those kind when I could.  I...I just kept my distance.  You know, I just don't think its natural living without, well without a lover or at least companion of some sort.  The gods make us for that—I don't think meant to be alone.  And I'm not sure to what end?  Why can't you be godly and be loved?"  
  
"I never understood it either.  How could you concentrate on worship, when you wanted to grab the sexy priestess beside you?" Jules then smiled wickedly and grabbed my leg,  "Hey maybe tonight we can play the lonely priestess and lusty priest…"   
  
I smiled at this raising an eyebrow, "Now to get some cultist robe."   
  
We laughed for some time, then holding me, he asked, "Do you think that kind of thing happened often?  
  
"Oh, I know it did.  I wasn't the only bastard there," I said standing up, gathering the supplies. "The abbot fathered two children in the time I lived there.  You know, I liked him.  He wasn't a misery."  
  
"Where their any pious ones—at all?"  
  
"Oh yes, there were a few—the women were worst of all.  You know secretly, I think they longed for it—and were resentful they never got any.  They lorded their chastity over the rest of us. From what I was told Duima was reminded of her status often—though she was so spirited and just laughed at their taunts.  Kat really admired her, and was her servant primarily."  
  
"Priestesses had servants?" Julan asked incredulously.  
  
"You don't think a former mistress retired in poverty, do you?" I asked laughing.  "Oh no, if a noble's beloved mistress or favorite whore was left a pension, often she fared better than the widow."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah…..but oh…"  My voice trailed off.  I wondered what would have happened if Anais had held out a little longer, perhaps been a bit smarter.  
  
"Anni," Jules said taking my hand as we walked, "things happen for a reason.  I for one am glad you weren't some spoiled bastard, you wouldn't be here, I imagine."  
  
"Probably married off to some minor squire or petty noble.  I'm glad too."  For the past months I had come to life.  I was sure my life currently, even in my bastardly state, was far more interesting than being some petty courtesan or dull hausfrau.    
  
"Were the other priests and priestess too awful?"  
  
"Some were.  Some were really twisted and felt the need for…well…some kind of sick piety.  It's like they thought I would believe it more if they beat it into me.  I guess that's why none of this spiritualism sticks."  In truth wish I had felt something—anything.  It might make the mission easier if I just believed. "I guess I find it hard to worship gods who are just as flawed as I am."  
  
"Oh, I think that makes it better, really.  Anni, I couldn't worship some divine, perfected thing—it's the imperfections.  I know Azura can be petty, but she's blessed me with the night sky."   
  
"Yeah," _or taken credit for it,_ I thought, though didn't say.  "I love you, Jules."  
  
"I know, Anni. I love you too—even if you are a complete heathen," he said smiling.  "Hey, we've reached Pelagiad.  Want to grab Ence and stop for a drink?"  
  
"Love to.  I can't wait to tell him."  
  
"I figured."    
  
We reached his shop. I moved closely to Ence and leaned over the counter.  Whispering provocatively, I asked, "Do you carry any bridal wear?"  
  
 "Oh, I'm not a marrying kind of man, Anni—ah, but were I was…" he said grinning at me.  "So, do we have a blushing bride here?"  
  
"Bride to be and her groom," I said.  
  
"Oh, good luck!" Ence grabbed us both   
  
"Thank you…I think!" I was beaming. "You'll be there, right?"  
  
"Well, if the maid of honor job wasn't already taken." We both laughed, Julan looked clueless.  We headed towards the Halfway tavern and sat down to the first round of drinks.  I filled Ence in on Julan becoming the Ashkhan—well, a watered down version of the story—I figured I'd tell him more when we had time to ourselves.  
  
"I was thinking of asking Erica—about the maid of honor.  Seriously though, I want you to be there."  
  
"Oh Anni, I wouldn't miss it for the world.  Where do you think it will be?"  
  
"At the Ahemmusa camp, of course," insisted Julan. "Where else would it be?"  
  
"Or by the sea," I mused.  "I just want a place where everyone can come together."  
  
"No offense, Julan, but I hear your Ashlanders don't like Imperials much," Ence stated.  
  
"Well, as long as you don't steal our lands or make off with our women, you'll be fine."  
  
"I don't think you have anything to worry about there," he said laughing. Ence then looked down at Julan's drink stealthily.  "Oh, let me get you another drink, Julan." This was our cue to get in a few words alone.  
  
"I think I'll check on getting a room."  I wanted his real opinion.  I could tell there was something on his mind.  
  
"Dresla, my dear, can we get some Matze?"  
  
"Good evening to you Ence," the bartender said.  
    
"Dresla," I asked, "do you have any beds available?"  
  
"Oh Anni, you both could stay with me—."  
  
"No—you won't be saying that as soon as you see how drunk he can get, ugh…I've cleaned up the mess a few times."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah, not often of course, but I don't know—I have a funny feeling about tonight."  
  
"Nels?"  
  
"Yeah, let's get those drinks and head back to table.  I don't want to leave him alone for long." I then turned to Dresla, "If you have a bed, I'm still interested."  
  
"Yes sera, its 10 gold.  Upstairs and down the hall."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"You know Anni, I'm happy for you…"  
  
"Yes, but..." I said raising an eyebrow. Ence hesitated.  Here it comes….  
  
"Well, I'm curious, that's all.  I don't know much about Ashlander customs, but I always heard that an Ashkhan—which is what Julan is or will be—could pick anyone without ceremony.  They just tell you, you're married and that's it—but here's the kicker—they also can end a marriage as easily.  Just by a word."  
  
"Well, in a way that's a relief Ence, I don't want a man who doesn't want me, but…well, I'll see that there's something official in place, so don't you worry your pretty little head about it," I laughed, then continued, "but you know…that telling part…that's—well, that's odd.  Jules "told" me we were to be married.  Not really asked.  Wonder if there's anything to it?"  
    
"Oh, I wouldn't worry, Annika.  You both seem so in love."  
  
"I think we are—we still have some problems—"  
  
"Well, that's everyone, love, but you know, if you didn't have problems, you would be deadly dull, and that would be the end of the both of you."   
   
After good meal and several more rounds of drinks, the minstrel played one of my favorite songs from the mainland—The Queen and the Soldier. I often heard Kat singing the song.  I knew it was a Breton Tale of love and broken expectations—a tragedy of sorts. I closed my eyes as she sang ' _Oh the sun it was gold and the sky it was gray/ And she wanted more than she ever could say.'_ As I listened to the music, I felt a pair of eyes on me.  Julan broke my meditation.   
  
"Hey, I don't like the way that Nels Llendo is looking at you." Julan spat.  "Am I going to have to ask him to step outside and settle this?"  
  
"Oh, Julan let him look," I sighed.  "It makes no difference, really.  That was months ago…"  
  
"I don't care!  If he carries on eying you like that, I'm going to beat him bloody, and you can tell him that."  
  
"Look," I said rolling my eyes, "I'll go ask him what he wants, and tell him to stop.  I'll tell him I'm as good as married.  Jules, just calm down." I did not want thrown out of here or to cause a scene.  I wanted to drink with my friend and listen to the damned minstrel.   
  
"Well, I'm coming with you," he said shortly.  I glanced over to Ence who just shrugged.  
  
"Ugh…Fine."  I made my way across a crowed hall. "Nels, it's good to see you again," I started.  
  
"Ai, my lady, and you too," he said with added flair. Mephala, he was really drunk.  "My dear, who is this savage you're with?" Gods, Nels, shut up!  
  
"Nels, this is my betrothed—."  
  
He walked up to us, putting his arm around me—stinking of greef. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather spend some time with a true gentleman?  I'm sure I could show you a few things beyond the experience of a barbarian…"  
  
"Gods, Nels!" I pushed him off; a crowd was beginning to gather.   
  
Ence grabbed me and whispered, "Anni, don't get into this.  Let them hash it out.  If it gets too bad, we'll hit them both with a blunt object."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah…I kind of anticipated this Anni," he uttered. "Nels never quite got over you."  
  
"Ugh…I made it clear, Ence." I turned and saw them both moving towards the door.   A crowd moved behind them.  A part of me was hoping a guard would break it up before the fight happened, another was hoping that Nels would learn a lesson in manners, so I would no longer dread my trips to the Halfway Tavern.  I was tired of the stares and looks of longing. I had ended it with him.  There were no ambiguities.   
  
"Right, fetcher," Julan screamed, "you and me, outside—now!"  
  
"Stop this!" I shrieked—I figured I should at least make an attempt at stopping the brawl.  Julan would kill him in an instant.  
  
"A duel?" Nels, reached for the hilt of his sword as they headed outside. "How amusing—very well, I accept—although you clearly don't know who you're dealing with!  I am the famed highway man," he said nearly tripping over the chair.  Shenogorath, they were both drunk, maybe they'd both miss the mark and fall flat on their faces.  Good.  "A lady's honor is at stake," he hiccupped.  "Nels Llendo is compelled to act!  En garde!"  
  
"Shut up and fight!" yelled Julan.  Both pulled their swords, but Julan was much quicker—probably less drunk—though not by much.  He slashed the side of Nels's coat, slightly cutting his arm.  Julan then pushed him down in the mud.  I saw that chilling smile move across his face.    
  
"All right!" Nels gasped. "I yield! Call that brute off me before he spills my blood all over my best shirt."  Nels got up and spat mud in Julan's direction. Julan lunged toward Nels.  
  
"Stop it, Jules, the fight's over!"  Julan landed a punch to his face—something I think he wanted to do from their first meeting—then stopped. Julan then clenched his fist and spoke in a graveled voice.  
  
"Fetcher!  Leave my wife alone!  Don't look at her, don't think about her!" he slammed back into the tavern heading up to our room.  
  
"Wife?" Ence whispered, "I thought you two were only betrothed?"  
  
I nodded.  "I'm not going to ask him about it tonight."  
  
"You better get going Anni. Give him my best."  A large crowd had gathered outside the bar and several soldiers were walking in our direction.    
  
"I will." I gathered Julan and drug him up the stairs to our room, with a tavern full of angry women boring holes in my back.  Julan was sprawled on the bed, groaning.  
  
"Ai…I've made a fool of myself in front of all these people—gods, you better be worth it."  
  
"I'm assuming that's the Matze talking," I fumed.   
  
"I don't have the energy to fight. Not tonight."  
  
"Then scoot over, this bed's big enough for two."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long one...
> 
> Nerevar Blue Series: lesliewifeofbath.deviantart.co…
> 
> These Hortator chapters were not my favorites, I must confess. The best part of writing them was when the dialog had nothing to do with the quest.
> 
> FYI Folks: I'll be putting this message through out the series. For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashal are Kateri's creations, though I have added to the dialog (and in some cases changed it), particularly in the case of Julan. Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan.
> 
> Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC
> 
> kateri-t's incredible mod Ashlander Julan can be found here: lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm


	17. The Redoran Horator Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The path to the Redoran Horator is not paved with roses--it's mixed with blood, angst and tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI Folks: I'll be putting this message through out the series. For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashal are Kateri's creations, though I have added to the dialog (and in some cases changed it), particularly in the case of Julan. Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan.
> 
> Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC
> 
> kateri-t's incredible mod Ashlander Julan can be found here: lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm

**Day 182**    
  
"I'm sorry for that, for what I said last night.  Of course you're worth it…you mean everything to me," Julan said staring up a the ceiling, his expression pained. I turned over, and kissed his forehead then burrowed under the covers. "Anni," he continued, "what was the nature of your relationship with Nels, honestly?"  
  
"I'd be a cad if I told you—" I laughed.  I then saw the look on face, much like mine, I imagine, when he told me of Shani.   
  
"Well, I met up with him the first month after landing here.  I was only with him for a week, before heading to Dagon Fel. Julan, it was nothing serious.  I made no pretensions that it was.   
  
"Maybe he thought it was more."  
  
"Perhaps, but Jules, I made my intentions clear from the start. I really think he was more in love with the idea of being in love and unrequited love, perhaps."  
  
Maybe," he said skeptically. "Anyone else I might have to face?"  
  
"Not in Vvardenfell—and no, I'm not discussing this any further.  I'm sorry for what happened—really."  
  
"I was a brute," he sighed.  
  
I turned over towards him, placing my hand on his chest, my fingers playing with the small patch of hair smack dab in the middle of chest.  "Yes, and Nels was a local fob showing off.  Honestly, I don't think cared as much for me as he did the show, now, lets not talk about it anymore.  I'm over it.  Are you?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess…"  
  
"That's not very convincing." I said pouting.  
  
"It will have to do."  
  
"Okay." What else could I say?  "Are you ready to start for Vivec?"  
  
"Not really, Anni.  Sure I couldn't talk you into meeting with the Redoran first?"    
  
I knew he wasn't looking forward to Vivec, and after last night I was willing to humor him. "You know what, why the hell not?"  
  
"What?"  He stopped and stared at me, in total disbelief.  The expression was worth it.  It's like a giving a child candy.  
  
"It seems to matter to you a great deal.  Maybe it's important.  So yeah, let's ditch Vivec for a time and head to Ald-ruhn.  I haven't seen a good ash storm in weeks."  
  
"I can't believe you're actually agreeing with me…"  
  
"Oh there's a catch, Jules."  
  
"Of course there is," he said grabbing my leg. "Out with it, pretty girl."  
  
"No fast travel.  No silt strider.  If I'm going to be a prophet of sorts, then I have to know something about the land."  
  
"Finally," he threw off the sheets in triumph, grinning like a boy.    
  
We moved north from Vivec, slowly only covering several miles in day.  I wanted to absorb the country around me.  Julan had made no complaints, in fact I think he enjoyed seeing the world without the rush.  The pace we had kept earlier was unsustainable; moving from one mission to next had nearly exhausted the both of us.  So now we were ambling past the mushroom trees and the lush greenery of the Ascadian  Isles.  I knew the view would not last forever and soon lush green was giving way to rocky ash.  We had made it to the Molag Mar region, when I noticed how familiar a certain bush looked—after seeing it twice.  
  
"Just admit it, Nerevar Blue—we are lost," Julan smiled.  
  
"We're not lost, we're just misplaced!" I snapped, knowing I'd get my bearings eventually.  We walked around some more until the wastes and bushes and rocks all started looking the same.  I signed in frustration, staring at the sky.  
  
"We're lost, Anni."  
  
"Yeah," I said taking a drag off my hack-lo leaf.  He got me.  I had to admit it.  "We're lost, Julan."  
  
"Let's sit down and think about it—I saw some scrub brush over there…I'll get it and start a fire.  We'll watch the sun go down and just relax.  No worries."  
  
"I'm cold and my feet hurt!"  
  
"And you're whining," he said smirking.  "Stop. We'll be fine."   
   
Good to his word he gathered the brush and started a fire.  I took off my boots and sat watching the stars come up one by one, and the red-pink sky reflecting off the rocks. "Oh gods, the beauty of this land," I said, barely audibly.  Even in the grey wastes, the sun had a way of creating shadows and making a statue garden out of dust and rock.  I cracked a bottle of Matze and stared at Julan cooking some scuttle over an open flame.  
  
"I thought about killing you, you know," Julan said quietly, stoking the fire.  
  
"Just now?"  
  
"No."  
  
"When you thought I'd be Nerevarine?"  The thought had occurred to me.  If I had been him—I might have done it.  I was glad he was saying this to me now—we never really addressed it.  And frankly, I never believed he was over the disappointment.  
  
"No, when I sensed there was more to your mission then you were letting on.  It was a brief fancy."  
  
"How would you have done it?" I asked out of a macabre curiosity.  
  
"I never got that far, sera," he said softly, stoking the flame.  
  
"What was the trigger?"  I had thought it would have been the conversation he overheard with Cosades, but something told me it was even before that.  
  
"Sharn. When she gave you that mission and after reading the notes.  Anni I knew then, that our purposes would cross—and at that moment, I knew—somehow—that it would be you. For a moment I hated you."  
  
"Oh I'd say it was more than a moment."  
  
"No," he said shaking his head lightly, then turning back toward the fire. "Just when I read over the notes.  After I saw how far you'd go at the tomb…I thought you would either be the destruction of my people or their savior.  I wanted you dead on both counts."  
  
"I know," I said staring into the fire, the wind blowing the smoke through the wastes. "Because it should have been you.  I still think that.  When Cosades told me…gods," I said, shaking my head.  "Did you hear that part of the conversation?"  
  
"No, sadly I stopped listening after he asked you if you were really the Nerevarine.  I can't describe the anger and fear.  I said I felt you betrayed me, but it went beyond that."  
  
"Why didn't you do it?  I would have," I said turning to him.  It's true.  I've wiped out most obstacles with little guilt.  Had I loved something that much—had that mission been my life's work, I wouldn't have thought twice.  
  
Julan paused for a moment.  He stopped stoking the fire and sat down beside me.  "Probably the same reason I'm not the Nerevarine, fear I guess—maybe fate.  I was also falling in love with you."  
  
"Was that the reason you wanted to leave so quickly for the Red Mountain—after reading Sharn's notes?"  
  
"Yeah.  I thought I could beat you up there somehow—that if I hurried, it would be me.  I had even thought about…" his voice trailed.  
  
"Leading me up there and dumping my body."  Again, I would have done the same.    
  
"Something like that," he said staring into the glowing fire. Julan then turned and reached for my hand. "Can you forgive me?"  
  
"Yeah," I said smiling. "You know, I thought that you had wanted to get rid of me because I was a criminal.  I'm kinda relieved that wasn't the case."  
  
"No, actually that was a turn on.  A girl with a record and dagger," he laughed grabbing my leg.    
  
"Is that what changed your mind?"  
  
"No…no," he said shaking his head slightly.  "When you drug my unconscious body down the side of the mountain… When I woke by you at my side," he said gently, stoking the fire.  "That was the game changer."  
  
"So there weren't any times after that, I mean you were pretty hateful."  
  
"I was a fool, but you understand why, don't you, Anni?"  
  
"I get it.  And yeah, and for the record I think it's pretty unfair.  You're the one with all the knowledge and belief…I just….well, I'm just here." He turned, blushing when I said that, I smiled and continued, "I see the land and its people, and I see a god, but the prophesies and the Tribunal leave me cold."  
  
"Who could blame you for that?" He quickly turned. "I mean for the Tribunal, part. They're fake and they're out for your blood.  They've mislead the people into believing they're safe from the disaster they created."  
  
"Oh, I don't know, they put a little fence up, and all," I laughed. "Now come over here with your godlike body."  
  
"Done. Gods bless your sense of direction, Annika."   
  
**Day  191**  
  
After being lost in wastes for what seemed like days, Julan and arrived in Ald-ruhn early in the morning.  "Ald-ruhn just over those hills…" I said over some scuttle and tea.  "Wonder who we go see?"  
  
"Hassour always said that Athyn Sarethi was a good person to do business with.  I guess we could start there."  
  
"He's under the Crab?"  
  
"Yeah, I think all the counselors are," Julan said as he rubbed his chin. "He has his own manor."  
  
"Good.  I don't want to go to Council Manor with this.  Mephala, this place is poorly designed.  Vvardenfell's architecture alone is enough to kill you."    
  
We made our way in the Skar, or giant mud crab.  The manors were tied together through a rickety system of bridges, none of which appeared too stable.  I walked into the Sarethi Manor not expecting much, but was dazzled upon entry.  The place was majestic and beautifully designed mosaics and gilded halls filled the manor.  
  
"What were you saying, Anni…about the architecture and such?"  
  
"Hmmph."  I walked down the corridor and saw an older Dumner, who met my gaze with a haunted look in his eyes.  I'd start there. "Excuse me, sera, I'm looking for Athyn Sarethi, can you tell me where I could find him."  
  
"Standing in front of you, Outlander," he said coldly.  
  
"Sera, I would speak with you about the Redoran Hortator."    
  
He listened politely, though with an air of distraction, as I told my tale and showed him my proofs.  He hesitated, and then spoke "Outlander, you have told a remarkable story.  It has the ring of truth.  You may have been deceived, but I believe you.  I may be able to persuade other councilors to believe you as well, but, as a condition of my support, I require a favor."  
  
 _Of course you do, sera._ "How may I be of assistance to you, Sarethi?"  
  
"Rescue my son, Varvur Sarethi, from Venim Manor."  
  
"Why is he being held?"  
  
"That is matter between, Counselor Venim and I. Do as I ask without question and you shall my vote.  That should be enough explanation for you."  
  
"It is, sera," I said bowing as I turned to leave.    
  
"Julan," I said, as we left, "it will be easier to get out if there's just one of us attempting the rescue.  Stay close to Venim Manor, but do not enter unless you hear me scream.  
  
"Fine, Anni, but gods, be careful, will you?  Kidnapping other councilor's children?  And I thought the Redoran was the honorable House."  
  
"We don't know what's going on, though I'm sure to find out.  Just remember to stay close."  Quietly I crept into the Venim Manor, which was as spectacular as Sarethi's.  A large Mushroom Tree was planted in the foyer.  Magnificent.  I took a guess and made my way through the right wing of the manor, though making some wrong turns in the process.  On the practice floor, I saw guard conspicuously standing in front of a tapestry. Odd place to stand. I slipped on my cloak and moved past her. I saw a note and key on the bench off to the right.  My suspicions were correct; there was a locked door directly behind the tapestry.  I needed a distraction; the guard was not blind and even with the cloak she would see the tapestry moving as I slipped behind it.  Walking to the side of the practice room, I saw a shelf with various potteries. I threw a clay pot across the room and several guards ran in its direction, including the hapless one standing in front of a wall.  Quickly I used the key and dashed into a tiny room and found a young, shaking Dunmer in front of me.  This had to be Varvur Sarethi.  
  
"Who's there," the slight man gulped.  Quickly I took off the cloak.  
  
"Varvur, I'm here to rescue you."  
  
"Gods get me out of here!  Bolvyn Venim is merciless. He's the one who had me secretly arrested."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I don't know for sure, but I think he was going use me against my father."  
  
"Well, let's get out of here, and put this on." I handed him Julan's cloak.  "Be prepared, all Oblivion's going break loose if we're sighted."  
  
"I understand…uh…what did you say your name was?"  
  
"Anni," I said quickly as we slipped out under cloak.  The guards were still standing around the broken pot in the middle of the room.  Now's our chance, I whispered.  We made our way out in stealth.  Julan was waiting outside the door.   
  
"That was quick," Julan said as I removed my cloak.  
  
"I didn't really want to stay around and chat.  Oh, by the way, Julan Kaushibael, this is Varvur Sarethi." They nodded in acknowledgement and then we headed back to Sarethi Manor.  
  
"I wonder when they'll notice you've gone?" I asked, hoping we'd have enough time to make it back to safety of his father's home.  
  
"Around dinner, most likely," he said shyly."They always brought me food."  
  
"Will they retaliate?"  
  
"I'm not sure," Varvur said nervously.  This Dumner was either a s'wit or he was wasn't telling us everything.  I was banking on both, though it was not really my concern.  I would deliver him back to the loving arms of his father and be granted Hortator by Sera Sarethi.  
  
"Father, I have returned," Varvur said leaning over and touching Athyn forehead with his own.  Varvur was a weakling, a shell of the man standing in front of him.  
    
"Go see your mother; she will be relieved," Athyn sighed, then turned to me. "Annika Blue, you rescued my son.  Words cannot express my gratitude.  Therefore, I will name you Hortator of House Redoran.  I will also use my influence with the other councilors."  
  
"Thank you, Athyn."  
  
"Don't thank me yet, Annika.  There is one obstacle."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Bolvyn Venim will never name an Outlander Hortator, though if you have the full support of the council, he may agree to an honorable duel."  
  
"Why would the council side with you, and not the Archmaster?"  
  
"Though Bolvyn is widely respected for the work he has done for the House, he is also a tyrant, so if he was to die in an honorable duel, no councilor could find dishonor in it—in fact, I guarantee they would not."  
  
"Could you tell me about the others, sera?"  
  
"Of course.  Garisa Llethri will be difficult about giving you his support.  He may assign you some kind of task of worth."  
  
"Quid pro quo?"  
  
"Exactly.  Hlaren Ramoran is temperamental, especially with foreigners, but he trusts my judgment. I believe I can win his support.  Brara Morvayn— is a sad case."  
  
"Really?  Why do you say that?"  
  
"Well," Athyn started, "Brara is the person that most people outside of under-Skar see as the face of the council.   She inherited her council seat upon the death of her husband and was not fully prepared—though she does her best and truly cares about the common people.  You will win her, of that I have no doubt.  Just appeal to her sense humanity and your care for the common people.  
  
"Who's next?"  
  
"Minor Arobar is the War Commander of House Redoran.  The greatest strategist we've ever had, and almost certainly the greatest in all of Vvardenfell—he will most certainly question your ability to lead our people."  
  
"He'll want a strategy?" I asked twirling the Julan's gift round my throat.  
  
"Of course he will."  
  
"Pity," I shrugged.  
  
"What?" Athyn looked at me as if I'd lost my mind.  
  
"His want of a strategy—seeing as I don't have one."  
  
"You better get one, Outlander!  This is no joke," Athyn spoke angrily.  
  
"Ai, who needs strategy when you have faith, sera," I asked smiling. Julan shot me a look of disbelief when those words left my mouth.  
  
"Ai…the gods must be crazy," Athyn said, shaking his head. "Well, best be on your way Annika Blue.  Let me know how you fare.  Remember to visit Bolvyn last; his poison might spill over on to the other councilors, best prevent that before we get their votes, eh?"      I nodded then headed out of the Skar.  Julan and I stopped at the Inn, and ate our first meal at a table in well over a week.  Shortly after eating, we crashed—too exhausted for even love.    
  
             
**Day 192**  
  
"I suppose it doesn't matter much where we start, Anne. If Athyn is securing all the votes anyway.  They must want Venim out badly."  
  
"There's Ramoran's Manor, let's go there first."  
  
"Surely."   Ramoran was easy.  He said he had spoken to Athyn and had agreed to back me.  Next we went on to Llethri. My gods, his manor was beautiful—they seemed to be growing in beauty. Julan was of course disgusted by all of it.  
  
"Look at this place!" he Julan spat.  "It's disgusting! Why do people think they need to own so many expensive things to be happy?"  
  
"I don't know," I sighed. "Just enjoy the architecture, think of these homes as art."  
  
"They're garish and other Dumner suffer because of their largess."  
  
"Well, Ashkhan, you might move to change all that.  But remember, Jules, you too will have to keep up appearances."  
  
"Never!" he shouted, walking past me.  We'd see about that.  
  
"Garisa—" I said though was cut off before I could finish my speech.  
  
"My wife, Fathasa Llethri, has requested I find her a vampire hunter.  If you have any experience, please go see her.  She's in the manor's private quarters."  
  
"Certainly, sera."  I turned to Julan. "Well, Jules, this has taken an interesting turn."  
  
"Bah! More Vampires! The crypts smell like blood."  
  
"Oh…I know you're not very fond of them…but what's a little blood amongst friends?" He gave me a sour look and shook his head.  "You know I took off acting where the her chambers were.  I have no idea, Jules."  
  
"I know," he smiled.  "I think that's servant ahead.  Just follow her."  We were lead to a stairway that opened up into chamber with three doors.  Fortunately one was open and I saw a woman, pacing.  This looked like a desperate mother.    
  
"Fathasa? " Again, I was cut off.    
  
"Outlander, I need the expertise of a vampire hunter because of my son.  Please—I'm begging you—I need you help before he make a fatal mistake and dooms his soul."  
  
"I and my partner, Julan Kaushibael, have had experience with vampires—killing them that is."  
  
"Perfect.  I assume you have heard talk form the servants."  
  
"In truth, Fathasa—" Again cut off.  
  
"Well, there's no harm in telling you now.  Sanvyn wishes to become undead—a vampire.  He thinks this will give him great power and respect. Foolish, foolish boy," she said, her hands covering her eyes.  "His soul is in peril.  Maybe you can work with me, sera.  Show my son that vampires are not all-powerful. Convince them they have weaknesses too."  
  
"I will do my best."  I walked to room at the end of the hall; inside it I found an angry, insecure young man. "Sanvyn? I am Annika—."  
  
"Did my mother send you?" Cutting people off must be a birthright.  "No, don't bother answering—oh and you're wasting your time," he spat.  "I will submit myself soon and finally become someone to be feared—and respected."  
  
"Ah."  He was a young man in the shadow of a greater one—his father.  I looked at Julan and thought that it was almost a blessing to be raised away from his father, the great Han-Sashael. How much he would have had to live up to?  Many children fall short of their famous parent's mark.  I decided what tact I would take.  "You wish to become the undead?"  
  
"Yes!  To taste the blood of the living.  To walk the night at will, feeling the power coursing through my veins.  I wish to kill mortals and bathe in their blood."  
  
"And this will bring you respect?"  
  
"Respect and fear!  Power to be able to crush any mortal man who would oppose me!"  
  
"You are a ridiculous young man.  The power you esteem is nothing compared to the pain in brings."  
  
"Ridiculous?  You!  No, wait…I see." Damn, I hope he hadn't.  "You wish to test me.  I am worthy.  Please, you must believe me.  I will wield my power with no remorse.  I will make other mortals tremble at my sight.  I need this power!  My family will family will know I am not weak!"  
  
"You may be feared, but all will avoid you.  You have no idea the loneliness of the unlife." Of course I had no idea either; I was just trying to say things in a grave voice.  Blowing smoke, really.  
  
"You talk in circles!  There is loneliness in this life as well!  Why will you not listen to me?  They have strength that I need!  I will join them!"  
  
"They are not as strong as you think; many vampires are slain by mortals—Julan and I have slain quite a few."  
  
"They all fall on the same swords," Julan said sternly.  
  
"Guarshit!  All vampires are powerful…and feared…and death incarnate!" Sanvyn was close to tears now.  I felt bad for him in his awkward, teen-aged way. He continued, "I know Merta is strong!  I know she cannot be bested by a mere mortal, like you Annika!  That is all I desire!  I will not rest until that power is mine!  My family—my father—will respect me!"  
  
"You are too weak to be a vampire." I hated myself for speaking those words.  
  
"I have nothing more to say to you, Outlander.  Hope to meet with you again, after Merta gives me the strength of the undead.  Be gone!"  
  
I turned and walked out of his room knowing there was nothing more I could say.  I approached Fathasa, not saying a word, though she knew by the look in my eye that the conversation had not gone well.  
  
"Oh, my foolish boy…" she said breaking down into tears.  "We must stop him before he makes a fatal mistake and loses—everything."  
  
"Who is Merta?  He mentioned her, several times, Fathasa."  
  
"I do not know who this Merta is, but she will learn what happens when you threaten a Redoran mother's son!  Go find Ano Vando; he seems to be a successful vampire hunter, so much so that he did not have time for me or my child!"  
  
"I think I could persuade him to tell us what we need to know," I smiled through clenched teeth.  Fathasa nodded and Julan and I headed out of the Skar.  We decided to go for a drink at the Inn.  As luck would have it, I heard a Dunmer flirting loudly with the serving wench about his recent exploits with the Quarra Clan.  "Jules, I think we have our man. Let me go talk to him for a second.  Stay over here."  
  
"You women and your wiles."  
  
"Yes, yes, I know," I said planting a quick kiss on his forehead, quickly my making my way towards the bar.  
  
"Excuse me sera, but are you the famed Ano Vando?" I asked with my most open smile, and batting eyelids.  
  
"Why yes, I am," he said smiling—the wench wasn't, but I wasn't concerned about her.  
  
"Oh, I always wanted to be a vampire hunter…In fact I have my first job."  
  
"Really, what's a pretty young thing like you doing in those nasty crips?"  
  
"Well, it's for a friend really, Fathasa Llethri.  Her son—."  
  
"Yes, yes, I know Fathasa.  I have spoken to her about her son.  So the vampire named Merta is his undead patron?"  
  
"It would appear so."  
  
"Well, he's in real trouble then."  
  
"Is that so?"  
  
"Yeah.  She's a very powerful rogue vampire living near Maar Gan.  I have heard other vampires speak of her with fear and respect—before I slayed them of course," he laughed and the wench joined in the syncopated laughter.  I smiled as he continued, "I'd seek her out myself, but I still have not recuperated enough from my last hunt.  Check the Reloth Ancestral Tombs west of Mar Gaan—bring potions—she might have back."  
  
"I will, and thank you."  
  
"Good luck to you; uh…I didn't catch your name."  
  
"Annika Blue.  Good evening, sera." I headed back to Julan's table.  "That braggart gave me everything I wanted to know in five minutes."  
  
"You were pretty quick," Julan said coldly.  
  
"Oh, let's have a drink then get a room.  We'll start at first light."  
  
"Ok. I'll get you a drink, Cyrodilic brandy?"  
  
"Yeah, perfect."   
  
**Day 193**  
  
Wanting to catch as much sunlight as possible, we arrived in Maar Gan at dawn.  The town was dustier and dirtier than Ald-ruhn, no matter though, as I was merely passing through to the green pastures of the West Gash.  There was no easy way to the tomb.  We walked over the wastes and started seeing patches of green by mid afternoon.  
  
"Well if I was a marauding vampire, where would I be?" Julan mused.  
  
"Sera Vampire Hunter said Reloth Ancestral tomb."  
  
"We've been looking for three hours, Anne and we're losing daylight."  
  
"Pretty walk though. I saw two shrines we can hit on the way back."  
  
"I was eyeing those too.  Noticed a lot of Imperials by the one off to the right." Wonder what they're up to?  Though wait…Anni, by those rocks…I think that's your tomb."    
  
The tomb's markings said 'Reloth".  The place had been opened recently, no sign of cobwebs in the door way.  We made our way in.  "Bah!  This whole place reeks of blood," Jules said heaving.  "This is the spot, alright."  
  
"Well, let's go save our little angry friend."  We came upon a beautiful blond, vampire.  I could see how she would appeal to an angry young man—or any man for that matter.  Merta didn't speak, though I could see she had a ravenous appetite by the number of slaves she held, which most likely would have been the part Sanvyn would have played. She was powerful, but nothing compared to the other Quarra I had come across.  After she was a memory, I picked up her amulet for proof of the vampire's mortality. I also attempted freeing her victims, but they were so drained and lifeless—well, let's just say out of guilt I left the keys and a few restorative potions then we made our way out.  
  
"Anni," Jules said softly as we were walking towards the first Daedric Shrine.  
  
"Yeah?" I answered, noticing his lips had formed a thin line.  
  
"It seems to me that every noble's kid we encounter is messed up.  I thought having parents was supposed to prevent that."  
  
"Apparently not. Its certainly seems to be the trend."  
  
"When we have children…well, I would hope not to make such mistakes."  
  
"Oh I'm sure we'll make plenty.  But I think, Jules…well, it's just a nasty set up for them."      
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, it seems strange to me.  These Redoran children are pampered, and then punished for being so spoiled.  They're brought up surrounded by all the riches the Empire can buy, and then chided for their softness.  Oh…I don't know."  
  
"No, I think you're on to something…Go ahead."  
  
"Well all I was going to say is that growing up  in the shadow of greatness must be hard—thought not that I'd know," I said laughing.    
  
"Neither one of us are experts on that—and it's fortunate I believe."  
  
"Maybe if these fathers would say "I love you" occasionally."  
  
Julan shrugged. "Saying that is not really an Ashlander tradition."  
  
"Well…make it one, Jules."  
  
"I'll do the best I can."  
  
"I'll be there to help," I said laughing.  
  
"Anni…I was wondering…". _Oh no, he was going to ask_.    
  
"Mashti charmed the amulet with restorative powers," I said quickly, clumsily.  Julan looked at me as if I had swallowed a kargouti.  
  
"Uh yes,…I know that, Anni.  I had her charm it for you!"  
  
"What you don't know is that she also used a…uh…preventative magic." Sorry Mashti, had to throw you under the guar.  I could see him getting visibly angry.  
  
"How did you know?"  
  
"Because I wondered too, Julan," I said. "I'm not a complete fool—I know how these things are supposed to work.  I asked her several weeks ago.  She meant for the best really."  
  
"Gah!  She's still running my life!" I was greatly pleased we were on the other side of Vvardenfell.  
  
"I know…I was angry too.  It's a bit personal…well meddling with that.."  
  
"Yes it is! I'm going to tell her—"  
  
"…but she knew we'd be facing Dagoth and she didn't want to see either of us…hurt.  Julan, really she meant the best." He was quiet for a time then turned to me.  
  
"Right or not, she's still meddling!"  
  
"And she'll be doing so for the rest of your life," I said laughing. "She's your mother, for Azura's sake!"  
  
"I can't believe you're taking her side. Why didn't you say anything?"  
  
"I'm not.  And I didn't mention it because frankly between you finding your father, you becoming Ashkhan, and the whole Hortator thing, I forgot—sorry." I wasn't, but it sounded good.  
  
"Its okay, Anne, I'm just glad you weren't keeping it from me."  
  
"Oh, I don't know," I paused for a moment, staring off, avoiding eye contact.  "I really don't know what to say.  Do you want me to take it off?"  
  
"Do you want to take it off?"  
  
"Don't answer a question with a question," I stalled.  
  
"Well…fair enough,  I can't fight Dagoth—I guess," he sighed.  "So…well you do what you want."  
  
"I have no idea what we're doing," I murmured. It was the truth.  
  
"I don't either, but I know I love you…so whatever happens…"  
  
"Happens."  I held his gaze, then turned.  "We should get back to Ald-ruhn and see our new friend.  I'm sure he'll be none too pleased that I blew his chance with immortality."  
  
"He'll get over it.  Maybe I'll take him out for a drink—if he'll go. Anni, I had a thought about how Sanvyn could improve his lot," Julan said, walking into Ald-rhun. "Hassour is always looking for couriers to the mainland—perhaps, well he could get some work as an adventurer—that is if Fathasa approves. "  
  
"Oh, I think she might.  She's really not that bad.  I think Sera Llethri's a first class prick, though."  
  
"Agreed.  I'll broach the subject to him, while you're getting their vote." We walked through the Skar after selling all of our wares—or at least the ones we thought we could get a good price on, though a trip to Balmora and to Muddy was in order.  We got to the Llethri Manor and went straight back to Sanvyn's room.  He looked up at us angrily.  
  
"There's nothing you can say to change my mind, so just stop," he said.  I decided to say nothing and quietly took the amulet from my satchel and handed it to him.  He looked up in disbelief followed by resignation.  "She's dead?"  
  
"Yes, she fell."  
  
"You destroyed her?  How could that be?"  His eyes were begging me to say it wasn't true.  I crouched beside him, though said nothing.  He'd speak. "They were weak all along and all I've heard about them are lies."  
  
"Not really, Sanvyn.  But everyone can fall."      
  
"Even the supposed Nerevarine?" he asked caustically.  
  
"I could easily fall—even now," I said gently; knowing it was the truth, not simply words of comfort.  
  
"Ai…how will my family ever respect me now?"  
  
Julan spoke up, "You'll have to carve your own destiny.  Come, let's have a drink.  I have some ideas…but in the end, it's going to be up to you."  
  
"I'll join you both later," I said.  Julan nodded and both of them headed out of the manor.  I hoped that Sanvyn's family would see the logic in Julan's idea.  I walked down corridor to Fathasa's room thinking about how she could be convinced.  Perhaps a scare tactic was in order—though nothing harsh enough to swing the vote.  "Fathasa," I started, "I have managed to convince your son that a life of immortality is not in the cards."  
  
"Oh, Almsivi be praised!" she said as she wrapped her arms around me. "I thank you Annika Blue!"  
  
"Don't thank me yet, you're still not out of the ash storm."  
  
"Why?  What do you mean, Annika?"  
  
"Well—Sanvyn is, well…he's a difficult case.  The life of a noble's son is not enough for him.  Through out this ordeal he kept speaking of earning the family's—particularly Garisa's—respect.  Fathasa, I think if he doesn't strike out on his own, or make his mark in some way then there will be another cult or other dangerous paths he will go down."  
  
"What do you suggest?" she asked, eyes narrowed.  
  
"Julan, my partner, knows a trader—you may be familiar with Hassour?"  
  
"Yes!  Of course I know him, though what he could do to help Sanvyn—."  
  
This time I cut her off.  "Hassour needs couriers, Sanvyn needs out of the Skar.  I propose that Sanvyn work with Hassour in the capacity of courier or even caravaner."  
  
"Let me get this straight, Annika Blue, you want my son, a noble in his own right, to be a caravaner or tradesman?  That is beneath his station!"  
  
"Call him an adventurer or whatever you like!  But Fathasa, I guarantee you will be calling on help again to get him away from the Sixth House or sugar if continues down the this path!  He has to get out from under his father's—and your yoke!  Please, I say this without benefit to myself—in fact I know I could be jeopardizing my mission to become Nerevarine even speaking of this—but the facts are I met a lonely, angry young man who needs some kind of direction.  Please, Fathasa, at least consider it."  
  
 She paused for a long time and paced.  Slowly turning to me and sighing she spoke, "There is wisdom in your words…and perhaps there is nothing disgraceful about him becoming an…adventurer," she said this more to convince herself than in response to me.  "Yes, I will speak to Garisa about this.  It might work…Thank you, Annika.  I wish you well on your mission.  We will go see Garisa at once.  He will give you his approval."  
  
"Thank you, sera."  
  
"Oh, and Annika…for all you've done—and risked." Fathasa said this as she handed me a powerfully enchanted ring.  I said goodbye to her, knowing that I would give Sanvyn the ring as it might provide him with protection on his future travels.  I waited a time then approached Garisa, after I had seen Fathasa leave his side.  He motioned me over.  
  
"I have spoken to my wife.  You seem to get things done and show good judgment.  Your story is crazy, but your story does not matter to me, as long as you can do something about Dagoth and his damned servants.  I'm making you my choice for Hortator."  
  
"Thank you, Garisa."  
  
"And you, Annika Blue—for everything."  
    
I headed over to the Ald Skar Inn and approached Julan.  I noticed that Sanvyn and Hassour were talking.  Julan put his arms around me and whispered, "I think it's going to work, my love.  What of his mother?"  
  
"Good.  It took some time to get Fathasa to agree, but in the end she saw the wisdom in it.  Garisa named me Hortator, as did Morvayn and Arobar."  
  
"So five down and one to go?"   
  
"Yeah something like that.  I think Venim will give us problems, but there's nothing for it.  Let's go see him now and figure out what he wants.  Oh, and Jules…if I haven't said it before…well…you're wonderful."  He smiled at that as we left the Ald Skar, though before leaving I handed Sanvyn his mother's ring.    
  
"It will help you in your travels."


	18. The Redoran Horator Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The path to the Redoran Horator is not paved with roses--it's mixed with blood, angst and tears.

From the Nerevar Blue Series, a novel based of Morrowind and Ashlander Julan, a mod by Kateri.  
  
 **Day 195**  
  
I woke with a start caused by a dream of falling; it was an omen of things to come.  My head ached as if I already knew something bad was going to happen.  I rose early and left Julan to sleep off his hangover from the night before.  Quietly, I wrapped my long fingers around the bottle of Flin as not to make a sound. I took the bottle and cracked goblet outside to avoid waking any of the other patrons of the Ald Skar and to watch the sun rise.  Normally I didn't greet the morning with such strong drink, but today would be different than most others.  Today I would would meet with a man who wanted me dead.  
  
Julan rose several hours after I had been up and joined me outside.  "Drinking early, Anne?" I nodded.  "That's not like you, love.  What's wrong?"  
  
I shrugged. "Five down and one to go."  
  
"Is that all?"  
  
"No...and yes. I don't know Jules, I just have a bad feeling about today."  
  
"Well, let's get it over with."  Julan was dressed and ready to go before I was.  Soon, all too soon, we standing in the grand entry of Venim's home.  "You know Anni, I think I'm rather out of place in house like this," Julan said shyly, staring in awe of Venim's manor, which in fairness was truly spectacular.  He has profited greatly from his position, which could possibly work to my advantage.  
  
"You're fine, Jules."  
  
"I keep expecting someone to yell at me for tracking mud in all over their floor," he laughed.  
  
"He's a kidnapper and brute to boot.  I'm sure there has been much—much more than mud tracked all over Sera Venim's precious floors."  
  
"Well put," he smiled.  "I think I see him, the Dumner over there with the ebony armor."    
  
"Julan, whatever he says, hold back.  We don't fight unless he gives us reason."  
  
"I know," Julan said in a small voice. We walked over to him.  He was already shaking his head at me.  He was an angry looking man; I hoped I could win him as I think he would be quite a challenge otherwise.  
  
"So you have the support of all the other councilors for the tile of Redoran Hortator?"  
  
"Yes, sera," I said quietly, my head bowed slightly.  He lifted my chin slowly and looked directly at me.  
  
"Well you will never get mine!  If you want the title, little one, you'll have to fight for it."  
  
"I see," I said, stepping back from him.  "Is it to be duel then?"  
  
"Ha! This ruse has gone on long enough, don't you think?"  
  
"This is no ruse, sera.  I intend to be the Hortator and fight Dagoth for House Redoran. I would hope there would be some way to prove to you my worth."  
  
"Go down the hall to the private chambers, find a bed, then spread your legs; for that is the only worth you have, you Imperial slut," he said cackling, his retainers snickering with him. His words were a blow to me.  Bastard. The gloves come off now.  
  
"Well, if you're so confident you can defeat me…then arm yourself and lets be done with it now.  I have a monster to fight, and a people to lead—with or without your help."        
  
He stopped for a moment then spoke, menacingly. "Fetcher, we will meet in the Arena in Vivec, for I want all to see the fall of an imposter. Your pretty little head will decorate my bloody wall."  
  
"Well, then," I said bitterly, "I'll meet you in Vivec.  Oh, and Venim…do wear that armor—I can sell it at good price."  
  
"Hah!  Know this, spy, if by some miracle you win this know that I will leave strict instructions that you cannot be granted the title of Hortator."  
  
"Dead men wield no power, Bolvyn!" It was a known fact.  I smelt his fear, for he knew in his heart that the other councilors did not support him.  
  
"Get out—now!  Be at the Arena in a week's time, you bloody n'wah!" His faced flashed in a rage.  I turned around without another word and walked out of the Skar amidst whispers.  
  
"Oh, that went well," Julan said taking my hand outside the Skar.  
  
"No it didn't. Let's just head to Vivec. I want to sleep there before facing him."  
  
"Anni, are you actually frightened?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Come on, girl," Julan said holding me to his chest.  "We'll be fine.  I'll be there with you.  Beside, this is just another brute to beat."  
  
"No it's not that easy." I had sensed there would be something more. "Julan, this is a man who has taken on the Nords and built a great house from ash and blight.  He's a brute, yes to be sure, be I won't write him off as an easy challenge." I pulled away, looking up at him and continued,  "And Julan, you cannot help me in anyway, whatever happens.  The people have to see that I am the Nerevarine.  Gods help us if they interpret any interference. The cause will be destroyed and most likely us as well."  
  
"Anni, I won't let him kill you…."  
  
"Just wait on the side lines.  I have to face him alone.  Please, just take me home and hold me…I don't want to argue…please."  
  
"Alright, Anni," he said holding my hand. We headed back to Vivec and spent each night in each other's arms.  I woke in the mid-morning on the seventh day and stole quietly down the stairs.  I had accrued enough to make sure Julan and his mother, as well as the Ahemmusa were provided for.  I also left a note for Julan to take care of what ever the costs were to clear Ice and Vicky's name.  I had another letter for my mother with instructions for Julan to deliver it.  I took a deep breath and stared into the mirror, whilst putting my armor on.  My face still looked as youthful as the day I arrived, no lines around my deep blue eyes to indicate the physical or emotional struggle this mission had brought to bear.  I looked closer at the reflection staring back at me and wondered if I could truly take on the role of a war chief, politician and magician—being Nerevarine and Hortator would require my mastery of all three roles.  What would happen if I failed?  Would the ash storms consume this tiny island and move to the mainland—hungry for more victims?  Would the Sixth House take the place of the Imperial Cult and leave a trail of drugged and deformed cultists in its wake?  Or would things remain much the same; Ashlanders being wiped out of memory for the greed and desires of the Imperials and Dumner?  
  
"You're over thinking this, Anne." I heard his voice behind me.  
  
"How long have been standing there?"  
  
"A few minutes.  Enough to know that you're worried," Julan said.  He knew me too well.  
  
"I am just wondering what will become of Vvardenfell if I fall today."  
  
"Don't think of it," Julan said walking over to me putting his hand on my shoulder. "You know we might all be damned anyways," he said lacing up my cuirais.  
  
"What makes you say that?" I was curious.  
  
"That we've let it get so far, Annika," he said staring at our reflections.  "That's its come to this."  
  
"I know," I said small voice and put my hand over his. "I'm ready. Jules, I'm handing you this. These are instructions if something happens to me.  Please…don't read it unless it does."  
  
"Ai…Anni, but nothing will so."  
  
"Just the same Jules."  We walked toward the Arena Pit, though separated before we actually hit the stands—if I failed, he would have to make peace with all Houses, and may have to meet with Venim again.  There was no reason he should be seen associating with me.  There was a large crowd gathered, but not as many people as I had expected.  Perhaps Sera Venim was not as loved as he thought.  People looked at me curiously as I walked down the aisle.  I looked up and saw Julan standing in the side lines.  
  
"People of Vvardenfell," Venim yelled from the pit.  "This is the supposed Nerevarine Annika Blue—traitor and Imperial Spy!" A mass of taunts and boos radiated from the stand.  I never felt so low—but I had also heard a cheer when he called my name.  Looking above in the stands stood Erica, Red and Ence smiling.  How could they have known about today?  I shook my head; perhaps I was seeing things.   
  
Venim continued his vicious rant, "I come to strike this imposter down so you can know the power of House Redoran against the n'wah!  He raised his sword and swung powerfully, hitting my shield so hard it knocked me down. I rolled away as he brought the sword down again. My strength was speed and I used it against him; I was smaller and quicker without the Venim's natural height or the weight of his cumbersome ebony armor.  I jumped up quickly and struck a blow to his face causing him to fall back.  Silence fell over the crowd.  He charged angrily towards me making a grave mistake of overreaching—I struck a fatal blow to his back—where the cuirass and greaves met.  A strike to the kidneys was enough to fell him—though we continued to fight fiercely for what seemed an eternity.  He had cut me several times until I hit him in such a way that he dropped his sword; I then went for the kill—slicing his throat.  Instinctively I kneeled down to face him; apologizing loudly enough for people to hear me.  
  
 "Sera, it grieves me to know that it has come to this. Could we have not made peace in another way?"   
  
He spat at me and the crowd grew silent, some actually booed.  "People of Vvardenfell," I stood shouting over Venim's bloody corpse. "Dunmer, Breton, and Imperial alike; Khajiti, Argonian and Redguard—I come to you as Hortator!  Stand behind me to drive out Dagoth Ur and plagued Sixth House!  If Dagoth succeeds then all is lost!"   
  
Some of the crowd stood and cheered.  I kneeled down before Venim's body, bowed respectfully, and took only his sword.  Another cheer rose from the crowd.  Quietly I walked out of the arena; I would not make another speech—a politician was not needed at this time. Outside the ring I saw Jules and ran to him.  
  
"Oh Anni you're alive!' he swung me around joyfully. "I knew you'd come out of it—oh and virtually unscathed!  Thank gods, love!"  I smiled at this with tears in my eyes.  "I am so proud of you—you were…"  
      
"Amazing," said a voice from behind.  I turned to see my dear friends Erica, Red and Ence.  Later over drinks at the Halfway Tavern Red explained how they came to be there.  
  
"Word gets around, Anni," smiled Red.  
  
"Just like you," snarked Erica.  
  
"Nice," said Red, rolling her eyes.  "Actually, Anne we were in Vivec buying some materials when we heard about this big fight between some house lord and the Nerevarine.  We thought it was Julan."  Oh, gods why did she have to say that? I saw Julan wince. I noticed that Ence caught it too.  
  
"But we heard that it was you," continued Erica, "so we dashed to the Arena as fast as we could and saw this poor wretch trying to get in," she said motioning over to Ence.  
  
"I couldn't get past that large Orc woman and her brood," Ence quipped.  "Gods, how one as ugly as her could even make a small army is unknown to me!"  
  
"Uhh…it's called a bag," said Red, then turning towards me, "Oh, Anni…I heard you have some exiting news for us."  
  
"Yes.  Julan and I are to be married."  
  
"When?"  
  
"Oh, when Dagoth is defeated, naturally," started Julan.   
   
"Yeah, who would want to plan a wedding around all that blight!" exclaimed Red. "And you're going to be an..."  
  
"Ashkhan," Jules said smiling. "Ashkhan of the Ahemmusa, Red."  
  
"Oh, that's great," Red exclaimed. "You won't be too far so Anni can come and see us whenever she gets bored."  
  
Julan sighed.  "Oh, I think she'll have enough to do to keep her busy."  
  
"Julan, ignore her," Erica said putting her hand on his. "She' naturally this stupid. Poor dear can't help it."  
  
"Just like you can't help those looks," hissed Red at Erica, she then turned to Julan, "Jules, I'm sorry.  I don't mean to offend." Julan nodded.  I think he knew that already.  
  
"Well, ladies and Ence," Julan said rising, "I am exhausted. Anni, my love I'll see you on the morrow," he moved over to me kissing my forehead then lips softly.  
  
"I love you, Julan."  
  
"Good night, Anne. Good night, all."  We waited until Julan was out of earshot,  Red then turned to me.  
  
"What's eating him?"  
  
"Your stupidity," stated Erica. "You do know how to piss people off—without even trying."  
  
"Hey what the hell are you talking about, Erica?" shouted Red.  
  
"Oh Erica, she didn't know. Red," I explained, "Julan had worked his whole life on being the Nerevarine.  Everything he knew, everything thing he had been taught had lead him up to that moment, and then I stole it from him—though that was never my thought or intention. Anyway, when found that he was not Nerevar Incarnate, well, let's just say things have been a bit rough for him."  
  
"So, let's get this straight," Red said, squinting her nose in thought.  "All that time he was training with you thinking he had some kind of future as the Nerevarine when really it was you?  Wow, that's a bitch," Red said shaking her head.  "I'm surprised he even wants to talk to you—let alone marry."  
  
"I imagine he thought it'd be him making that speech from the ring, Anni, not you," said Ence, softly.  
  
"Yeah," I sighed.  
  
"Well, frankly I'd thought he'd have moved on from that by now," said Erica. "Anni, it's been months since last you wrote telling me of what had happened."  I just gawped at her.  Wrote?  I didn't remember writing or sending out anything.  I shook my head.  
  
"You know that's the thing Erica, every time we move past it there's always something to remind him—to open old wounds.  And I really don't remember writing you—at all."  
  
"You did. Though it was barely legible. I wondered what you had taken."  
  
"Well, that makes two of us," I said, and then suddenly it all came back.  "You know, it must have been that night it all went down.  We had a huge row."  That potion was some powerful stuff—I hadn't remembered writing at all.  
  
"Yeah, you indicated that, Anni," said Red.  "Oh, I read the letter too." Erica glared at Red.  "Oh, don't look so surprised, Erica.  I can read, you know…well, mostly the important stuff…I got the jist of it."  
  
"Anyway," Erica said turning to me, "he's going to have to get over this Anni.  I mean if you expect to be married.  I'll be happy to stand as your maid of honor—though I'm certainly not a maid," she said guffawing. "If it happens."  
  
"I hope it does," I said sadly looking up at Erica. "I do love him like…well, like nobody else before—even when we fight. And believe it or not we're good for each other—when this whole prophesy thing isn't in the way."  Ence laughed so hard, he spewed brandy.  
  
"Whole prophesy thing," Ence laughed as he hit the table. "Oh Anni, you uneducated dolt, I love you.  And you were fantastic today. You know I think you actually stand a chance."      
    
 **Day 196**  
  
I woke that morning to Julan lying beside me, watching me sleep. "Good morning," he said softly.  "You looked so peaceful sleeping that I didn't want to wake you." I turned over and put my arms around him taking in his scent.  "Is Erica and Red at the Halfway?"  
  
"No," I said turning over slowly, propping myself on elbows, "I think they went home with Ence to corrupt him in some fashion or another."  
  
"Were they excited about us…the wedding, I mean?"  
  
"Decidedly. I think Red is thrilled about meeting some of the tribesmen."  
  
"I'm sure.  Well as long as she doesn't open her mouth, she'll be fine."  
  
"Oh, I'm sure she will, and will cause an international incident."  
  
"Hmmm. Well, where to now?"  
  
"Well, I suppose we'll have to go to Ald-ruhn and speak with Athyn.  But first I'd like to say goodbye to Erica and company.  I don't know when we'll get a chance to see them again."  We strolled across the street to Ence, though it took him awhile to answer the door.  
  
"Oh, Anni, I think we just went to bed ten minutes ago," he said with a scratchy voice, "those girls are a mad romp."  
  
"Would you expect anything less from my friends?"  
  
"No. They're delightful and they're passed out.  You know the way upstairs.  Julan, can I get you some tea?  Who knows how long it will take her to wake those two."  
  
"Yes, thank you," answered Julan.  I went upstairs and heard the unmistakable sound of Erica snoring.  I figured a year sharing a cell with her was great preparation for a husband.  
  
"Erica, love."  
  
"Huh?" she turned over drowsily. "Oh Anni, you heading out?"  
  
 "Yeah, I have to reach Ald-ruhn."  
  
"Always running off somewhere," she smiled sleepily.  
  
"For now."  
  
"Everything ok with Jules?"  
  
"Yeah," I said uncertainly.  "I think he's used to Red.  He likes you a great deal."  
  
"I thought so.  Well, stop by the Metal Queen."  
  
"You know it," I said then turned to Red.  "Red, I'm heading out."  
  
"I want to wear pink."  
  
"Of course you do," I assumed she was talking about the wedding, though she could meant anything.  
  
"I like him," Red said dreamily.  
  
Huh? "Who?" I asked. Was she talking about Julan or some random patron?  
  
"Ence's my new best friend.  Nicer than that big Nord over there snoring."  
  
"Just wait till he gets to know you.  Anyways, Anni I'm glad we met him.  He's a great connection.  He wants to start carrying Metal Queen's stuff."  
  
"I think he wants to wear them," laughed Red.  I lobbed pillow at her.  
  
"He's a good friend. You all are. I think you helped me through yesterday."  
  
Erica turned and looked at me seriously.  "You got you through yesterday, I was just glad to see it.  Anni, have more faith in yourself.  You'll need it."  
  
"I know." After saying more good byes, Julan and I left Ence and headed toward Vivec to catch the silt strider.  
  
"I wish Pelagiad has some form of fast travel, I think I am actually getting sick of all this pastoral beauty," said Julan.  
  
"I agree.  So, what did you and Ence talk about?"  
  
"A bunch of nothing really, that man has a great talent for small talk.  Though he did tell me that you asked him to stand with you at the wedding."  
  
"Well, it's not like Old Man Septim will be there," I shrugged bitterly.  
  
"Will you ever speak with him?"  
  
"No, I'd rather not."  I had thought to of coming to him, saying I was his long lost daughter, but upon reflection I thought bastards coming forward was probably a regular occurrence.  I didn't want a sip of bitter rejection.  "Julan, if he wants to discuss it I'm sure he'll find me."  
  
"Maybe he already has."  I wondered that myself.  Several hours of travel later we reached Ald-ruhn.  The sun was actually shining.  I had wondered what kind of reception I would receive upon arrival.  I noticed nothing different as we walked off the silt strider.  No cheers or heckles.  Upon entering the Skar, I did see the Redoran Guards looking in my direction, though they made no attempt at speaking to me—though that was usual.  We walked into Sarethi Manor, where Athyn was standing in the hall.  Turning to me he spoke.  
  
"Congratulations on your victory, Annika Blue.  You conducted yourself with respect and honor.  The council has met and agreed to your petition to become Redoran Hortator. I hope you are as successful in persuading the rest of Morrowind to unite against Dagoth Ur and his hosts.  Here take this ring—everyone shall know you as our chosen champion," Athyn said rather coolly.  
  
"Thank you, Athyn."  
  
"I also have a sealed package for you. I do not know what it contains, but I received it from a contact in the Temple.  My guess is that it has something to do with the Temple's position on your claim to fulfill the Nerevarine prophecies."  
  
"You don't think it's an attempt at assignation, do you?"  
  
"I should think not, though you could handle it cautiously, if you're so inclined," Athyn said in a frustrated tone.  I had to remember this was not Archmagister Aryon I was speaking to.  Athyn was useful, but he lacked Ayron's honesty.  
  
"Oh, and here's a copy of the recent public notice identifying you as an Imperial spy.  I am satisfied of your sincerity, but I warn you that others may not be…so understanding."  
  
I glanced at the notice briefly, it calling me all sorts of creature and such.  Just a glance enraged me.  I looked up coldly from the notice and asked, "Will you take over House Redoran, Athyn?"  
  
He looked at me in utter disdain. "Gods no, don't be ridiculous.  I would imagine they would pick someone much younger."  
  
"Well, thank you for your time, and your help."  
  
"Good luck, Hortator; I suppose you carry our last hope," Athyn answered, resigned to the councils choice.   
  
Julan and I made our way out of the Skar with noon on the horizon.  
  
"You going to open it, then?"  
  
"Right now, but first—oh yes—there they are; but first I'll exercise some caution," I said putting on my gloves.  "Let's start with the Public Notice."  
  
 _The outlaw named Annika Blue, stated trade of Adventurer, lately called 'Incarnate' and 'Nerevarine,' now is shown to the investigating Ordinators and Magistrates of this district to be an agent in the pay of the Imperial Intelligence Service. This outlaw's claims are false. The prophecies this outlaw cites are discredited. The dishonest character and base purposes of the outlaw in perpetrating this hoax are now made clear to all observers. Annika Blue is sought for various crimes by Ordinators and town guards. Report all encounters with this outlaw to the proper authorities. If you see this outlaw in public, give the alarm.  
  
Published by the authority of the Temple, the Order of the Watch, Magistrates of Vvardenfel District, under the signature and authority of Grandmaster Berel Sala, Captain of the Watch. Hear and Heed!_  
  
 "Julan, we need to get out of here now."  
  
 "Ok.  But let's get to the shack first and at least change.  We have those cloaks."  
  
 "Nobody knows—."  
  
"No Anne.  I had Hassour purchase it to be sure.  I figured it might be used as some sort of safe house.  Now let's go!"  We took separate paths to the shack though it took me some time to find it as Julan's directions left much to be desired.  
  
"What took you so long?" A cloaked figured said standing on the threshold of of small shack, smoking a hacklo.  
  
"Your directions."  
  
"You mean your sense of direction…  
  
"Whatever. Let's just get inside. I'm actually nervous."  
  
"Don't be." Julan said lighting the torch, to reveal a dirt floor with a sleeping bag in the middle of the room.  I'd seen and slept in worse.  I took out the letter and started reading:  
  
 _To the Outlander lately proclaiming his identity as the Nerevarine, to be delivered with haste .  
  
The assertions made being in direct contradiction of the doctrine of the Tribunal, namely, that you are the Nerevarine, the reincarnation of the Sainted Lord Nerevar, are, in addition to being against Temple teaching, incredible and implausible in the extreme.  
  
The revelations made by the Inquisition, namely, that you yourself are in fact an agent of the Imperial Intelligence Service, otherwise known as the Order of Blades, lately made with substantial evidence by the Lord High Archordinator, Berel Sala, further calls into question the validity of and motivations behind your claims.  
  
However, as incredible as your claims are, as much as they are in direct contradiction of the teachings of the Temple, and tainted as they are by the inferences to be made upon your close association with the covert policies and interests of the Emperor, the interests of the Temple and its leadership, and in particular, the interests of His Immortal Lordship, Vivec, are best served by a close and personal examinations of the claims being made, and close and personal examinations of the motivations and character of the claimant.  
  
The Temple, through its examinations of its records, in particular, the records of the Heirographa and Apographa, is intimately familiar with the many and varied claims of signs and feats that would mark the Nerevarine according to prophecy.  
  
Therefore, in the event of the fulfillment of certain of those most remarkable and scarcely credible claims -- namely, that the claimant should, at one time, be the acknowledged holder of several ancient titles of power and authority of the Dunmer people, to whit, Hortator of the Great Houses and Nerevarine of the Ashlander tribes -- the Temple proposes that the claimant of the identity of the Nerevarine shall present himself for inspection before his Reverend Honor, Archcanon Lord Tholer Saryoni, High Archcanon and Chancellor of Vivec, Archcanon of the Canonry of Vvardenfell, Arch-Priest of the High Fane, for a review and consideration of his claims and identity. However, until such time as the claimant actually has been named Hortator separately and jointly by the three Great Houses of Vvardenfell, and at the same time has been named Nerevarine separately and jointly by the four tribes of the Ashlanders, there is no purpose in reviewing or discussing these claims.  
  
Because of the Temple's official position on the prophecies of the Nerevarine, and in the interests of preserving the security of the claimant from those parties who might wish to do him harm, it is convenient that the claimant of the title Nerevarine shall present himself in secret to Archcanon Saryoni in the archcanon's private quarters in the High Fane of Vivec.  
  
To signify agreement with these terms and conditions for a meeting with the archcanon, the Nerevarine claimant may present himself to the healer of the High Fane of Vivec, Danso Indules, and the necessary arrangements will be made. Once again, no purpose is served by a meeting until the claimant is named Hortator of the three Great Houses and is named Nerevarine of the four Ashlander tribes.  
  
Written at the request of and in the name of his Reverend Honor Tholer Saryoni, Archcanon and Chancellor of Vivec  
  
Dileno Lloran, priest of Vivec, assistant to the Archcanon  
_  
I dropped the letter to my side, dazed.  Julan took the letter and read it again silently, though slighted punctuated by mumbling and head shaking. "Sounds like it was written by a bloody lawyer."  
  
I have no doubt it was, Jules."  
  
"So they want to meet with you, eh? After calling you a liar and spy for the Emperor.  Bastards."  
  
"Of course they do, Jules. Vivec, the almighty god is frightened.  For whatever reason he can't beat Dagoth himself."  
  
"Because he is no god!"  
  
"I agree. But I'll see what he wants—when it's convenient for me; and after I've had a chance figure what it is I want of him."  
  
"Good show, Anni," Julan said smiling.  "So where to now, pretty girl?"  
  
"Well, it's a beautiful day, why don't we hoof it to Vivec—make some more money and see some more of this beautiful land, before anyone else comes along and ruins it."  
  
"Sounds like a plan," Julan said, kissing me softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI Folks: I'll be putting this message through out the series. For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashal are Kateri's creations, though I have added to the dialog (and in some cases changed it), particularly in the case of Julan. Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan.
> 
> Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC
> 
> kateri-t's incredible mod Ashlander Julan can be found here: lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm


	19. The Telvanni Bride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How far will Annika go to be named Horator of House Hlaalu? How much will she and Julan be willing to compromise and how much will they be willing to lose?

**Day 204**  
  
"Greetings, friend,  I am Fjol," said a scruffy looking Nord we encountered, as we walked across the bridge to Hla Oad.  Julan and I had been ambling through the Bitter Coast region for three days; I believe the oppressive heat was getting the best off us. This Fjol had been standing there as we crossed; I had guessed he was a highway man of sorts.  "You should take care while in these parts," he advised.  "There are outlaws all about.  No telling what might happen to an unwary traveler."  
  
"Really?" I asked incredulously.  
  
"Oh, yes, these are dangerous times," he said eagerly.  "They'll rob you blind and cut your throat without giving it a second though.  It's a bad idea to carry anything on of value on you.  In fact, its probably best you give me that gold of yours…100 septims, perhaps?  I think you'll find the way less dangerous if you do."  
  
"Oh, but we have so much more than that!  Pity you'll never see it though," Julan said smiling.  
  
"I know!  Just think, it could have bought you some decent armor," I sighed. "You know highwaymen should look dashing?"  
  
"Or at least clean," Julan quipped. "Not a penny, my friend."  
  
"No even one," I said smiling at Fjol.  
  
"Seems a small price to pay for your life," Fjol said posturing.  "No matter, though.  I'll have that gold one way or another."  
  
"Oh what a lark!  What do think Anni, should we let him live?"  Julan said while conjuring up something or another.  
  
"What?" Fjol actually looked terrified.  
  
"Mmmm," I said licking my lips, "I don't know…I think he's been a very naughty boy," I said, hand on my hilt.    
   
"Ahhh!" Fjol shouted, or something to that effect and ran off in the distance.  
  
"Poor sport, Anni."  
  
"Yes, terrible," I laughed watching the Fjol trip over some mandrake roots and tumble down a hill out of sight.  I looked over at Julan wiping the sweat from his brow.  "Jules, let's cross over to Hla Oad take a boat to Vivec.  I grow tired of the swamp."  
  
"Lost a bit of its charm, I'd say.  Well, let's go or shall I carry you?"  
  
"I think you should carry me," I said laughing and Julan swung me over his shoulder.  "Not like that, you bloody s'wit!" I shrieked smacking his back has he walked along whistling some merry tune.  Though when the boat finally reached Vivec, his demeanor had changed entirely.  
  
"I guess you'll have to go see that Crassius fellow, eh?"  
  
"There's no putting it off now. It's the last Great House."  
  
"Nothing great about it.  It's a house of slime and filth."  
  
"Oh, do tell me what you really think," I said laughing, but his jaw was already set, clenched; his mood had taken a down turn and there was nothing to be done but ride it out.    
  
"Crassius has a manor in the Hlaalu Canton.  We'll head directly there," I said firmly.  It took time, but we found the manor though I had noticed the Ordinators and other residents were terse at best.  I received a worse reception here than I had encountered in Ald-ruhn—which was strange.  Certainly the Ordinators were expected to be rude due the Cult's position on the Nerevarine, but I wondered why the residents were as well, as House Hlaalu was not known for its devotion to the gods—they worshipped the Septim.  Well, at least we weren't arrested, though next time I'd make sure we were carefully disguised.  Upon entering the Curio Manor we were led down a set of stairs to Sera Crassius and found he was quite friendly, perhaps too friendly…  
  
 "Ah greetings, sera.  I am Crassius Curio, but you can call me Uncle Crassius."  
  
"What? Ok, Crassius…er, I mean Uncle," I said stuttering.  
  
"Ah yes, it sounds like music when you say it," Crassius said flashing a flamboyant smile.  
  
"Uh, I'm Annika Blue….here about the Hlaalu Hortator…"  
  
"Of course you are pumpkin; I've heard how you managed your way to that position, though it's a pity."  
  
"Why?"  He's thrown me off kilter—totally.  
  
"Well, Orvas Dren does not want you to be Hortator.  And very few councilors would be willing to risk Ser Dren's disapproval.  And you are not of House Hlaalu," he sung merrily.  
  
"I am not of any house, sera."  
  
"Well, yes that's true, but some might wonder why Hlaalu should name you their Hortator.  Would you have Hlaalu interests at heart?"  
  
"I have Vvardenfell's interest at heart."  
  
"Of course you do princess, but I wonder," he said rubbing his chin, "perhaps if you were to do something for House Hlaalu, something kind and sweet…"  
  
"Yes, go on," I said looking at my feet, blushing fiercely.  Oh, please don't ask me for that kind of favor…  
  
"Oh, you are too precious when you are nervous, sweetie.  No, no, nothing like that—at least not yet—business before pleasure, my over-eager muffin.  Perhaps we could talk about the ebony trade."  
  
"I know little of that."  
  
"You know enough, and I have a suspicion your friend over there…"  
  
"Jules, I mean Julan Kaushibael…"  
  
"Yes, whatever…Julan knows a thing or two about it.  Anyway, the Zainab have been trying to sell ebony, to anyone who asks.  That makes no one any money.  Go speak with the Ashkhan and make sure they only sell it through us, pudding.  Use your irresistible charm that so swayed me.  Then we can discuss the Hortator."  
  
"Certainly, Crassius....uh...I mean Uncle Crassius, we'll be on our way.  Thank you." I thought Uncle Crassius was a sleaze—he reminded me of tricks past, but at least I knew I could do business with him.  He had price.  I just had to figure out what it was and be sure not to lose myself in the bargain.  
  
"I need to shower, Anni.  I have to get the slime off.  Oh, and I did not like the way he spoke to you…or looked at you for that matter."  
  
"Well right now we need him," I sighed.  "But Julan, what do you know of the Ebony trade?"  
  
"Very little except that my people find new and interesting ways of getting ripped off, though I certainly wasn't going let him know that."  
  
I smiled at him. "Well that was wise.  Let's get some sleep and head over to the Zainab.  
  
"Are we still walking?"  
  
"Yeah.  But first let's get some disguises."  
  
"What's the point?  I doubt anyone in the tribes has you picture hanging up in their yurt."  
  
"I want to wear my new wig."  
  
"Eh.  Fine."  
  
 **Day 214**  
  
Molag Amur, pretty name, ugly place.  Some how the wastes of this region are more menacing then the ones I had encountered to the north. I guess one could say that it was just like any other waste, but it wasn't; it's crags and rocky ridges did not speak the poetry and haunted beauty of its northern sister. Though far removed from the Red Mountain, Molag Amur's volcanoes still seethed and churned fiercely; one had to be careful not to fall into an open pit of roiling magma.  But there was something more the place then mere danger...there was a certain kind of malevolence to it, in a way I could not describe.  Molag Amur was a sparsely populated place where damp and cold did not disappear and the sun seemed too afraid to shine.  Staring into the dreary expanse,  I saw the fire from a camp rising above the mists.  "Is that the Zainab over there?" I asked Julan.  "It seems too close, like we haven't been traveling long enough."  
  
"Really?" Julan laughed, "It seems all we do is travel, sera.  But you're right, Anni, that's the Ebranesium camp. The Zainab are smack dab in the middle of the Grazelands."  
  
"Wonder if we should stop there first and see if they'll name me Nerevarine."  
  
"I can't see how it would hurt, I mean its not like word gets around to too many of the camps, I'm not sure they would know that you'd been named Hortator in the Great Houses."  
  
"Well, I guess we could always go see what they say.  Do you know anything of them Julan?"  
  
"That they're war-like and self-destructive.  You think the Ahemmusa are racist just wait until we talk to one of their tribesmen," he said with a snicker. "Seriously, Anni, I'd break with protocol and avoid the Ashkhan…Ulath-Pal I think his name is or something to that effect."  
  
"Sounds like a bowl of cherries.  How do you think we should approach this?  Ulath-Pal is a brute, so I should sneak in and speak to wise woman straight off?"  
  
"I would."  We walked into the camp and I asked tribeswoman where I could find the Wise Woman's the yurt.  She pointed it out to me then scurried off.  I noticed immediately that part of the door frame was broken, as if someone had forced their way in—not something that respectful tribesman ever does to a Wise Woman.  I bowed gracefully to the woman in front of me—she was small—not in stature, but she seemed somehow diminished.   
  
"Excuse me sera, I do not mean to barge in, I am Annika Blue."   
  
"I am Manirai, Erabenimsun Wise Woman.  And you, you must be the one I've heard tales about.  Are you the Outlander that claims to fulfill the Nerevarine Prophecies?"  
  
"Yes, sera."  
  
"Oh it is good you came to me first, Annika," She said relived, then started speaking quickly. "Ulath-Pal, our Ashkhan would have killed you on sight.  He and the other gulahkhans hate Outlanders and would never suffer one to rule them.  If you want to be named Nerevarine of the Erabenimsun, you must kill Ulath-Pal and his supporters Ahaz, Ranabi, and Ashu-Ahhe.  Spare the last gulahkhan, Han-Ammu.  He is peace-loving, but shy and not very leader like."  
  
I took a second to take all her words in.  Again I was going act as an assassin to an inconvenient leader.  "I will do what I can Manirai—hopefully without blood on my sword."  
  
"Ai," she muttered looking a bit disappointed.  "I am just a weak woman, and I am sure you know best, sera," she said haltingly, "but I tell you they will not go down gently and will never agree to you being the Nerevarine."  Julan and I exited her yurt.  
  
"Well, that was odd," I said staring out into the camp.  Not many people about.  
  
"Look Anni, the gulahkhans are pretty violent and easily provoked so go easy."  
  
"I'll do what I can, Jules."  
  
"It's just there are so few Ashlanders left without you massacring more of them," he sniffed.  
  
I spun around and cornered him against the side of a yurt, "Look, I said I'd try not to kill them, but as you well know, from time to time this mission requires getting some blood and shit on your hands, I said I'd do what could be done and that's all I can promise.  Now, you're either with me or not—if not just stay out of my way!"  
  
"Let's get this over with Anni," Julan said coldly.  We both walked into the Ashkhan's Yurt.  
  
"No," is all the tall, angry looking Dunmer said as he came toward me wearing a scowl. "You will not enter and foul my home.  If you have business we shall meet outside."  
  
"Certainly, sera." We walked behind Ulath-Pal and Ashu-Ashe.  Ulath-Pal then shouted out something in the native Dumner dialect. Julan leaned over and whispered, "I think he's calling for the other gulahkhans.  Now he's asking his people to gather.  Anni, I think he means to put on a show." I nodded quietly.  I was thankful for my translator, for without him, I would not have understood any of this.  I looked to my right and saw what must have been Ahaz and Ranabi emerging from their yurts.  
  
"Ulath-Pal, I am Annika Blue, and this is my companion Julan Kaushibael of the Ahemmusa.  We have come in peace.  I wish to be named Nerevarine—."  
  
"Do not utter that name Outlander—it is an insult!  As long as I live you shall never be named Erabenimsun Nerevarine."  
  
"But sera, I have proofs," I said as I held out the Moon and Star Ring.  Ulath-Pal raised his arm and back handed me so hard I fell to the ground.  Julan moved in.  "No, Jules…I stood shaking off the dirt, spitting blood.  Standing erect with my hands at my sides, I spoke.  "I have come to stand with you against Dagoth Ur.  To save your people from the blight and ash—."  
  
"Stop!  I am not interested in your lies. This problem has an easy solution,"  Ulath-Pal said menacingly.       
  
"So you're not interested in my proofs?" I said moving my hand towards my hilt.  I let him have one blow, I would not grant him another.  
  
"No."  He swung at me clumsily, his gulahkhans attacking Julan and I as well.  It was a blood bath—their blood not ours.  These men were bullies, though were easily felled by more experience and sharper weapons.  I was heartened that Julan had shown no hesitation in sending the Ashkhan to meet his ancestors, despite his earlier reservations.  I think their brutality eased his conscience. After the fighting was over, Julan and I stood cringing over the carcasses waiting for more tribesmen to come at us.  The men and women watched us silently then began to move off.  I wondered why the entire village had not come for me.    
  
Julan moved closer to me then said, "Well, I was hoping we wouldn't have to kill anyone, but I guess this camp will be a better place without these butchers anyway," he said looking off into the distance.  "I'm sorry for what I said earlier, Anne.  I know what you've done for my people already…It's just…well."  
  
"I know, and believe me,' I said moving closer to Julan, "please believe me that I took no joy in killing these men."  
  
"Ai."  
  
"But have noticed that no else has come forward?"  
  
"Maybe they were tired of his brutality too.  Perhaps we did do them a great favor.  We should go back to Manirai and see what she says."  
  
"Yeah, but should we just leave the bodies?"  
  
"Ashlanders have their own burial rituals, Anni.  It would be an insult for us to touch them—they stay where they lay."  
  
"Okay."  We walked back to Manirai's yurt.  I saw the old woman bent in tears.  "Manirai, I am truly sorry it had to come to this…" I then noticed she was smiling.  These were not tears of loss.  
  
"Annika Blue.  You have rid this tribe of their curse.  Their ways were…severe.  Now we can talk about what comes next."  Always.  Something always came next. She went on, "Now with Ulath-Pal and his supporters gone, it's a simple matter for you to be named Nerevarine of the Erabenimsun."  
  
"Really?" Never was it a simple matter.  
  
"Yes, Annika, you have no idea how my people have suffered.  Han-Ammu has the greatest claim to become the Ashkhan of our tribe, though be prepared; Han-Ammu is not the material one would choose when looking to make an Ashkhan."  
  
"What do you mean?  Tell me about him, Manirai," I said sitting down next to her.  
  
"Well, Han-Ammu is the son of our former chief, Airan-Ammu, but he is nothing like his father.  He lacks the virtues required by an Ashkhan—strength, courage and wisdom."  
  
"Should he be Ashkhan, Manirai?" Julan asked.  
  
"There is no one else with such a claim to the tribe.  He is the only choice."  
  
"Well, what can we do to help?" I asked, unsure of how I could go about changing the very nature of a man.  
  
"You must persuade him to take his birth-right, to become Ashkhan.  After he agrees, perhaps I can help him in leading the tribe."  
  
"Well, we will see what we can do," I said turning to Julan.  
  
"You must find some way to give him strength, willpower and intelligence.  Han-Ammu is very unpopular with the tribe and he knows it," Manirai said firmly.  Great.  I would have to convince a man who was not born to lead a tribe that despises him to become the next Ashkhan.   
  
"You're asking for a miracle, Manirai," I said plainly.  
  
"Perhaps if he bore the tokens recognized by all the tribe as conferring strength, willpower and intelligence, it would give him the confidence to accept the responsibilities of tribe leadership."  
  
 "So let me get this straight, your plan is dress him up like an Ashkhan and persuade him to fake it until he's convinced of his own strength.  Sounds terribly familiar," Julan said.  It did.  Mashti contrived nearly same thing with Julan as Manirai proposes with Han-Ammu, with disastrous results.  
  
"He will gain strength as he grows into this role," Manirai firmly stated.  I could tell there was no use arguing with her.  
  
"I hope for the sake of the Erabenimsun, you are correct.  Again, I'll do what I can.  Come on, Jules, let's go gather those items.  Manirai, you're people won't be offended if we take things off the dead?"  
  
"No, I will stand out there with you."  The three of us walked outside and gathered the items, no one said a word.  Manirai then pointed out his yurt.  We walked in to see two men standing by the fire.  Both were young and one was quite handsome.  He smiled at us when we came in, so it was he I decided to address.  
  
"Sera Han-Ammu," I said to strong looking Dumner in a Kagouti skin coat.   
   
"No, Outlander, he over there is who you wish to speak." I turned and saw a slight, scared man off in the corner.  I introduced myself and Julan to this small man, cowering off to the side.    
  
"No matter what Manirai says, I'm not interested," Han-Ammu said this with force, but I could see he was trembling.  "I don't want to be Ashkhan.  Everyone despises me.  I am a weakling, coward and fool.  I hate it, but it's true.  I just want to be left alone."  
  
"Tough.  You're the next in line.  These are the tokens of leadership Manirai told me to give you," I said handing him the Robe of Erur-Dan the Wise, the amulet Saint-Kils Heart of Fire, and the War Axe of Airan-Ammu.  "Han-Ammu, these things were stolen from you as a child, along with your inheritance.  Ulath-Pal is gone; your tribe needs wise leadership in order to fight what is coming."  
  
"Dagoth Ur?"  
  
"Beyond that.  I will defeat Dagoth Ur, but you must lead your tribe into the next age."  
  
"I don't think I can," Han-Ammu said softly.  
  
"I feel the same as you," Julan said walking up to Han-Ammu. "I have just been handed the title of Ashkhan of the Ahemmusa.  My father was lost to me as well." Julan then recounted his entire tale, of finding a lost father and his sudden new role as the Ahemmusa Ashkhan.  "I have had no guidance in the role I am to play, but play it I must—and will.  Use your Wise Woman as a guide.  I will be there at hand as well.  Perhaps our tribes can forge a new path—working together."  
  
"To drive the Outlanders out?" Ammu asked quickly, forgetting I was in the room, though quickly turning to me to see if I caught it.  The s'wit was guileless—a pity, really.  
  
"No," Julan said quietly, "No they are here to stay, but we must find a way to live with them. And to ensure we do not getting pushed off our lands any longer.  That is then next war—to be fought by cunning more than might.  Your people need you; all Ashlanders need you to provide a united front. Can I count on you?"  
  
"Yes, Julan," Ammu said, with more confidence then before..  I decided I would leave the yurt for a time and let them speak.  Later that afternoon, just as the sun was starting to set, Julan and Ammu emerged from the yurt and came toward me.  
  
"Annika Blue, it is my understanding that you wish to be named Nerevarine.   I'll give you my support. Go see Manirai; she'll probably have some sort of token to give you. Good luck with Devil."  
  
"Thank you, Han-Ammu.  I'm certain that in time you will be called a great Ashkhan."  Julan nodded at Han and we left.  "You saved the day," I said to Julan as we made our way towards Manirai's yurt.  
  
"I think I helped—at least accomplish your ends—as for Han-Ammu, I can only guess."  
  
"Julan, I think you will lead your people to greatness."  
  
"Our people, Annika.  Remember, you are to be my wife.  You tell me that I must start thinking like an Ashkhan.  Now you have to start thinking like my wife."  
  
"How does an Ashkhan's wife think?"   
  
"I'm not entirely sure," laughed Julan.  "But what I do know is that I will need you as my partner—my people are now you're people Anni."  I smiled at this, though was not sure it was entirely true, but…I had never had a people before.    
  
We entered the Wise Woman's yurt, she did not seem so little anymore.  The look of fear in her eyes was gone. "It's done, Manirai," I said.  
  
"So you're now the Nerevarine and Champion of the Erabenimsun, eh?  And Han-Ammu is now the Ashkhan…Oh all these changes…"  
  
"I think they are good changes, Manirai," Julan said.  
  
"Yes, Ashkhan they are.  It is much to take in though."  
  
"Do you think you'll be able to manage Han-Ammu?" I asked.  
  
"Oh, who knows?  We can only wait and see if he grows in wisdom, and becomes a good and wise chief like his father."  
  
"He'll have you to guide him." I said hopefully.  
  
"Ai…we are both traveling in the dark, but…I think I can guide him, hopefully the Erabenimsun will grow prosperous again.  But I've kept you, here…take this.  It's the Seizing of the Erabenimsun," she handed me an embroidered belt.  "Now all may know that we have named you Nerevarine and Champion.  I wish you well on your journey, and thank you—both…for everything that was done this day."  
  
"Good bye, Manirai," I said.  
  
"We will meet again," Julan said. We walked out into the sunset, Julan was laughing.  "I hope his Wise Woman lives for a good long time."  
  
"Well, we're certainly becoming experts in sorting out misguided young Dumner, aren't we?  They ought to give us some sort of medal!"  
  
 "Agreed!" Julan stopped for a moment and turned to me.  "Gods, he will be responsible for the safety and prosperity of every single person in the tribe! That's really terrifying."  
  
"Oh he's going to be fine, Kingmaker.  So will you for that matter."  
  
 **Day 219**  
  
"Mephala, Anni!  This is a glass mine!  But…listen!  No one's here!"  Dear gods we had exited the gloom of the wastes and entered the golden Grazelands.  And now we were doubly blessed, for at our feet was a mine—a glass mine.  A glittering, green, golden glass mine.  
  
  
"I don't think I've ever seen anything so beautiful," I smiled wryly.  I had of course, but right now the beauty of easy money was…well, very powerful.  
  
"Do you know what that means?  It's ours!!  Do you know how valuable this stuff is?"  We grabbed each other's arms and started jumping up and down like children at a fair.  We had stumbled upon the glass mine as we were making our way out the wastes.  I knew the Grazelands were good luck…but this was beyond anything I had ever dreamed.  
  
"Jules this is the easiest job we've ever done!  Grab a pick and let's haul as much as we can carry!" I stopped for a moment, "I wonder why it was abandoned?"  
  
"Oh Anni, finally something that comes easy for us, don't question it," he said swinging me around.  "My people have a saying, you know." I nodded.  "Never look a gift-guar in the mouth."  
  
"Very wise," I laughed.  Well, we were overdue you know."  We spent hours in the mine hacking at glass until our arms hurt and stomachs rumbled.  Julan had placed a powerful locking spell on the cavern door, as though the mine had the look of being long abandoned, one could never be too careful.  There was a heavy penalty to be paid for stealing the Empire's ore.  It was well into the evening when we hauled our bounty out from the depth.  Exhausted, we ate crab meat and drank several drams of Matze and made love by our stacks of raw glass that gleamed in the moonlight.  
  
As dawn broke across the horizon I saw the Zainab Camp.  Julan advised me to see Ababael Tismsar-Dadisun, the trader to unload some of the glass.  He had dealings with Hassour.  I was surprised with the amount of capital he had to offer—9,000 septims—unheard of in any of the camps. Something strange was going on—I wondered if they made a deal with another house, or if they were just flush from their their newly found source of ore. We unloaded almost all of the weapons and glass.  I then asked Ababael about the ebony trade, per my instructions from Crassius.  
  
"Oh Crassius, that old dog…I'm sure he likes you…and Julan too!  Well, Annika normally I would deal with this matter, but it goes beyond trade.  Politics and the stance of the Zainab tribe are involved.  Speak with Gulakhan Ashibaal on this.  He'll be in his yurt."  
  
"Thank you, Ababael."  
  
"It was a pleasure doing business with you."  We walked out of the yurt; Julan was grumbling, "I think we could have gotten a better deal in Balmora on all that glass."  
  
"Yeah, but did you want to carry it there?"  
  
"Not particularly."  
  
"Did you want to be stopped and questioned where we got this?"  He just looked straight ahead, I then said smiling, "Then we got a good deal."  
  
"It's just the Zainab are a cunning lot."  
  
"I agree with you, and I hope they'll see reason in Crassius's proposal."  
  
"Hmmm. I'm not sure it's much of a deal."  
  
"It could be one, if handled…cunningly. There's Ashibaal's yurt.  Let's see if he's willing to listen." I introduced myself and Julan to the gulahkhan Ashibaal and told him directly why I came—regarding the ebony trade.  
  
"Well, why are you speaking to me about Ebony?" he said with his arms crossed.  
  
"Because," I said sweetly, "I think the Zaniab are now strong enough to sell it." Flattery will get you everywhere.  
  
"Of course we are.  The Zaniab are strongest of the Ashlander tribes, and yes, we do have ebony to sell.  But why, Annika, do you want our ebony when you have ebony of your own?"  I had to think on this and then it came to me in a flash.  Simple economics.  
  
"Because, Ashibaal, if you and Hlaalu both sell ebony the price drops."  As I said this I saw Ashibaal's mind work.  I think he saw the logic in my argument; in fact I'm sure he had probably come to the same conclusion long ago—he was just waiting for a Hlaalu retainer to come seeking a deal.  
  
"Ah, I see the logic in your words.  When two strong warriors stand side by side, no one dares challenge them.  Tell your Crassius that I will do business with him, if he is willing to offer the Zaniab a reasonable price."  
  
"Thank you, sera. I will tell him."  
  
"Oh, and Annika, I think you and Julan should see our Ashkhan, Kaushad.  Julan, he has learned that you are the Ahemmusa's new Ashkhan and would wish to speak to you."  
  
"Certainly, its time I paid him my respects."    
  
"His yurt is next to mine.  Go see him immediately."  We walked over to the Ashkhan's yurt, though Kaushad was standing outside to greet us—this was almost unheard of—though now I suppose this was the greeting that one  Ashkhan gave to another, and had little to do with my presence at all.  Kaushad was an older looking Dunmer, though pleasant.  He had a wily look in his eyes.  I would not want to negotiate with this man, for even with my skill, I think he could walk off with all my possession and my soul to boot.    
  
"Annika Blue," Kaushad spoke cheerfully after offering us a drink, "we've all heard the rumors.  We know you are to be the Outlander who claims to fulfill the Nerevarine Prophesies.  But teach us, Annika…how could an Outlander be the Nerevarine?"  I heard a couple of tribesman titter in the background.  
  
I paused for a second before speaking as I wanted to give a thoughtful answer.  "I understand your questions, Kaushad.  And, I will agree it is odd that Azura would pick an Outlander, as according to legend, it is the Nerevarine that drives all Outlanders from Vvardenfell. However, I can only answer that it is Azura's will—though a weak answer it is.  She has chosen me, for what reason, though I have no idea, but—."  
  
"Ho, ho!  Excuse me.  Do not think me rude.  But seriously.  Do you believe this story yourself?  I mean no offense, but you must admit, you are an Outlander, and completely ignorant of our ways.  How could you ever be our war leader?  What sensible Ashkhan would ever choose you to lead the tribes," he said, still laughing.  
  
Julan turned and faced Kaushad, "The Ashkhan who chooses her is wise, for Kaushad, she has met every challenge set before her and attacked every obstacle with vehemence. She is Hortator of the Telvanni and Redoran, as well as the Nerevarine of the Erabenimsun." No point in saying how recently that title was won.  
  
"I see," Kaushad said, though I could tell he was just being polite.  I had to stop the deadlock.  
  
"Set me to task, Kaushad," I said plainly.  
  
"Very well. A vampire named Calvario has taken refuge in near by Nerano Ancestral Tomb.  If you are as worthy as you say you are, it should be a small matter for you to dispose of this vampire.  There you have your task.  Now perhaps you can leave me while I discuss tribal matters with."  
  
"With my betrothed, you mean." I turned to Julan and said, "Jules why don't you and Kaushad discuss the future of your tribes while I handle this small matter." He nodded as I left the tent apprehensively wondering if Kaushad was brokering a marriage as it was commonly done in tribal lands.  I was so tired of being afraid.  I had hoped that walking through the Grazelands with the wind blowing against the wheat would ease my troubled mind; though not even thoughts of Chorrol and Kat could provide any comfort.  I kept coming back to the same question; why was I was still here?  I had been promoted to Blades Operative and was no longer a criminal.  I could just pick up and leave, but I didn't.  I could easily throw the mission and fail some kind of task, maybe the one I was on now, but I knew I wouldn't.  Was it pride?  I had to think that whatever was pulling me toward the monster under the Red Mountain was more than the unpredictable love of a man, or some need to prove myself.  No, it went far beyond that.  What was calling me?  
  
Nerano tomb was far enough away from the Zaniab to give me time to ruminate over horrid answer I had given Kaushad.  It was vague and uncertain.  'Oh it's the will of Azura' or some other kind of rot.  The sad part was that I saw Kaushad's logic.  I, too, would have asked those questions and would have expected a better answer.  No wonder he sent me running along on some silly mission.  The tomb was easy enough to find, though it looked abandoned.  Upon entering I was nearly overcome by the acrid smell of dried blood. This was a vampire's tomb, though what a threat this creature was to the Zainab remained to be seen as I had yet to encounter any forms of life (or unlife). There were undisturbed cobwebs all around.  This vampire had not been active in some time, if he was still here at all.  I did come upon the skeleton of a long dead child, and shuddered.  Then it moved—I saw a shadow out of the corner of my eye move in the darkness.  Quickly, I threw the torch in the direction of the shadow and grabbed the hilt of my sword and moved closer, knowing it was better to attack then be attacked.  The creature lunged at me, not even bothering to cast a spell.  Sinking my sword into its long dead heart was a blessing for this worn beast.  I then sliced Calvario's head off…I would drop it in Kaushad's lap.      When I returned to the Zainab, dusk was falling all around and the stars had come up.  Over my shoulder was a bag containing the head of a fallen Vampire.  I refrained from dropping the head in Kaushad's lap—as sadly he was standing, though I did delight in watching him wince as I took the severed head out of the bag.  
  
"So he's dead.  Perhaps I was mistaken.  Perhaps you should be Nerevarine."  
  
"I'm glad you think so."  
  
"Well, I will be happy to acknowledge you as Zainab Nerevarine, but it is customary for one seeking such an honor from the Ashkhan to offer him a generous gift as a mark of respect."  Why was I not surprised?   He then continued, "Because you are an Outlander, and do not know our customs, I will do you the great favor of naming the gift I wish to receive—a high-born Telvanni bride—a pretty one, plump, with big hips to bring me many sons.  I have recently been widowed and need to ensure the line does not break."  He sounded positively disconsolate.   
  
I could not believe he was asking me to play matchmaker. "I am sorry for your recent loss, but can you tell me, Kaushad, where should I look?  Is there one you have in mind?"  
  
"Where should you find my bride? Well that is simple.  You should visit high born Telvanni lords and inform them that Ashkhan Kaushad of the Lordly Zainab would do them the honor of making their daughter his bride.  Surely many Telvanni lords would be honored to receive such an offer.  Consider carefully the many daughters offered and choose for the finest.  Take counsel with my wise woman, Sonummu Zabaman.  She knows my mind well in such matters.  
  
"Well that was…strange," I said walking out of Kaushad's yurt. "Gods where will find a woman who actually wants him?"  
  
"Why would he want a Telvanni bride?" Julan mused.  "All the Telvanni noblewomen I ever met looked like they came out of the wrong end of a guar."  
  
"When did you ever meet a noblewoman?" I asked coyly.  
  
"Whenever one came to the Varo tradehouse feeling the downside of sexy."  
  
"Ha! Let's go see Sonnumu as I don't want to picture you with the wrong end of a guar."    
  
We walked into the wise woman's yurt. She was an older Dunmer woman, face creased by many lines; there cause most likely a lifetime spent in the sun and with Kaushad. Gods, these women don't age well, I thought to myself.  Maybe the wrong end of a guar wasn't the worst possibility for old Kaushad.    
  
"Greetings Outlander, have you come to speak of the prophecies or have come for my counsel?  
  
"Both, Sonummu." I said rather awkwardly. "Actually your Ashkhan, Kaushad, has made a strange request..."  
  
"I'm listening," she said with a wry smile on her face. "Go on."  
  
"Well, in order for Kaushad to name me Zainab Nerevarine, he has asked that I procure him…well…procure him a bride."  
  
"A noble Telvanni," she said with a smirk.  Apparently this had come up before.  
  
"That would be it."  
  
"Gods, Anidei has not been in the ground a month.  That poor woman died giving birth to a daughter—that's all they ever had.  A curse to him—I say.  Well, I have a plan for this new bride."  
  
"Let's hear it."  
  
"No high-born Telvanni would wed an Ashlander. But I have a plan.  Go to my friend, Savile Imayn, slave mistress of the Festival Slave Market in Tel Aruhn and tell her you need a pretty Dumner slave to pose as a Telvanni lady."  
  
"Wait—" Julan interrupted.  "You want us to purchase a woman?  How is possible that a Dumner is even a slave?"  
  
 "Whatever made you think it was illegal, child?" Sonummu tittered. "Well, its not and plenty of Dumner serve in that capacity.  Anyway, Annika, as I was saying, you will need to purchase a pretty Dumner girl and then Savile will tell you what clothes to buy, and will dress her like a high-born Telvanni.  Then escort the pretty slave to the Zainab and present her to Kaushad as a high-born Telvanni bride.  He wont' know the difference."    
  
At this point Julan stormed out of the yurt.  Sonnumu shrugged.  "The Ahemussa were always a fiery lot, that's been their undoing."  
  
"Yes, but Sonummu, I have to admit the idea doesn't sit well with me either."  
  
"I have no other solution and I don't think you'll get his approval any other way.  And I would not suggest violence.  Despite his lack of character in…well…personal matters, he has risen the Zainab to new heights.  Unheard of prosperity.  I wouldn't challenge him, plus you have to think of your young Ashkhan outside.  He will need us—best do what I advise."  
  
"I see your point."  Now I would have to make Julan see it.  I walked outside and saw Julan angrily smoking a hacklo leaf.  His leg was twitching.   It had reached twitching point.  He turned angrily towards me.  
  
"You're not actually considering getting him a Telvanni "bride" now?"  he asked in protest.  
  
"I'm considering everything." I said gravely.  
  
"This is too much Anni; you can't possibly consider purchasing another woman—to meet his ends.  I don't want to support the slave trade—I should think with your beloved Kat, you wouldn't want to either." Oh now he was playing the Kat card.  
  
"Ok, next idea. We disguise you as the Telvanni bride." I said staring directly at him.  Julan nearly choked on his hacklo.  
  
"Fine!  We'll get the damned slave," he hissed.  "I'm not sure if she'd be better off in the field or writhing under that man."  
  
"Well, he might not be long for this earth," I said levelly.  
  
"You know as well as I that those kinds of men live forever.  Anyway, I can't believe you're being so blasé about the entire affair."  
  
"Could you please keep your voice down?" I said looking around…would do us absolutely no good if we blew the plan now.  "Look, I'll try to find another solution—one that will please Kaushad, grant me Nerevarine and won't start an intertribal war.  Your input on this would be much appreciated…though I could do without the scorn, and a hacklo would not be remiss."    
  
We trekked through the countryside on the way to Vos stopping only for sleep.  In two days time I was facing Savile Imayn.  Behind her I saw a striking Dumner woman in a cage and a Khajiti behind her.  It was hard work masking my distaste for this woman.  I had Julan run to the armory as I knew it would be asking too much of him to hold his tongue.   I told Savile who I was and why I came to her "Festival Slave Market". She laughed.  
  
"You need a slave to pose as a high born Telvanni lady?" Could this woman read minds?  "Sweet Alma, that Sonummu and her cunning plans.  Oh Annika, Sonummu and I go way back.  Some things never change," she laughed.  
  
"Hmmph…I guess not…Well…do you have someone available?" I felt the bile rising in my throat asking this.  
  
"I do have the slave you want, Falura Llervu, a pretty Dumner girl.  But first you must get her some presentable clothes.  Where ever you shop would be ideal, sera…" She said looking me up and down.  "Once you get clothes, we can discuss a price.  I'm going to anticipate your approval and start working with our bride…to prep her for her future role." This woman was actually excited for this poor slave who would stand perhaps half a chance at surviving Kaushad.  
  
I went to go find Julan after my conversation with Savile.    I saw him off in the distance.  I watched him study the quality of a long bow and trace the etched pattern in the limbs with his finger.  He was thinking.  Julan knew I would be approaching him with the inevitable, and he also knew he didn't have a better idea.    
  
"So it's done," I said approaching him as calmly as possible.  
  
"There was no other way," he said this as declaration rather than a question.  "It still doesn't sit well with me and I think it will come back to haunt us Anne."  
  
"I agree." I wouldn't argue about.  
  
"I'm sure Savile had the perfect girl."  
  
"Oddly she did.  Pretty thing.  I couldn't look her in the eye, though."  
  
"So where is she?" he asked, still looking at his bow, refusing to meet my gaze.  
  
"Still in her cage," I gulped.  "I've been instructed to get her some nice clothes."  
  
He glanced at me, eyes expressing scorn. "Humph, buy her some nice clothes," he said lighting up a hacklo.  "I guess all sacrifices are cleansed before—"  
  
"Stop it, Julan!" I said cutting him off.  I didn't want a lecture now.  "You're making this worse—and you're just as much apart of this too."  
  
"Just how far would you go, Anni?" He asked bitingly.  I turned away; unable answer the question.  I didn't know.   
  
I inhaled deeply, the hacklo burning my lungs. "Julan, I can't answer that, but could you?  What would you do to keep your tribe safe, Jules?  How far would you go?"  He just shook his head.  I turned and started walking back towards Savile.  Behind me, the sound of Julan's footfall answered the question.  
  
We ran all the ridiculous errands and found Falura beautiful, yet modest clothes.  She would be stunning in these.  I also bought the bug musk, per Savile's request;   secretly hoping Kaushad would pass out from the stench.  The evening stars were shining when I returned to the Festival Slave Market and faced Savile. "So you have the clothes and bug musk?" I started to hand her the packet.   "No, Annika, don't give them to me.  You'll give them to her when you've bought her.  Now, here's my price.  For this superb specimen, skillfully coached to play her part in your little scheme, I will accept 1200 septims—and I only offer you this price out of my friendship for Sonummu Zabamat.  
  
"I'll give you 1000."  
  
She looked at me scornfully, then nodded. "Fine. I'll take it.  Give her the clothes when you unlock her cage," I shuddered at those words.  "She'll give you no trouble." I walked up to Falura's cell and released her, not meeting her eyes.  She did not speak until finally I addressed her.  
  
"Falura?"  
  
"Yes, sera, Falura Llervu of Velothis Haven, daughter of Andrano Llervu, lord of Tel Llervu." She paused for a moment then winked, "See?  Savile has taught me well.  I shall be a high born Telvanni lady and no one will the difference.  Just like a lady," she laughed.  
  
"Are you going to be ok?" I whispered.  
  
"Well, I admit I am a little anxious about marrying an Ashlander, even an Ashlander chief," Falura said smiling then continued, "but anything is better than being a slave, and I am tough and smart and determined to make the best of my chances." I paused, nodding.  
  
"Are we ready to go?" she asked. Julan stepped up.  
  
"Yes," Julan helped her down and I handed her the clothes.  
  
"Oh, do not worry if we must cross water for I am an excellent swimmer, but you must help me with anything we might encounter on the way, for I am only a house hold slave and knew very few spells—none that will help you if," she paused, "we encounter something nasty."  
  
"You will be safe with us, Falura," Julan said graciously, perhaps a little too…    
  
"Oh sera," she turned to me looking up from clothes and perfume, "oh these clothes are so divine!  Such a perfume!  Only the very rich can afford this!  Oh, don't worry Annika; I shall do everything I can to please you and my new master…that is, my gracious lord and betrothed!"   
  
I winced as she spoke those words.  My guilt was like a brand.  "Come on," she said excitedly, "I cannot wait to start my new life!" Gods, he better be good to her.  
  
"Don't worry, Anni, I'll talk to her," Julan said smiling, "and let her know that all Ashlanders aren't monsters."  
  
"Just the one she's marrying," I muttered and walked ahead of them.  The weather worked against us, what should of taken two days of hard travel had nearly taken four.  It also didn't help that Julan and Falura were hanging back.  I wasn't sure if Falura was purposely delaying or openly flirting with Julan.  Actually, I think it was a bit both and frankly I was getting sick of it; decidedly feeling less guilt about her final destination. Both nights spent on Azura's coast were miserable, I had usually collapsed from exhaustion as I did the majority of the fighting and protecting while the two of them were huddled together.  In the mornings I would wake up to Julan beside me, but I had no idea what had transpired while I was sleeping. In my heart I knew I was being petty, knowing that she would end up with a man that no young woman could possibly love.  Though I hated to admit it, I was relieved when we reached the Grazelands coast, for I knew we were less than a day away and the sky was bright and sunny, though it seemed she moved even slower than before.    
  
"Excuse me Falura, but could borrow Julan for a second," I asked taking Julan's arms, nearly dragging him away.  "What are you doing?"  
  
"Oh, I've been talking to Falura.  I'm amazed by her, Anni.  The things she's endured would break anyone, but somehow she's survived." He stared back in her direction, mooning like some love struck acolyte. "Anni, she's determined to get everything she can out of life, whatever happens, even if…even if it means becoming that bastard's—I mean Kaushad's wife."  
  
"Hmmm.  You don't sound too pleased about that.  If I didn't know any better I'd say you were attracted to her." My claws were out, though in truth I wasn't sure if it was jealously or guilt that was eating me, perhaps it was an evil collaboration of both.  
  
"No!  Of course not," he averted my eyes and turned his head. Now I was shaking.  
  
"You're a terrible liar, Jules," I said, giving him a rueful smile.  
  
"All right, fine!  Maybe I am attracted to her a little. Just a little!  I'm not going to do anything, am I?" I just stared coldly in response.  "I'm with you. Don't you trust me?"  
  
"Well, maybe if you gave me reason to…Maybe I'd trust you more if you stopped gawping at her all the time!" I screamed.  I didn't care if she heard at this point.  I was beyond reason.  
  
"I'm not "gawping" at her!  Gods, how the hell would you know, anyway?  You've barely looked back," he shouted, his tone sharper and louder at each passing word.  "Look, you have no idea what she's been through, so just stop being a jealous bitch!"  I back handed him so hard I heard a crack, Julan stumbled and Falura gasped.  
  
"Keep up!" I shouted staring at both of them.  Julan made no motion towards me, though his eyes communicated an anger that I had not seen before.  He turned slowly and stumbled back to Falura.  Shaking, in fury, and perhaps in fear, I stared straight ahead and kept walking.  I did not look back until right before we reached the Zainab.  I paused when I saw Kaushad standing outside with his gulahkhans; I motioned for them to stop then turned back to Falura, I said civilly, "We're here."  
  
"That's him?" she asked, approaching me warily.  
  
"Yes." I said as warmly as possible.    
  
"Oh, he's very distinguished looking, isn't he?  A bit severe, perhaps, but the lines on his face, there, show he likes to smile.  Oh, I think I might be very happy," she smiled.  She then turned slightly and said, "Annika, I am going to say good bye to Julan.  I want you to know that I am sorry if I caused you any trouble, but…well…Julan is a good man.  I think you should be good to him."  I turned from her and said nothing, though nodded in acknowledgement.  Walking away, I watched Falura and Julan say good bye; Julan softly kissed her forehead and whispered in her ear.  I turned away bitterly and started towards Kaushad.  He turned and smiled at the three of us coming over the hill.  In my most charming voice, I introduced our high born Telvanni noble.  
  
"Kaushad, may I present Falura Llervu of Velothis Haven, daughter of Andrano Llervu, lord of Tel Llervu."  
  
"So, this is to be my new bride?  I am very pleased with your gift Annika Blue, though," he said in a whisper, "she is not so generous in the hips as I would like."  
  
"Ah."  
  
"But no matter.  I promise to make her a happy bride, and to do her honor as a high born Telvanni lady.  And as I have my gift, I will now name you Zainab Nerevarine and Protector of the People.  Annika, I will present you with this token of my people,"  he said handing me a beaded necklace. I bowed to Kaushad, then he turned to his new wife.  "My lady, I am so pleased you are here, come, let me show you around," he said taking her arm. I turned from them and started walking west, out of the camp, I heard Julan walking behind.  When we reached the outskirts he picked me up and swung me around.  
  
"Gods, I've never been so humiliated!" he seethed.  "Don't you ever…ever…lay your hands on me again!"    
  
I freed myself from his grasp.  "Well, you won't have to worry about that anymore Julan—or my humiliating nature.  I'm heading to Vivec without you."    
  
He paused for a moment, jaw clenched. "You better think long and hard Annika, about what you really want," he said with a strange mixture of sadness and rage in his voice.  
  
"Funny, I was going to say the same," I choked.  We glared at each other for what seemed like an eternity.  Several times I stopped, wiping the tears streaming from my eyes and watched as he did the same.  We both knew.  This has been a long time in coming.  From the start Julan and I had shared the Nerevarine; our paths crossed then weaved into one shining cloth, but now it was time for me to go at it alone.  I had to test my own mettle—and stand on my own, for it was I, not Annika and Julan, who was the Nerevarine.  
  
"Annika, when I turn around, I won't be turning back—ever."  I nodded then impulsively I grabbed his hand kissing the inside of his wrist, and took a last look. Turning west, I headed back towards Vivec—alone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI Folks: I'll be putting this message through out the series. For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashal are Kateri's creations, though I have added to the dialog (and in some cases changed it), particularly in the case of Julan. Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan.
> 
> Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC
> 
> kateri-t's incredible mod Ashlander Julan can be found here: lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm


	20. The Road to Redemption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annika make things right with a little help from her friends.

**Day  227**  
  
I started back for Vivec, but I knew there was no point. Emotionally drained and ragged I thought it best to pull myself together in Dagon Fel before meeting with Crassius. I spent several days wondering aimlessly through Molag Amur region.  The first laugh I had came from the thought that I might spark a legend of a woman weeping her way across the wastes. Fortunately, sanity kicked in and I managed to make it back to Tel Aruhn and took the boats to Dagon Fel.  
  
"What the hell happened to you?" Red said staring at me as I stumbled in the Metal Queen.  
  
"Oh Anni, I take it…" Erica started.  
  
"Wedding's off," I chocked.  Red put a drink in front of me and I downed it before she could put the shaker down.  She poured again.  Ice closed the shop and we all headed downstairs.  
  
"So what happened Anni?" Erica asked as I laid my head in her lap.  I sobbed out the entire story.  Everything from Kaushad to Falura and the inevitable end of Annika and Julan.  I winced at telling Vicky and Ice about Falura, but it was the truth; though as ugly as a Daedroth.  
  
"I know you think I'm horrid," I sniffed after unloading. "Trust me, I hate myself too.  I hate the Nerevarine, the Dunmer…"  
  
"Stupid men," Red added.  
  
"Yeah, especially those," I said smiling wanly.  
  
"Anni, I'm not sure you two were ready.  You said it yourself…you both had issues…and well, it seems they got the better of you," countered Erica.  
  
"Yeah, it's just I loved him," I wailed like a s'wit.  For a horrifying moment I reminded myself of Shani.  I looked up and saw Vicky staring at me.  She had eyes that could pierce a soul and she looked at me as if she was reading mine.  I sat up and spoke, "I am so sorry about what I did to Falura. I can't believe what this whole quest is turning me into.  I'm supposed to be some sort of savior and here I am either hacking people to death or selling a poor girl into slavery."  
  
"Well, it wasn't as if you were given much choice," Ice said calmly.  
  
"I could have made a stand. I could have thought out a better plan," I said sniffling.  
  
"Look Annika, you'll have to make it right, or it's going to eat you alive," Vicky started. "I don't know you as well as Erica, but I can see you're not monster.  If you really want to do something let's think of a plan.  Or you can sit here and feel sorry for yourself—your choice."  For the first time in days I stopped sobbing.  I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked a Vicky.  
  
"What can I do?" I asked pitifully.   
  
"Do you still have her papers—from the slave mistress?"  
  
"Yeah," I said perking up. "Why?"  
  
"Good, that's a start," nodded Vicky.  "Believe it or not, you've bought this girl some time.  She's not being sold off immediately; she's this Ashkhan's wife, right?"  
  
"Yeah, she or will be very soon."  
  
"Well, she's not on the auction block yet in any case," Ice started, "but how long do you think this little roué is going to last?  Eventually, through a careless slip of the tongue or blackmail it's going to come out."  
  
"What you're going to have to do is find an Imperial notary—and actually there's one here—Heifnir—and draw up some release papers stating you're granting Falura her freedom," Vicky advised.  
  
"An Imperial Notary? In Dagon Fel?" I said laughing, though I noticed no one was laughing with me.  Awkward. "Wow, I'm sorry that just came out…It's Red's drink speaking," I said quickly.  
  
"Yeah, who do you think we got our charter from?" Erica said.   
   
"It's not like we wanted to chance Vivec," said Ice.  
  
"Ok, so what do I do when I see this notary?"  
  
"You're going to draw up release papers," she answered. "Make sure they are copied by a Scribner of some sort and duly noted too—Heifnir will do whatever you want, so don't worry about that—though it will cost you."         
  
"That's fine."  
  
"Then you'll take them back to Falura, though keep one copy of them for yourself—just in case," Vicky replied.  "And Annika…if you really wanted to be sweet, you could give her some septims to make a start back on the main land—if you're really serious about making this right."  
  
"I thought of that.  And yeah, I actually have the papers on me now."  
  
"Well it's going to take several days for Heifnir to get those papers together.  Use that time to pull yourself together, cause you ain't doin' nobody any good in the state you're in," Erica preached.  
  
"Ok.  I'll use the time to figure out what crap Crassius expects from me."  
  
"Oh, I could answer that," said Red. "We've had some dealing with him.  Watch yourself."  
  
"I will," I said yawning, "Oh, I need to sleep.  Ladies, I don't know what I would do without you."  
  
"Be a sniffling little s'wit," Red answered.  
  
"Yeah, I know."  
  
"We'll see you on the morrow," said Erica.  "Don't worry Anni, this will all turn out."  I laid on the couch and stared at the fire until I woke late in the morning to the smell of coffee and kwarma eggs.    
  
"Thought you could use this," Red said as placed the plate of eggs in front of me.    
  
"Thanks." I drank the coffee and slowly got dressed then went to Heifnir.  Thankfully the girls were right—he'd do whatever you asked—for the right price.  I could ask him to write up a charter for my left toe and he would have gladly acquiesced.  At least he was agreeable.  I stayed there four more days pulling myself together as advised, though Red of course, found a way to undo most of it.  
  
"Good thing you never have to deal with the Ahemmusa again, Anni!  Boy, how uncomfortable that would be!"  
  
"Oh shit," I said gulping, nearly choking on the eggs. I would have to see him again.  
  
"Great going, Red, why don't you ever think before you blurt?" Vicky snapped.  Maybe you should count to 10 before you speak."  
  
"Then I'd never get say anything!" shouted Red.  
  
"Exactly," Ice and Vicky said in unison.  I just laughed.  
  
"Oh…bloody hell, I will have to deal with him again.  I never got word from the Ahemmusa…their vote for Nerevarine."  
  
"Kinda funny how people get to vote on a savior," Erica quipped.  
  
"Yeah." I had been thinking that same thing the entire time. "I don't know, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it," I said shaking my head.  "There's nothing for it now."  
  
"Well you have some time.  Just be calm," said Ice.  
  
"Do you think it's really over?" asked Red.  "I mean, well…I'll just stop."  
  
"Good girl," laughed Vicky.  
  
"I can't answer that.  I don't know.  I guess Red I just got tired of being afraid.  I was constantly worried about losing him—to something or someone."  
  
"Sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy, wouldn't you say?" asked Ice.  
  
"The only reliable one I've come across yet," I laughed, bitterly.  
  
"You know in your heart if it's over," said Red.  
  
"Then it's not," I said looking at my hands. I still love him."  I stopped speaking for a second and took a deep breath. "But…well…sometimes."  
  
"Sometimes love just ain't enough," Erica said softly, stroking my hair.  
  
'I'm heading off," I said, while embracing Erica. "I'll see Crassius first then take care of Falura….then I guess I'll go from there."  
  
'Well, if you need us."  
  
"I can't ask you guys to help.  According to Crassius, my main obstacle is Dren."  
  
"The governor?" exclaimed Red.  
  
"No, his brother," I said as I saw Erica blanch like someone had hit her.    
  
"Oh, he's a monster, Anne!" shouted Erica.  "Are these fuckers trying to kill you?  I did a lot a work for him—well before...I pulled my shit together.  He's a slave driver, or killer, to be honest, and is an arms and drug pusher to boot.  He's got a friggin' fortress!"  
  
"I know," I said calmly.  "I've seen it from the road.  But listen to me Erica…I don't want you involved.  Not while his brother holds any sway over you—your business and I don't want them finding out about Vicky, not until we work to clear that... Don't worry, ladies.  I have someone in mind for the job, if she'll do it."  
  
"That Shani, girl? Isn't she like, Julan's ex?" laughed Red.  
  
"Well, yeah, Red, but she's also good friend."  How much of our friendship predicated on my relationship with Julan, I was unsure, but we'd see.  
  
"Well, maybe she can help soften him," said Ice.  
  
"Yeah, provided you don't get her killed," Erica chimed in.  "Please be careful, Anni."  
  
"I'll do my best."  
  
"Let us know how it goes, Anni," said Red.  
  
"I'll keep in touch."  
  
 **Day 241**     
  
Everything was lonelier.  The house in Vivec was noticeably emptier.  I hadn't ever let anyone get as close as Julan had so I never knew what to expect if it ended.  Kat had been my only example of a deep loss.  I hated to admit it, but losing Julan was every bit as painful as losing Kat—different, but just as awful.  I piddled around the house.  I walked around for days in a trance; picking up things and putting them down, buying new furniture.  I also hired some retainers—for the company, I think.  Finally, I went to talk to Crassius about the Hortator.  I had given him what he wanted, he better live up to his end, considering all his little mission cost me.  
  
"Crassius, it's done."  
  
"Well, thanks to you, the Empire must still buy all its ebony from House Hlaalu.  How sweet, how thoughtful.  Let's talk about being Hlaalu Hortator now, shall we?"  
  
"Yes, I think that would be best."  
  
He moved around me slowly, his eyes stripping me bare.  "Ah, Annika, your eloquent passion, your exquisite vulnerability moves me to risk all and defy Orvas Dren," he said whispering in my ear.  "Yes, I will name you Hortator.  But I have something to ask of you."  
  
"Then ask," I said closing my eyes, feeling his warm breath against my ear.  How far would I let him go?  I turned, staring into his bright, dancing eyes.  He was very attractive, and well, part of me wanted him too, though I hated myself for it.  
  
"Let me touch you, let me take some of the worry off your shoulders.  Just for a night…." I felt his lips move softly over mine and I groaned slightly.  His hands moved between my legs as he leaned in and kissed me.  I froze.  For a second I swore he tasted like every trick before him.  Then suddenly it came to me, as sharp and clear as cut glass, I was not his whore, not Vvardenfell's nor the Empire's.  I moved back from him.  
  
"No, Crassius.  I kept my part of the bargain.  Now keep yours," I said firmly.  He nodded and turned taking something out of a drawer.  
  
"Ah well, if you change your mind," he said, clearing his throat then winked. "In my formal capacity as Councilor of House Hlaalu, I give you my vote for the title of Hortator." He took a little bow.  
  
I laughed, what else was there to do with such a man?  "Thank you, Crassius, now tell me what can I do to win the others."  
  
He smiled.  "I'm only telling you this because I like you."  
  
"Liar," I laughed, "you're telling me this to get in my pants."  
  
"Well, that too.  Seriously though, I like you.  You're not what I expected in the Nerevarine.  You actually have a sense of humor," he paused for a moment, looking away—theatrically of course, but the emotion was genuinely there; Crassius then turned back to me.  "Anne, I'm surrounded day to day by people that don't, so let me help you.  Dram Bero can be persuaded to support you—if you can find him.  Rumor has it that he's trying to outrun a writ from the Morag Tong.  So he's understandably a little paranoid.  Then there's Yngling Half-Troll."  
  
"Is that really his name?"  
  
"Yes, dear, but it should have been 'All-Troll'.  He's a foreigner like me, but he simply doesn't understand the Dunmer like I do.  So if you have to dispose of him…well, let's put it this way…if he were gone nobody'd miss him.  Nevena Ules and Velanda Ormani are Dren's creatures.  You will not get their support."  
  
"Tell me about Orvas Dren."  
  
"Well he's the head of the Comonna Tong if that tells you anything,"Crassius said with worry in his eyes. That scared me too.  The Comonna Tong were a group of Dunmer assassins.  Crassius continued, "Anne, he despises the Empire, his brother and all Outlanders.  I've heard rumors that he has made some kind of deal with Sixth House."  
  
"Well then he really hates me 'cause I've been knocking off his best customers…not to mention his partners….and suppliers."  
  
"How come that doesn't surprise me Annika?" he laughed, then turned me seriously.  "Anni, there's only so much I can do, you'll have to kill him—but make sure he strikes you first.  And come prepared.  Take that pretty boy you had with you the last time in as back.  Take a few more if you can."  I just nodded; no need to explain that I had my heart splattered to Oblivion and back by that pretty boy.  
  
"I've got a few things to do Crassius; I'll be back in month's time."  
  
"At your leisure…After all, it's not like anyone else is trying out for your role."   
      
 **Day 247**  
  
It was a long trip back to the Zainab.  I made my way quickly and tried not think—of anything.  If my mind wandered anywhere then I would feel a great wave of sadness wash over me, slowing me down to drift aimlessly amid the wastes of Vvardenfell.  After killing a dozen or so cliff racers, I realized I needed to stop somewhere and repair my sword—Julan was not here to do it. Suran was closest—just over the mountains ahead.  
  
A top a hill against the crisp night sky I saw him—an Orc dressed in full battle gear. He was an older gentleman, standing by a small camp fire polishing his armor.  He didn't have the look of a bandit nor did he move to attack me, instead he stood as I approached and bowed slightly, looking me directly in the eyes he spoke.  
  
"Have you come seeking me?" the soldier asked.  
  
"No sera. What I seek lies a great distance away.  Who are you?"  
  
"Well, my name is unimportant, though if it will make you more comfortable, you may call me Umbra.  It is the name of my blade, though it may as well be mine."  
  
"Very well, Umbra, I am Annika. May I ask what are you doing standing here, stargazing perhaps?"  
  
"No," he said shaking his head.  
  
"Then what is it you wish to accomplish tonight, worthy old Dragoon?" I said, then sat down by the campfire and listened to his tale.  
  
"What are any of my accomplishments in the whole of this world?" Umbra asked rhetorically. "I have traveled from one end of the land to the other; killing creatures that can stop a man's heart with but a look. I have the blood of man and mer unaccountable on my hands.  I have seen the atrocities of war and the hideous excess of peace. There is nothing left for me in this world."   
  
"The atrocities of war, Umbra?  Tell me what you have seen." I wanted to know what lay before me should the worst happen.  
  
"I have seen the wholesale slaughter of men, women, entire races of people.  Villages have burned before my eyes—my hand held the torch, and my hand has thrown water on the flames.  I have been ankle deep in blood, swinging Umbra in a wild arc, all for the glory of battle and here I still stand."  He paused for a minute lost in his memories.  
  
"Why do you wait here, Umbra?" I asked, shaking him from his reverie.  
  
He sighed, "Because I have no more to do in this life.  I have saved whole towns from packs of Daedra, and I have slaughtered men for the glory of countless nobles.  All that is left for me is my own death, and the gods have cheated me of that.  All I ask is to die like a warrior, but how can that be?"  
  
"How so?"  
  
"It is my curse, Annika, that I through out my travels and battles that I have found no one who can best me in combat."  
  
"Really?  No one?"  
  
"Perhaps you," he said smiling slightly. "Annika, could you free me from the chains of living?  I have seen it all and wish to see no more."  
  
"I think I stand a fair chance. Though are you sure that is what you want?"  I knew from the weary look in his eyes, it was.   
  
He nodded slightly, "Yes, sera.  If you can."     
  
I moved to get up, Umbra gave me hand.  I liked this man, despite what he had done.  I could see myself in his refection; pawn to nobles, a brave warrior, a savior, and yes—a killer.  I decided to ease his pain in hopes that in time someone would be kind enough to ease mine when my usefulness had ceased and my living brought me no joy.  
  
He stood to his full height and readied his weapon. I bowed my head to him and raised my sword.  It was over quickly.  His age got the better of him, though I knew that he could have easily been my end at the height of his greatness.  I decided that I would keep his sword and sold his armor to pleasant Orc armorer in Suran.  I told him the tale of my encounter with Umbra.  He smiled and said, "That poor Orc has been standing there for many years, he has been hero of legends and recently the butt of many childish pranks.  I am glad you gave him a Warrior's death Annika.  And I am glad you did not meet your own!"  
  
"As I am.  Good day to you sera," I said leaving.  I gathered some supplies while in Suran then took the Silt Strider to Molag Mar—I would have to make it the rest of the way by foot.  I spent four days on the road, encountering not a single soul.  Upon entering the Grazelands, I had this feeling—a sense of dread.  I knew I needed to be quick.  I slipped on my cloak and made my way to the Zainab camp sight unseen.  Dawn was breaking on the fifth day when I saw her;  my heart sank.  Beside a pile of rocks and rubbish outside the camp was broken body of Falura.  I used every bit of conjuring power and potion I had to bring her near-lifeless body back.  
  
"Falura," I said shaking her gently, "Falura, what happened?"  Blood covered her beloved "noblewoman's" clothes.  
  
"Annika?" she asked, barely audibly.  "How is it…" she started crying.  I held her close and rocked gently.  I had been too late.  This was all my fault.  
  
"Falura, I'm taking you to Holamayan—the best healers I know—they can help you." I had thought for a moment to take her to Mashti, but feared what would happen if Julan had seen Falura's broken body.  The Ahemmusa could not afford a battle with the Zainab—not yet anyway.  I lifted her gently and literally flew—to Holamayan.    
  
"Annika," she whispered, "Please make sure I get back to Mournhold.  I want to be buried in my own land."  
  
"You're not dead and when you're healed we'll go together. I swear, Falura…I will make this up to you…somehow."  
  
"Just get me home, Annika."  
  
After three grueling hours of running and flying, we arrived at Holamayan. I took Falura straight to Mehra, who fetched the healer Beraren.  
  
"What happened to this woman?" he asked, shocked at her appearance.  
  
"Her husband," I spat.  
  
"Ai, I will do all that I can," Beraren said, reaching for his tools. "Mehra, fetch me my assistant, please.  Annika, stay close by.  She won't be returning to him, will she?"  
  
"No, we're leaving for the Mainland."  
  
"Who is her husband?"  
  
"A dead man." It was only a matter of time.  After settling Falura with healers, I scratched out a note to Julan:  
      
     _Jules,  
  
    All went wrong with Falura.  She is safe now and healing at Holamayan.  I will be escorting her back to the Mainland soon per her request (she will be well provided for—don't worry).  Julan, there must not be war between the tribes.  Should Kaushad confront you about your role in bringing Falura to the camp, shift the blame to me and Sonummu—as that witch deserves it. No matter what you hear, know that Falura is safe and in good hands.    
      
    Anni_  
  
This had to be done and quickly, for I knew it was only a matter of time before the Zainab made contact with the Ahemmusa.  There would be stories and wild rumors; I had to make sure these stories did not precipitate a war.  I found a young neophyte only too willing to leave the stuffy confines of Holamayan and paid him well to deliver the letter to Julan.  I then stayed with Falura while she healed.  The healers were able to put all back in place—they even repaired the teeth so cruelly knocked out.  While Falura healed, she told me what had happened after Julan and I left.  
  
"Oh sera, it was awful, though it started out well enough.  For the first day or two, he wasn't a brute, but then, oh…he was just—disgusting, but that wasn't the worst of it.  Sonummu sought favors from me—she wanted certain people banished from the Zainab, and blackmailed me into helping her—though in the end it was too much.  I could not do it anymore.  When I refused a request she told Kaushad everything.  Oh, Anni, he was so angry.  He beat me bloody then drug me through the camp encouraging others to do likewise. That's the last thing I remember before seeing you."  
  
"If it means anything, Falura," I started in tears and shamed to the ground, "I am sorry for what I did to you and how I acted.  I was…" I stopped, there were no words for my behavior. "I deserve your scorn and hate."  
  
"I have no energy for such things now, Outlander," she said smiling slightly.  "I only want off this damned island."  
  
"Well," I said slowly, "I can help you with that."  
  
"You can?" she asked faintly, then inhaled.  "Oh, Annika I have wanted to return to Mournhold for so long.  There is much that I had left behind."  
  
"You'll return as a free woman, Falura," I said handing her the papers.  "And you will also go back a rich one too."  I took a case filled with 30,000 septims—a king's ransom—from the money earned looting and pillaging.  "This is the very least I can do for you—for selling you out, for going against everything I believed in, for treating you like…"  
  
"Like a slave," Falura said, looking me in eyes. "Well, I forgive you. You saved my life and have made things right—and with any luck I can find my beloved."  
  
I turned from her, putting my head down, then spoke in a raspy voice.  "He's at the Ahemmusa camp."  
  
"What?" Falura asked looking puzzled.  
  
"Julan…Julan is with the Ahemmusa," I said.  Falura started laughing until tears ran out of her eyes.  
  
"Annika, you are funny. Oh, I liked your Julan, and perhaps if I had met him some time ago…well, you might have reason to fear, but no…I was separated from my love when I was sold to Savile, months ago—oh and you were right Outlander, though I was scared to tell you before, the scheme between Savile and Sonnumu had been worked out weeks in advance.  Savile had come from the Zainab—in fact they were cousins of some sort. Anyway, Sonnumu had wanted purchase me before, but she lacked the…"  
  
"Capital. I suspected as much," I said dryly. "Well, anyway, what were you saying before—oh I know—about your love.  Tell me about him."   
  
Falura smiled, her new teeth gleaming, and yes she was quite pretty. "You see Annika, Rielle was a commoner in Mournhold.  We met two years back when I was new to his employer—my master's home.  He could not afford to purchase my freedom.  So I lost him—though now…now with some luck I can find him again," she paused smiling, then turned to me with a puzzled expression, "But what of Julan, Annika?  You say he is with the Ahemmusa?  Why is he not here?"  
  
"Because I lost him, Falura," I said simply.  "My jealousy—our mutual jealousy actually, stupidity and tempers won the day."    
  
Over the course of a week as Falura healed, I poured out my story, I told her of all that had transpired, not only of Julan and my parting, but of everything that had come before, from the moment I got off the prison ship until now… "In truth," I said finishing my tale, "I think we were doomed from the start."  
  
"How can one be so skilled with a blade be so utterly ignorant, eh?  And you're the Nerevarine."  
  
"Go ahead and laugh," I sulked. Personally, I did not find it funny—at least not today.  
  
"I will," Falura said jovially.  "Oh, sera I thought I was misguided and foolish—you put me to shame!  The gods must have it in for Vvardenfell if you're leading the charge."  I looked away, though I saw Falura smiling.  "Oh Anni, I was only teasing.  I shouldn't have said that. Look, despite all that has happened, and all that you've done, I still think you're a good soul.  That should count for something, I guess?"  
  
"I'm so tired of this mission."  
  
"Well, maybe you'll get lucky and the Red Mountain will blow its top!"  
  
"I wouldn't be surprised, maybe I'd be pleased," I mused.  "But enough of this cheerful talk. You need to rest as we need to start out tomorrow. I'll tell Julan you said hello, and that you'll be in Mournhold…when next I see him again."  
  
"Well, I hope you can sort things out.  I liked him, and surprisingly," she paused, "I'm starting to like you."  
  
"Good night, Falura."  
  
We left early the next morning with the stars still shining in the predawn sky.  I had told Falura that I planned on taking her to Ebonheart where she could fast travel to the mainland with a mage named Acsine Raine, then her destiny would finally be her own.    
  
"What made you come back for me, Outlander?"  
  
"My conscience," I said as I thought of Vicky. "And my friends."  
  
"Are they slaves?" she asked laughing.  
  
"Why yes, actually, an escaped slave and her criminal lover along with a couple of ex-cons.  I think you'd fit right in Falura."  
  
"I suppose I should take that as a compliment."  
  
"You can take it anyway you like," I smiled. "Anyway, I guess they put things in perspective for me.  I've been in prison, but I've never been sold or separated from…someone loved—other than death."  
  
"Or foolishness."  
  
"Yes, yes, I think we covered that--I am a dolt. Well, it's a long ride to Ebonheart. So, tell me some of the stories you told Julan--about your life."   
   
I spent the greater part of a week helping Falura get set up in Mournhold.  She was able to buy a small manor house. Falura had not found Rielle upon my leaving, though I had no doubt she would locate him eventually.  As we parted, she spoke kindly to me.  
  
"Thank you for this, Annika Blue. Believe it or not I am glad for what happened."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Well, perhaps I could have done without the beating or ever meeting Sonummu, but if that was the price for my freedom, well then so be it.  Annika, I hope you accomplish everything you've set out to do and…if there's anything you need—."  
  
"You have given me what I needed, though," I paused, thinking of Ice and Vicky, for without them my redemption would not have been possible, "though if you could help my friends, the ones I told you about."  
  
"Yes, though I'm not sure what I can do."  
  
"All I need is some information, Falura.  I'd like to find out what the bounty is on Lorel and how much it would cost to buy Vicky's freedom.  That is all I need to know.  When you have word of this send me a message—not too detailed—via courier.  My retainers will make sure I receive it."  
  
"Ai, I will do this, Annika. Good luck to you, Nerevarine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed writing this chapter as Falura's and Metal Queen's plot and dialogue were my own.
> 
> Nerevar Blue Series: lesliewifeofbath.deviantart.co…
> 
> FYI Folks: I'll be putting this message through out the series. For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashal are Kateri's creations, though I have added to the dialog (and in some cases changed it), particularly in the case of Julan.
> 
> kateri-t's amazing mod Ashlander Julan can be found here: lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm
> 
> Metal Queens Mod: canadianice.moddersrealm.com/
> 
> Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan.
> 
> Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC


	21. The Hlaalu Horator

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still smarting from her breakup, Annika employs the help of one of Julan's other ex-lovers for a battle royale.

From the Nerevar Blue Series:  A novel based of Morrowind and the Mod Ashlander Julan by Kateri.  
  
 **Day 263**  
  
I just had to get past Dren.  He was really my last obstacle in becoming Hortator.  I thought about contacting Julan, but no, what is done is done.  I would be seeing him soon enough.  I then thought about the retainers I had just hired—no, I had no time to know them.  Who's to tell if they might be loyal to Dren or perhaps some other party that wishes to see my demise.  Time to call on my fall back.  
  
"Anni!  I'm so glad you contacted me!"  Shani had nearly knocked over a bar stool at Varo Trade House when I approached her.  I was glad she was there and not at the Ahemmusa Camp.  I wasn't ready to see Julan, though I knew that time was coming—but not yet.  
  
"Feel like seeing the world, Sha?"  I had come up with the idea back in Dagon Fel and now that I had set things to rights with Falura, I could finish my tasks with House Hlaalu.    
  
"Yeah. I just want to get away for a while. Things are crazy back at the camp." I turned suddenly, and Shani stopped.  "Julan's ok Anni, it's just a lot for him right now.  He's leading the Ahemmusa…well, at least trying to.   Sinnammu hasn't exactly made it easy for him.  She's been running the show for so long."  
  
"Not willing to hand over the reigns yet, eh?"  
  
"You could say that.  Plus she has this crazy idea about moving the camp."  
  
"Moving?"  
  
"Yeah, she wants to move the camp to this old Daedric shrine to the north."  
  
"Oh brilliant! She and tribe can play with crazy cultists and Daedra. What in gods name has possessed her?"  
  
"Well, I know you've been gone for some time," Shani said softly, "well…the ash storms are getting worse and the blight is rampant.  Our tribe lost two small children to it a couple of weeks ago."  
  
"Shani, I'm so sorry." I didn't know what to say.  My heart broke on a level I couldn't explain, it was more than mere pity.  
  
"We had to think of something.  The only thing that's helped our tribe survive was the gold Julan got from adventuring with you.  Without that…I don't know what would have happened.  It's really bad, Anni. There's no food.  All the beast are laden with blight."  
  
I just shook my head like a fool.  I wasn't sure what to say, though Shani made it easy for me by continuing to talk.  "It's also become dangerous because of the Zainab."  
  
"What!  What do you mean?"  I felt a sinking feeling immediately.  
  
"The whole slave girl thing," she said pausing uncomfortably. "I mean thank gods Julan got your note before the gulahkhans arrived at the camp."  
  
"What happened, Shani?"  
  
"Well this Ashibaal person came to our camp, he was with three other gulahkhans and they were angry as hell."  
  
"About?"  
  
"The girl.  They said you and Julan tricked their Ashkhan into marrying a slave. I had intercepted the courier you sent just hours earlier.  Anyway, they demanded to speak to you and they also wanted revenge."   
  
"What did Julan say?"  
  
"He told them that he had delivered the high born Telvanni girl to him as Kaushad had requested.  Ashibaal accused him of lying of course and kept demanding to see you.  Julan told him that you had parted company and that he had not seen you in some time," she paused for a second after saying that, and then continued, "but that they should question their wise woman about the whole matter because Julan told Ashibaal that this Sonummu had recommended Falura to you.  He also told them he had only met her shortly before her arrival to the Zainab camp.  So whatever trickery was arranged had to between you and the wise woman."  
  
"How did explain that….not knowing her before arriving to the Zainab?  Kaushad saw that Julan was with me—."  
  
"Oh that, well, Julan said he left you to your own devices when you both arrived in Tel Arhun.  He countered that you must have visited the slave market while he was meeting a trader."  
  
"You know, that's actually the truth, Shani…Anyway, what came of it?"  
  
"Ashibaal demanded some kind of payment for Kaushad's honor."  
  
"Of course, he did.  A little gold heals all wounds."  
  
"He also demanded one of our women for a slave bride."  
  
"Gods!  What happened next?"  
  
"Well, nothing.  Julan paid the gold but said that none of the women were available and if they forced his hand there would be war.  He then asked them if a simple slave woman was worth that."  
  
"Then?"  
  
"Nothing.  I mean they took the money and left.  Julan does not trust that they will let it go at that.  He's afraid for the women.  I mean he wouldn't let some of us go to Varo trade house unescorted."  
  
"That was wise. Well, we'll see what happens and I'll deal with Kaushad later if needs be…In fact I would take great pleasure in doing so..."    
  
We made our way to Sadrith Mora and the fast travel mage amidst small talk.  I told her a bit about the places we were going, well, actually I had just planned on taking her to Balmora and Vivec, maybe a stop in Pelagiad—time allowing.  I had let her know before starting out that Dren would be difficult, though exceedingly profitable.  
  
"Shani," I said over dinner and brandy after reaching Balmora, "I tell you that this is going to be every bit as dangerous as our last encounter.  Are you sure you're up for it?"  
  
"Anni, I'm just happy to get away from camp for awhile.  Like I said, it's…well…it's been pretty miserable in the last weeks," Sha said looking down at food.  I had hoped that Julan would have been able to separate the personal from the needs of tribe and was disappointed that he couldn't.   
  
"I'm sorry for that, Sha."  
  
"It's not your fault, or well, maybe it is…I don't know, Julan hasn't told me.  He's been busy dealing with Sinnammu and food shortage and the Zainab.  It's just been a bad few weeks.  It seemed Julan was happier when you were around."  
  
"Funny, I thought it would be opposite," I said softly.  
  
"What happened, Anni?  Please tell me."  
  
"We fought stupidly and lost each other foolishly."  What more could I say?  
  
"Uh, ok…that tells me nothing."  
  
"It was over Falura.  He didn't agree with what I was doing.  I…well…I became angry at him," I said pausing.  
  
"And?"  
  
"And, in a jealous rage, I struck him and we called it quits shortly there after.  Does that answer your question, Shani?"  
  
"Wow.  You know he didn't say anything.  He didn't even tell me you had split.  He only said you would be gone for some time—he didn't elaborate."  She then put her drink down.  "I can't believe you did that!"      
  
"You mad?" I said sitting back, waiting for the show to start.  I was surprised by what she said next.  
  
"A little, but in truth Anni, he always had wondering eye.  I can't hate you for it.  Right or wrong, I think I smacked him a few times as well."  
  
"I'm sorry it happened—all of it. For everyone's sake."  
  
"Me too.  He needs you, Anni.  For your advice and clear head.  I know he's trying to do what's right.  He just needs someone to bounce ideas off of."  
  
"Well, what about you?"  
  
"I have no idea what to tell him.  I'd tell to Sinnammu forget the shrine and just be done with it.  Not really diplomatic, eh?"  
  
"Well, were arriving in Vivec tomorrow.  You learn about diplomacy soon enough."  
  
"It's not the same."  
  
"I know," I said and we left it at that.  I took her for a stroll along the Odai and we stopped at the Market Tavern to hear some music. Shani's eyes lit up when we entered the smoke filled room.  A woman was singing--though not the same one from the night Julan and I..."Bah!"  
  
"What, Anni?"  
  
"Nothing, Sha," I said walking towards the bar.  I had to forget him.  I ordered some Matze then decided after a few drinks we'd stop a the bathhouse.  It was a must.   
  
"This is amazing, Anni. I've never been to a place like this."  
  
"Well, I had planned to take you to the public baths if your interested. Julan would never liked going—too modest."  
  
"That's an Ashlander trait, Anni.  To be honest…well…I'm not sure I'd want to either."  
  
"You can use a suit for modesty's sake.  I need a bath, and frankly so do you."  
  
"That bad?"  
  
"Yep," I said paying the tab.  Shani looked down at her drink in silence. I hated to be cruel, but I had to share a room with her tonight.  We didn't stay long at the baths, though long enough to get clean.  I had to guide her around as she wouldn't look ahead if someone was naked in her line of vision.  I wondered if Julan had felt the same way when I took him—I then wondered why I never bothered to ask him.  
  
"What are you thinking about, Anni?  You've gone all quiet."  
  
"Of how inconsiderate I've been."  
  
"I don't know, I think you've been wonderful…but it's not me we're talking about, is it?"   
  
Shaking my head, I just whispered, "No." I then smiled, and quickly wiped the tears forming in my eyes.  "Um, I think I'll be calling it a night, love," I said reaching the door to my apartment.  
  
"We can talk about it, Anni."  
  
What's there to say? I thought.  "No…but thank you for offering.  Thanks, Sha…"  
  
"Well, I'm going to the tavern next door."  
  
"Don't get in too much trouble."  
  
"I'll try not to," she said smiling as we parted at the door.  I heard her come in late and then woke to her snore in the morning.  I was glad she got back in one piece.  I let her sleep in while I ran some errands—and tied up some loose ends.  I woke Shani mid-afternoon.    
  
 **Day 265**  
  
"Sha, its time to go to Vivec."    
  
"Huh?" She said sleepily.  "Oh.  Ok… Julan said to watch for that Crassius guy.  He said he was really sleazy."  
  
I laughed at that; though Julan was right. "You know Shani, I'm surprised he let you go at all."  
  
"What do you mean?  I make my own destiny."  
  
"But he is your Ashkhan."  
  
"Yeah, but…well, he doesn't own me.  He doesn't own any of us.  But why do you ask?"  
  
"Well I had thought that with all that was going on he'd want the tribesmen and women close by.  I didn't think he could spare any extra hands."  
  
"I think he was more worried I'd run off and some crazy Zainab would carry me off.  I also think…well, he probably wants news of you.  And the slave girl…"  
  
"Falura."  
  
"Yes.  So what happened with her?"  
  
"I took her to Holamayan, got her healed and escorted her back to Mournhold—a rich woman." I decided to leave out a majority of the details—like finding her maimed body amidst the rocks and debris. Besides, everyone likes a happy ending.  
  
"The mainland!" Shani exclaimed, "Oh I've never been!"  
  
"You will.  But first I think we'll stop in Vivec.  I have a few items that might do you some good.  Hopefully, if there's enough time and you're up to it, we can transport to Mournhold and you can meet Falura." We got off the silt strider and made the quick stroll to my home in Vivec.  
  
"You own this?  Anni this is mansion."  
  
"No, it's a small manor house.  There are much greater homes elsewhere.  You should see the manors under the Skar in Ald-ruhn.  They are palatial.  Some of the homes in Caldera are pretty grand as well."  
  
"Who are those people?" she whispered as we went inside.  
  
"They are retainers.  Some are for defense.  Some are merchants.  As I get to know them I'll make the determination of where they should be placed."  
  
"Oh, Anni.  How could you ever go from all this….this opulence…to being an Ashkhan's wife?"  
  
"Oh, I think I would have done anything to make him happy."  Plus I had no intention of giving up my two modest homes.  They were well located and would have served us in the future.  "Look, we have to face a monster together so let's try and stay cheerful.  I love him, but I can't think of him now."  
  
"Could you ever?" Shani shot back.  Oh, that made me mad.  She had no idea what I went through with him, what we went through together.  
  
"All I've done is think about him, Sha." I said slowly.  "Perhaps you have forgot or spoke before you thought, I know that's a habit of yours…"  
  
She stopped for a second. "I'm sorry, Anni.  I don't know what I was thinking."  
  
We walked for awhile in silence.  I decided I wasn't going to punish her for defending Julan—she was only being a friend, after all. "So what do you think," I asked after some time, "of the Ascadian Isles?"  
  
"They're beautiful, Anni.  I mean everything you've shown me has been beautiful; from Balmora to the fields, just everything.  I never imagined anything like this."  
  
"Well, I'm glad you've seen the beauty because now we're about to get ugly.  These beautiful islands mask a terrible truth. Are you ready?"  
  
"I'm ready for anything."  
  
'Just hang back and follow my lead.  And watch your back—cause if you don't they'll be a sword sticking out of it."    
  
She nodded, then looked up from the road. "We're going in there?"  Shani stared at Dren's plantation.  It was an abode befitting the brother of a Duke.  Fields and fields of salt-rice surrounded the plantation and high walls protected everything inside.  "Anni, this place is a fortress."  
  
"Yes, and there's a monster lurking inside.  And this monster happens to be the Duke's brother; so Shani, I'm going take the cloak off—you keep yours on.  Again, I don't want you identified.  If all goes wrong teleport back to the camp immediately—and tell Julan…"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Everything…and give him this—it was our telepathy ring—and an engagement ring of sorts."  
  
"Ok, Annika…but nothing bad's going to happen…I mean you have me."  I just smiled and walked briskly  towards Dren's manor.  His retainers were rude, of course, but that didn't surprise me.  I was able to glean from them their master's location and when I reached him, he stood and stared angrily at me as if I had disturbed him from his life's work.  
  
"What do you want?"  Dren was a tall Dumner in Orcish armor; as the stuff was so heavy I can only assume he knew that I was coming—I can't imagine one would wear that kind of armor on a daily basis.  
  
"I'm here for the Hortator, but I think you knew that."  
  
"I have heard rumors.  Well, so you want to be the Hortator of House Hlaalu.  And you've come to me.  You show unusual wisdom for an Outlander, but tell me Annika Blue, what's the title of Hortator worth to you?  Why do you want it so badly?" he asked, smirking.  
  
"To defeat Dagoth Ur and bring peace to Vvardenfell."  
  
"So you want peace, eh?" he smile fading into something more menacing… "Like the peace of the grave we've had since the Tribunal betrayed us and signed the Armistice?  Sorry Annika, but Dagoth's made me a better offer.  The Sixth House will rise again and crush the Empire and those smug hypocrites in the Tribunal!  But enough talk.  I know you as my enemy and you must die with the rest of the foreign devils!"  
  
"So be it."  We fought viciously.  Shani was wise enough to hang back.  I would need her later.  As Dren's bleeding body lay sprawled at the top of the stairs, I tossed his desk. I heard a slight gasp escape from Shani as she witnessed this.  I hadn't   
thought her so squeamish—Julan never was.  I found the slave key, but nothing else.  
  
"So Annika, we're done, right?  We can get out of here."  
  
"Not even close," I said rifling through the drawers. "I'm going to find some tangible dirt on Dren that I can present to his brother if he doesn't play nicely with Julan over land issues.  We're also going to free those slaves and kill anyone who tries to stop us.  Are you with me?"  
  
"Right behind you," she gulped.  Gods don't freeze on me now.  
  
"Hold tight, Shani.  I'll be quick, I don't want any of those retainers coming in on us."  
  
"I'm surprised they didn't hear the whole thing."    
  
"Perhaps they did and think Dren and his friends took care of us.  Or are busy having their way… In any case, we don't have much time.  Someone will be in here." We went down stairs and three of Dren's men tried to ambush us.  If only they had been as skilled as they were armed. The glass swords and Daedric armor would bring in a kings's ransom.  I went into Dren's private quarters and quickly tossed all of his drawers and broke his lock boxes.  I was not disappointed.  His room was laden with jewels, gold and skooma, but the real prize was on a piece of parchment. "Shani!  Come quick!" She ran down the stairs.  Excitedly I handed her the note.  
  
"Oh, Anni…I don't read that well.  Here," she said handing it back, "you read it."  
  
 _V—  
  
"You have served me well over the years.  My brother has been trying to stop our business.  We've lost over half of our shipments recently.  The Duke may be my brother, but if he keeps interfering I am afraid he must be killed.  I will be next in line and can consolidate my power before the Redorans even come up with a candidate.  I am telling you this so you know the risks you may be taking.  If you are unwilling, I will accept your word of honor not to speak of our business.  If you stay I will reward you greatly."    
  
D—_  
  
"So he was going to kill his brother?"  
  
"To serve Dagoth.  Though sadly I think he was mistaken—about his brother, that is.  Duke Dren was not raiding his business—no, it was me—and Julan."  
  
Sha sniffed.  "Wow.  I've never known anything that would prepare me for this…Annika."  
  
"Yeah?  Which part, having people hate you for no apparent reason," I asked laughing.  
  
"No, I'm an Ashlander, I guess I'm used to it.  Not that."  
  
"Oh, was it killing?  I didn't think you had a problem with that," I said referring to her last assignment.  "Or was it taking the armor off the dead that got you?"  
  
"Stop it, Anni.," she said turning her head. "Gods, lets just get this over with."  
  
"Ok, Sha," I spoke gently.  In truth, I think she was losing nerve.  This may be too much for her. The sun was going down, the gold light touched the fields and it would have been a beautiful sight, but the Khajiti and Argonian slaves were still working the fields, occasionally whipped into action by their overseers.  I thought it odd they were harvesting fields of salt-rice, when Dren's plantation—and business was built on skooma and moon sugar.  It had to be a front, so what's the purpose of beating people to death for a few lousy septims? I saw Shani gasp when a burly Nord hit a heavily pregnant Khajiti.  I looked over at her, "This is why we're doing this."  
  
Shani nodded.  "I never understood."  
  
"Because you never knew.  Now you do.  This is what the Dunmer are so keen to protect.  I want you to remember this—always."  We crept slowly down the hill, I freed the pregnant one first as I saw she still on the ground and closest to us.  We were spotted immediately—good; best to flush them all out now.  The fight went well into the night. More than six retainers and overseers lost their lives.  We freed most of plantation's slaves except for one who refused to go—his reason being he was too elderly to flee and too afraid.  I suppose one could get used to the whip and stick if that was all you've ever known….I told him I'd come back and help him if I could.  I then looked for Shani.  Our work here was done.  Hearing sniffling I turned the corner of a slave shack and discovered Shani kneeling in the corner holding herself and quietly sobbing.  She was shaken up—badly.  
  
"Sha," No response.  "Shani?"  
  
"Oh, yeah Anni…I'm sorry," she said getting up and quickly wiping the tears away.  
  
"No, it's just…well, are you ok?"  
  
"I don't know.  I've never seen anything like this.  Those slaves…that man…all those dead people.  Annika…would you think it dishonorable if I asked to go back to the Ahemmusa?"  
  
"No, Shani, you were fantastic today.  Please, take this," I said handing her the jewels and septims we got off of Dren's room.  "Also tell Julan what happened and give him the note—I've already copied the information in it—just make sure you don't lose it as I want the Duke to see the hand writing should it come to that."  
  
"Thank you, Anni…I'm going to go."  
  
"Oh, Sha?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Seeing as I'm still alive, I'll be needing that ring."  
  
"Oh…right, Anni. Is there anything else you want me tell Julan?" she asked handing me the ring.  
  
"Nothing you can say, Shani, but here." I walked over to her and gave her a hug and then took her hand and kissed the inside of her wrist.  "Tell him that, Sha." I said smiling as Shani mumbled an uncomfortable 'ok.'  I saw her recall spell flash as I walked away into the night.  
  
 **Next Day**  
  
With Dren out of the way getting  Nevena Ules and Velanda Ormani to name me Hortator was a cinch; truthfully I think they were more than a little afraid of the rumors that proceeded me and would have agreed to anything just to get me out of their homes—and sight.  Good.  I needed to get this done.  There were bigger fish to fry and I finally had a plan for the Ahemmusa.  
  
My first task was to find the Troll.  Easy enough.  I heard his bragging from outside the manor in the low rent district of St. Olms.  He stood before me, not an unattractive Nord, but certainly a stupid one, with just enough cunning to be dangerous.  
  
"What's wrong, pilgrim?  Can't find your way around the canton's?  
  
"No, actually, Yngling, I was looking for you."  
  
"Hmmm….And what's a girl like you want with me?  Or," he asked laughing, "how much do want?  Charge hourly?"  
  
"Ha, ha, ha….No."  Maybe I should just run him through…no, no.  I would try to handle this civilly.  Plus, he had retainers, though no telling how loyal. "Actually, Yngling, I was hoping to speak to you about Hlaalu Hortator."  
  
"Hlaalu doesn't have one. Why do you care?"  
  
"Well, I'm asking to fill that role."  I then told him my story and showed the proofs—like I had a dozen times before this particular poltroon. "So you see," I said finishing, "I think you should name me Hortator."  
  
"Well, that's a very touching story.  And Curio has decided to defy Orvas Dren after you did a task for him, huh?  Hmm, I didn't think he had the courage.  All right, Breton.  Do a task for me too.  Then I'll consider naming you Hortator."  
  
"Fine, name it."  I then saw him chest staring and smirking.  Best to clear this up right away.  "Not that, Half-Troll.  Figure something else out."  
  
"Well, ok.  Have it your way.  Let's see…I raise game rats here in the Manor's basement for racing in the Arena—I train them myself," he said with some pride. Gods he was proud of this?  "Anyway," he continued, "one of my rivals snuck three blighted rats into my breeding pen.  Go down and kill the blighted rat, but spare my prized game rats.  The tame ones shouldn't attack you, maybe; the blighted ones will.  You finish this and keep my rats alive, we'll discuss the Hortator.  Now go," he said handing me the key to his basement.    
  
I steeled myself then walked down a flight of stairs to the basement, and sure enough a rat came charging at me—at my face.  Gah!  I killed it, though the others were more difficult—not for their size, but for the tame rat's natural ability to get in the way.  I never thought I'd get done—and the task was just disgusting to boot.  I guess the Troll and his minions had been too afraid to go down there—the stench was incredible.  Bleeding slightly and stinking I made way back to Half-Troll, who was smirking.  
  
"So, the jobs done, eh?"  
  
"Yeah. Name me Hortator," I said crossly. I had no time to waste on pleasantries.  
  
"You surprise me, Annika Blue.  To do something as demeaning as serving as my personal rat exterminator—I think you must believe in all this Hortator prophecy non-sense," he said guffawing—like an ass.  "Well, you know what I believe in, sweetie?  Gold.  Give me 4000 septims and you'll have my vote."  
  
"Screw you. Why the hell didn't you just ask for the goddamned gold to begin with?"   
  
"I couldn't get anyone else to do it," he started gwaffing.  "And now you've really made my day.  I've never had an exterminator pay me before!"  
  
My eyes bore a hole in him. "It will never happen again, I promise you, sera," I paused for a second waiting for his laughter to die down.  "There are people dying all around and all you care about is your fucking gold."  I picked up a bag of gold, I had brought anticipating this very moment—though sans the rats.  "So take it." I said lobbing at his face.  The impact made an noise, and Half-Troll stepped back.  
  
"Don't get huffy," he said.  I turned slightly and saw his retainers gathering.  "You can leave now with your title, Annika—and your life.  Best take that offer."  I turned and walked out and left the Troll to his rats.  
  
"Bastard."  I said to myself walking quickly out of the manor.  I was glad Julan was not here to witness this.  Everything he said about Hlaalu was true.  I would have to bathe before finding Bero.  I had to wash the stench and sleaze off.  I also needed a drink.  I went back to my manor and spoke to my most recent hire.  
  
"So tell me, Huleeya.  Where's Bero?" I know he knew this.  That's probably why he was in Vivec to begin with, though I'm sure there was more than one person with an outstanding writ.  I had lucked into hiring Huleeya after the Morag Tong turned on him.  Apparently, no matter how good you were with a spell or dagger, the Tong did not want an Argonian amongst their ranks—their loss my gain.  After prying him from a…rather uncomfortable situation, I hired him on spot.    
  
"Hmmph…What makes you think I would know that, sera?  If I knew where he was there would be no need to seek his approval.  You know what they say about dead men.  Besides, sera, you didn't hire me for that." Oh, but I did Huleeya—that and much, much more.  
  
"Sera, I hired you because of your reputation—and honor."  I spoke honestly as there was no point in trying to charm him.  I stared at Huleeya directly and spoke, "And yes, I know there's a writ against Bero, but I can't move forward on this mission without his approval.  Huleeya, I have to help Julan.  I need you and I know you were on his trail."  
  
"Well, before you hired me, I had heard rumors he was lurking in an abandoned manor in St. Olms."  
  
"Bah!  I was just there.  Visiting Half-Troll."  
  
"Pity you felt you needed his approval."  
  
"Oh, if I had known then what I know now, well…I would have hired you earlier," I laughed.  "Well, best get cleaned up."  
  
"You won't score a vote with that stench, sera."  
  
"No.  No indeed.  He would be gone before I even approached him…The scent would tip him off."  I lifted my glass to him before sinking in a hot, steamy bath.  Mephala, I really did stink.   
  
After cleaning up and burning my last outfit, I went in search of Dram Bero.  I found the "haunted manor".  Not much to it really.  Just an abandoned home.  No ghost or skeletons running amok.  I guess people had tacked on the haunted part to make a worn down old manor seem a bit more romantic.  To me it was just dark place with a stale air.  I pushed past the cobwebs and underneath a heavy-framed bed I found a trap door that led into a corridor.  I hadn't taken two steps down the hall when my arms were grabbed and I felt a knife against my throat. Five retainers drug me in front of a small framed Dunmer with a scowl.  
  
"So you meant to kill me, you little beast.  Well, we shall see who dies tonight!"  
  
"Wait!" I screeched.  "I am the Nerevarine.  Nerevar Reborn!"  I struggled violently.  
  
"Best lie to date, sera.  I don't know if I should kill you for hunting me or for defiling that name!" He then spit in my face.   
  
"Please, sera, I must live.  By Azura's grace please listen, or look at least look at my hand!"  His agents released my arm just enough for Bero to lift my hand and examine my finger.  Azura's Moon-and-Star had saved me a time or two before…I only hoped it worked now. "Please!"   
  
He studied it carefully then scowled.  "How am I to know this is not a fake?"  
  
"Try it on for yourself, though sera if you do, the Morag won't need that writ." I felt the knife draw closer to my throat. Dram made a motion and his retainers released me, though had their swords drawn, one to my back.  
  
"How did you find me!"  
  
"Carefully.  I knew you didn't want to be found, but I had to find you.  So I watched and waited. I looked in the only place in Vivec that I knew to be abandoned.  It was luck."   I couldn't very well tell him that his would be assassin led me directly to him. "Please, Dram, hear me out."  
  
"I take precautions to ensure that I am not found easily," he said tersely. "I see I will have to take more.  What do you want?"  
  
I moved to wipe the spit from my face and glared him. "I am no Morag Tong.  I have no writ to execute.  I simply wish for you to name me Hlaalu Hortator."  
  
"Well, you have found me, and that means you are resourceful.  And Curio supports you, which means you are clever. But if I am to risk supporting you, I must know that you are strong as well as clever.  I will offer my support to you if you best my champion, Garding the Bold. Are you willing?"  
  
I knew he was stalling for time. I wanted some guarantee that I would be able to find him again. "Yes, I am willing to battle him, if that's what it takes."  
  
"If you best him," he paused then added, "you will have my vote.  I will write it up for you—Curio knows my hand and it will have the Bero seal.  Don't bother coming back here, for I will be gone.  But you have my word.  Meet Garding in the Arena—and don't kill him.  I want him alive and in tact."  
  
"You have my word, sera."  
  
"As do you. Goodbye, Outlander," Bero said as he nodded.  I walked away toward the Arena.  Garding was already there.  He had to have marked the spot.    
  
"So, are you ready?"  
  
"Ready your weapon, Garding."  
  
He raised his fist, "These are my weapons, Outlander."  
  
"As you like it," I said plainly, "though I have no desire for a fist fight."  I drew my sword.  I would have no black eye or bruised face to present to the Ahemmusa.  Garding saw I was serious and drew his war hammer.  He was quick, but had I been him, I would have chosen a less clumsy weapon. I was not Orc sized and moved too quickly for him.  After being slashed twice, Garding stopped.    
  
"You bested me, though I think I would have had you if it had come to fists," he said angrily. I would let him have the moment.  
  
"I'm sure," I acquiesced.  
  
"You fought well, anyway," Garding said handing me the paper.  I broke the seal immediately.  I would not stand for any trickery.  The letter simply stated that Dram Bero named me Hortator—it had to say nothing else.  
  
"Tell your master I wish him well."  Garding nodded and left quickly.  I did the same.  I headed to see Curio.  I had the last councilor in my pocket.  I planned on leaving for the Ahemmusa on the morrow.  I would tolerate no delay.   
  
Crassius was entertaining a large group of people when I arrived.  I gave him a quick nod and made my way to his quarters.  I did not have time to socialize.  
  
'Where's the fire, Anni?" he asked quickly tripping down the stairs.  
  
"At the Ahemmusa Camp, Crassius. I have to go immediately. I did secure all the votes."  
  
"Well, I've heard how you secured Dren's."  
  
"A vote's a vote.  Actually, well…"  
  
"It wasn't a protest.  I won't bother quibbling over this; after all it was me who told you to kill him.  So, here we are."  He looked up at me sadly.  "I'm sorry you have to be running off so soon.  I had hoped you could stay.  There are people you should be meeting."  
  
'There will be other times."  
  
"Will there?" he asked, eyes searching.  
  
'I hope so, Crassius." I sincerely meant that.  
  
"Well, here's a little treat for you," he said, grinning wickedly. He lifted a simple, yet exquisite golden belt from the drawer.  "That's what I was looking for earlier.  Here," he said handing it to me.  "Just snug it around that supple little waist of yours; it's the belt of the Hlaalu Hortator."  
  
"Thank you, Crassius."  
  
"Go. I know you have things to do, people to save and a devil to slay, but don't be a stranger, Annika Blue."  
  
"You'll see me again, Crassius," I said kissing him softly on the cheek.  I left Vivec for my manor.  I would have to prep the retainers and be ready to leave for Vos on the morrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI Folks: I'll be putting this message through out the series. For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashal are Kateri's creations, though I have added to the dialog (and in some cases changed it), particularly in the case of Julan. Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan.
> 
> Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC
> 
> kateri-t's incredible mod Ashlander Julan can be found here: lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm


	22. Nerevarine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annika lives up to her title as she helps the Ahemmusa and reunites with Julan.

From the Nerevar Blue Series:  A novel based of Morrowind and the Mod Ashlander Julan by Kateri.  
  
 **Day 276**  
  
The travel was a bitch.  Ten retainers and a boat.  Well, we were here anyway.  I wondered what kind of reception I would get.  It had been well over a month since last I saw him.  Julan and I had parted on difficult terms.  I had no idea what would be in store, if he'd want my help at all or if he would even name me Nerevarine.  
  
"Huleeya, you should instruct the others to wait here," I said as we approached the camp.  "I don't want to intimidate anyone."  
  
"Should I come with you, sera?"  
  
"No, I'll come for you. Go ahead and make camp on the beach. I don't know how long I'll be."  I turned looking towards the encampment.  In the distance I saw him walking out of the Ashkhan's yurt.  Julan paused and turned in my direction.  I froze for a second then started walking.  Julan made no move as I approached.  Standing less than a yard from him I stopped.  
  
"Julan, it's good to see you. I think you know why I've come."  
  
"Ah," he paused, "you want me to name you Nerevarine."  
  
"Not just that. You know why I'm here."  
  
"No, I don't. Tell me," he said, gaze unwavering.   
  
I stopped and looked away then turned back to him. "Have you spoken to Shani, since she's returned?"  
  
"Yes," he said coldly. "Thank you for the letter, I think it will add the needed leverage between Duke Dren and my tribe."  
  
"Our tribe," I whispered.  
  
"What?" he snapped staring hard.  I wished he hadn't heard me at all.  For a second I almost regretted my decision in coming, but it couldn't be avoided.  I had made it all this way.  I had come so far.  We had come so far.  
  
"I've come to help," I said simply.  "Shani has told me of your trials." Julan turned from me and started walking toward Sinnammu's yurt.  It seems the damaged was more extensive then I realized.  Well, after all I had left him.  He warned me that once he turned away he'd never look back.  
  
Julan opened the door to the Wise Woman's yurt, "Sinnammu, may I present Annika Blue.  She wishes to be named the Ahemmusa Nerevarine."  
       
"Ah, Anni.  We've been expecting you for quite some time." I was suprised by this. Had Julan said nothing to her?  
  
"I am sorry I've been so delayed.  But I'm here now and willing to do what you and Julan bid."  
  
"I suppose you've heard about the recent troubles."  
  
"I was greatly saddened by Shani's news," I said.  I saw that Sinnammu grimaced then looked away.  I could only assume the children she lost were family.  "I am sorry for the tribes' loss.  For your loss, Sinnammu."  
  
"Forgive me Annika, but our tribe doesn't need words of comfort.  We need deeds.  The Ahemmusa, as you well know, are stalked by hunger and blight day in and day out.  What we need is a safe haven."  
  
"Shani has spoken of this. You look to a Daedric shrine for comfort."  
  
"In seasons past, when threatened, the Ahemmusa could take shelter in the ruins of Ald Daedroth."  
  
Julan then stepped forth, "But now the priestess Hlireni Indavel has come and restored the Daedric Shrine, and worshipers of Shenogorath dwell there, protected by their Daedra.  And what is worse—there are Ordinators there as well."  
  
"To what end?" I asked.  
  
"To root out the cultists, of course.  That's why we've seen so many Ordinators at shrines lately, Anne.  With the coming of the Nerevarine the Temple is clamping down hard on the cultists as well as the Dissident Priests."  
  
"It is of no consequence, Julan!" Sinnammu shouted.  "The tribe must be made safe.  It is your job as Ashkhan to insure this!"  
  
"While we lose everything our ancestors have worked for!  The land, our homes—everything! When we abandon our camp, what do you think will happen?" Julan asked rhetorically.  I could tell by the fire in his voice this had been an ongoing, bitter debate. "The Zainab will step in and take our land—either them or the Empire!"  
  
"Stop!" I shouted.  "Julan, I have plan.  Nobody will step in while the Ahemmusa are led to safety."  
  
"And what is this plan of yours?  How do you intend to stop the Zainab, or the Empire for that matter?   _What can you do?_ " Julan spat.  
  
"What little faith you have in me," I said smirking. "How much has been lost." I looked through him then turned.  
  
"It's not you I lack faith in, sera.  The situation is…untenable," Julan said softly.   
  
"No, not entirely.  Julan, listen to me.  Outside the camp lies nine battle mages and one assassin—formally of the Morag Tong—an old friend of ours.  They are my retainers, loyal to me.  My plan is to leave them here to defend the lands, though two will accompany your people to Ald Daedroth."  
  
"Anni?" Julan said then smiled.    
  
"My plans are that while Julan and I are clearing out Ald Daedroth, which should be a simpler task as—."  
  
Julan picked up, "As the Ordinators and Cultists are battling each other."  
  
"Exactly.  Sinnammu, while Julan and I are gone, you ready the tribe for the move.  Several people, namely some of your warriors should stay behind and help my retainers.  When Julan and I return, you and my commander Huleeya—."  
  
"An Argonian?" Sinnammu asked condescendingly.  
  
"Yes, Sinnammu, an Argonian.  Most of my retainers are non-Dumner.  I will need your support in welcoming them.    She turned from and stared at the wall of the yurt.  "Sinnammu, you set the example."  
  
"Yes, Sera, I'm sorry.  It's just…" Sinnammu stuttered.  
  
"Nevermind," I said cutting her off.  I didn't want to hear her tired excuses for an outdated hate.  "After Julan and I return, you and Huleeya will escort the tribe to the safety of Ald Daedroth.  Then Julan and I will then face Dagoth Ur.  When he's gone and the blight with him, the Ahemmusa will be able to return."  
  
"Julan, you're going with her?" Sinnammu asked anxiously. "And if you die, then where will we be?"  
  
"Sinnammu, if I fail," I said looking her dead in the eye, "and Dagoth triumphs then all is lost anyway, Ashkhan or not."  
  
"Agreed," Julan said sternly.  "Sinnammu, I know my duty. Anni," he said turning to me, "come with me, I think we should speak further about your plan."  
  
I walked slowly beside him back to his yurt. Julan opened the door for me and I walked in. Before I knew what was happening, he swept me up in his arms and kissed me hungrily.  I don't know how it was possible that I could taste the frustration and pain in the month past, but it was there.  Clumsily we pulled off our clothes and stumbled to the ground; he grasped the amulet from around my neck and flung it across the room.  I could feel his weight upon me and deep breathing, together moving like two feral beasts amidst the fields.    
  
"Anni," he whispered afterward.   I looked at him, breathing heavily, then kissed his forehead and the tears streaming from his eyes.  I rolled over and laid there in silence, for how long I did not know.  I was the only one who could see this.  There was no other outlet. Julan was the Ashkhan to his people, a force stronger than steel, but I knew—what I always knew, was simply that he was just a man.  
  
We rose in the morning to the sounds of birds.  "Julan, I have to go meet with my retainers—come with me.  We'll bring them back to camp together.  You can present them to the tribe."  The group was on the beach.  I saw Huleeya and Noni, the Wood Elf, roasting a dead cliff racer over a fire.  "Eh, good eating, sera," Huleeya said to me offering part of a wing.  
  
"Thank you, Huleeya. You remember Julan."  
  
"Good to see you, Huleeya," Julan said taking his hand.  
    
Huleeya bowed, "I hear your name has changed to Han-Julan, Ashkhan."  
  
"There are many changes now, sera. Come, I will speak to my tribe and announce your arrival."  
  
"Will they welcome us?" Huleeya asked.  
  
"What other choice is there?"  Julan stepped into the middle of the encampment amongst an astonished tribe and spoke, "People of the Ahemmusa for many moons our tribe has suffered and our loss has been great.  Each one of has our own grief to bear. Today Azura has blessed our people and answered our prayers in the form of the Nerevarine Annika Blue." I heard a great cheer rise from the people.  Julan continued, "These men and women Annika have brought to us are here to help the tribe defend our lands—come what may and keep our people safe while we seek shelter in Ald Daedroth.  Welcome them with open arms and show them the value of Ahemmusa hospitality."  Immediately after Julan stopped speaking, my retainers began to circulate amongst the tribesmen and women; it was amazing how quickly old barriers fell when greeted by friendly faces. I was proud of them and knew I had chosen the right people for the job.  
  
"When should we go?"  
  
"I would say within the week.  Let my people get acclimated to the new faces and understand our plan, then we will make our move to Ald Daedroth.  It's not going anywhere, Anni."  
  
 **Day  281**  
  
It only took four days for the tribe and retainers to become accustomed to each other, and obtain, at least to a degree, a sense of comfort in each other's presence.    
  
"I think we're ready, Anne." Julan said, watching the tribe.   
  
"I agree.  It didn't even take a week.  I'm amazed."  I looked over at Julan grabbing his quiver and crossbow.  
  
"I'll go let Sinnammu know we're going," Julan said as he walked off towards the Wise Woman's tent.  I know he was happy to put some space between her and himself.  So far only she had any gripe with my retainers; the rest of the tribe was just happy that there was someone there to support them, to find food and to fight the blight.   
  
"I'll speak to Huleeya, and let him know we will be leaving soon."   
  
Huleeya was busy demonstrating the fine art of making a fishing rod to a few of the elder tribes men and younger boys,  I also observed a few girls peeking from behind a yurt.    
  
"Gentlemen," I started, which made some of the younger boys laugh, "Julan and I preparing to leave for Ald Daedroth."  Huyleea nodded to the group and started walking with me.  
  
"When will you be leaving?"  
  
"As soon as he finishes speaking with Sinnammu.  Do you think all is ready?"      
  
"Yes," he laughed. "Did you have any doubts?"  
  
"Not in you, sera," I said winking. "The Wise Woman, on the other hand, well...yes."  
  
Huleeya nodded. "We know to show her only the greatest respect, even when she is not very respectful."  
  
"It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile," I said looking over at him. "Be yourself, no matter what she says."  
  
Huleeya took my hand, "Have a safe journey, Annika Blue, and know we will be fine." He then walked back to the group.  I approached Julan who was walking out of Sinnammu's yurt. His shoulders were tense and his arms were wrapped tightly around his chest.  
  
"That woman," Julan simmered.  "I swear to you, Anni as gods are my witness, she will not be Wise Woman forever.  When I am in a stronger position, I will ask her to step down."  I nodded.  He had to be careful.  Not too much change at once.    
  
We departed the camp, and headed toward the beach. "So we have a long trip ahead of us," Julan said smirking.  
  
"And much to discuss,' I said meeting his gaze.  We walked to the shore toward a large outcropping of rocks that formed a cove along the shore. Inside the cove, I saw a boat moored to a ramshackle pier.  I hadn't noticed any of this before. "This is an excellent spot, Jules.  Brilliant."  
  
"No needed for advertising, Anne.  As a child I would come here and pretend there I was a pirate…or the Nerevarine fighting pirates."  
  
"I'm amazed."  
  
"Built it myself, as well designed it. Though had some of the tribesmen help me build it."  
  
"The boat?" I asked astonished.  
  
"No, the pier of course," he laughed. "Mashti in all of her teachings forgot the fine art of shipbuilding."  
  
"Well, she's lovely, where did you get her?"  
  
"In Vos from Lleris," he answered curtly. "You remember him, don't you?"  
  
"Yeah, we got the amulet from him. A bit over priced."  I wondered how much he paid for this boat.   
  
"Amulet was worth it, so is the ship.  Swimming and hiking to Ald Daedroth could take weeks.  There's no chance the children in tribe could make such a trek."  
  
"It's funny though, they must have done it before as Sinnammu said it was a refuge in times past."  
  
"Not in recent times.  I'm sure someone thought of this…or at least built a raft.  There's no other way, really," he answered.  "Here, help me unfurl the sails."  
  
"Sure," I said as we readied the boat for sail. By noon we were on our way.  
  
"So, pretty girl, it's a day's boat ride, provided we catch a good wind.  We have plenty of time to talk."   
  
It's funny though, neither of us spoke immediately.  Finally, after the small talked dried up and there was nothing left but the sound of the waves Julan finally spoke. "Why did you leave?" he asked lighting a hacklo.  
  
"Because I had to," I said taking one. "Julan, you broke me."  
  
He exhaled angrily, "It was a little flirtation, Anni it went no further. Are you going to take off every time I piss you off?  Because if that's the case—."  
  
"No, Julan," I said cutting him off.  "Look, it has to be just me. I can deal with everything else, but it has to be just me. That has to be enough."  
  
"Okay, that's fine. But really Anne, I think there was more to it then just a nasty case of jealously.  Could you try, for just a moment, to be honest with me?"  
  
"Fine," I said taking in a deep breath. "It's always been us against the prophecies, us against the Houses and the Empire.  And in truth Jules, I've always felt you should have been the Nerevarine."  
  
"So we're back to this again," he said in a frustrated tone.  
  
"Yes, Julan, we're back to this again because it never went away!" I shouted. "I was constantly afraid of losing you.  Because of the anger you felt—and you did feel it—and resentment when it turned out to be me.  Every Ashkhan we visited, every wise woman, every fucking Great House, I dreaded it, not because I was afraid of any of the quests or silly tasks, but I was afraid of losing you—to jealousy or to hurt feelings.  And no, it's not over and we're back at this again because it never stopped!  Gods, for once…"  
  
Julan shouted,  "Anni, I've said I loved you, and everything I've done—."  
  
"Mephala, Jules you're not even listening!"  Moving silently across Azura's coast;  I leaned over the rail watching the boat glide across the water. Finishing the hacklo and taking a deep breath—actually several, I spoke. "Julan, I had to see if I could do this on my own.  I had to find meaning in becoming the Nerevarine."  
  
"And we're you successful?" he asked mockingly. "Did you find god?"  
  
I turned to him,  "In a sense. The only reason I could find in saving this gods forsaken island was its people—the Ashlanders.  I found that the only thing that mattered to me was saving the Ahemmusa, from Dagoth, the Empire, themselves. I'm not sure if that makes me the Nerevarine or some fucking savior, but that's all I have."  
  
Julan stopped steering and turned toward me, I felt the storm approaching. "Shit, Anni, that's it?  That's really all you have?"  
  
"I don't know Jules, is it?  Because you see, I'm never sure.  Every time I see a Dunmer woman looking at you I feel afraid.  And it's because she not the bloody Nerevarine.  She just a simple girl who wants to be with you; to make a family—to be the Ashkhan's wife.  She didn't steal your fucking prophecy, your goddamned life's mission!  No matter what I do, there will always be that!"  I paused for a second, feeling the rage drain out of me.  "And I was tired…so tired. Falura was it, really.  She was every fear crystallized.  Every nightmare that mocked me when you held my hand…every fear."  Julan look away from me.  I knew he wanted to ask. As the waves lashed at the boat we stood in silence. I was tired; I sat down and motioned for him to sit next to me, much like I had on our first meeting.  
  
"If you must know, she living in Mournhold, or at least she was there last I checked."  
  
"Shani told me that.  She also said you took her to Holamayan to be healed.  That was wise."  
  
"I know that Mashti's the better healer, but…I was afraid of what you might do if you had seen." I murmured, cringing at the memory of that first glance at Falura. "Also, I wasn't sure if Kaushad would look for her or if Mashti was even with the tribe."  
  
"No, Mashti is still in the yurt.  I'm not sure what she wants, but on an interesting note, I have encountered Hassour at mother's encampment—on several occasions."   
  
"Trading again?" I smiled.  
  
"Something like that, though gods help me if I ever insinuated that to her.  If she wants to call it 'trading' she can call it that.  I'm just glad to see her happy for a change.'  
  
"I'm surprised Hassour stepped out of retirement," I said, wondering if there was more to it then just encountering an old flame.  
  
"I think with the current climate of instability--between tribes and 6th house, he may feel it might be a bit more than Hainab can handle alone. I know he's been trading with the Zainab; he's the one who told me that the Falura rouse has failed.  He also warned me of the gulakhan's coming."  
  
"Risky business."  
  
"On your part too, Annika. Kaushad, is out for your blood, my dear. He says if Dagoth doesn't finish you, he will."  
  
"He's the least of my concerns, Julan," I said, unconcerned. "Besides, if Kaushad isn't careful, I'll poison his brandy."  
  
"No warrior's death for him, eh?" Julan laughed.  
  
"No, not after what he did to Falura."  
  
"No," he paused, "what we all did, Anni."  
  
"I made amends, the best way I knew how, Julan.  It's all I could do.  She's well now, and excited about her new life on the mainland—as free woman."  
  
He nodded and said nothing for a time, starting off in the horizon.  "I liked her a great deal Anne, but I loved you.  I'm sorry that I hurt you, and that I lost you."  
  
"Where do we go from here?"  
  
"I don't know," he said then stopped, as he looked toward the north. "Wait a minute, there it Anne, Ald Daedroth.  
  
Through the fog, I saw the crumbling shrine off in the distance. I wondered if this is what Sinnammu pictured or if she was relying on tales of it's former glory. Certainly anyone who saw this place in its present state would question her logic in bringing the Ahemmusa to this rock.  
  
"What a wonderful safe haven for my people," Julan seethed.  
  
"Yeah, I think there has to be a better spot."  
  
"Question is where?" he asked, smiling bitterly.  "No, there's nothing--At least this place is northern enough not to encounter the blight."  
  
"Should we head down now?  I see someone outside the shrine."  
  
"Actually, Anni I see several, two of which are battling each other.  Seems to be the Ordinators against the cultists."  
  
"Fantastic," I beamed.  "With any luck they'll kill each other.  Spare us the effort.  Look, there's one swaying off to the edge over there.  Maybe she's been hit with something."  
  
"Or drunk.  She could be drunk."  
  
"Well, let's hope she's a happy drunk, Jules, just like you," I said as we made our way to the edge of the Shrine and encountered Fieryra, an intoxicated Dunmer.    
  
"Hey," Fierya burped as spoke, "hey, I don't know you.  Are you here for the dance?  Or are you with the gold-hats?"  I could only assume she meant the Ordinators—their helms were gold.  
  
"Uh, definitely not with the gold-hats, Fierya," I retorted quickly. "What's this dance you're talking about?  Is anyone invited or do you need an invitation of some sort?"  
  
"Bwah…hah ha…Oh you're funny," she said, landing her hand on my shoulder, partially to keep from staggering to the ground.  She continued, "Don't you know what's going on?  Go down and talk to Hlireni in the big room with the statue. There's free drinks too—though just watch out for the gold-hats. They play rough."  
  
"Sure thing, Fierya."  
  
"Do you want go in?" Julan asked, looking unsure.  
  
"No, not yet," I said calmly, looking past the shrine. "I want to get a lay of the land, Julan. On that hill is an Ordinator.  Let's see how he receives us."  
  
We approached the Ordinator on the hill, the only one not engaged in some sort of combat or drenched in blood.   
  
He looked at us glumly. "What do you want?"  
  
"I'm Annika Blue and this is Julan Kaushibael.  We just wanted to see what was going on here."  
  
"Are you here to worship at this foul shrine?"  
  
"Not exactly, sera," I said. I decided it would be best if I was truthful about my intent—out of curiosity really.  How bad did Vivec and his Ordinators despise me?  "I am the Nerevarine on a quest to fulfill the prophecies."  
  
"What?" the Ordinator shouted.  "No! You are the False Incarnate, and the Devil of Lies! You claim to be chosen by Azura, and the savior of Morrowind, but you curse the Tribunal, call them false gods, and turn the people against their protectors!"  Apparently word had gotten around.  The Ordinator continued shouting, "You are nothing but a Dreamer and Deceiver and a mad servant of the Devil Dagoth Ur, and you must be destroyed!" He raised his club.  
  
"Fine, have it your way," I said, as I unsheathed my Wakizashi and cut his head off with one blow.  Wiping off the blood, I turned to Julan, "Perhaps if they trained them as well in sword play as they do in doctrine, this poor bastard would have stood a better chance."  
  
"Screw him.  Let's clear this place out, then have a drink," Julan answered, resigned as we walked toward the shrine.  "Living in a Shrine dedicated to Sheogorath? I think we've all gone mad."  
  
"Who is he?" I asked.  "I've mean I've heard you call out that name in both ecstasy and rage. I've heard that he is some sort of patron saint to the lunatics."  
  
"Not entirely, no, Sheogorath was once a very successful Daedric Prince, Jyggalag."  
  
"Jiggy leg? Oh, what a riot!," I guffawed. "That's what you're always complaining about!"  Julan continually bitched about my shaking leg in our bed.  I had had that habit since I was a child.  
  
"I have no doubt he is your patron saint, Anni.  Anyway, Jyggalag was once the god of order and to make a long story short, because we have to get inside, Jyggalag grew in power and other gods became jealous so they cursed Jyggalag to live as Sheogorath, the incarnation of the thing he hated most."  
  
"Chaos."  
  
"Precisely. Anyway, he was said to rebel against the Tribunal, thus worshiping Shenogorath is punishable by death."  
  
"Thus the presence of the Ordinators."  
  
"Exactly," Julan said proudly. "Anni, I do believe you're becoming my star pupil."  
  
"What's my reward?"  
  
"You'll have to wait until we've dealt lunatics—and then the cultists.  Just from the looks of things out here, I think this will take some time."  
  
"Yeah, well I have a feeling it's going to get worse once we get inside."  Prediction was correct.  We were attacked by a few cultist as soon as we entered the Shrine.  They were easily put down.    
  
"You know, Julan I thought the gold-hats were going to be our only problem."  
  
"Apparently that's not the case, Anni. I guess we'll have to get rid of the whole lot."  
  
"Fantastic, cause I just needed more blood on my hands."  
  
Julan shrugged, "If its not you, it will just be some Ordinator…."   
  
Through out the evening and a good part of the night, Julan and I fought both parties, or if we were lucky, just watched both parties fight, making a rather large pile of their discarded weapons and armor. Finally, we entered the Antechamber, no longer were there crazed cultist attacking us.  Before Julan and I stood a crowded room of grotesquely costumed worshipers.  The room parted as we moved towards the center.  Standing in the middle of the room by the large statue of Shenogorath was Hlireni, an older Imperial woman dressed royally in gold with wine dripping down the side of her mouth.  Grandly drunk, she spoke in an animated voice, "Well, well, well.  What do we have here?  Do you have your invitation?"  
  
"No," I said boldly. "The gold hats stole them."  I stopped in front of this strange priestess and tossed an Ordinators helm at her feet.  
  
"Were you summoned?" Hlireni asked unfazed as blood from helm splatted against her dress. Slowly she approached me, carelessly kicking the helm to the side. "Or do you come of your own free will?"    
  
She paused for a second, circling me; I didn't bother answering, partially because I wasn't sure of the answer myself.  She waited for me to speak, though receiving no answer, she continued, "It hardly matters…the party is opened to all," she said gesturing to a room full of staggering minions.    
  
"I see," I said. "Thank you."  
  
"But make sure you pay your respects to the host," she said motioning to the immense statue of Shenogorath that took up the middle portion of the room.   "And grab a drink from Absynthe, over in the corner.  Then feel free to mingle with the guests, to join the dancing, chancing throng.  I believe the ones in the gold masks are party crashers, but all are welcome to the Mad God's Masque and Bellicose Ball."  
  
"Again, thank you for your…hospitality," I said as I moved over slowly to the Nord slinging drinks and took some flin--not my favorite--but, my throat was dry from heat of the room and the smoke wafting of the incense.  
  
Hlireni stood beside me grabbing another goblet of something. "So, Annika Blue…are you a Player of the Game? Or just one of the Game Pieces?"  
  
"Huh?" I couldn't understand her boozy analogies or her stumbling gestures.  Maybe she made sense to herself.  I could see that Julan was getting frustrated.  We had come all this way. Suddenly he approached her, moving in between us.  
  
"Look we're here for my tribe; I am Julan Kaushibael, the Ashkhan of the Ahemmusa," he spoke earnestly. "My people are dying from the ash storms, blight--and starvation. In the past we have sought shelter in the ruins of this Shrine."  
  
Hlireni stifled a giggled then spoke, "Oh that's so sad.  We all shed a tear for the poor little savages." Julan went for his sword.  I stopped him.  "It's a terrible world for the little helpless things," she nodded condescendingly, "ah, but…life must have its little tragedies, mustn't it?  Or else it would be cheerful and dull."  
  
"Ok, we'll try something different," I said, pushing Julan to the side as I pulled glass blade I had taken from one of the dead revelers and held it to her throat. "Our patience growing thin, Hlireni. Either the Ahemmusa are allowed to come here and are left in peace or I break up your little party and you'll leave—just like the gold hats—in bits."  The music stopped and all turned towards us.    
     
Surprised, though without fear, Hlireni spoke, "Ah. I see you propose that I permit these poor Ahemmusa tribesmen to come and take shelter here on the island, and in return, you won't kill me. So the game is Challenge and Bluff, and given your rather impressive appearance, I hesitate to call your bluff.  So,you win.  I concede.  I can't speak for the Ordinators, of course—."  
  
"There are no more Ordinators, Hlireni," I said as I slowly moved the blade away from her throat.  "Julan and I killed them all. Play nicely and we won't kill you."  
  
"I promise you may bring the Ahemmusa here and my followers won't harm the little darlings. I swear on the Mad God."  
  
"That's not much of a promise, Hlireni," Julan barked.  
  
"It's all I have. Take it or kill me," she said with a shrug.  
  
I stared at her harshly.  "No, I'll leave that to my battle mages accompanying the tribe.  You've been warned Hlireni.  Just offer drinks and smile.  Your life depends on it." I put the blade away and moved to the corner of the room.    
  
"Julan, I think we should stay overnight, just to see what happens. We'll come back in the morning and see if she means what she said."  
  
"Agreed.  I want to speak to her sober. Where can we go where we won't get our throats slit?"  
  
"Let's head back outside.  I'd rather be under the stars," I said glumly. "You know, I think I'll send another warrior with Huleeya."  
  
"And seven at the camp, yeah I think that's a good plan," Julan said as we headed back out under the canopy of stars.  I cracked a bottle of Matze and passed it Julan.  Fierya passed us looking half dazed, and stumbled into the Shrine.  
  
"So Jules, how did you know about Hlireni and the Ordinators?"  
  
"When Sinnammu suggested this place, I came and staked it out.  I wanted to see what was here.  When I saw all the people…I wasn't sure what to do."  
  
"You went back to Sinnammu and told her she was out of her mind."  
  
"No," he sighed. "First I went up the hill and slumped.  I was….I don't know..defeated, I guess. My first act as the Ashkhan a total loss. You know, Anni, I was wearing that cloak you gave me; and in it I found that  letter you wrote before."  
  
I nodded, remembering. "Before the battle with Venim." I had totally forgotten about it after the duel. "You weren't supposed to open that."  
  
"But I did, and I'm glad; it was the only comfort that night.  Anni, I have to tell you that I dug up some of the gold you had stashed under Mashti's storage yurt. That's how I got the boat."  
  
"I guess we moved beyond calling it the guest yurt," I smiled.  
  
"I took a great deal, Anne, nearly 20,000 septims."   
  
"It was for you and the Ahemmusa anyways," I smiled.  
  
"Still, it was a lot."  
  
I shrugged, "There's more."     
  
He smiled and shook his head, looking straight out into the sea. "After reading that, I knew you'd be back.  I knew, somehow I hadn't lost you completely.  And then when I returned, I heard you'd called for Shani."  
  
"I was surprised you let her go, with all that was going on."  
  
"It was for the best really. Shani was getting restless, and I had no idea if or when Kaushad would strike.  I didn't have the time or the resources to rescue her—not again."  
  
"You know it was hard on her, Jules, but I needed help.  I didn't want to involve Erica—she's spent so much time rebuilding her life.  Still, I felt I exposed her to too much.  She took it all badly."  
  
"Good," he said surprisingly.  "She needed to go and see it...to see what the world is really like. Shani spews the poison she's heard from other tribesmen and her family.  I'm happy she saw the world with her own eyes.  I know it changed me.  How naive I was when this all started--when you found me with those Clannfears."  
  
"Now you're here.  Do you regret any of it?"  
  
"No," he said softly.  "I'm a better mer for it.  I don't know if I'm a better leader, or better than Sashael, but all of this has changed and formed me.  Despite my failures as Ashkhan, all of this has made a better person."  
  
"Was that the only reason that you were happy I called for her?"  
  
He turned to me raising an eyebrow. "Quit being coy, you know it wasn't. Some of the other reasons were much more selfish.  I knew she'd tell me about you."  
  
"You could have used the rings."  
  
"No Anni," he paused turning towards me.  "You're the one who walked away.  I couldn't. And I have to confess…"  
  
"What?  Confess what?"      
  
"Well," his eyes shifted, avoiding contact.  "As much as this pains me to admit, but a part of me wanted to see you fail."  
  
I turned to him surprised. "Why?"  Why would he want to see me fail?  
  
"Because you never have.  Everything we've done—you've done, I should say—has been some kind smashing success.  I can't pull a tribe of 200 souls together.  Anni, I wanted you to come back—to know you needed me, to pull you through this.  Instead you come back with nine battle mages, an assassin, and plan to save my tribe."  
  
"Well, at least you're honest.  Competitive and selfish to the core, but honesty I can't fault you on—never. And for what it's worth, I did need you. The Hlaalu experience was miserable. Jules, I look to you for sanity."  
  
"Ha, I think you find a better source."  
  
"Not really, Jules. You're my reflection. I guess I'd want to see you get some egg on your face too."  
  
"If it wasn't already covered," he laughed. "So you forgive me?"  
  
"There's really nothing to forgive.  You are who you are.  I understand it because I am the same.  So."  We sat watching the stars for a bit. I was getting sleepy, I put my arm across his chest and dozed to the sound of the waves hitting the shore. In the morning we tripped over revelers and costumes strewn about and made our way towards Hrleni.  Her make up was smeared and the gown was torn and stained beyond repair.  She was in a deep sleep.  "Hrleni," I said kicking her slightly with the tip of my boot, "wake up."  
  
"What, oh?" she muttered, looking befuddled. "Well, where are your little tribesmen and women and children?"  
  
"They'll be here soon. I want to make sure you remembered the promise you made last night."  
  
"They will be safe, Annika Blue and Jude, Julie…"  
  
"Julan," he snapped.  
  
"Whatever….Just go and get the little darlings and let me sleep."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one of my favorite chapters to write. I felt that I had command of the story and knew what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it.
> 
> "It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile/be yourself no matter what they say."--Sting 'An Englishman in New York'
> 
> FYI Folks: I'll be putting this message through out the series. For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashal are Kateri's creations, though I have added to the dialog (and in some cases changed it), particularly in the case of Julan. Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan.
> 
> Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC
> 
> kateri-t's incredible mod Ashlander Julan can be found here: lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm


	23. Dogma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annika finally confronts the men and the religion that sought to kill her and blacken her name. Now they need her...

**Day 284**  
  
Julan and I were pleasantly surprised on our return.  When we arrived back to the Ahemmusa camp, the tribe was ready.  Sinnammu reported that there had been little tension between the tribe and retainers.  
  
"It would seem that your plan has worked well, sera," Sinnammu flashed a wicked smile, "but I think you knew it would."  
  
"It had to—there was really no other choice," I said.  
  
"Has there been anymore incursions or visits from the Zaniab?" Julan asked.  
  
Sinnammu waved her hand nonchalantly. "None that I have seen, Julan, but you should really ask the n'wah—I mean… ah Outlanders about that.  I have been busy preparing the tribe.  War is the art of men."  She seemed to forget their elected war chief had a cunt.  I didn't bother correcting her, but excused myself quickly to find Huleeya.  I saw him gathering wood with the other tribesmen and two of the male retainers.   
  
Huleeya requested to stay, better to the command the troops, "Best to make sure everyone follows the program, sera." We decided that two of the women battle mages and an Orc went with the remainder of the tribe.   
  
After saying our goodbyes to all, we walked along coast. "So what's left?" Julan asked.  "Do we just go and pound on Dagoth's door?"  
  
"I think we head back to what's-her-name- with the Urshailaku."  
  
"You mean Nibani?"  
  
"Yeah," I muttered. Gods, it seems like forever since we've darkened her door.   
  
"I wonder if she likes you any better since then, sera." Julan winked, though I didn't think it funny. That woman hated me.  
  
Changing the subject, I added, "Then we have to see the Archcannon."  
  
"So you thought of terms?"  
  
"Yeah, actually. First of all they'll stop all this outlaw nonsense."  
  
"They should decease in calling you a spy too, Anni. Oh and don't forget about the dissident priests."  
  
"Yeah.  Also, they can't push any more tribes off their lands.  In turn, I'll beat the boogie man."  
  
"Wonder if they don't agree?"  
  
"They will Jules.  Remember, they called for me.  Not the other way around."        
                                                                   
 **Day 289**  
  
I greeted Nibani Maesa who was sitting with Ashkhan Sul-Matuul together in his yurt.  I had hoped I hadn't interrupted something as it seemed they were focusing intently on something—tea leaves, I believe.   It was convenient that they were both in his yurt together, as I had no desire to be punted back and forth between them, as was often the case before.   
  
Sul-Matuul spoke first.  "It's been some time since I've seen you sera, though word travels of your deeds." He then turned to Julan, "Ashkhan Kaushibael, it is comforting to know the Ahemmusa now has a leader.  It is my hope you will lead the tribe to greatness again, in the spirit of your father."  
  
"When Dagoth beaten, I look forward to our tribes forging a new path together in peace, Sul-Matuul."  
  
Turning to me Nibani spoke, "So Annika Blue, Nerevarine of all the camps and Hortator of the Great Houses. You have but one thing left to do," she said nodding toward Sul-Matuul.  
  
"What is that, Nibani?" I asked curiously, knowing that I did all she tasked me with.   
   
"You have yet to be named Nerevarine of the Urshailaku, sera.  Had you forgotten about us?" Sul asked playfully.  
  
"No, sera." I said. _Dolt!_ How could I be so stupid?  
  
Sul-Matuul stood.  "We have been waiting anxiously for your return.  You wish to be called Nerevarine. I know you, and am disposed to do so.  But first we must speak of need and duty.  I want you to hear from me and understand why a war leader is needed."  
  
"Yes, sera," I said intently.  
  
"You have fought bravely against the Sixth House and know the evil that is plaguing the land and our people.  You must tell others of this evil so they are not tempted into corruption and lies of Dagoth Ur.  He offers our people a vision of life without the Outlander. Sera, you and I know that time has passed.  The only thing that Dagoth can offer our tribes is more sickness and death.  Let people here that message." Sul-Matuul said gravely.    
  
"I will," I nodded and he went on.    
  
"Your next task will not come so easy.  I see that you are a natural leader, though you do not believe in the prophesies." I began to speak but he raised his hand. "Stop Annika, do not deny it. I see it in your eyes.  If you cannot believe in the words of the ancients, then at least understand them.  You will have to convince the Temple and its worshipers that the Tribunal of False Gods cannot protect the people.  Vivec knows this.  Go to him with an open mind.  It is your duty to all peoples of Vvardenfell."  
      
"I will do as you say," though I wondered how. How do I convince a god that he's not right for the job?  
  
"Now, before my hearth and kin, and before the People of the Wastes, I name you Urshailaku Nerevarine, War Leader of the Urshailaku, and the Protector of the People.  Here, take this," Sul-Matuul then handed me a bone necklace.  "It is the Teeth of the Urshailaku, and shall say to all Dunmer that you are the Nerevarine and that the Urshailaku follow you in all things, even in death, until the Enemy Dagoth Ur is defeated."  
  
Nibani must have sensed my unease. "Outlander, you must meet with the Archcanon.  Go to him and demand to speak with the false god Vivec.  He has the tools to stop Dagoth."  
  
"Julan and I also plan on speaking with him regarding the treatment of the dissident priests and native peoples."  
  
Nibani's face clouded over with rage.  "Do not cloud the issue with secular matters!  Nothing is more important than Dagoth Ur's defeat."  
  
I blanched at her tone, but this was not a time to argue.  Sul-Matuul had offered the greatest gift his tribe could bestow.  I would placate Nibani and do what I planned anyway.  I looked to Wise Woman with down cast eyes and spoke, "Of course, sera.  I will get Kagrenac's tools and return to you."   
  
Nibani left the yurt quickly; then Sul-Matuul spoke kindly to me. "Annika, you must believe she wants the best for our peoples.  Her thinking is very focused."  
  
"Sera, with all due respect, once I am able to defeat Dagoth, you're people will still be crippled.  It is best to bargain with the Duke and Tribunal now."  I turned to Julan.  
  
"Now that we have something they want," Julan continued. "Sul, you and I both know that striking a deal with n'wah is the only way our people stand a chance."  
  
"Do what you can, but make sure you get those tools.  Annika and Julan, may the gods and our ancestors protect you.  Go, and bring us peace."      
                                                                       
 **Day 286**  
  
"The Aheummsa are safe." I said, shaking a rock out of my shoe as we walked south along Bani-dad Foyada.  
  
"For now, at least," Julan said cautiously.  
  
"Well in any case," I said steadily, "I am not in a mad rush to get to Vivec. I want a meeting set up with the Archcannon and Dren."  
  
"Then we shall have to find a courier.  And one with some skill.  Dren is the Duke of Vvardenfell, will not to be ordered or summoned by your beck and call."   
  
"I know," I said with a little irritation.  "We'll think of something on the way there," I paused.  "Julan, I don't want to meet with them separately or they'll punt us off on each other."   
  
"Anne," he said turning to me.   
  
"What's on your mind?"  
  
"I think Nibani wants you dead," he said simply.  
  
"What?  Well, Jules that would kind of defeat the purpose, would it not?" I asked laughing.  
  
"Anne, this is serious, you can't go before Vivec.  He murdered Nerevar before, I have no doubt he'll kill you too! He's on a mission to destroy the Nerevarine.  You're a threat to his entire existence!    
  
"Julan, we have no choice!  This is the only way to defeat Dagoth Ur.  This is the only way to protect your people.  And this is the only way I will ever be unburdened by prophecy. You knew this time was coming."  
  
"I just don't know what would stop him from doing it again."  
  
I shrugged, "He needs me, Julan."  
  
"For a time," he said shortly.  "But the Tribunal are Mad Gods. They don't care for anything but themselves—"  
  
"Do you not think I've thought of this?  Give me some credit.  I might not know your people's entire history, but I know enough…to give me pause." I stopped for a moment, Julan walked ahead mournfully.  I ran up beside him and locked arms.    
  
He stopped and turned around, then looked at me, holding my face. "Can you not take me seriously?"   
  
"Let's talk this over a good meal.  I think I see the lights of a town ahead of us."  
  
"Anni, this is not the place for a romantic dinner."  
  
"What?" I asked curiously. "I thought we were Ald'rhun."  
  
"Of course it would be Mar Gaan that reached first," he muttered.  "Anni, we'll have to be more careful.  This is a Redoran stronghold, and according to these people you are an outlaw and traitor."  
  
"And Nerevarine and Hortator," I smiled slyly.  "Both a sinner and a saint."     
                                                                        
 **Day 290**  
  
We weren't killed in Maar Gan, most likely because we didn't stick around.  We moved on quickly to Ald-ruhn and contacted Hassour, who agreed to personally serve as our courier to Duke Dren. We took our time traveling to Vivec stopping in Balmora and Pelagiad, but disappointingly found out the Ence was not there; he was on a buying trip to Dagon  Fel.  Not much to do but go Vivec and face Saryoni, the Archcannon.  
  
We walked to through the temple, but were advised by one of Saryoni's acolytes to use one of the Archcanon's side doors.  Seems our presence would not sit well with the Ordinators.  I walked into a large office, lined with books and furnished in damask.    
  
"So at last we meet, Annika Blue," spoke the older gentleman before me dressed in lavish robes.  
  
"Been a long time in coming, Saryoni. It has not been an easy journey."  
  
"And I know the cause of that weighs heavily on my shoulders, Annika.  But nevertheless, thank you for coming.  You know the Temple's doctrine on the Nerevarine.  Perhaps its time to change that doctrine."  
  
"Saryoni, the time has come to change many things. Will the Duke be joining us?" I asked.  Just then I heard a soft foot fall from behind a crimson curtain; I looked up in the direction of a secret door.  Entering the room was Duke Dren himself, decked out in full ebony armor. I nodded respectfully to him as did Julan.  
  
"Yes, Annika Blue, I did receive your dispatch, but what words to I have to the woman who murdered my brother and half his retainers?"  
  
Julan spoke quickly, "The word you are looking for, I believe, would be thank you."   
  
Dren swiveled quickly in Julan's direction. "Who are you and what do you have to do with any of this?".  
  
"My name is Julan Kaushibael, Ashkhan of the Ahemmusa.  And we have come, Annika and I, to strike a deal.  Dren it gives me no pleasure in handing you this note written by your brother." Julan paused for a moment while all in the room watched the Duke read the letter.    
  
A heavy gasp then sign escaped Dren's lips and a darkness that fell over his face, though I could tell he was holding back in expressing any hint of sorrow, or even joy.  After several unending moments, Dren spoke, "I am saddened by the nature of this note, but do not doubt its veracity; though I am not sure what it has to do with you, Ashkhan or you Annika Blue, Nerevarine."  
  
"Then let me explain," I said coolly. "I know you need me to beat Dagoth Ur and I am ready and willing to do so.  But, my services will come at price."  
  
"State your terms, Outlander." Dren said smugly.   
  
I nodded.  "First, the Empire will no longer push any Ashlander tribes off their land. Second," I said turning to the Archcanon, "you will cease and desist in slandering me—calling me a spy, traitor or heretic.  Lastly, you will relax your rules against heresy, particularly those that pose a danger to the dissident priest.  There will be no more persecutions in the Tribunal's name!  Before I go off to defeat your monster, I want a treaty drawn up agreeing to those terms."  
  
"And if we don't agree to this?" the Archmagister asked with amusement and a wry smile.  
  
"Then you and all of yours in the Great Houses can choke on the blight and ash storms plaguing this land and you, Dren, can rule a mad and deformed people. It matters not to me," I said levelly.  
  
The smile on Sayroni's face dropped. "If we agree?" he asked cautiously.   
   
"Then I will live up to my bargain or die trying. I will rid the island of all Sixth House bases with their blight and send their leader back to Oblivion."  
  
"How can we be sure you'll do this?" Dren asked skeptically.  "Every day I the cultist—Dreamers, they're called, wandering aimlessly around my cities, mumbling gibberish and prophecies of doom.  What have you done about any of this?"  
  
Julan answered, "Both Annika and I together have cleared out at least a dozen Sixth House bases.  We empty bases as we encounter them."  
  
"And profit greatly from them, I'm sure." Sayroni added bitterly.  
  
"Yes." I answered flatly. "We do.  However, if your Ordinators or soldiers are willing to risk corprus and death, by all means send them in."  Neither one said anything. I continued, "Gentlemen, I know Julan and I have presented you with much to discuss.  We will take our leave of you now and return in three days time.  I expect your answer—and the treaty drawn up—by then.  Good day." Julan nodded as we walked out of the Archcannon's office.   
  
I could smell their fear as strong as any incense.                                                                     
  
  
 **Same Day, Evening**  
  
"I think that went well, Anni." Julan beamed confidently with his mouth half stuffed with crab meat.  Manners were something he'd learn over time, I guess.  
  
"We shall see. I haven't given them enough time to come up with a plan of coercion—or at least that my hope.  It will be interesting to see how this all plays out."  
  
"They don't know where the tribe is," added Julan.  
  
"No, but I'm not going to get over confident.  Jules they do know where to find us."  
  
"Well, should we head out for a few days, Anne?  Maybe look for more Sixth House base?"  
  
"Yes, that's probably best, though I plan on sleeping in my own bed tonight.  I've almost forgotten what a soft mattress feels like." I looked up smiling at Julan.  "I plan on finishing my book."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"It's called Axe Man. About a boy who becomes an assassin for the Morag Tong."  The story struck many chords for me, as the protagonist, Minas Torik's life was much as mine, at least in my latter years at the abbey.   The book followed the transformation of an abused boy who in turn becomes a hired killer—it could have easily been me.  
  
"Hmmph.  You're not thinking of taking up the role of assassin next, are you?" Julan asked with a hint of concern in his voice.  "I don't doubt your ability to do so—but Anni, that's not a road I could follow you down."  
  
I stared down at my plate, for a moment.  "Jules, I've spilt enough blood in the last months to last a life time.  I'm tired of destruction—the death.  And I know that one day, I will answer for all my crimes—for all the blood on my hands."  I paused then looked up at the man who was to be my husband.  "Jules, I want to create a life—not destroy one."    
  
Julan then put his glass down and looked directly at me.  "Come.  Let's go to bed Anni."  I smiled and extended my hand.                                                                      
  
 **Day 293**  
  
  
"Annika Blue, we have been awaiting you." Saryoni said impatiently.  I did not approach the Archcanon until mid afternoon on the third day—I did not want to the give them the impression I was over eager and desperate for them to accept the treaty.  "The temple must protect the people from false doctrines. And your association with Imperial intelligence makes your motivations and integrity suspect.  But you have been chosen Hortator and Nerevarine by the Dunmer people and frankly we have reached a crisis point with Dagoth Ur.  We can no longer defend the people against an awakened Sixth House.  You and your prophecies may represent our last hope."  
  
"So you are agreeing to the treaty."  
  
"Yes, you leave us little choice," he conceded. "The temple will relax its stance on dissident priests.  And the slander will stop."  
  
"What of my people, Dren?" Julan asked turning to the Duke.  
  
"We will agree to make no more incursions at this time."  
  
"The agreement Dren, was for all time!" I answered angrily.  "I do not remember any loopholes. I think I was clear that the land claimed by the Ashlanders as it stands now.  Either all parts of the Treaty are agreed to or there shall be nothing from me at all!"  
  
"You would just walk away?  Frankly Annika, I find that hard to believe."  
  
"Believe it, Dren. I'm sure your people have looked into my history and know what I'm capable of. Keep that in mind."  
  
"You ask too much. Annika," he glared, "I can stop the incursions for a time, but I have no control of King Helseth or the bloody Empire. You know this—I am but a Duke."  
  
I was surprised at this admitted weakness, but perhaps he was stalling for time.  No, he had to agree. "The treaty as I have written it must be signed. Dren, help me avoid another war between your people and the Empire.  There can be no other way."  
  
"You leave us little choice but to sign it.  But know this Annika, King Helseth has but to blink an eye then your treaty will turn to dust.  It will be as worthless as the guar skin it's written on."  
  
"We will cross that bridge when we come to it, Dren." I turned to Archcanon, "What comes next?"  
  
"I would ask you to speak directly to Lord Vivec himself; he is expecting you." I nodded, turning towards the door.  "And Anni," he said with a wry smile, "His Lordship is remarkably patient, but perhaps it would be better not to keep him waiting."  
  
"Ai.  As soon as the ink dries on that parchment, I will meet with him."  I turned to Julan, who looked severely uncomfortable.  "Excuse us, gentlemen."  We stepped outside the Archcanon's office.      
  
"Anni, am I dressed well enough to meet a god?" Julan smiled.  My shoulders drooped slightly as I knew I could not take him with me.   
  
"No, love. Not this time," I said softly kissing his lips.  "I have to face him alone."  Julan closed his eyes in a deep sigh, kissed my forehead and squeezed my hand before I went out the door.  
  
"You'll be fine, Anne.  I know it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As it noted in many of the chapters: For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan is Kateri's creation, though I have added to the dialog and in some cases changed it completely. Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan. Morrowind is, of course, Bethesda Softworks, product, though I have added and changed the dialogue for many of the NPCs.
> 
> Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC
> 
> kateri-t's incredible mod Ashlander Julan can be found here: lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm


	24. A Conversation with God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Imagine talking to god. In her conversation with a self-appointed god, Annika learns the truth about her destiny.

I made the lonely trip up the long flight of stairs to the great god Vivec.  Reaching the top I turned around viewed the vast city that was named after him.  Slowly, my heart pounding, I turned the key and the heavy door opened. A cold draft blew out from the gilded room, smelling of incense and timsa-come-lately.  Standing before me, in the center of the alter stood a large…man?  Gold—he was golden.  At least seven feet tall.  Vivec was beautiful though in an odd, offsetting way. His face appeared feminine, almost.  Too lovely for either man or mer.  Upon approaching the alter I bowed respectfully to him.  
  
"Annika Blue, daughter of Emperor Uriel Septim and Anais Marceline.  We have business, you and I."  
  
"Proceed, Lord," I squeaked.  
  
He took a bemused stance, "When I was young like you, I too was very impatient. So I will keep our business short.  Then, later, there may be time for other things.  First, I propose to remove my curse upon the Nerevarine, end the persecution of the Dissident Priest and proclaim to all Morrowind that Annika Blue is the Incarnate and Nerevarine, the prophesied savior of Morrowind, and the last hope to withstand the menace of Dagoth Ur and the Sixth House.  That is how it is written, in your treaty, is it not?"  
  
"Precisely," I stammered.  
  
"Next I will surrender to you the power and responsibility of defeating Dagoth Ur.  You may choose to refuse; I will not compel you.  You will receive this power in the form of Wraithguard as a gift.  Do you accept this?"  
  
"Yes, Lord Vivec."  
  
"Good.  Quite sensible of you; I didn't expect you'd say no. And now, will you give your oath, before all gods and men, before all spirits visible and invisible, before my honor and your honor _, blah, blah, blah,_ to dedicate yourself and Wraithguard to defeat Dagoth Ur and preserve Morrowind and its people?"  
  
"I swear it."  
  
"Good, though not sensible. I was hoping for someone who would have no hesitations."   
  
"Sorry? Should I argue more?"  
  
"Hmmm," he took a deep breath. "Now, Annika, you will have a brief, momentary sensation of time passing. Do not be alarmed.  You are being taken out of time in order to avoid the unpleasant experience of learning how to use Wraithguard."    
  
I then felt the room spin, much as it had on the ship cabin, that first day in Vvardenfell.  For a moment I was floating, with color flashing all around me.  A light passed and voices whispered came from all corners of the room.  I was weightless and without direction.  A certain euphoria washed over my body in the briefest passing of time, then a jolt.  I opened my eyes and the room stood as it had before, Vivec then spoke.  
  
"There, that wasn't so bad, was it?" he mocked.  "Though there is more to this then gifts and euphoria, Annika Blue. You must recover the other two artifacts in order to destroy Dagoth Ur.  Keening, the blade, is kept in the gated Citadel of Ordrosal.  Sunder, the hammer you must use to destroy the Heart of Lorkhan, Dagoth's power source, is located in the Citadel Vemynal.  These are both on the Red Mountain inside Ghostgate.  If you survive gathering Keening and Sunder from the Sixth House bases, you will need use the artifacts exactly as I have instructed to sever Dagoth's connection to the Heart, thus destroying him and ending the blight on Morrowind.  I have left you detailed plans in the parcel I handed you along with Wraithguard, commit them to memory.  Remember, you must not handle Sunder or Keening without Wraithguard, or that will be the end of you." I nodded.  "Now, our business is concluded, unless there anything else you have a burning desire to know."  
  
"Anything?"  
  
"Yes," he answered magnanimously, "see the benevolence of Lord Vivec?"    
  
His mocking laugh was bitter. Fine, I would hold nothing back.  "Why do you need me?  You have the power of the gods, which you murdered to get.  Tell me Vivec, why is Dagoth Ur winning?"  
  
He stared at me, perhaps calculating his next move or his answer.  He could have vanquished me on the spot for my impudence; instead he took a breath and answered truthfully.  "Dagoth Ur is winning because he is close to the source of power, Lorkhan's Heart.  And because he retains the passion of madness, while we have settled into the lonely and unrewarding posture of dogged dutifulness and perseverance," he paused for a moment, turning to face me.  "And, finally, perhaps because he is stronger and smarter than we ever were, and his followers more fervent and fanatical.  I believe, Annika, that we were careless and complacent, and frankly, out-witted.  Also, the Tribunal lost much time—and respect in denying the Nerevarine.  In a word, we were foolish." He paused again, the coy smirk on his face disappeared.  His tone colder as he continued,  "And as far as committing murder, well perhaps you should read my side of the events on Red Mountain before you judge me so harshly.  I was not Nerevar's murderer.  I had no desire to kill Nerevar then and I have no desire to kill you now—or else I would have done so."  
  
I nodded at the truth in those words.  Had he wanted me dead, I doubt I'd still be standing.  "I will read your account of the battle and Nerevar's fall, and you are correct; it is not my place to judge you." I stopped for a moment think of what to ask next.  I had frozen, there were questions I wanted to ask desperately, but no, not yet.  "Tell me Vivec, I've been called by Azura to be this Uniter of the People, in your heart, is there such a hope?"  
  
"I will tell you what I believe without reservation.  Annika, I love the people of Morrowind.  I became a god to make their lives more comfortable and secure.  I am most close to my faithful followers, as I am literally in their hearts and minds. Of course, I feel the most sympathy with House Redoran, for they revere me like no other. They are the Dunmer driven by creeds and deeds, as am I.  House Indoril on the mainland is closer to the compassion and sympathy of Almalexia, a comfortable and secure serenity. House Telvanni matches the disposition of my brother Sotha Sil—iconoclastic, profane and most certainly unconventional."  He took a deep sigh and continued, "House Hlaalu represents the future of the Dunmer, integrated into the sophisticated mainstream of the tradition-less, race-less, godless culture of the Empire— _your culture Annika Blue_."   
   
I ignored the jab at me.  "What of the Ashlanders, Vivec?  You failed to mention the tribes.  What of them, certainly they count in the pantheon of peoples and houses in this great land," I said, wryly smiling.  The most dutiful people are always forgotten.  
  
"Ah, yes, a cause close to your heart Annika Blue, for the love of the Ashkhan Han-Julan.  Well, as a god of all the people in Morrowind, I love the people of the wastes even as they denigrate and slander my name." I could feel his 'love' for them like a stab to my chest.  They weren't his people or worshipers—his distaste for them palatable. "Annika, as you know, the Ashlanders are the keepers of time.  I would say that I love them most for their preservation of the ancient barbarian tribal traditions of the Dunmer who first settled Morrowind.  But you know as well as I do that their time is done.  All of the great houses save Hlaalu and perhaps Indoril will fall. The Telvanni will dissipate or destroy themselves. House Redoran is on the course of destruction."  
  
"One brought on by themselves, my lord--and also by you. Couldn't you've have taught them some sort of compassion or even civility towards other races?  Their insular and isolationist ways are their downfall.  They are a House of great men, with weak and bitter children. Can you not see this?"  
  
"I can see many things, Annika Blue. Your anger for one, the listlessness of my own people for another, and of course my own failings as a god.  But tell me Annika, what do you know of being god?"  
  
"I know nothing. I can't say I've ever been anything more than a girl."  
  
"Well, let me tell you what it's like and what kind of life you can expect should be tempted by the Heart of Lorken. Annika, it's like nothing else; it fantastic, magical and at times hellish.  To be a god is to be a juggler.  Things are always moving, and you learn to know where they are without even thinking of it; only there are many, many things moving.  And sometimes, like any juggler, you drop something.  I'm afraid I done more than my share of that recently.  Perhaps there was just too much to do and not enough time. Perhaps I am growing old."  
  
"Does a god grow old?" I laughed. It was a laughable thought.  
  
"Oh yes, we do. And we grow tired." He then looked directly at me.  "It's like being at once awake and asleep.  Awake I am here with you, thinking and talking.  Asleep, I am very, very busy, still aware of everything—."   
  
"Even when you wish not to be," I said interrupting him.  
  
"Precisely. It is a never-ending watch, Annika. I know this is hard to understand what it is like to be both asleep and awake at the same time.  
  
"You're always aware," I added.  "Personally, it sounds like hell—at least to me. You can never die, or walk away."  
  
"No, Annika, you're quite wrong; I can die, but then I can choose to wake from death and it all comes back to me, the balls moving around and the appearance that no time has passed at all.  That is the god place; where everything is always happening at once."  
  
"Do you remember what it was like to be mortal?"  
  
"I remember, though I do not feel it.  I can, if I choose, remember the feeling.  But I don't—for reasons that are mine alone." He paused, looking wistfully away for a moment, and perhaps he was, beyond his choice, remembering what it was like to feel.  He turned back to me.  "Annika, it is very, very sad being mortal.  There is happiness yes, but mostly sadness.  For gods, there is blessedly no feeling, only knowing.  Though, I do sense, in a mortal way, the desire to win over Dagoth Ur."  
  
"And I am your tool to that end," I said quietly.  
  
"It was not me who fated you to this cause, Annika. You are the Moon-and-Star chosen by Azura. Blame her, if you truly feel the need to place any blame."  
  
"No not really. I have grown much, but I interrupted you. Please go on."  
  
"Well, all I was going to say was that I did not want to lose."  
  
"And I have no wish to die."  
  
"Well put," he laughed. "So tell me, Annika Blue, what else do you want to know?  I quite enjoy bantering to one who does not pander to me. Go ahead, for I know there is much on your mind."  
  
"I find that odd for someone who wished me dead, Lord Vivec, but then there are many," I said as my voice trailed. I thought of Severa and the Empress. "Why did you try to kill me?"  
  
"Is it not obvious? You are not a stupid girl," he sighed.  "Annika, if I must spell it out I will. Why did I try to kill you?  Simply because you threatened the faith of my followers, and I needed their faith to hold back the darkness.  And I thought you were my enemy—a pawn of Azura's or worse—a pawn for your father, or simply, a fraud.  You could not be a hero, if my faithful could destroy you."  
  
"And they haven't, though not for lack of trying," I spat.  
  
"Well, the circumstances have altered. I need you and you need me."  
  
I rolled my shoulders back, "I don't need you, at all Vivec. I could walk away right now."  
  
"You could walk away and let Dagoth Ur devour us, and rightly we would deserve it, but I know that you could not walk away from the Ahemmusa.  Annika your failing is that man outside that door, nervously conferring with Sayroni and Dren. The moment you let him into your heart we won the day. Now you will do my bidding and that of Azura."  
  
"We have been pawns and tools from the start," I said bitterly.  "But in this bargain I get something too. You will tell me things I have wanted to know for so long. You will tell--"  
  
He cut me off sharply. "I know what you want; what you have wanted all along, all your life. Yes Annika, I can answer some, though not all of your questions—I can answer them without your even asking as they are so very predictable," he taunted.  "Does your father know of your existence?  Yes.  Was he aware of your imprisonment?  No, not directly.  Was he aware of your meager existence in Chorrol or the squalor you faced in Anvil?  Hardly, that was the work and failings of his lessers.  Annika, you were born the illegitimate daughter of serving girl and you were the wrong sex to be any matter of consequence, though you were a comfort to him, knowing you lived despite his despised wife's best efforts.  That is why you were saved from the gallows. Did Azura know?  Of course, you were her choice.  Your destiny was decided while your mother squirmed beneath Septim--"  
  
"Enough!" I shouted. "I have heard enough. You're a god, Vivec, but you're also a bastard," I said breathing heavily.  
  
"There is an old Ashlands saying Annika, 'Do not look under rocks and ash unless you're willing to see the ugly creatures that lie beneath'. You wanted the truth, and I've given it to you."  
  
"There's one other question," I said barely breathing.  "Does the Empress know I live?  Is it she who sent the Dark Brotherhood after me?"  
  
"I will not answer that, as the truth will be revealed soon enough and in its own way.  But I will say this; the Emperor and Empress are aware of who you are and what you are doing in Vvardenfell.  They are very aware.  So are others.  There is no more ducking for cover. Triumph over Dagoth Ur and you will triumph over your enemies."  
  
I nodded slightly, knowing my worst fear was in front of me.  "Why do you think Azura chose me? I mean I don't believe in most of the Apocrypha, or the prophecies or frankly her.  Wouldn't Julan had been a better Nerevarine?  Azura could have changed her mind…she's a fucking god, after all."  
  
"No, or she would have chosen him.  And she didn't. You were chose, in my opinion, because the manner of your birth would insure that you would be utterly oblivious.  You have such fantastically small grasp of our culture and history that you are in a sense, a blank slate.  You came to Vvardenfell a prisoner with only the desire to be free.  That is the best circumstance I can imagine.  Azura must have known you would been only marginally interested in our history or the petty battles between the Great Houses and tribes. You cherished something that was much greater—freedom.  Your love, Julan Kaushibael has been a great teacher and translator for you as that is the role he was fated to play. Of course that is only a guess, a speculation." He paused for a minute, then smiled through lips that mocked me.  "Tell, Nerevarine, have you ever spoken to Azura before, as you speak to me?"  
  
"No, sire, I have not.  When she speaks…when I've heard her…it's more of a broadcast rather than conversation."  
  
"Exactly Annika.  Now, have you conversed with any of Daedra you've slayed, or guar or scrib?"  
  
"No—"  
  
"Of course not.  They would never understand you as they are a lower level of existence, just as you are a lower level to us gods.  You will never know exactly how or why you were chosen, but it is your path and you can either navigate it or you can drown."  He stared at me for some time then sighed, sounding extinguished.  "Now, Annika, I grow weary from all this talk.  Fulfill your destiny and slay Dagoth Ur.  It is the only way you find any peace."  I bowed to the dying god in front of me, and walked out of his lonely shrine.  
  
I was tired and left Vivec the God feeling very heavy.  I had to find Julan.  I had left him with Sayroni and Dren, god only knows what's happened to him or what trouble… "Bah!"  Walking out of the temple, lost in thought, I tripped over a dark figure on the stairs.  I was fortunate a hand reached out and grabbed me for it was a long fall and many stairs from a god.  
  
"Anni?" said the cloaked figure. It was Julan of course, he looked up at me sleepily.  
  
"How long have I been gone?"  
  
"Hours.  Anne, it's well past midnight.  I left Dren and Sayroni nearly two hours ago. So, however long it's been. How'd it go?"  
  
"Let's go home," I said drearily.  I was tired—no beyond tired—physically and emotionally exhausted.   "I just want to sleep."  
  
"Come on, love," Julan said, taking my hand.  "Let's just get you home."                                            
  
 **Next Day**  
  
The steam caressed my face and the company was good, so for a tantalizing moment I allowed myself to relax totally and submerge in a hot bath.  
  
"So it went well," Julan said, washing my back.  We had been in the tub for a good while.  I felt my skin wrinkling in the hot water.  
  
"I don't know if I'd say that. Vivec did explain himself—somewhat."  
  
"That was…unexpected." he mused, eyes sparkling. "Didn't eat you on toast, I see."  
  
"Mmmm, not exactly," I spoke of everything that had transpired between Vivec and I in our long conversation. Several times the water had to be re-warmed.  I told Julan Vivec's version of events on the Red Mountain, in which he responded, "likely story", told him how the Tribunal had failed the people of Morrowind and failed in their attempts to contain Dagoth Ur.  
  
"Well, no surprise there."  
  
"Julan, Vivec knows the Tribunal has failed.  In truth I think he regrets breaking his oath to Azura and becoming a god."  
  
"As he should," Julan said, scrubbing my foot vigorously. "But…did you ask?" Julan turned away from me.  I knew what he meant, what he wanted to know, just as Vivec had known my mind.  
  
"He said he did not know why Azura picked me other than I was completely ignorant of the ways of Vvardenfell, not likely to be drawn in to any great house or tribal war—but Jules, it was all speculation.  As you can imagine, Azura and Vivec are not on the best of terms.  So he did not really say." I spared him Vivec's harsh words.  
  
Julan nodded, though I'm not sure he believed me entirely. "Did he speak of your family?"  
  
"A bit...and coarsely," I whispered.  "In short my father knows of my existence and that I am in Vvardenfell acting as the Nerevarine. He does not love me, but is proud that I have evaded assassination for so long—if that's something to be proud of."  
  
"What a den of wolves you come from, Anni," he said as he looked up sympathetically.  "I see where you got your charming nature from. So you are in the open now. And the Empress is aware of you?"  
  
"Oh yes, very aware I'd say."  
  
"Is she responsible for the assignation attempt?"  
  
"I don't know. Vivec said I would find out in good time."  
  
"Pompous ass. He could have just told you."  
  
"Could have, but didn't," I said simply.  
     
"You know, Anni, I just don't understand.  He's accepting you as the Nerevarine, but only because the Tribunal are too weak to defeat Dagoth Ur themselves?  So he thinks that you can do what three living gods can't?  That's—."  
  
"Just terrifying, stupid and utterly ridiculous. But honestly Jules, it seems they're too weak to do it.  Who knows what powers they have left—if any at all, really," I said as my voice trailed off.  Holding my knees to my chest, I felt dread of the coming days.  How could I slay an immortal?    
  
"Anni," Julan said, lifting my chin, "don't give up hope.  Look, if anyone can do it, you can.  And I'll be with you, even if only as a distraction.  Or…" Julan said laughing.  
  
"Or what?" I said looking up at him, praying he could make me laugh.  
  
"Or maybe we could trick him into inviting us in. How long do ya think it'd take to build a giant wooden guar?  I once read this book, see…."  
  
I laughed and splashed him.  "Ok, it's a plan. What could go wrong?"  I had to laugh at the ridiculousness of whole matter, really. "I love you, Julan."  
  
"I know.  Now let's get out.  We're wrinkled as prunes and I can see what your breast will be like in twenty years."  
  
"Give me the towel, lecher," I growled. After drying we moved to the bed.  With the midday sun bleeding through the curtains, I rested my head in the crook of my lover's arm.  
  
"Anni," he whispered, "it will all be okay.  Everything, will be fine," he said kissing my forehead.  
  
"It has to be," I murmured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used much dialog from the game with Vivec, but I think it helped set up the latter round of questioning from Annika, so it was worth it--and I think the in-game questions were reasonable and what someone would have asked.
> 
> As it noted in many of the chapters: For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan is Kateri's creation, though I have added to the dialog and in some cases changed it completely. Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan. Morrowind is, of course, Bethesda Softworks, product, though I have added and changed the dialogue for many of the NPCs.
> 
> Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC
> 
> kateri-t's incredible mod Ashlander Julan can be found here: lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm


	25. Dagoth Ur

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Annika gets to meet the big bad god under the mountain...

**Day 300**  
  
"So are you ready?" I asked as I approached Julan.  He was outside our manor in Vivec restringing his bow.  He said nothing for a moment, as he completed his work, then looked up a me.  
  
"Which one should we go after the first?" he asked nonchalantly.   
  
"I'd say the one that's closest, Keening, I believe.  Julan, we're going to the Red Mountain."  
  
"I'll be fine, Anni. No more ghost there--outside of the one haunting you."   
  
We finished preparing for the trip and made good time to Ald-ruhn.  Two hours outside of of the dusty city, inside the Ghostgate we came upon a small Dwemer Citadel.  "Anni, this can't be it."  
  
"Doesn't matter, we have to get out of this ash storm, Julan.  I can't see two feet in front of me."  
  
"Ai, I just don't like these places."    
  
We entered citadel; inside there were gigantic hands laying sporadically across the floor.  Schematics scholars would kill for were thrown about helter-skelter across tables and turned over shelves. We came upon a alter with a dagger glowing gold in the center.  It looked magical.  
  
"There she is," I squealed. "I can't believe they just left it sitting out here, barely guarded."  
  
"They probably thought no one would actually come for it, Anne.  Well, we've managed to get Keening and you've killed some random Dagoths to boot. Are you happy now?  Can we please get the hell out of here?"  
  
"Fine. Let's," I said in frustrated tone.  I knew it was my greed driving me, but I figured I take just as much as this mission had taken from me.  My reward for risking all would be greater than a simple pat on the back and 'thanks for saving Vvardenfell'.  No, I would steal all of Dagoth's silverware if I came upon it.  I Julan and were hauling our wares down the side of the when we stumbled down the mountain and landed right in front of a tomb with ancient markings.   
  
Julan brushed the dust off the face of the sealed tomb. "Mephalia, Anni, this must be from the first era.  I can barely read the inscription… Mauritius. It says Mauritius, I believe."  
  
"Well, let's go in and see what lies beneath."   
  
A cloud passed over Julan's face as he crossed his arms across his chest. "I don't want to," he said as I pried the door.  "Is this some sort of strange fetish of yours, disturbing the dead?"  
  
"The dead do me no good.  It's what they leave lying around, besides, they're dead.  You don't take a pack guar to the next life."  Julan just shook his head.  Inside, I smelled the stench of dried blood.  There were ancient carcasses everywhere.  
  
"Another fecking vampire, Anni.  I can't believe you dragged me in here!"  
  
"And if you don't stop whining, I'll feed you to him."  
  
"Her, it could be a her, Anni."  But it wasn't.  Mauritius was a male vampire, though it was so ancient and weak, it took little effort to slay him.  I had to admit, though not to Julan, that I felt a slight twinge of guilt in stripping the ebony armor off of his withered corpse as he had made no effort to put up any sort of fight.  
  
"I imagine the presence of Dagoth Ur had slowed business for him—significantly."  
  
"Who'd want to eat corpus infected lunatics?  Though I suppose he could have moved."  
  
"Naw…nice digs," I smiled, as I looked around the ancient tomb.  I lifted as much of the armor as I could carry on to the pack guar (which Julan has wisely suggested we purchase). "Eh…This is heavy.  Can you give me a hand?"    
  
Sullenly he walked forward and helped me pack the looted armor.  "Well maybe you should have thought of that when you decided to go pilfering.  Why the hell do you always have to go in caves, Anni?  I hate caves, because there is always something nasty, not to mention dangerous, chasing us!"  
  
"Look Jules, we have to do all the pilfering now before we're expected to be respectable, upstanding citizens of the Empire."  
  
"Bah!  You'll never be respectable," he said, his lips curing into a reluctant smile.  
  
"And that is why you love me."  
  
  
 **Day 303**  
  
"Oh, joy…Another ashstorm."  We woke at dawn to a heavy dust flying all around us; the wind blew our little lean-to away.   
  
"Jules, you grew up with them."  
  
"Which is precisely why I can't stand them, Anne.  Say, we're outside of Vemynal now?  Is this where Sunder is being held?"  
  
"This would be it."  
  
"Would it be too much to ask of you just to get the damned artifact then leave?"  
  
"Entirely," I smiled up at him pulling the crank the door opening.  
  
"Well, I'd tell you to be careful around here, but if you haven't learned that by now, there's no hope for you, I fear."  
  
"None whatsoever," I grinned.  We walked along to dark chamber, into Kargnac's study.  The walls were lined with books.  "Julan, I'll take care of any random creatures we encounter."  
  
"And I'll handle the librarians," he sniggered.  Running his hands along the books Julan turned to me as we walked down the long corridor. "Well, you can already tell what I'm about to say, can't you?"  
  
"Hmmm….Let me think…I believe you'd say there was something powerful in here."  
  
"No, Anne," he said taking my hand. "I'd say just be ready."  
  
Down the long corridor of the citadel, we came to another large room.  Surprisingly, there was no alter.  For a second, I was afraid that some hapless thief had arrived before us, though happily that wasn't the case.   We found Sunder housed in some wretched Dagoth—the name I had afforded to all the terribly distorted Sixth House members.  Julan walked over to the corpse of what once was a man. Moving it slightly with his boot as I pulled Sunder from its robe. "Anni do you ever look at them and wonder what they were like before this?"  
  
"No Jules," I answered coldly, "I just put knife through them."  
  
He looked at me as a child, disappointed. "I see."  
  
"Julan, if I thought, or even paused for a second, we would be lost.  I can't think of regret.  I can only think about us and the now."  
  
"Well you now have Sunder and Keening.  Are you ready to face him?"  
  
"I don't know," I answered honestly then paused for a moment looking up at Julan.  "How do you know if you're ready to kill a god?" He shook his head looking down at the body.  "Don't worry Jules, I'm not rushing to Dagoth Ur in the bloody and tired state we're in. No, we'll go to the nearest town and unload some of this loot before our guar gets eaten by some ash zombie."  I paused for a second outside of citadel, placing my hand over my eyes to block out the blight.  From a distance I could see the Red Mountain and the outline of Dagoth Ur's citiadel.  "It seems empty in a way," I said looking wistfully beyond the gates of Vemynal.  "There's only Dagoth of front of us."  
  
He looked over at me thoughtfully, "I would think you would be happy that this mission is over."  
  
"I'm not sure Julan, for what comes next?"            
  
                                                                   
 **Day 314.**  
  
An uneventful trip to Ald-ruhn only slightly delayed the inevitable.  We were again well into Ghostfence, staring at the eye of the storm.  I was walking several paces behind Julan, looking for something, though of what I wasn't sure.    
  
"Anne?" Julan turned around then stopped. "Are you alright?"  
  
"I….It must be all the ash. I need to rest for a moment."  
  
"You rest?  I thought there was no resting for the wicked."  
  
"Well, perhaps we just sit a spell." I turned from him, smiling slightly when I spotted something off to the far left, about a quarter mile away.  "Look Jules," I said carelessly walking.  He said nothing but followed close behind.  The ash was blowing wildly now, I stumbled over a root and fell against a cavern door.  Putting my shield in front of my face to block out the blight blowing around me, I started feeling for any engraved words.  Though I could barely see, my fingers traced the name on the entrance.  It read Massur—Empire.  "Julan, that's a mine shaft."  
  
"So?"  
  
"Well, it seems that would be terrible place for a mine.  Not logistically mind you, but well…"  
  
"Because of the blight, Daedra and Dagoth," he paused then grinned and continued, "but Anni, Dagoth wasn't always there so."  
  
I turned to Julan.  "So yeah.  I bet that cave is full of Daedra."  
  
He smiled back and completed my thought.  "And unguarded ore.  Got your pick?"  
  
"Never leave home without one…." There was no making love after this particular mine raid.  We took the ore and stashed it; counting on making it back after the battle with Dagoth.  I had to look at it as we were coming back.  I could not think in any other terms.  Julan interrupted my train of thought.  
  
"You sure you want to go legit after this, Anni?  I think you and I would make excellent robber barons."  
  
"I have no doubt in that, but sadly you've imbued me with a conscience.  Never really had one before."  
  
"Pity, Anne," he smiled coyly.  
  
"Oh, not really.  It's not too bad.  Besides, I think we've made a fortune since we started."   We had only walked a short distance when I heard Julan chuckling to himself.  This was not unfamiliar.  
  
"Anni, do you remember the first time we were up here?"  
  
"You know I was thinking about the same thing.  This time I'll let you drag my unconscious Breton ass down the side of a mountain."  
  
"Ah, Anne, don't think like that.  The only thing we will dragging down the side of the mountain is all our ore." He paused for a moment and looked up the hill.  "Well, Anne, I think this is it."   
  
We took shelter around some rocks right above the Citadel. The wind was blowing wildly now, with some red lines of color or spiritual energy dancing around the ruins.  The scene would be strangely beautiful if I wasn't completely aware of what was inside waiting for me.  Somehow I think Dagoth Ur knew I had arrived. "Anne, did you hear me?"  
  
"Yeah. We're here. " I felt tears running down my eyes.  
  
Julan looked over at me and smiled.  I could tell he was going to try to jolly me out of this sudden despair. "Anni, I can't believe we've come so far, and now, finally, it's time.  And we have a plan, though when you think about it, outside Kargac's tools it's really the same plan I had all along. Walk in, kill Dagoth. The classic plans are still the best," he laughed.  I smiled to then I turned to him.  
  
"Julan, you don't have to come, you know. It's too dangerous, and our people are depending on you."  
  
"And, that Anni, is exactly why I have to go in there.  It's not for me or you, but for everyone.  Vvardenfell has no future—nor do my people; if this blight continues."  He paused for a moment then turned toward the citadel.  "You know this was my mission once, and I want to see how it ends; I have a steak in it, I guess." He looked over at me, "You told me once you were here to save my people, but Anne, that's not really your fight. There has to be something more.  Do you know why you are here?"  
  
     I paused for a second staring off into the ash dotted sky.  Shaking my head, I tried to come up with some valiant answer, though I was still unsure. I turned to Julan and gave him the best answer I could. "Because I have to, though not because I'm being forced.  I could have left long ago." I said, though unsure of how to continue.  If asked a couple of months ago I think I would have said 'because someone told me so'.  Now it was all different.   
  
"It's because I know it's the right thing to do.  There's really no reason other than that, though I have to admit…I'm terrified Jules."  
  
 He moved closer, wrapping his arms around me like a blanket as we we stared at the citadel."Shhhh, calm down," he said cradling me.  "I'll tell you a secret Anne?" I just nodded, head against his chest.  "There have been times when I've wondered if I was doing the right thing.  Dagoth had planned to drive the Empire from Morrowind, and that's part of what the Incarnate is meant to do, too.  Sometimes I wondered if the prophecies really meant that the Incarnate would join with Dagoth Ur, to free Morrowind.  And when we were on the mountain, that first time, I had a dream….a dream of Morrowind ruled by the Sixth House."  
  
"What was it like?" I whispered.  
  
"It was….wonderful.  The false gods and the Empire were gone, and the Dunmer were finally free.  Everything was perfect, but even then I could tell there was something wrong with the image, an indescribable pale sickness about it all.  Somehow I knew the image was false, but still I was so blind.  I hated the Empire, the Tribunal, and sometimes I thought that anything would be better."     
                       
"I understand that."  
  
"But through the course of all this, I learned there are worse things than the Septims or the Tribunal. There's numbness and emptiness.  There sickness and madness and grasping poverty…not only of body, but of soul too. I know why you're here and I think it goes beyond any order.  You're here to save us."  
  
I looked over at him saying nothing, watching his hair blow in the ash and wind.  "Let's finish this."  
  
I took his hand as we rose.  Standing against the Citadel and ash, Julan gently lifted my chin.  "Remember love, I'm not afraid to die, but that doesn't mean I'm courting death.  This is no suicide mission, Anne.  This is just like anything we've ever done before.  We go in and slay the monster, and we go home.  Simple as that—no dying."   
  
He smiled at me.  I hit the crank that opened the large iron doors and slowly, wordlessly we made our way in. Almost immediately I heard a voice.   
  
"Come Nerevar.  Come friend or traitor.  Come and look at the heart…and bring Wraithguard, I have use of it."  Quickly I looked over at Julan, unsure if he heard the voice or not.  I could only assume this was none other than Dagoth Ur, trying to psyche me out.  
  
"Did you hear something?" I asked then stopped as the voice grew even louder, beckoning me. "Come to the heart chamber where last we met ages ago.  Come to me through fire and war, I welcome you."    
  
"No Anne," Jules said looking concerned. "I didn't hear anyone speaking. Did you?"  
  
I crouched against the wall, the voice overwhelming. "Welcome Moon and Star I have prepared a place for you.  Come, quickly, to the heart chamber let us free together the false gods."  
  
"What?  He's talking to you?  In your head?  Bah, that sounds bad.  Just don't listen, Anni, whatever you do, don't listen!"  
  
"I can't make it stop, Julan!"  
  
"You have to.  We've come too far, Anne.  This is the moment.  You will have to be strong and block it out It's just a damned voice."  
  
This was insane; he was right.  A better part of a year was spent leading up to this.  The voice, growing louder all the while, kept coming to me like a transmission. We continued our descent down the long corridor.  Julan fought fiercely against various ash priest and dremora, as I walked along in a trance, hypnotized by a voice.    
  
"Welcome Nerevar, together we shall drive the mongrel frogs from Morrowind."  I stopped walking, then slumped against the wall laughing like a madman.  
  
"Anni?"  Julan shouted, alarmed.  "Anne, come on girl."  
  
"Does he have any freakin' idea who he's talking to?"  I laughed hysterically.  "Drive out the mongrel frogs." My fist pounded the ground.  "I am the fecking mongrel!"  I couldn't stop laughing.  What a fool this Dagoth was.  Somehow the laughter drove out all the noise.  The insanity of his words became my shield.  "Oh, Julan how was I ever scared?"  
  
"I don't know, Anni," he said, giving me his hand, "but you're scaring me."  
  
"I'm fine; his tricks don't work"  I spun around screaming to the top of my lungs. "Did you hear me Dagoth?  You're tricks don't work!"  Julan looked over at me relived.  I took his hand as we entered the bottom chamber.  I appears that we had entered some kind of ancient armory.  There were priceless weapons and shields surrounding us.   Chests of gold and jewels lined the walls.  
  
Julan turned from me, dazzled by all this wealth.  It was the distraction I needed. "Anni, did you see this closet?"   
  
He eyes gleamed at me like a child's.  He then turned back to the armoire.   WHAP.  I hit Julan in the back of the head with the hilt of my sword and watched his unconscious body fall ground, in front of a beautifully etched glass shield.  I could not let him go in. I knew full well I would not be coming out. I kissed him softly the lips then his cheek and made my way into the Heart Chamber.  
  
"Welcome moon and star to the place destiny is made,"  I could hear the voice, though not in my head as I had before.  The metallic, booming voice came from the Immortal standing before me wearing the gold mask. He was beautiful and hypnotic.  His gray body swayed and his fingers moved in a dance.  I had to shake my head and snap out of the spell he was placing me  under.  Suddenly, memories like pictures came to me of the man he was before, of the man I was before.   
  
"We meet again, Dagoth Ur."  
  
He stopped swaying. "So this is the vessel Azura sent you in?  The body of the n'wah? Oh surely the gods have a sense humor."  
  
"Laugh while you can Dagoth," I said circling him, "though I see you hide Azura's curse with a golden mask."  His body froze, and for a second I thought I saw his muscles seize.  He then laughed loudly at me.  
  
"Nerevar, now that you come to me here, I see there can be but one result.  Many times I have considered offering to share this place with you, to accept your oath of service.  I had even hoped we might once again be friends…comrades…brothers in arms…but no."    
  
Something within me snapped,  I heard my voice, but was unsure if it was me actually speaking.  "We were never friends, Dagoth.  I was the commander of the greatest army in Tamriel, you were the father of a dying House. You were desperate to restore House Dagoth's honor.  You would have done anything and risked anything—even madness or death—to meet those ends.  I knew that then and you know that now; there were no innocents on Red Mountain that night!"  Time stood still as we faced each other; his anger palatable, as he knew every word was true--those words spoken were etched in stone.  
  
"So, it will be decided here," Dagoth said, finally shattering the silence.  "I believe I will prevail, but I cannot be sure as you have become a formidable opponent.  I am vain enough that, should I fall, I would wish to be remembered in my words.  And I have to know some things from you, Annika Blue, and you will tell me.  Are you really Nerevar reborn?"  
  
"Ask Azura," I shrugged.  
  
"The gods and fate are cruel. To think that you would be Nerevar reborn is an insult."  
  
"I'm sorry," I uttered callously.  
  
"No you are insolent and brash, but hardly sorry. There is not an apologetic bone in your body, so do not insult me with your spite."  
  
"Let's get on with this.  What do you really want to know?"  
  
"I want to know what you really want.  If I should fall today, I wonder how you would use the heart.  Will you make yourself a god and establish your own thearchy?  Or will you complete Akulakhan and dispute control of Tamriel with your father?  Or shall you share the power with your unconscious beloved and breed a new race of divine immortals?"  
  
"I have no idea what Akulakhan is, and my plans are my own Dagoth," I said coldly.  
  
"You have no idea what they are?" he asked bitterly. I guess he was hoping there was purpose to all this. "Truly you are a fool. Why are you here?"  
  
I wasn't sure what answer I'd give him, but then it came to me.  In words that could cut I said, "It's just a job."  
  
"The Heart…immortality, the fortunes of all man and mer—just a job?  Tell me, did Azura send a madwoman to do what three gods couldn't?"   
     
"Maybe," I shrugged.  "But you've had you've had your turn and I'm all out of answers.  It's my turn to ask the questions." I paused and smiled.  "In my travels I've come across many members of your cult."  
  
"And slayed them," he fumed. "Your death will particularly painful for that."  
  
"We'll see, but before my utter destruction, tell me this, is this your plan for the Dunmer?  You've established your own cult in the Sixth House, would you create a world of sugar mad flesh-eaters?"  
  
"Spare me your insults, Annika Blue, for my House is greater than yours ever will be.  But to answer your question and explain as clearly as I can and on your level of understanding, I will free the Dunmer from the Imperial yoke and cast down the false gods of the Temple.  I will lead them out of their ancient superstitions and gift them with intimate knowledge of the divine.  Then perhaps when Morrowind is once again restored to its ancient glories, it will be time to consider whether the Dunmer should cultivate ambitions of empire."  
  
"And your building a doll will accomplish this?" I asked.  
  
"Dolt," he answered with venom.  "Akulakhan will serve three purposes.  First it will be the champion of my armies, liberating first Vvardenfell, then Morrowind.  Second it will serve as the cultivator of the divine substance derived from the Heart.  It will also serve as a prominent banner and symbol of our crusade."    
  
"Crusade?" What was this madman planning?  
  
"It is time for new gods Annika Blue, ones that are worthy of the name.  The Nine Divines time has run out."  
  
"So you're creating a new theology." I suppose it makes sense as religion seems to be at the heart of all wars.  "Is that how justify the crimes you've committed?  Toward the creation of a new holy trinity, with you as the godhead?"  
  
"Annika Blue, you are hardly one to ask of my crimes considering the hundreds you have committed yourself, but if, by my crimes, you mean the inevitable suffering and destruction caused by war, then I accept the burden of leadership.  The Sixth House cannot be restored without war.  Enlightenment cannot grow without the risk of upsetting the tradition bound and complacent.  And the mongrel armies of the Empire cannot be expelled from Morrowind without bloodshed.  As I have charity and compassion, I grieve.  But our mission is just and noble."  
  
"So you're essentially saying the ends justify the means, eh?"  
  
"Precisely."  He then paused a second before he spoke.  "Now the sight of my old friend trapped in your body is making me physically ill, if a god could be ill.  So now we will see, finally, who makes it off this mountain.  I'm gracious enough allow you the glory of first blow."    
  
I raised my Daedric Wakzashi and aimed for the gut.  He fell quickly under the first blow.  Taking no chances, I hacked him to Oblivion, though instead of his body falling apart, he dispersed, much like Daedra.  Then nothing. The room was utterly still.  I had expected more.  Azura did not call to me nor did I feel the air awash with a clean sense of victory.  Nothing happened.  I looked off to the left and saw another passage with a ring in the entrance way.  I picked it up and suddenly the door opened into a cavernous room. Before me stood an immense giant of metal and ore with a red heart beating at the center.  This must be Akulakhan.  In awe and still shaking, some how I managed to slip on Wraitguard.   My pulse pounded and from behind me came a voice.  I turned and saw Dagoth Ur standing before me somehow appearing larger than before.  And he was not alone.  Behind him stood a small army of ash zombies, acolytes and other monsters--Dagoth's retainers of the Sixth House.  
  
"I'm a god, you fool!  How can you kill a god?  What a grand and intoxicating innocence!"  I shuddered at his voice; I had known he was right.  To kill a god is delusion.  I took a deep breath.  Instead of fighting an invincible foe, I went straight for the Heart of Lorken.  I knew he would come after me, and I knew that he would probably kill me.  With all my might I pounded the Heart with Sunder, all the while Dagoth and his minions surrounded me, hitting me with bursts of electricity.  I could feel I was failing, and all of Tamriel would fail with me too.  How I wished Azura had picked someone else.  
  
Suddenly, out of the blue I heard Dagoth Ur shout, "What are you doing, you fool!"    
  
I saw Julan in the corner of my eye.  For a moment he ran pass me, picking up Keening and plunging it into the Heart of Lorken, then falling down lifelessly in front of it. The moment Keening dropped from Julan's hand, the heart shriveled.  Immediately, Dagoth dispersed, where or how I did not know, nor did I care.  With what little life was left in me, I picked up Julan and escaped the chamber as Akulahn imploded behind us.   
  
Outside the heart chamber I crawled into a little corner, hearing the sounds of destruction behind me. "Julan," I pleaded desperately, shaking him. 'Jules, wake up.   Please, please wake up." In a graveled voice I said this over and over rocking back and forth with him splayed over my lap.  I kept repeating the words as if they were an incantation, a mantra.  Over and over.  I knew he was dead.  And I knew I was dying too; though the Ahemmusa, Vvardenfell, Morrowind—nay—all of Tamriel was safe.  The devil under the mountain was gone, but it was to be Pyrrhic victory.  The warriors and saints would die alongside the plagues and demons.  I wrapped my arms around my lifeless savior and prayed the Red Mountain would swallow me too.  After a time I felt my body growing colder.  I began losing grip of any sort of discernible reality. I was in a cloud, floating in the air with nothing surrounding me or weighing me down.  There I stood, drifting in the ethers, with my hands outstretched holding out Wraitguard, Sunder and Keening.  Suddenly, she materialized before me, a creature in blue.  I knew beauty such as this had no earthly vessel.  Azura spoke, but in words I could not hear with my ears.  I heard her voice as thoughts.  
  
"Nerevar Blue, you no longer bear the burden of Prophecy, you have achieved your destiny; you are free.  The doomed Dwemmer's folly, Lord Dagoth's temptation, the Tribunal's seduction, the God's heart freed, the prophecy fulfilled.  All fates sealed, and sins redeemed.  If you have pity mourn the lost, but let the weeping cease.  For you our thanks and blessing.  Our gift and token given.  Come! Take this thing from the hand of God!"    
  
I reached for her hands, feeling warmth and life.  The hands wrapped in mine were not that of a goddess both ethereal and soft, but calloused and large; they were the hands I had held a thousand times before.  Then with a startling blow to my breast came a breath, and coughing, but not just the sound of my own breathlessness.  Wheezing beside me was Azura's gift—the thing I cherished most.  Azura was good to her word.  I laid on the ground, chocking and laughing like a madman.  It was over and he was alive.  We were alive.  Then suddenly—thud!    
  
"Ouch, Julan! You punched me in the arm.  That'll bruise!"  
  
"You hit me in the head…WITH THE BACK OF YOUR SWORD!"  Julan shouted.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Ah, but Anni you're alive.  We're alive.  And the devils dead?" he asked.  I nodded.  "Then that's all that matters I guess." He paused for a moment, looking up at the chamber's ceiling.  "Ai.  I feel like we've been underground in the dark forever.  And I never want to see another Dwemer ruin as long as I live!  And you did it!"  He kissed me.  
  
"No," I said turning over. We did it."  
  
He smiled and stood, reaching out to me. "Can you stand, love?" he asked reaching out his hand.  I took it in mine and stood.  We walked out of the Citadel and into the light.  I blinked as I stared up into a blightless, blue sky over the Red Mountain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI Folks: I'll be putting this message through out the series. For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashal are Kateri's creations, though I have added to the dialog (and in some cases changed it), particularly in the case of Julan. Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan.
> 
> Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC
> 
> kateri-t's incredible mod Ashlander Julan can be found here: lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm


	26. The Dying God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> World without end. Time is up for the Tribunal. Annika asks Vivec what's next.

"So you're still here." I said to Vivec with a smile.    
  
Vivec still presided over his shrine to himself, but somehow he seemed smaller.  I had brought Julan with me as he had earned the right to be called Nerevarine, for it was he, not I,  who plunged Keening into the Heart of Lorkhan.  Together, with knife and hammer, we sent the devil to Oblivion and the living gods to their knees.  Whether or not it was I or Julan who could boast the title of Nerevarine was now a matter for scholars to debate.  Somehow the two of us overrode the stars, Azura and the plans of gods.  
  
Vivec looked up at me, nodded acknowledging our presence.  "Yes, we have survived.  We have lost our divine powers, but not altogether. I see you brought in Ashkhan Kaushibael. "  
  
"He has vested interest in what you have to say, as a failing god-head affect us all."  
  
Vivec nodded, "I should think this is what all Ashlanders wanted; however, some token of the people's faith remains, and we shall dedicate it to rebuilding the Temple.  Now that Dagoth Ur is gone, we can turn our energies to the more humble needs of the people.  It is good, honest work, and I believe there is redemption in it."  
  
"I think you're right," I agreed.  
  
Finally Julan acquired his voice.  "How will you rebuild the Temple?"  Julan asked, though I thought the better question would be how do you rebuild faith?  
  
"To start there still issue to be resolved between the Temple and the Dissident Priest."  
  
"You mean whether or not you are actually a murderer?" Julan asked flippantly.   
  
Vivec looked up, scowling. "You do get to the heart of things, don't you, young Ashkhan?" he laughed then looked away.  "Yes, many people still believe--foolishly I might add--that the Tribunal murdered Nerevar.  That is simply not true.  There are other things though.  Now that Dagoth Ur is gone, we must reorganize."  
  
"How so?" I asked, acting as if I understood the levity of his statement. "What was the point of a Temple if the doctrine ceases to exist?"  
  
"There is less need of Ordinators now and a great need of priests and healers and teachers."  
  
"Well, thank gods for that.  There shouldn't have been Ordinators in the first place," Julan spat. I turned shooting a glare at him screamed don't get too cocky, we don't know what powers he has left.  
  
"What would you teach the people?" I asked more delicately. "Who shall they worship, as you and Almalexia and Sotha Sil are no longer gods?"  
  
"The Tribunal's days as gods are numbered, as you have so eloquently pointed out.  I have told my priests that I shall withdraw from the world and that the Temple should be prepared for a change.  We may be honored no longer as gods, but as saints and heroes, and The Temple will return to the faith of our forefathers—the faith of the Ashlanders—we shall worship our ancestors and the daedra, Azura, Mephala, and Boethiah.  The temple will survive, but without living gods."    
  
This was everything Julan had ever wished for.  Vivec then turned to me. "So Nerevar Blue, what will you do?" he smirked at the poetry in his words.  Julan was right, he was a horrid poet.  Vivec continued, "I ask this sera, though I will be leaving this mortal plane soon, and dispersing my cares to the cosmos—I am curious and perhaps even concerned for my people.  Will you battle King Helseth and claim Morrowind for the Septims and the Empire?  You have tasted power Annika Blue, now tell me, what are planning to do with it?"  
  
"Septim has yet to claim me, sera and I have no plans other then becoming a wife and mother."  
  
Vivec stared curiously at me,"Those ambitions are rather small for the Protector of Morrowind and the daughter of a Emperor."  
  
I stared at Vivec for a moment then looked back at Julan, "They are small, but they are mine.  For once I own my destiny."    
  
Vivec's scowl disappeared and a smile, with no malice spread across his face. "Then that is no small thing, Nerevarine.  Go, the both of you, and make a better world."  I nodded in respect and Julan—surprisingly—bowed.  He could afford to be magnanimous now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI Folks: I'll be putting this message through out the series. For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashal are Kateri's creations, though I have added to the dialog (and in some cases changed it), particularly in the case of Julan. Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan. Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC


	27. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every story should end with a wedding...well, not every story, but this one...yeah. It needed a wedding.

  
**Epilogue: The Wedding**

 "Oh, Anni…there's nothing for it," Erica mumbled, looking up at me with pins hanging out of her mouth.  This was the second time the dress had to be altered. "We'll have to take some of the binding out and add on extra material."  I started to sniffle as Erica and Ice looked over the dress like surgeons.

 "And we'll have to do it quickly, we have about an hour," Ence said turning toward me. "Anni, don't start crying, you'll smear your make up.  No tearing up until the actual ceremony.  If you cry now it will look like you're scared," Ence said, as forcefully as a father.  I could hear the material tearing.  He handed me a tissue.

 "There, there girl, it's all for a good cause," Mashti said patting my stomach, which seemed to grow larger each passing minute, as she walked out of the yurt heading towards her son, the Ashkhan.

"But your dress…" I wanted to cry. This wedding had become such a fiasco.  I was six months along and had seemed to balloon overnight.  So much had happened in the months past.  Julan had finally grown into the role of Ashkhan.  Sinnammu had quietly stepped down as Wise Woman after Julan and I had come back in triumph over Dagoth Ur.  Mashti, who had proven herself as an expert healer in our absence was elected the new Wise Woman, much to Julan's surprise and ire—she would always be handing out unwarranted advice now.

For the first three months Julan and I set about making a blueprint for Ahemussa to once again become a viable tribe, fiercely competing with the Zainab for business.  I'm not ashamed to admit I used my new found fame and contacts to this end.  Kaushad made this task much easier by doing me the great favor of dying over a tall glass of Mazte--what can I say; some men just can't hold their bitter root. 

After Kaushad's untimely death we had no more incursions from the Zainab and really nothing to fear if they had tried.  All of my retainers, except for Huleeya, decided to stay with the Ahemussa, at least for a time.  Huleeya was promoted to my chief adviser, who would handle a majority of my business with the Empire and the other Great Houses; no other king had a counselor so great.  His elevated status was a beacon of hope to all the other slave races in Vvardenfell, it was also a thumb in the eye of those holding them as slaves. "You set the example," I had once said to Sinnammu.  I would live up to those words.  They were words of life and death.

Julan had been right; after becoming the Nerevarine, everyone wanted a piece of me.  Couriers raced back and forth from Vivec to the Ahemussa camp.  Letters of congratulations and favors poured in, but there was one note, just one that caught my attention. It simply read, _"Remember your promise, Annika." –C._ My promise to Cosades and to that of my mother. I knew I would make it back to the mainland, to Cyrodill and my family. 

Oddly I had still received no summons from the Emperor, though King Helseth has demanded my presence.  "We'll make that trip a part of our honeymoon," jested Julan after reading the summons.  "I can't think of anything more pleasant than spending an afternoon with the Wolf Queen and her whelp."

"Then perhaps we'll head to Cyrodill and I'll take you on a tour of the Imperial Dungeons.  You can see where I spent majority of my time in the big city."

"Sounds like a treat, but, seriously, Anne," he said gently, "we'll go and find her.  Don't worry."  I wished she could have been here today.  All the people I loved were here.   Erica and Red were my bridesmaids, along with Vicky and Ice.  I was glad to see Vicky and Ice as I knew they were hesitant about leaving Dagon Fel, where they lived a life of self-imposed exile.  Ence was of course there to walk me down the aisle.  Mashti, Hassour and his son Hannat had come to stand beside Julan, along with Shani, whose life had taken a dramatic turn.  After her experience at Dren's plantation, she had become a fervid abolitionist.  She traveled from camp to camp preaching the evils of slavery; her passion and fire had finally found an outlet.

Over the last several days many of the people we had encountered on our journey had descended upon the Ahemussa camp.  Some came with an agenda like Crassius; I knew he wanted me to join House Hlaalu. Others like Archmagister Aryon had just come for the show.  Representatives from every Ashlander tribe had come; Huleeya would keep a close eye on the Zainab.

There was one notable exception to the long list.  I had sent couriers to Falura inviting her to the wedding.  Alarmingly, I was given word that she was no longer living in the manor she had purchased in Mournhold.  Perhaps she didn't want to be found, and frankly I would be lying if I didn't say that a part of me that was relieved she wouldn't be here.

Never before ceremony like this in tribal history.Very few Ashlanders married outside of the tribe. Occasionally an Ashkhan would take a slave bride of another race for his wife, but that was a rare occurrence and there was no happy celebration for the girl.  This was all new.  Julan said for his part he would just stand before the tribe and just tell them we were married.

"That sounds rather dry," I answered, glaring across our table at the Vos Trade House.  Everyone had joined up the night before the wedding for a rehearsal of sorts.

"Well, there's really nothing to it," Julan said carelessly. My glare had turned into a scowl.  Julan cleared his throat nervously and said, "Well by tribal laws, we're already married.  I told you that, right?" he gulped, I glared.  Red started laughing.  She was already drunk and had been flirting all night with Julan's childhood friend, Hannat.

"Oh Julan, gods and I thought I was dense.  That's not what you say to your bride to be!  You can't just walk out in front of everyone and say, 'we're married, so be it'. No, that will never do."

"Well, of course I was going to say something more than that."  The whole table turned around and looked at him.  "Really, I was."

"Julan, you must think of something nice to say," Hassour said, setting down his drink.  "You're setting a precedent, to all Ashlanders.  Come, we have a whole night to think on this." Hassour rose from the table with his son Hannat and a still clueless Julan.

"I'll see you tomorrow, love," he rose from the table and kissed me softly.

"I'll be the one wearing your mother's dress," I smiled.

He began to walk away, then turned. "You'll think of something too, Anni, won't you?" he asked softly, his eyes quietly pleading. He then cleared his throat and went on, " I don't want that Imperial going on and on." He was, of course, referring to Crassius. I knew he wasn't happy about Crassius being there.  And I would do my best to keep his flowery speeches at a minimum.

"He's just there to sign the papers. I'll think of something, don't worry," I said, though I didn't have to think; I knew how I felt. "I love you, Julan Kaushibael."

"I know," he smiled warmly then disappeared in the crowd with his friends.

"Well, I don't love those damned dresses you're making us wear," Erica pissed.

"What the hell are you talking about?" shouted Red.  "They're pink; they're beautiful and they match Anni's dress...sorta."

"Her dress is leather, Red," Vicky said coldly.

"It has pink beads on it!" Red shouted.

"Still wretched," Erica grimaced.

"I don't know," I said trying to stop a brawl, "Erica, I think they'll bring out your…eye."

"Gee, thanks Anni."

"I'll make you a matching eye patch tonight, love," cooed Ence, placing his arm around Erica. "You'll be beautiful, trust me. You all will."

I closed my eyes, then a sudden, sharp pain. "Ouch!"  I was back in the tent, back to here and now. I think they were sewing me into the dress; it had come to that.

"Anni stand still!" Ence pleaded, "we're almost done!"

"Gods, people are gathering," Vicky said turning back towards me. "We have to hurry."

"Where the hell is Red!" Erica shouted. "I sent her out for water over an hour ago!" I peeked out the door and saw that Julan was there nervously looking around for Hannat. I saw Hassour shrugging his shoulders. After a few more uncomfortable moments, coming out of the city of guest yurts was a disheveled Red and grinning Hannat.

"I can't believe this.  I can't believe her!" I screeched.  A several people turned and couple of younger boys cheered. Red just ambled towards us grinning ridiculously. I looked back at my friends shaking my head, "Oh gods, what are the odds?"

"One in ten, Anni," Ice said smiling. "One in ten."

 

**The End**  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's all folks! I've had more fun writing this then I ever would have imagined. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this!
> 
> A special thanks goes to Kateri for letting me incorporate her incredible mod lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm. Julan was truly the inspiration and muse for this work.
> 
> As I've mentioned before, I believe that all Fan Art is a love letter to the game, movie, show or book that inspired it. Thanks to Bethesda Softworks for creating such a marvelous game.
> 
> Last Disclaimer: For those of you who have not played Ashlander Julan, it should be noted that Julan, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashal are Kateri's creations, though I have added to the dialog (and in some cases changed it), particularly in the case of Julan. Annika Blue is my creation, though I have followed some of the prompts in the game and the Mod Ashlander Julan.
> 
> Morrowind © 2003 Bethesda Softworks LLC
> 
> This is the full list of credits of mods I've used throughout the game and where to find them.....
> 
> "So why would anyone want to write a novel length fan-fic about a decade old game?"
> 
> I've been asked this question several times, in many ways, some much kinder than others. The simple answer to this query is that it was fun, probably the best hobby I've ever had—but there's more to it than that. I was inspired, even compelled to write Nerevar Blue after incorporating Kateri's mod, Ashlander Julan into the game. Simply put, the mod is brilliant, immersive and completely addictive. While playing The Elderscrolls (which I've done, on and off for years) I would often find myself thinking of what I would say or do in any given situation. I finally decided that instead of day dreaming, I would strive to do something slightly more constructive. So I began to write, and what started out as short story turned into a 226 page monster.
> 
>  
> 
> By now, I imagine that most people who faithfully played Morrowind have moved on to fresher pastures—I won't be giving anything away. That being said, I advise anyone who has never played the game or incorporated the Julan Kaushibael mod to turn away now (barring the 3 or 4 people who will actually read this because they are either a friend or family member) because this will be a spoiler. Also, this is not a kiddy book. This fan-fic is chock full of adult situations. What that means, boys and girls is that my characters smoke, occasionally have sex and from time to time use language that would paint a room blue. So any 13 or 14 year old is asked firmly to turn away and stop reading (which of course they won't, guaranteeing me at least two more readers). Mature tags have been added to the chapters that feature excessive strong language and sex.
> 
> Also it should be noted that Julan Kaushibael, Mashti, Shani, and Han-Sashael are Kateri's creatures, though I have added and changed the dialogue significantly through out this work, particularly in the case of Julan.
> 
> This is my first attempt at writing anything other than deadly dull reports or terrible poetry. Most of the writing and dialogue is original though I incorporated much of the conversations prompts from Kateri's mod and of course the game itself. The following mods (listed below) were incredible inspirations, so thank you. Also here some links of where you can find the other mods: Emma's Mods lovkullen.net/Emma/index.htm, Telesphoros List of Mods www.mwmythicmods.com/telesphor…, and you can always go Planet Elderscrolls planetelderscrolls.gamespy.com…. Also if you are planning on running a ton of mods Wrye Mash is an invaluable tool wryemusings.com/Wrye%20Mash.ht…. A great deal of lore and background information was provided by The UESPWiki www.uesp.net/wiki/Morrowind:Mo….
> 
> Sadly, many mods have been lost as this game is a decade old. Here's a great archive: mw.modhistory.com/
> 
> Ashlander Julan, Metal Queens Botique, RF Furniture, LGNPC, Book Rotate, Blackheart Armor, Better Bodies, Clothiers of Vvardenfell, The Regulars, Balmora Expansion, X-jiit Companions, Exotics Botiques, Xia Silk Dragon Imports, Emmesharr's Tapestries, Provincial Bath Shoppe, Louis's Beauty Shop, Unofficial Expansion For Louis's Beauty Shop, Arjan's Lords Men, Alien Slof's, Kayla's Knick Knacks, Romance English Version, Faylynn's Paintings, Westly's Master Head Pack, Myrabell's Clothing Emporium, Nangsid's Tap and Rugs.

**Author's Note:**

> Nerevar Blue is a fanfiction based off of Morrowind and the incredible mod Ashlander Julan: http://lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm


End file.
